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Part 3: How Slavery Can Reduce Anxiety

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If you have not read Part 1 & 2 you can read them here: Part 1 & Part 2

Now that I have touched on how the overall M/S structure helps to reduce anxiety, I would like to talk about some specific anxiety-reducing protocols.

My Master and I are advocates of tracking my progress and rewarding me for overcoming my anxiety (In the first article in this series I told you all about our compulsion resistance calendar and our reward system). I think these aspects of our relationship definitely help me cope with my anxiety and are a major motivation to overcome it.

The fact that my Master owns my anxiety just as much as I do and takes the time to put systems in place to reward and track my anxiety truly does help me. Even when I give into my anxiety and compulse (please look up compulsion if you are unfamiliar with this term), I am happy to do my automatic thought record because I know that I am helping myself to get better. I am also showing my Master that I hold myself accountable for my recovery even when he isn’t around or aware that I compulsed. It makes me happy to see him so proud of me for owning my own self-growth and for being honest with him when I falter.

Reminders

Reminders are a great tool as well. We have “bunny-check-ins” in our home. These are simply me or my Master reminding me to do a mental check-in to avoid having a panic attack in times of stress. When I check in with myself I assess whether I actually have something to be anxious about. I ask myself is my mind catastrophizing or exaggerating the issue?

If I answer yes to the above question (which is usually the case), I use meditation to calm myself down. If the answer is no, then of course my Master and I would talk about what steps need to be taken to remedy the problem. This sounds remedial, but it really does help me to think before I react. It also gives me time for meditation on my breath so my anxiety does not get out of control.

Our newest form of defense against anxiety is a magnet with cute cartoon animals on it. The magnet says “Be Flexible, Don’t Catastrophize, and Don’t Blow Smoke.” This will be given to me when I am doing any of these things, and I must read it. Hopefully, this will be another reminder for me to calm down and get a better handle on myself.

I have also heard of slaves having an emotion chart where they mark where they are at daily, so their Master can gauge how best to handle their emotions for that day.

Daily Positivity Logs

My Master also gives me a daily positivity logs. For these, I must list five things I am grateful for. This helps me to remain positive and not get overly stressed. The logs are a great way to keep things in perspective.

I hope this has been helpful for those dealing with anxiety. Next week, I will talk about how specific types of slave training and meditation can help anxiety. I will also touch on subspace and how it can be a great stress-reducing state. Finally, I will go over some assignments my Master has given me. If any of you are interested in learning more about anything I have mentioned, please do not hesitate to ask. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Part 2: How Slavery Can Reduce Anxiety

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Last week (click here for article), I briefly touched on how being a slave can reduce anxiety. This week, I would like to go further into this topic.

As I mentioned previously, my anxiety was one of the major reasons that we decided to enter into this kind of dynamic. I was afraid that without my Master’s complete control and guidance my anxiety would overtake me for the worst.

Because I know how scary anxiety can be, I genuinely want to give people tools that can help reduce their anxiety within the structure of M/S.

A few major anxiety relievers are the structure and routines our M/S relationship provides for me. Routines such as collaring me each morning, greeting my Master in a particular way, having set daily tasks, presenting dinner to him in a certain fashion etc. eliminates a lot of my anxiety. My anxiety stems mostly from fear of the unknown. So, having so many things in place I can depend on truly helps to lessen my anxiety’s hold on me.

I would encourage any Master who has a slave who suffers from anxiety to think about your schedule and your slave’s. After careful consideration of both schedules, put in a decent amount of structure and routines that the slave can rely on.

However, please also keep in mind that too much structure can make a slave become more anxious. Too much structure and routine can become overwhelming. Masters need to find a nice balance for their slaves between routine and free time (time where the slave can just be and do whatever they would like as long as it does not violate any of her/his rules).

The Sweet Spot

When implementing routines and structure, you need to find the “sweet spot” (where it helps keep the slave’s anxiety at bay, while not overwhelming them). Remember, all structure and routines must benefit the slave, Master, and the relationship in some way. Never give your slave tasks to do just to keep him or her busy. Slaves want to feel valuable.

The routines must also be realistic and be able to be done consistently. After all, the whole point of adding structure to your relationship is so both parties can have something they can depend on and look forward to.

If you find that a routine or piece of your dynamic’s structure isn’t working, schedule time with your partner(s) to sit down and come up with a new plan of action. The plan could be coming up with something new or tweaking what you already have established. Whatever you decide to do set a time that works well for all parties involved to discuss how these changes are working out.

I hope this has been helpful. Next week, I will talk about specific anxiety-reducing protocols. Please feel free to comment and ask questions. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Part 1: How Slavery Can Reduce Anxiety

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For as long as I can remember I have dealt with various forms of generalized anxiety, OCD, and PTSD. Before I became a slave or even knew what a slave was, I tried to deal with my various mental problems/hang ups in unhealthy ways.

I chose the vanilla route and copied what all the other college kids were doing around me. No one stopped me and said, “What you are doing will never help you.” Because of this, I just kept on going down the vanilla path, hoping that something would give and I would get better.

When I met my Master, I knew I wanted to make some serious changes. I knew I didn’t want to be riddled with so much anxiety and fear on a daily basis. I realized that life is too short for that, especially now that I had found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I Couldn’t Control My Own Anxiety

I also realized that I was not at a point where I could take control of my anxiety by myself. I needed my Master to take control of it to a certain degree, and to work with me on it just as much as I was.

I know this might sound selfish on my part, and maybe it was, but it was what I needed at the time and knew I was too weak to face my mental disorders alone.

This is honestly how we got into our M/S dynamic officially. I was stressed about something that in retrospect now seems quite trivial. My Master came home from work to find me nearly breaking down. This kind of thing had happened before, and I knew I never wanted to greet my Master with kind of meltdown again.

I told him, “I have been trying to battle this on my own for years, and you are stronger than me, wiser than me, have more experience than me, and are more stable than me. Can you please take control of my life because I know at this point I am too unstable to?”

He agreed but didn’t know if I was entirely serious or not. The next day I began writing down all the rules we had already established and began researching more into the M/S dynamic. I was amazed at how much we had already been doing that would be considered M/S. We just weren’t labeling it as anything.

After a few weeks of talking and researching, we both realized that M/S was the right choice for us.

The moment I asked my Master to take ownership of me was the most humbling and meaningful moment of my life. All my life I had been trying to face my problems alone without knowing how to face them. Just the fact that my Master accepted the challenge I had presented him with reduced my anxiety.

Being my Master’s slave has helped my anxiety so much because I no longer have to worry about decisions concerning me. Because of this, I can more easily focus on the tasks that I want to get done.

Our M/S relationship also helps to prevent new stressors from occurring. My Master has to approve everything I do. So as long as I am following his orders and rules, I know that I never have to feel any anxiety concerning us.

My Master also takes an active role in my recovery.

We have rules that specifically target my anxiety and OCD. I am often given assignments to complete and reading to do. I also attend therapy regularly. My Master oversees my entire physical and mental health, which also helps to put me at ease.

For example, in our home, we have a compulsion board. Every time I am triggered by something and I don’t compulse, I tell my Master and I get a sticker. If I do compulse, I tell my Master and I must complete an Automatic Thought Record (This is a form of CBT. Feel free to look it up for a more detailed explanation.) My Master sets the number of stickers he would like earned each month and a number of ATL’s that I must be under. If I stay under the ATL limit and achieve the set amount of stickers, I get a reward.

This has been a really helpful tool because it allows us to track my progress throughout the months. It also provides a visual record of my progress, and the rewards are a great way to celebrate my hard work. It always makes me proud when I achieve my monthly goal.

Mindfulness is also big in our home. My Master will often ask me to meditate on my collar in times of stress. He has also trained me to say, “Master loves me and everything is okay” when he puts his hand on my cheek.

I do not think the rules alone help my recovery. I think what really makes the difference is how much my Master cares if I am getting better, how he always makes time to communicate with me and listen to me regarding my recovery, and the fact that he checks in with me about my emotional state on a daily basis- most of the time multiple times a day.

It was love, care, and commitment that motivated my Master to take on the role of being my Master with such grace. He was never deterred or scared. He consistently holds me to my rules, including the recovery ones, and no matter what he has going on, he always makes time to help me.

It’s not just my Master though. Like any vanilla or kink relationship, both parties need to be equally dedicated. I am always reading, researching, presenting my findings to my Master, and am always motivating myself to practice what I have learned. Slaves cannot just sit back and let their Masters’ do all the work. I would never get better that way. Master has the final say, and offers me all his wisdom and guidance, but I still have to put in a lot of work to better myself.

However, I would not be able to achieve any of this without my Master. He is the motivation behind my recovery 100 percent.

I hope this article gets you thinking about ways one can use power exchange relationships to ease anxiety. In part two, I will go further in detail into anxiety-reducing protocols.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Rituals: Part 2

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Since rituals are such a big and broad topic, I would like to continue my article from the previous week (click here for article).

In my last article, I touched mostly on how rituals are beneficial in power exchange relationships. This week I would like to piggy back on that topic and provide a more in-depth guide on how to pick them and implement them.

Rituals Must Be Enjoyed and/or Valued By All Parties Involved

First of all, in my opinion, rituals must be enjoyed and/or valued by all parties involved. If one person is just doing it out of obligation, in time, it will grow to be thought of as a hassle. If this occurs, the ritual would not be serving its purpose. It has to be looked forward to by all parties involved or serve a practical purpose that the sub understands the importance of.

For instance, check- ins are often a great ritual to implement. Check- ins are a required text or phone call sent to the Dom by the submissive when he or she safety makes it to a destination. This ritual may not be enjoyed, but there definitely is a practical safety component to it.

Other rituals, as I mentioned previously, are just to allot time for service and/or spending time together such as pleasing rituals and greeting rituals.

Also, some rituals are put in place to make sure the Dom’s needs are met, such as filling their water cup after they come home from work or preparing a shower for them in the morning. These rituals serve to make the Dom’s life easier, so he or she has more time to serve the relationship. For example, I have very specific rituals I do in our home to help my Master such as cleaning his retainer or bringing him his morning coffee.

Rituals should also be something that the sub can be trained to do. The Dom must give the sub what he or she can realistically learn to do innately. If this cannot be achieved it will be hard for the ritual to be maintained healthily long term.

It’s very easy to do a ritual for a month. But especially in very established relationships, you should be thinking about what can be sustained for a year, two years, etc. Or at least have a plan of action for when you want the ritual to be modified or talked about with all parties.

Deciding Which Rituals to Implement

When deciding what rituals to implement many things should be considered such as all partner’s schedules, all partner’s needs, the relationship’s needs, and what all parties can realistically handle and do consistently.

Rituals can be updated, changed, and modified at any given time depending on where the relationship is and where all parties are emotionally, physically etc. If a ritual isn’t working, don’t be afraid to talk with your partner(s) about why it isn’t working. Power exchange relationships are all about flexibility, communication, trial and error, and modification. It’s perfectly okay to try something and then admit that it didn’t work out the way you thought it would. This goes for Doms too. After all, Doms are fallible people.

Also, the rituals that you implement one year may not work the next year based on changing life circumstances. This is perfectly normal too. All rituals should be adjusted and talked about as life throws new curve balls your way. Always have a plan of action in place, but be ready to change that plan of action as life surprises you.

However, never implement something that does not have a shot at being done correctly and consistently from the get-go.

It’s very easy to live in a dream world where the sub greets the Dom every day dressed to the nines, but how realistic is that?

Also, the Dom should take the sub’s state into account every day, and if necessary, be willing to deviate from the usual rituals if the sub truly needs it. I am in NO WAY saying that Doms should let their subs get out of doing rituals on a daily basis. The sub should be pushed on most days to perform the rituals as outlined. But, if for an example a family tragedy hits or a sub has the flu, the Dom should be ready to be a little more lenient on their usual rituals.

I know there have been a few instances where my Master, due to special circumstances, has let me greet him in the bedroom instead of in humble position by the doorway. When this happens, it makes me feel so loved that my Master does not ask things of me that physically cannot be done. This is one way I know he truly cares about my well-being.

On the contrary though, there have been plenty of times when my Master has pushed me to perform rituals when I feel I am not able to do them. I am always so grateful when he does this because it helps to show me my own emotional strength and that I was able stay true to our dynamic despite whatever was going on in my life.

In my opinion, rituals are an integral part of any power exchange relationship and should be thought about carefully before implementing them. Before giving your sub a ritual, think how does this benefit me, our relationship, or them? If this question cannot be answered, then the ritual should most likely be modified.

I strongly recommend that rituals be put into your contracts (if you have a contract). They are just as important as rules and should be written down to provide precision and clarity to all parties involved.

So, in short, rituals should be something that all parties can realistically perform consistently, should bring about benefits to the relationship, and facilitate growth.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Rituals in Power Exchange Dynamics

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When we first started our M/S relationship, my Master and I felt that rules were enough to keep our dynamic strong. But over time, we have both found that it is the combination of rules and rituals that keep our relationship at its healthiest.

What is the difference between a rule and a ritual?

  • A ritual is something that you do without fail with your partner or for your partner daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly. It provides reliability and consistency.
  • A rule is something you follow all the time, but isn’t necessarily a ritual.

Rituals can be rules, but all rules are not rituals.

For example, no texting and driving is one of our rules, but not a ritual.

On the other hand, some of our rules are rituals. One of our rules is that I must wait for my Master in humble position when he gets home from work in the evening. This is a ritual that he and I have grown very fond of. It initiates my service immediately when he gets home from work, and brings us closer together after a long day.

Collaring rituals are also a rule in our home, and they happen every morning. When its time to collar me, I get into Nadu position, and present my two collars to my Master. He will point to the one he wants to put on me first and I will hand it to him. Then I hand him the other one. After I am fully collared, I must say some sort of mantra about my Master and/or our relationship. When I am finished, my Master will touch my face and then I am allowed to stand.

We love this ritual because it allows us to start the day on a positive note and allows me the time to express my love and gratefulness to my Master. It also reinforces our M/S dynamic daily. If we didn’t have this ritual, we might not take a moment every morning to be with each other.

Our ritual in the evening provides the same sort of built in moment with one another. It’s known and followed that before we do anything, we spend time with one another.

Both of these rituals are positive ways to begin and end the day. They also establish that we are most important to each other.

I am in no way saying that everyone must adopt these rituals. But I do think it’s a good idea to find rituals that work for you in your power exchange relationship(s). Rituals help keep the dynamic alive, and help deepen bonds between partners. It’s very easy to get so wrapped in life that we forget to spend time with another.

Rituals provide an easy way to make sure this doesn’t happen. They provide something both partners can look forward to and depend on. I feel so loved when my Master takes the time to collar me every morning, and when he takes the time to greet me in the evening.

There are many different types of rituals that one could implement. They can be simple or very elaborate. It all depends on what both parties can realistically stick to and make happen on a continual basis.

If you need help coming up with rituals, please feel free to leave a comment and I will be happy to help you brainstorm.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Being Property

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It’s very hard for some people to understand the concept of being property, and I’m sure there are many definitions that people within the scene attach to this term.

Despite both these things, I’m writing this article to explain my definition of “being property,” the freedom it brings, and the challenges one could face concerning this topic.

I am not just my Master’s slave. I am his property at all times as well. For me, there is a difference between these two roles. Being his slave means I am here to serve him, carry out his will, and always try my best to make him happy at all times. My slave self is expected to follow all protocols, rules, and orders. This side of me is still human with the understanding that sometimes I am going to falter.

The property self is one that doesn’t have to do anything for my Master per se. I simply am His property. It’s not an act or a gesture that makes me such. It was agreed upon by myself and my Master early on in our relationship, and continues to be a very strong influence in our protocols and daily life.

To me, being His property means that Master makes all decisions for me. My Master decides where I go, who I talk to, who I hang out with, what I wear, what I do in a day, all medical and career decisions, and all other decisions concerning me. He is also responsible for my health and well-being at all times.

For example, when I go to the grocery store, I am on an outlined budget, we usually have a pretty routine grocery list, and I must send the receipt to my Master. I also must ask him if I can go to the store the day before, and let him know when I got there and when I am leaving. Everything concerning me is accounted for, and he is always informed of everything I am doing.

However, he does work a full- time job, so he can’t be with me every second, or control every little thing I do when he is a way. If he tried to do this, we both wouldn’t get near as much accomplished. Imagine if I had to ask him to go to the bathroom every time I needed to when he was at work. That would be quite time consuming and could possibly lead to accidents if he was in a meeting when I asked.

On weekdays, certain things such as using bathroom, eating, showering, household chores, making meals, and exercise are always approved. These are things that have to get done on a daily basis, and he trusts me to manage my time well enough to get them all done. I am expected to keep our home running smoothly, so it’s impractical to think that I have to ask to fold every sock in the house or to wipe up every bit of dirt I see.

He does control my life from the office as much as he can. As I have already touched on, the big decisions such as: my whereabouts, who I contact, what I wear, my daily schedule, medical decisions, career decisions, finances, when I orgasm, are all controlled by my Master 24/7.

On weekends, Master puts me on high protocol from Friday evening- Sunday evening. When I am on high protocol I must ask for everything-bathroom, shower, water, food, etc.

So, as you can see, it’s not like on weekends I am his property and weekdays I’m not. He is just able to have more control on weekends because he is able to be home with me, and doesn’t have to worry as much about work.

If anyone in interested in adding “being property” to your dynamic I would pick protocols and a level of control over your submissive that is realistically sustainable. Don’t try to force things that will breed more stress for you or your submissive.

Being property is supposed to limit stress for both parties. I know it has for us. My Master never has to worry about who I am contacting, what I am doing, where I am going, what I am wearing, what I am spending money on etc. It limits stress for me as well, because I know as long as I am doing what he told me to and what he approved, I can’t disappoint him.

He also gets to use me as his sexual property anytime he wants. Because of this, I am privileged enough to know that he is always getting what he needs in the bedroom. He also has expressed to me that it is the most amazing feeling to have a partner that will always fill his every sexual need, no matter what, and that he can ask anything of. My Master says because I always make myself sexually available to him in whatever way he needs, he will always remain fully satisfied and never need to look elsewhere for sexual pleasure.

This is the greatest freedom I gain from being His property. The freedom from worry. I never have to worry if I am disappointing or upsetting my Master as long as I am doing what he asks of me and what he approved of.

In short, being property is about doing what you are told, and only doing what is approved.

In my opinion, it’s a little more cut and dry than being a slave.

I do believe it is harder to train someone to become property than a slave though because we are all human with our own drives. Being property entails over-riding that individual drive to the best of your ability. And replacing that drive with the drive of your Master’s/Dom’s.

Being property isn’t necessarily never thinking for yourself.  It is, however, putting your own thoughts on the backburner, if they don’t agree with those of your Master/Dom.

This is something I will be forever working on. It’s not easy to be raised in a world where people are shoving independence and feminism down your throat, and trying to train your mind and body to do otherwise.

When we first started my training, it was all about creating a contract that outlined all his expectations of me, and me following the contract. I began training with merely informing him of everything I was doing. After a while, we added more protocols that involved me asking for more things (even pre-approved things). Finally, we implemented high protocol every weekend.

For me, my slave self tells my Master, “I’m going to go do my chores now”. My property self asks if I can go do them.

My slave self wants to serve my Master by taking care of our home-which is made clear in the contract that it is both my responsibility and approved by my Master. My property self can’t even do pre-approved things without my Master’s approval before beginning the task.

What if he wants me to do something else for him in that moment or maybe he has a reason why the chores should be taken care of later?

Most people are taught to say what they are doing, never ask. Asking is often viewed as a sign of weakness, unsureness, or insecurity. But I assure you, asking shows a level of care and respect for your partner’s time, state, needs, and wants that telling/informing will never be able to do.

My suggestion for anyone interested in becoming property is to begin with training yourself to inform your Master/Dom of everything. After you have become quite good at this, slowly begin implementing more protocols that involve asking. The higher the level of control the D type has, the more you will feel like their property.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

The Value of Resets

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Sometimes in life we need to take a breather. It’s very innate for most people to want to barrel forward, and keep going despite their own emotional hang ups. But I have found, especially in a power exchange dynamic, it is so helpful to take a pause/reset to regroup, so service can be restored. Taking a pause allows individuals to gain a better understanding about the issue, and take time to nurture each other back into a calmer state. Resets can also be used for apologies, discussing new plans of action, and to simply hold each other during tough times. It’s so important to make time to truly talk and be with one another.

We want to get things done so quickly, so we can have time to be with our partners. But sometimes we get overwhelmed, and “the being together part” gets lost in the shuffle.

In any kind of power exchange dynamic, it can be a challenge for the s type to get back into service and/or focus on the dynamic, when vanilla problems strike. It’s easy for people to fall into old habits, for certain protocols to go out the window, and for life to get the best of anyone. Resets are one way to help keep this from happening.

Resets are any change in one’s body position or room that provide an individual a way to take a step back from the situation and breathe.  In our home, sometimes, resets are just stopping what we are doing to lie on the bed and talk. Sometimes, they are meditating. Sometimes, they are Master ordering me to serve him or please him in a specific fashion. Resets should be used to center all people involved, and should be different for different circumstances. They can also be a way to show one’s emotional strength. Instead of allowing yourself to break down, you can rise above your emotions, and serve or master/dom effectively.

I suffer from a lot of anxiety, and it’s very easy for that to affect my service. I often feel overwhelmed from stressors (some real and others just in my head), which can sometimes make it a challenge to serve the way I want to. Because of this, my Master and I have found that taking a reset really helps me get back into my slave headspace. Taking a reset helps provide me with relief, and allows me to get back what truly matters, which is serving my Master. It also shows me that my Master sympathizes with my stress, and wants to try to calm me down the best he can.

I remember one time, I was so upset I thought I was going to have a break down. Instead of Master letting me sit and collapse in a puddle of tears, he ordered me to crawl to the bedroom. At first, I thought, “I can’t do this.” But, I mustered up the strength, and calmed myself enough, to crawl like he asked. After I accomplished this, I felt like I was much stronger than I had given myself credit for. I was elated because I was able to put my own mental drama aside, and serve my Master.

Resets are most effective if the D type knows the s type’s emotions really well, and knows where their partner can be realistically pushed. The D type needs to have a firm grasp on what the s type needs/can handle in an emotional moment. Without this kind of understanding, the D type could push the s type into something way over his or her head. And no one wants that to happen.

I would suggest that D types and s types learn as much as they can about each other emotionally. This takes time, a lot of communication, and observation.

In our household, both myself and my Master can call for a reset at any time. This helps us both hold each other accountable, and helps us take care of each other emotionally. Sometimes, it’s difficult for me to cater to myself emotionally/mentally, so it really helps to have another person looking out for me.

In short, resets can be used to help de-escalate stressful moments, bring the couple closer together, and can provide a comfortable way to talk about anything that needs to be discussed. Resets also help prevent tense situations from getting out of hand, while keeping the dynamic intact.

In my experience, resets are incredibly valuable. I can’t imagine not having them in our home.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Trust in D/s Relationships

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There are some people out there that think that being a submissive means that we will do anything a dominant says. But that is clearly not the case.

Submission is not given lightly, and it usually is only given to those that are deserving of that submission. The key ingredient that makes a submissive willing to give himself or herself over to a Dom in any capacity is trust. Why would we hand over any aspect of ourselves if we don’t feel that person has our best interest in mind? Why would we give ourselves over to someone that we don’t know for a fact is worthy of our service?

Because trust takes time to build, as time goes on, the sub becomes more devoted, service becomes better, and the Dom feels more comfortable bestowing more responsibility to the sub.

My Master and I started dating as a vanilla couple. To be honest, even though I knew I loved my Master very early on in our relationship, I would not have agreed to be his slave right off the bat.

I feel it’s a good idea to learn everything there is about your partner-what their preferences are, what their expectations are, what their lifestyle entails, who they hang out with, their daily routine, how they are going to treat you long term, their priorities in life, what their core values are, what kind of person they are- before jumping into any kind of power exchange dynamic.

Although doing a scene with someone calls for a high level of trust, becoming involved in a power exchange relationship requires a much deeper level due to the relationship/dynamic often extending outside of the dungeon and bedroom. For this type of relationship to be successful, you must be on the same page about so many things, and you need to know your partner inside and out.

A submissive needs to know that the Dom will be consistent, healthy, and respectful. A submissive should never worry about their Dom’s decisions or ability to make decisions for them. The point of this kind of dynamic is for life to be enhanced, not more laced with worry and doubt.

Lack of trust will breed that doubt, and create many hardships within the dynamic.  Truly knowing your partner is achieved by spending time together in kink and vanilla settings. It’s not a good idea to just know someone in one location or circumstance. You need to know your partner comprehensively. Ask yourself- How are they out to dinner? How are they in the dungeon? Do they ever contradict themselves? Has there been instances of dishonesty? Are they reliable, punctual, and consistent? Picking a sub or a Dom needs to be carefully thought out, and never done on a whim.

There must be trust towards the sub from the Dom as well. That’s the only way this kind of thing works.

The Dom needs to be able to trust that the sub will stick to the contracts/rules/protocols, be able to meet their needs/wants/expectations, and be able to honestly communicate.

Clearly, there are so many things one needs to know, from both the D and s side of the slash, before entering into a power exchange relationship.

Giving the relationship and trust time to develop will make the relationship that much more whole and fulfilling in the long run.

I came to my Master with a few hard and soft limits when we first got together. But over time, as trust grew and solidified, I retracted those hard and soft limits. And I knew it was only because of the time we put in to develop such a strong foundation between us. We now live by RACK rules (Risk Awareness Consensual Kink), which means that nothing is off the table. I fully trust my Master to make all decisions for me in and outside the bedroom.

I am in NO WAY saying that you shouldn’t start by playing with SSC rules (Safe, Sane, Consensual), have safewords, or have limits. I believe you SHOULD start out that way. But as time goes on, maybe you will change your original dynamic, once the submissive fully trusts their Dom and the Dom truly trusts their sub.

In short, trust is paramount for a successful power exchange relationship, which only can come about with time and learning as much as you can about your partner.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Being a Little and Its Healing Properties

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Most people have things from the past that they are not over, and many of those things stem from childhood. Many of our parents didn’t give us what we needed most, and our basic needs were not met. Because of this, we go into adulthood with this hole in us that feels like it can never be filled or eradicated. Although it is very evident that we cannot change the past, it is still possible to get what we missed out on in childhood in our adult lives.

My childhood was filled with a lot of extra- curricular activities and a regimented afterschool schedule, along with a very judgmental mother who needed everything, including me, to be her way. She did not give me the freedom to be myself that I so yearned for, did not give me the unconditional love that I needed, and did not provide a reliable and consistent structure for me. So, in my adult life I dealt with this void in various ways. Some healthy, such as: being task-oriented, list making, and loving my Master unconditionally and non-judgmentally. Others, in not so healthy ways, such as: emotional lash outs.

It is easy to think that what happened in your past, stays in the past. But unless it is dealt with in an effective and healthy way, it will keep coming back to haunt you.

I have found that when I go into “Little Bunny mode” I am able to get all the things I missed out on in my childhood: acceptance, laughter, silliness, and unconditional love. I feel free to be myself, and don’t have to be thinking a million steps ahead. I can just live happily and peacefully in the current moment, and be completely present and mindful with my Master.

Going into my little space also allows me to positively replace some of the negative emotions left from my childhood, and put things into a more realistic perspective. Because of my little mode, I was able to realize that I’m not a bad person; I just wasn’t living up to my mother’s standards. I know this because of the acceptance and love my Master gives me when I am in little mode. And that brings me a lot of healing. I don’t take my childhood so personally, because I am shown that other people accept my child self, which is exactly the person my mother rejected. In short, being a little can replace negative feelings from the past with new positive ones, and replace our old, pessimistic ideologies about ourselves as well.

My little side does not have a set time when it shows up or is supposed to show up. It usually makes an appearance in times of extreme stress, sadness, or happiness. But no matter when it comes out, it is always way more pleasant feeling these things through my little self, than feeling the strain of stress and sadness in my adult head space.

It also allows my Master to better deal with the intense emotions, because it is often easier to have compassion for someone who is small and youthful than a full- grown adult. I also find it is easier to move on from a negative emotion quicker and easier because that’s how children are wired. Children don’t always have the ability to see the big picture. So, when the moment is over, so are their emotions.

My little self is also much more forgiving towards myself and others, and less pessimistic because she has not been jaded by the adult world and all its disappointments. Because of this, I find my little comes out when I need to remain positive and keep my esteem intact. My Master has even given me assignments to write to my adult self from my little self. I will often read these letters in times of stress.

Roleplaying a big/little scene can also be very therapeutic. Roleplaying as a little can give you a healthy outlet to acquire what you missed out on as a child, and/ or a way to reenact things from your childhood that need working through. It allows you the space to feel more heard and be more taken care of than you may have been in childhood.

I strongly encourage those who go into little space do so only with those they whole-heartedly trust (due to the fact that going into little space can often leave one feeling quite vulnerable).  While being a little is not the sole thing one needs to work through their past, it can be a great and healing tool to use in tandem with other coping mechanisms and healing techniques.

I discovered my little with my Master by accident, and as time goes on she comes out more and more. I find being a little is a great emotional coping tool, and breeds a lot of acceptance and nonjudgement within myself. For me, when I am in little space, the lack of harsh criticism combined with unconditional acceptance definitely brings about a boost in my overall self- esteem.

I strongly encourage anyone who identifies as a little to look at who your little is, and try to link your little to your childhood. See what connections you can make. It’s important for everyone to fully process what they are not over yet, so they can move on and stop carrying the emotional weight around from the past. I have found that being a little is an amazing way to do that.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

The Live-In Slave

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When we first enter our lifestyle, we often are swept away by the allure of an ideal world of Masters and slaves living in perfect synergy. The Master is in firm control; the slave willingly obeys every command. It works great online. It is awesome every other weekend. It is mind-boggling at the dungeon party. But, the idealized concept of a live-in Master/slave relationship is quite different than reality, whether you are a newbie or an experienced lifestyler.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that there are both advantages and disadvantages in a live-in D/s union. I will attempt to identify the most critical areas in the live-in relationship, giving you both the pros and the cons of each as I see it.

• Trust. It is much easier to establish trust in the live-in situation because there is little left to the imagination. When you are with someone much of your non-job time, you can truly get a deep understanding of that person’s basic character. Since trust is such a critical area in a D/s relationship, the live-in relationship builds trust in a very deep way. Of course, it also can highlight any negative trust issues since little can be hidden from each other.

• Forget myths. This is real life, not social media. I never believed that the “myth of Dominant infallibility” had any relevance to a real life relationship of any kind. But, once you live together, there is no way to hide your warts and human faults. As a Dominant, don’t try to live up to some artificially perfect standard that you think your slave expects. As a submissive, don’t beat yourself up when you are less than faultless.

• Maintaining play levels. It is much easier to maintain an exciting level of play when you are together for brief periods of time. Here the live-in arrangement can easily erode play – even taking it for granted. One must keep your all aspects of play – including protocols and rituals — fresh and timely. After all, it is said that all relationships require work. Here the effort of maintaining your play levels will pay off handsomely over time.

• Honorifics. Here is where a little goes a long way. Calling your Dominant “Master,” “Sir” or “Mistress” on a daily, consistent basis truly reinforces the power exchange in a deep and profound way. Likewise, the Dominant’s “good girl” or equivalent phrase contributes mightily to the dynamic.

• Isolate key protocols. It is easy to gloss over protocols when you live together. Jobs, outside commitments and friends can make it hard to maintain essential rituals even in a low-protocol relationship. I suggest you identify one or two basic protocols that reinforce the fact that you are the Master/Mistress and she/he is the slave. I personally endorse the greeting ritual upon returning from work as a great way to keep the D/s dynamic fresh in each other’s mind.

• Slave diaries. I suggest the slave keep journals of your best scenes. In this way, the slave gets to emotionally re-live those scenes that were memorable and the Master can recreate those scenes if the play devolves a bit, as it easily can, over time.

• Slave contracts. Slave contracts have no legal standing. They cannot keep a bad D/s union working. But, they are powerful tools that can keep a D/s relationship strong.

• Discipline. As the Dom/me, you must be vigilant to see if and when your relationship might be eroding. It is much like weight loss. If you see a person every day, it is hard to notice any change in weight. Similarly, it is hard to notice when little things gradually go awry. I suggest that you take stock every so often correct small problems before they become big ones.

• Speaking freely. The Master must give the slave regular opportunity to speak her mind without fear of punishment. This is a simple human need and trumps all D/s theory.

• It’s a relationship. Don’t forget the “relationship” aspect of a D/s relationship! This obvious fact is often overlooked. Have fun. Go to movies. Laugh. A live-in Master/slave relationship should not be like working in the Siberian coal mines. The advantage of living together is that it makes it easy to develop a well-rounded relationship. Don’t neglect this advantage.

The key, as I see it, is for both the Master/Mistress and the slave to understand the pros and cons of a 24/7, live-in relationship. Obviously, not all of these suggestions apply to everyone. But, by being aware of the double-edged sword that such a relationship is, you can embrace the positive and avoid the negative.

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.