old guard

An Analysis Of BDSM’s Old Guard

April 10, 2021 By TAC 2 Comments

hot submissive wanting to please her dominant — via stock.adobe.com

The More Things Change, They Stay the Same

“I have problems with the way in which the distinction between ‘Old Guard’ and ‘New Guard’ is sometimes deployed. While there are many differences between leather/SM as it was practiced in the 1950’s and as it is practiced today, the shorthand terms can exaggerate and oversimplify our past and present.

Most of the alleged differences popularly thought to differentiate ‘Old Guard’ and ‘New Guard’ – formality versus informality, strict etiquette versus a more casual style of social interaction, deliberate training versus less organized acquisition of skill and knowledge – are more a matter of degree than absolute distinctions.” (Old Guard, New Guard; Cuir Underground; Gayle Rubin; 1998)

Even though this was published 23 years ago, it is as true today as it was then. Just change the terminology from “Old Guard” and “New Guard” to “New Guard” and “The New Generation.” Nothing which is being done today, is new. It has come full circle back to the beginning of Leather and kink in the 50’s and 60’s. Not quite back to the free for all and burgeoning organization(s); more of an organized chaos where there is less emphasis on exclusive organization and more on the individual and the sharing of information. Leather, both organized and unorganized, was near the beginning of a more overt kink culture in the United States. Their ideas, culture, and some of their traditions are still defining our journeys today, whether we want to admit it or not.

The Spirit of Kink Preserved

“All through this Handbook I will be at great pains to point out that much of what I have to say is opinion….. Your reaction may be entirely different, and your desires may exceed or fall short of the action I describe. This is exactly as it should be. No one – Larry Townsend or anyone else – can even begin to set the standards for your sexual needs and/or behavior.” (The Original Leatherman’s Handbook; Larry Townsend; 1972) This was the spirit of kink from the beginning which still pervades today. That there was not and will not be one way, one true way, or one way to be/conform to. Kink has been and still is a rare bastion of freedom in a world where everything we do from the wearing of socks to what shop we buy our coffee from becomes scripted.

If you are interested in, or are part of, a clan/house/family in BDSM you most likely have agreed to a structure and set of rules to be part of that organization. All well and good. However, all of that is dependent on being in the organization. Not kink, not Leather, not BDSM. It is their way, and possibly yours. I am not arguing against organizations, only saying that the structure and rules, are not kink dependent, they are organizationally dependent. Kink is its own animal; wild, untamed, and free. How it is expressed by the multitudes is up to each individual which can include a thousand rules, or none at all.

There Are No Magical Answers – Only History

There is still a lot of debate regarding what, if anything, the “Old Guard” was. I hear some people talk today about how they are like the “Old Guard.” How, if three generations back they were confused as to what it really was? Guy Baldwin, in a speech he gave in Tacoma, WA (September 20, 2014) referred to the subject by characterizing it as the, “….single most troublesome, misunderstood, divisive, and distracting issue to bedevil our leather world, and for succeeding generations: of course, I refer to The Old Guard.” (Full text of the speech available here Old Gods Die Hard | by Leatherati | Leatherati Online)

Even Jack Rinella stated he was a relative latecomer to Leather (circa late 70’s). Having done research into this subject himself he freely opined he had a hard time pinning down what the, “Old Guard,” was and he was much closer to the source than we are today.

They did not refer to themselves as, “Old Guard,” and by admission (through available essays and writing) many who were around in that era freely stated it was chaotic, a jumble of expectations getting loosely defined by organizations which began to form over time. Feeling their way through life, just as we are now. Figuring it out as we go along. There was no roadmap to help them preordain the way it would turn out as many historians would like us to believe.

Yet, there are many aspects of that era which survive today and things which we have added along the way. This forms an ever-evolving way of looking at and practicing kink. Where there was once S/M now there is BDSM which was not coined until decades later. Where safety and accountability were certainly mentioned in points of S/M history; Safe, Sane, and Consensual became a watch phrase born in the early 80’s. Early on there were not even Tops or bottoms let alone Dominants/Masters and submissves/slaves. All of this evolved through time. Much of which during can be considered in the, “New Guard,” era. If there is such a thing.

Even through evolution, the best ideas and values seem to survive.

Honesty and Integrity: “Real Leatherman keep their word: they do not borrow or lend money; they conduct their affairs with honor and integrity – they don’t lie.”

Recognition of experience: “Experience in the Scene determines social seniority (Top or bottom), not age, not size, not amount of leather worn, and not offices held in organizations, awards received or titles won.”

Courtesy: “….all are expected to observe rules of social courtesy – bad manners are inexcusable and can lower one’s status in the Scene….”

(The Old Guard History, Origins and Traditions; Drummer Magazine; Late 80’s; Guy Baldwin)

These are just a few examples of values set early on in the kink scene, which survive today. A quasi roadmap which did not exist in the 50’s. At least today, we have these bits and parts to lean on as a tacit guide. We may not be standing on the shoulders of giants, but path was certainly forged for us (and still is being forged) by some rather brave individuals.

Without their contributions to kink and the Scene, we may not have some of the generally accepted values today. Those values and contributions, in my opinion, are what lead people today to have a certain reverence for the past, keep us guessing about what it was really like, and if we are doing it “right” today.

Does it really matter?

Yes….. and no. It matters if you are like me; who understanding where we came from, can help inform us why we are the way we are today. If you are one who just likes to forge ahead without putting a whole like of pondering into it, maybe not. But those basic values and concepts which run through our community such as respect, courtesy, honesty, integrity, safety, etc inform our lives and the way we practice kink. Even for those who may not realize (or care about) how it all began.

Lessons hopefully passed on and learned; some traditions preserved and better ways of doing things being thought of every year and incorporated; and a spirit of freedom are at the heart of what it is that we do. An oral (sometimes written) history. Knowledge passed from the older generation to the younger in hopes they will carry the torch and keep improving on it. Some of the changes over the years have chapped my ass. But that is the nature of change and, “The New Generation,” certainly has the right to live kink in a way that makes the most sense for them.

We have a more conscious way for kink which fits with this era. One which is much more inclusive, much more safety conscious, and dare I say, much more, “out.” I cannot say the last decade has been entirely comfortable for me since the release of Fifty Shades of Grey (2011) popularized kink, but it has been certainly exciting, as well as exhausting. I look forward to the developments coming in the next ten years.

Note: For more information on the authors referenced in this article, please visit the links included below (in order of reference):

Gayle Rubin – Gayle Rubin – Wikipedia

Larry Townsend – Larry Townsend – Wikipedia

Guy Baldwin – Guy Baldwin – Wikipedia , Guy Baldwin – Leather Hall of Fame

Jack Rinella — Jack Rinella’s Home Page (leatherviews.com)

How is Old School BDSM Different from New Wave Practices?

March 21, 2021 By Linda Raley 2 Comments

As far as sexual desires and fantasies go, BDSM is considered one of the more popular choices (thanks, 50 shades!) From bondage to discipline and erotic practices, it takes many forms. While BDSM dating proves to be extremely fulfilling, it’s evolved with the changes in dating and lifestyles in general. However, the changes come in the form of new wave practices, but what is the difference between old school BDSM and new wave practices?

Does Old School BDSM Still Remain in the Community?

Bondage dating might have changed as the ideas and minds of people have changed with society. Despite this, there are many people who are still following the old traditions of bondage dating of one partner unquestionably dominating the other. There’s no denying that the new, more humane forms of this fetish provide new opportunities for people to explore their needs in a way that gives them a level of control that differs from traditional relationships or fetishes.

Some modern, younger people might consider old-school BDSM quite brutal in some respects. The boundaries are pushed to their limits, but both participants understand what they’re getting themselves involved in. The strict rules are followed and obeyed, too, giving no room for movement in the submissive partner. Once the rules were implemented, they were understood and taken at face value, proving that old-school BDSM really did go that much further. Some might consider BDSM a fetish that goes too far, especially when considering the older rules and boundaries.

Furthermore, there was no give and take when it came to the submissive’s rights to change something. Once the rules are agreed upon, the dominant partner ensures that they are followed, which means that the submissive partner has to do as they are told. What this means is that the experience takes the old-fashioned route, and no changes are made. However, times have changed, and with most things in life, a new wave of BDSM has emerged.

What Embodies the New Wave and the Reasons for its Emergence?

We now live in a more accepting and understanding world whereby people have more rights and views when exploring new things. This is particularly true when it comes to BDSM. Culture plays a significant role in shaping kinks because more people are connecting like never before. This means that a greater level of acceptance and understanding is required to ensure that specific boundaries are not crossed. This has caused a new wave of BDSM to emerge.

However, while men once had dominance over women, we live in an equal society where this way of thinking is no longer apparent. Therefore, taking care of partners from a psychological aspect is crucial because mental health is now an important part of our lifestyle. Let’s imagine the situation: someone could be intrigued by a particular kink and want to try it out, but the whole experience leaves them struggling with mental issues. This has meant that aftercare forms an important aspect of new wave practices after sex. As this fetish can really become rough and brutal, taking care of partners really is important. It’s not about a lack of care because, during the experience, it’s about fulfilling needs, but once it has ended, people are required to check on partners to ensure they’re safe, well, and feel at ease with the overall experience.

Despite this, the arrangement becomes more formal when you meet guys and gals who practice new, modern BDSM. The understanding of boundaries, pain thresholds, and what’s morally right or wrong is a prominent feature of BDSM in a modern world. This means that people are now openly discussing the arrangements prior to partaking in kinks involving domination and pain. This involves discussing what’s expected, what’s going to happen, and what to expect. This discussion before embarking on a journey of BDSM is vital to ensure that both partners enjoy the experience. The conversation doesn’t end there because it also takes place during the arrangement. This gives both people the opportunity to inform each other of their concerns or wishes, which can work to enhance the experience or slow things down. Of course, stop words and safe words are also a part of this arrangement because of cultural differences, boundaries, and what people are fully comfortable with. Safewords are designed to give people control over how far things should go. If the situation evolves to a point where it becomes something more, then the stop words can be used to bring the experience to an end. All of these things are new wave practices that have now become a part of BDSM in a modern world.

BDSM has changed, but that’s expected given the society that we live in. New wave practices are considered safer and provide more control of both partners’ situation, which is no bad thing as that can mean that things become a lot more enjoyable.

Linda Raley is a Psychology Faculty student, a freelance writer on sex and relationships, and a relationship beginner psychologist-consultant.

BDSM Old Guard & New Guard

August 27, 2018 By Baadmaster 6 Comments

Photographer: Matthias Wallmeier

Model: Miss Fetilicious

I have a friend in the BDSM community who has a blue and black flag tattooed on his arm. He always talks about how the newer folks in the BDSM scene don’t appreciate the “Old Guard Leather Societies” and have no “leather pride.”(Funny, he wasn’t around in the heyday of the Leatherman!) I nod in agreement but really didn’t have a “dog in this fight” as I feel that there are always changes from one generation to the next. Those who love the Beatles say “the new music sucks,” those who adore Prince say “current music can’t compare to Prince’s” and those who worship Tupac say “hip hop has never been as good since he died.” And on and on and on!

With every generation, there are those who grouse that the younger generation doesn’t understand traditions or respect history. There are those lifestylers who have deep roots, real or imagined, in the “Old Guard Leather Societies” who complain that the “Millennials don’t know anything about our history.” And, many add, that by ignoring our history we shortcut many of the important precepts that were laid down before them. Rather than debate the merits of old school vs. new school, or give a history of the original leather men of the 1950’s – 1970’s, let’s discuss exactly which leather traditions have their origins with this Old Guard; you can then decide whether you are really continuing in this leather tradition. You just might just have “leather pride” but don’t even know it!

An essential part of the Old Guard was the custom of dressing in leather. If you have ever worn leather to a fetish party, it is courtesy of these leather trailblazers. At the very least, most current lifestylers wear some leather at BDSM events; although most don’t wear full leather regalia like the leather men did. So, if you ever don a pair of leather pants, you can now understand where his leather traces back to. Chalk up one for increasing your “leather pride I.Q.” Furthermore, black is the quasi-universal dress code in our lifestyle. (Has anyone ever seen me in any garb other than black? I think not!) This stylistic imperative, too, harkens back to the legendary Old Guard. After all, when we talk about the “Old Guard Leather Societies,” we are really referring to black leather almost exclusively. And this tradition continues to this day. Again, your “leather pride I.Q.” is rising.

Now onto matters of play. Have you ever been to a play party? The custom of doing a BDSM scene at a club or a play party is the invention of the leather men. In order to practice their S&M (“sadism and masochism,” as BDSM was called back in the day) out of the glare of a hostile vanilla public, they established a secret, exclusive network of play clubs. Although few, if any, of these clubs still exist (although some are present in name only and are not lineal descendents of the original clubs), the custom of exclusive play spaces, now typically called dungeons, can be credited to the pioneering leather men.

If you have ever played with a stranger at a dungeon and negotiated your limits beforehand, this is also an Old Guard innovation. There were differences, of course. For example, colored hankies carried in their back pockets identified Tops and bottoms and their relative level of play – whether they were a heavy or light player. (Called the “hanky code,” duh!) This might have been less verbal form of negotiation; but it was negotiation nevertheless.

Are you collared or do you plan to collar someone? The modern slave collar (as opposed to the original Roman slave collar!) traces right back to these groundbreaking leather men. Have you are your friend ever worn a leather play collar at a lifestyle event? Ditto – Old Guard creation.

If all this weren’t enough, the whole modern Master/slave tradition was practically invented by the original leather men. Surely, it is an evolution; one can never credit the original leather men with inventing Master/slave out of whole cloth. But the terminology (Master, slave, Top, bottom, Dominant, submissive) and the codes of respect were popularized and codified by the Old Guard.

There you have it. We owe much of our current lifestyle to the Old Guard Leather Societies – emphasis on the word “leather.” And the next time some Fifty Shades Millennial disrespects you and says, “Those Leathermen were so lame; we don’t follow them anymore” – tell him/her that the Wright Brothers plane was also lame – but without it we might be “walking to the Folsom Street Fair!”

About the Author

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Beginner’s Corner: What Am I?

March 19, 2018 By Baadmaster 3 Comments

Everyone was a beginner once. And in order to welcome newbies into our community, I will, from time to time, write articles aimed at those who are entering the lifestyle. Like this one!

I recently received a question that stated a newbie was intrigued by the lifestyle, but had no idea what she was – Domme, sub or switch. Or something else! By the question, it is clear that she was unsure what she wanted to be in BDSM. You might say she was asking, “Who am I?”

Often, it is hard for newbies to predict where they will land in the BDSM spectrum. So, my first piece of advice is to follow BaadMaster’s patented three-step formula (sounds impressive, huh?) for finding out about where one lies in the BDSM continuum.

Step 1: Get in touch with what you really want.

As I said many times here on kinkweekly.com, be honest with yourself. Clear your mind and think of what really turns you on – no matter how extreme it might be. One way to find this out is to peruse the BDSM checklists that are included in many of my articles. (Plug, plug!) They will give you an idea of the range of play and will help you focus on what you want — and what you don’t want.

Step 2: Go to a play party and just observe.

Since being a voyeur is an accepted kink, there is nothing wrong in just observing. You might see some type of play that you hadn’t thought of – like rope bondage – which might turn you on. As the twentieth century philosopher, Yogi Berra, said, “You can observe a lot just by watching!”

Step 3: Explore Your BDSM Fantasies.

If you have BDSM fantasies – and I am sure you do — decide which among these fantasies you would actually do. There is a big difference between thinking something is exciting and actually doing it. Thus, you must make a realistic appraisal of those activities that will attempt – and those you simply won’t do.

For example, a very popular BDSM fantasy is to own a sex slave. If that turns you on, tell any prospective play partner, straight up, that you are looking for a sex slave. Don’t lie and say you are an experienced Domme, but rather look for someone who is into learning with you. If you fantasize about subbing, look for a Dom/me who might give you some real time experience in subbing. The object is to find out not only what excites you, but also what areas you have a natural aptitude for.

At this point, you are simply trying to learn; you should not concern yourself with labels. However, if one label does apply, it is newbie. But fret not; as I said in the opening paragraph, everyone was a newbie once. Experience will teach you whether you are a Dom, sub or switch – and not some abstract idea of what you want to be.

In the era that predated our current Internet age, there existed a group of loosely affiliated leather groups that came to be known as the Old Guard Leather Societies. Although much is lost to history, legend is that they had a precept that, “You cannot become a Master or a Top without having been a slave or a bottom.” Using this precept, you can try both Topping and bottoming; the Old Guard would be proud of you!

Whether you become a Dominant or a submissive, you will be better for the experience. If you wind up a switch, you will be an experienced one. Not a bad start, I must say!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Old Guard vs. New Guard II

May 15, 2017 By Baadmaster 1 Comment

Read Part One here.

As we approach our panel discussion, “Old Guard vs. New Guard,” that will be presented at DomCon LA, May 20th at 4:30 PM (Dexx will participate, so mark your calendar), I would like to review what the basic precepts are for both groups.
As with any analysis of cultural traditions, there are many forms of each group. For example, there are the original “Old Guard Leather Societies” that first appeared in the 1950s – 1960’s. These original “leather men” laid down the code of respect that a submissive accords a Dominant – such as addressing the Dominant as Sir, kneeling before the Master and courtesy to other lifestylers. A lot of our BDSM terminology — Tops and bottoms, Daddy’s and boys, Masters and slaves, alphas and betas and more — came to us from these leather men.

The Old Guard ritual in which the slave was required to keep the Master’s leather gear polished – often shining the boots in a formal “boot blacking” ceremony – is still practiced by some D/s couples. The collaring ceremony was codified by the leather men, as was the concept that the actual collar was the Top’s property. The use of slave contracts, according to some, also originated in the leather societies. The list of old guard traditions, many of which are practiced today in some form, is quite extensive.

The modern “Old Guard” was less leather oriented and more inclusive – especially as the “OG” old guard was a primarily gay subculture and leather was an integral part of this community. Today’s old guard is centered more about play rules – such as safe words and dungeon etiquette – rather than the strict leather code of their predecessors. Go to any dungeon party today and even the higher protocol lifestylers might not be wearing leather. Latex yes, leather no!

What has remained from the classic Old Guard is an integration of protocols into BDSM relationships. “High Protocol” is still quite common among the “new’ Old Guard. In a High Protocol relationship, there will be detailed rituals to perform. For example, a slave will be required to get up before her Master and make breakfast. And slaves are usually required to address their Master in a certain way – for example, by always calling her Master “Sir.” (Or Mistress or whatever is specified, depending on the relationship.)

This is but a quick overview of the “Old Guard”, both classic and modern versions, which will be covered in a more personal and easier-to-understand way at DomConLA. (Sneaky plug, eh?)

As to the new, Millennial-dominated “New Guard,” many partake in a more casual style of BDSM. This “lower-protocol” approach implies a more relaxed and less rigid type of D/s. For example, the submissive may not be required to address the Dominant as “Master,” “Sir” or “Mistress” every time.

As to the “New Guard,” many of the changes in their BDSM interactions reflect changes in our society. In the real world with real life demands, this “new style D/s” works best in their younger and faster paced community. It is not lower “on the food chain” than Old Guard BDSM; it might simply be more realistic for their age group. Some changes – such as cell phones with location tracking – have enabled the new generation to be less obsessive with “safe calls.” But this does not mean that the new generation is not into D/s; far from it. The new BDSM generation wants Dominance and submission – including switching. Adventurous lot I must say!

Since I am part of the new “Old Guard”, I have a lot to learn about the “New Guard” and where BDSM is going. Thus our panel.

I will see you at DomConLA!!!

The Big Question

March 20, 2017 By Baadmaster 5 Comments

In the world of BDSM, there are a number of questions that will instantly start a heated debate. No, I don’t mean, “Is President Trump a submissive?” – although that can start an argument in a New York minute. What I mean are questions like, “Slave versus submissive?” “What makes a Master?” and “Is BDSM play integral to a D/s relationship?” (I have addressed some of these questions here on kinkweekly.com). But, there is another, even more contentious, question floating around – the “Big Question” as I call it. It concerns the merits of the legendary Old Guard precept that, “You cannot become a Master or a Top without having been a slave or a bottom.”

Before we evaluate its intrinsic worth, a little (boring) history, as best as I can gather, is in order. The Old Guard Leather Societies came of age during the heyday of post World War 2, conservative America. The mainstream culture, at that time, considered S&M (as BDSM was called back then) extremely perverted, if not illegal. Factor in the fact that most of the Old Guard were gay, and you can appreciate why they would be paranoid and be exclusive rather than inclusive. It was not an open subculture; admission into an Old Guard house was purposefully made difficult. Although this was not the Mafia, there was one similarity — the Old Guard tended to be rather secretive. And what better way to keep out “infiltrators” than to keep the S&M bar high? As best as I can determine, there were many rules that raised the price of admission. Some were:

1. Experience in the lifestyle determines social seniority.
2. The more submissive one is, the less direct eye contact one should make.
3. No rules or codes are ever to be explained to outsiders.
4. Tops must behave, at all times, with honor, honesty and dignity.
5. A slave must keep the Master’s leather polished at all times.
6. Bottoms must walk behind and to the left of Tops.
7. And, of course, “You cannot become a Master/Mistress without having been a slave or a bottom.”

This last rule would, in and of itself, raise the “experience bar” dramatically. So it dovetailed into the way the Old Guard maintained itself during a time of “vanilla persecution.”

There is no doubt that knowing how a submissive thinks and reacts will make a Dom/me a better one. In our modern, Internet world, one can learn a lot about the psychology, makeup and proclivities of a submissive by exchanging information on the Internet. Sites like kinkweekly offer a wealth of information. But in those early days, you had to learn mostly by doing; there were few alternatives. Thus, bottoming could give you an insight that was hard to get elsewhere.

As with most ideas, those that work become popular, while those that don’t – like myspace — get discarded. The fact that this rule has survived for so long, and is still being discussed, is testament that it works. And the fact that switching is more popular than ever among the newer lifestylers shows it has worth. But as to bottoming being essential in the schooling of a Master, I disagree.

Bottoming is only one of a number of requirements to becoming a Master – both back then and now. Bottoming alone simply won’t cut it. Whether he/she attains this knowledge by bottoming or by soaking it up in other ways is immaterial. As the song goes, “It doesn’t matter how you get there, just get there.”

The Old Guard Leather Societies pioneered a lot of great customs in this lifestyle we now call BDSM. But all subcultures evolve. And though it might not be required in our era to bottom in order to become a Master/Mistress, it is a technique that still works, and works quite well. I believe that you can become a Master/Mistress in many ways, taking many varied paths. The equivalent result of having bottomed can be achieved by other means. For some, bottoming might be one stop on the road to achieving Mastery. But it is not the only stop, and it is surely not one that every Dom/me must make.

We will be examining “Old Guard vs. New Guard” both here on Kink Weekly and in a panel discussion at DomComLA in May!

Old Guard vs. New Guard

February 28, 2017 By Baadmaster 4 Comments

With the entrance of millions of new “Fifty Shades Lifestylers” into our world, the classic Dom/me/sub scripts have been turned upside down. Thus, I would like to offer to the newest members of our community some advice that takes into account this new reality. No, I will not offer “helicopter etiquette” nor “how to skipper your Master’s yacht.” But, like it or not, the Old Guard must pass the torch. Since I have a millennial live-in submissive, I think this article is grounded enough in real life observations to be quite useful. And hopefully to more than just the millennials.

Many of the so-called New Guard partake in a more casual style of BDSM. This “lower-protocol” approach implies a more relaxed and less rigid type of D/s union. For example, the submissive may not be required to address the Dominant as “Master,” “Sir” or “Mistress” every time.

To the skeptic, it might appear that these new, usually low-protocol, relationships are lower on the food chain the classic 24/7 Master/slave arrangements. Not! In a real world with real life demands, this “new style D/s” works best in their younger and faster paced community. It is not lower “on the food chain”; it might simply be more realistic for their world. But that does not mean that the new generation is not into D/s; far from it. The new BDSM generation wants Dominance and submission – including switching. Adventurous lot I must say!

After interviewing many of the newer lifestylers, I have compiled, my “lucky seven” tips that I feel can improve their, and your, relationships – whether for a night or a lifetime. Or anything in between! These pointers might not guarantee a perfect relationship, but what advice ever can?

1. Respect your protocols. Treat your rituals with the same respect and intensity as those in the highest protocol Old Guard relationships do. You might not have as many rituals, nor may they be as demanding – but each one is just as significant as any high-protocol custom. Even if you have just one ritual – the greeting one, for example – perform it as though it is the most important thing in the world. It just might be.

2. Don’t forget to perform your rituals. If you think about it, the fewer rituals you observe, the more deleterious is the effect of letting one slide. Neglecting one might be a fifth of all your protocols, whereas it might be only one out of fifty for the 24/7 Old Guard couple.

3. Low-protocol is not lazy-protocol. This tip is directed to the Dominants. You must be just as observant, vigilant and on your game as any TPE Master. You must rapidly recognize any protocol lapses and correct them quickly. Do not neglect to push your sub’s limits. Try new areas of play to prevent any boredom from creeping in. In this regard, this seems like any other D/s relationship

5. “The Popeye Principle.” “What is that,” you ask? It is Popeye’s mantra, “I yam what I yam” — BDSM style. As I said before, don’t think that a 24/7 high-protocol D/s relationship is inherently better or is something to aim for. Of course it can be. But if you and your partner(s) enjoy low or medium protocol, it can be every bit as powerful as the vaunted high-protocol TPE Master/slave relationship.

6. For the Dom/mes: don’t use a cookie-cutter approach. The object is to get what you want, within agreed upon limits. For example, my slave responds to a more positive approach, with some humiliation thrown in, when it comes to sex/play. (Yes, BDSM is about sex!) But the classic physical pain approach works wonders when she neglects putting the dishes away. And don’t forget the role of respect. It is a lot easier for a submissive to serve if he/she respects the Dominant. Some things never change!

7. For the subs: Don’t be afraid of the dreaded “topping from the bottom.” While I thought Anastasia Steele’s constant “renegotiating” of their non-existent slave contract in “Fifty Shades Darker” was extremely lame, making your needs known is not topping from the bottom. It is, duh, “making your needs known.”

Ultimately, it’s a relationship, dammit! Sometimes people, whether Old Guard or New Guard, forget that relationships, whether they are vanilla, D/s or S/m, are ultimately about people. We are not BDSM robots. No matter what your protocol, orientation or play style, don’t neglect the classic, human aspects of your relationship, such as honesty, communication and appreciation.

Even the most sadistic of Doms would be well advised to get his slave a birthday present!

In this spirit, I will be presenting a panel discussion “Old Guard vs. New Guard” at DomCon L.A. in May. Stay tuned!

Old Traditions vs. Next Gen: where’s the balance?

April 4, 2016 By Jenn Masri 9 Comments

Several years ago I was at a play party in a dungeon with someone who was really new to the scene. As we sat there observing everyone around us, our attention was turned to a young woman who walked in to the room. She was wearing a high collared, full length latex dress. Her hair was wrapped in a tight bun which accentuated her sharp facial features. She was carrying a toy bag and placed it in one of the play stations with a serious look on her face.

My companion leaned over and whispered, “Is she the Domme?” Her assumption, of course, was based on how this woman was dressed and her overall look. I, however, not knowing this woman at the time – pulled my assumption that she was actually a submissive based on the fact that she was carrying the toy bag. Sure enough when her scene began with her Mistress it was she that removed her latex dress and was attached to the cross. My friend was surprised that I was correct. How did I come to the conclusion she was, in fact, the submissive? Because I had that bit of knowledge regarding traditional protocol that the sub carries the toy bag and sets the play space to his/her Dominant’s specifications.

It was nice to be able to take a cue like that and interpret it correctly. There are many traditions and protocol cues that have faded over the years. Things you could look for on a collar that indicated a submissive’s availability, for example. A Dominant staying clothed while the submissive strips down to what their Dom’s preference is. Of course, the flip side to this is that traditional protocols also become expectations. While I like traditions and wish many of them would come back into the general kink community, I also appreciate the Dominants desire to not have expectations set on them.
I admire and respect the Dominant who does what they please, or what makes them comfortable, because they’re the Dom and it’s their prerogative! This kind of “quiet confidence” is something I appreciate. Not having anything to prove. If they want to get naked for a scene then they will and don’t expect to be judged for it, yet even if others judge them they don’t care. This is at least one core trait of a Dom, no? Yet, even if there’s no judgement, I may assume that Dom is a sub or perhaps a service Top just based on my knowledge of the tradition that Doms stay clothed.

There is value in both tradition and this “next gen” way of thinking. There is a comfort rooted in the “old way”, being able to take cues and actually make assumptions based on them that are correct. Yet it is also important not to get stuck. To allow for growth and for traditions to change as the times change and we get new generations of kinksters that are paving the way for the future of this community.

Yet, I gotta say, I enjoy the old traditions and hate to see them fade out. So where is the balance? Can there be a balance or do we slowly move from old tradition to new?

Tell me what you think!

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

old guard

Model: Miss Fetilicious

Step 1: Get in touch with what you really want.

Step 2: Go to a play party and just observe.

Step 3: Explore Your BDSM Fantasies.

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