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anniebear Interviews Arcane

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crow academy

I sat down with Arcane and his slave Daphne on a sunny afternoon in Hollywood. As an educator and founder of the Crow Academy, Arcane has experience coaching couples on D/s relationships and BDSM techniques. We talked about all things kinky, his new book, and kink around the globe.

anniebear: So you have a really original life story. It seems like you’ve kind of been everywhere and seen everything.

Arcane: I haven’t been to Antarctica… yet.

Haha, some day! I wanted to start at the beginning. What is your origin story? How did you get into BDSM in the first place?

When I was five years old I was tying up all of the neighborhood girls. For some reason I just really, really liked that and enjoyed it a lot, and found that was how I always wanted the games to go. Then the ironic part was that because I was the only little boy on the street with the little girls, to evolve the story I had to play both the hero and the villain. So I’d start off the first half of our games playing the villain and I’d tie her up, and then switch half way through it and play the hero and rescue her. I noticed that I’d delay the switching to the rescue part. So my initial kink has been a part of me pretty much as long as I’ve been alive.

My first girlfriend, real girlfriend, was also my first bottom. She actually came out of the closet to me on prom night and asked me to tie her up and “treat her roughly.” And I looked up at the sky and I said thank you (laughs). So BDSM has been, you could safely say, a part of my entire adult life since my first girlfriend. The other thing that actually shaped me quite a bit is that my first girlfriend and I also began to explore Tantra together, so my entire adult BDSM life has also paralleled my entire adult Tantric pursuit. It kind of runs through everything.

So do you teach Tantra as well?

Only to my partners, although when I teach a BDSM class I’ll drop Tantra in there because I think it’s actually super important for people to learn. I wouldn’t teach a Tantra class by itself but I have written articles on how BDSM and Tantra overlap nicely. The whole fetish world is a perfect canvas for Tantra and the reason is because one of the principles of Tantra is to get you to engage all five senses, and we have all these extra things: the smell of leather, the look of the submissive in their bondage, the sounds they make, the sounds of the whip, the flavors you can bring in any way you want, and a lot of people play with specialized lighting… candles, light bulbs and all these things so it really is a perfect ground to practice Tantra and it makes the scenes better.

And everyone is more open anyway. You teach a lot of different things but you specifically seem particularly interested in D/s dynamics and relationships. We don’t have time to go way into it, since it is such a complex subject could you pick three key components that are most important to a D/s dynamic?

No problem. Well number one, absolute number one, if someone comes up to me and tells me they want to be a Dom, I will look them straight in the eye and I will say, “how comfortable are you with Capitol-R Responsibility for another human being’s well being?” And if they tell me that’s not what they thought it was about, that they just want to control someone and boss them around and have good sex… I tell them, “if you don’t want the responsibility for another person, then you don’t want to be a Dom. Go find a different hobby.”

Number two, D/s does have a lot of variety. I can talk all day and night about the Crow Academy system but it’s not the only good school of D/s in the world. There are other perfectly respectable D/s schools that are very different and in fact those Doms and I talk and we share ideas and my style evolves and their style evolves. D/s is absolutely an Art Form and it will evolve. It’s meant to be practiced like anything else. If you want to be a better painter then paint, and if you want to be a better Dom, practice your domination. Always pursue to get better, to grow, to become good at it.

Number three, one of the main things about the Crow Academy and the D/s style that I teach is that it’s very specifically about building a romantic D/s relationship, a connecting, bonding relationship between the Dom and the sub. There are people out there with perfectly good reasons for saying “oh well I don’t like to be romantically involved with my sub” and that’s fine, that’s just not what the Crow Academy is about. The Crow Academy style is really aimed at couples who want to have all the bondage, all the passion, all the BDSM, all the D/s alongside and parallel to building a really great relationship.

And beyond that do you teach classes on skills?

Yes, flogging, bondage, animal play… one of the things I really want to teach again soon is a class about constructing a scene. So when you do a scene, the way I teach it every scene needs to tell a story. It needs to have a beginning, a middle, and an end. The beginning, the light toys and tools, is kind of the introduction to the characters, which are the various sensations. The middle of the scene is the build up, and the up and down and the switching of sensations given. I’m a very strong believer in switching the sensations, except during Fire-play as that’s a pretty monotone sensation but even then we start off with some flogging to get the blood up to the surface of the skin and wake her body up and what not, and then in between some of the fire I still bring out the fur creating a dance of sensations. If you understand how skin is constructed with all of the different nerves for temperature, pressure, texture, and all of these different sensors, then if you really want to get a sub into her bliss you will want to get as many of those sensors activated as possible. So you can activate a pressure sensor with flogging and you can activate a texture sensor with rabbit fur. You can activate those but if you then get the temperature one to go way too high then the other ones will almost shut off because they become lesser, irrelevant information. And the hypothalamus part of the brain will say, “sorry the pressure and the texture doesn’t matter because right now all that matters is the temperature that is triggering an emergency-alarm’s level.” So really good S&M is about balancing all of these different sensations and doing it in such a way that, say by the end act two in a three act play, you’ve built a dance of all of these characters on stage going back and forth speaking their lines of sensation. The fur speaks its line and then the floggers speak their line and a little bit of knife play speaks and all of that is what makes her skin go crazy.

(to slave Daphne) You live a tough life I’m sure

Daphne: Yes it’s just so hard (laughs).

Arcane: And then in act three, when you go from act two to act three of your scene, you want to build and build to the hardest, heaviest, most intense sensations…. and then you start to land the scene, to bring it back home. This is where I think a lot of people really don’t get in there enough. You need to kind of land everything and gently bring it back down. You can’t just stop, unless of course you have a very good reason to do so, but you want to bring it back down and go back to lighter sensations… heavy to medium, medium to light, then super light and then the scene ends.

Yes, it can be very jarring to go from bam bam bam to we’re done. Times up, gotta go!

I just taught an enormous workshop series in Australia that was all about beginning, intermediate, and advanced D/s and a lot of safety. I emphasize safety because this is a person I love so her safety and well-being is going to be paramount.

And that tends to get glossed over for the sake of being more “Domly” I think.

In newbies. There’s a lot of good education going on right now. A lot of people have access to find out how to be better and understand these basic safety principles. Almost everybody knows what a safe-word is. If they don’t they have some studying to do.

You seem particularly interested in bondage. Probably your most favorite thing? What is it about bondage that kind of gets you going?

Because that’s where I started. When I was five years old.

It’s your roots.

Yes, my roots were bondage and role play. So I never get tired of role play. Daphne and I come up with the crazy roles plays all of the time. I’ll tell you about a fun one, this is really cool because this just happened. So we’re both Star Wars fans and for Christmas I got her these really sexy Boba Fett leggings and a little crop top. And she owns these really awesome spike heel boots and we put together this whole role play where she was a bounty hunter and I was working for Darth Vader and captured and kidnapped her. Here I am, I’m a grown man but I honestly have to tell you that I could not believe how turned on I was and how that role play filled my head. As far as I was concerned we were there on the Death Star.

And it was right here in your apartment?

Daphne: Oh yea!

Arcane: It was super hot. And my point being that it’s a hell of a lot of fun for me to just open my imagination and bring in all of the things that I love into our role plays. We’re both pretty active-imagination people.

(to Daphne) And what’s some of your favorite stuff?

Daphne: Because he’s got the long hair and beard and kind of looks like a pirate I love the pirate and duchesse role plays. It’s my favorite.

Arcane: We have ongoing role plays about it.

Daphne: We seriously do! Its like ok we stop and we’re done and then our next role play we pick it right back up and I feel like I’m on a ship.

Arcane: But also I do love fire play. I don’t even know why… it’s just like the generic little pyromaniac in me. It’s edge play because fire. But just watching her reactions and how the fire dances across her body and knowing that I have enough control and experience with the fire… and fire is fire. You talk to anybody who ever works with fire professionally. There’s a great movie with Robert DeNiro where he talks about fire as a beast and you have to know how the beast lives and works and breaths and its really true. So when I’m doing this – putting fire on her to guide it and dance it around her body – I seriously feel like an artist at a canvas. In all BDSM really I feel that way.

(to Daphne) And do you feel safe or scared?

Daphne: You know honestly you say edge play Master, but I trust him so much and it just feels good I just feel… he puts it as a hot feather gracing your skin. Sometimes there is a very slight burning sensation. It’s not enough to hurt but it’s enough to wake me up because sometimes the fire is very soft and you get all relaxed and then it kind of bites and then I’m back in my body again. So it’s incredible. I highly recommend it to those who know how to do it.

Arcane: That’s one thing that I definitely have to say – Only if you’re taught it. I had someone teach me how to use it. I’ve taught fire play workshops and at least 30% of the workshop is just safety and really understanding what it is. That’s kind of how it is with any edge play. You really have to be taught by somebody who knows how it works before you start messing around.

And it looks like you have a new book out? That’s exciting! Can you talk a little bit about that? Is it your first book?

Well I’ve done a lot of writing but this is my first fully formed completely crafted, designed book. Igniting the Fire is an Ebook right now, been out for about a year selling purely by word-of-mouth which makes me super happy, and we just got another 5-star review on Amazon. It’s designed to be a hardcopy coffee table book. Every single page is a colorful plate and when its published in its full hardback form it’s about 400 pages.

(Arcane has Daphne bring the hard copy prototype. It really is a gorgeous book!)

It’s a complete A-Z system of how to do the Crow Academy style. It’s the first in a series of books so this book is aimed at the submissive. I speak to the submissive but there’s so much stuff in there that any Dom can pick it up and use the technique and the protocols described. The voice that I use when describing a protocol is the Dom speaking to the sub but any Dom could try these and decide, “this is a cool protocol,” and add it to their personal repertoire. The mechanics are spelled out. It’s written for people of all levels, absolute beginners as well as people with a ton of experience and everyone in between.

It looks like you got Ken Marcus to do the photography.

Yes, Ken Marcus and Perry Gallagher both.

It’s divided into four sections. The first section is your basic physical protocols and slave positions, and the second section is more on understanding some of the psychological elements, commands and signals. The third section goes really into the headspace of the submissive. The fourth part delves into the traditions and where it all comes from. A lot of stuff has been written about BDSM, which is great, and a lot has passed down by word of mouth. I had people and information coming at me from all sides in my own evolution and so I took what I learned from them all, what I tried and tested that became the Crow Academy style, and put in a ton of modern, utilitarian emphasis to make it real, to make it contemporary and useful.

It’s a beautiful book. I like that its written geared towards the submissive. I think that doesn’t happen as often, for written text. There’s some but not a lot.

Book two, which is in outline form right now, is going to be the exact opposite. I’m going to speak to the Dom because one thing that’s happened in the course of the Crow Academy being around is that I get a lot of letters from submissives saying, “I met up with this man who said he was a Dom and this terrible thing happened and now I feel like dropping out of the scene but you seem like you know what you’re talking about so what do you suggest?” And if I was to summarize the greatest need that I would like to provide for the world is to make a ton of really good, smart Doms out there. I’m tired of getting those letters. I want to get letters from people who say, “oh my gosh I met this man I gave him your second book and now he’s become the Dom of my dreams.” That would make me extremely happy.

So I’m curious in your travels to different places and lands far and beyond, have you explored many of the kink scenes in other countries?

All over!

Which one is your favorite?

Well my first public community scene was in Amsterdam and when I stepped into my very first fetish club there was a very strict dress code. The entrance was like something out of a Bugs Bunny cartoon. They had the big guy at the door and the sliding eye-slot thing and they look at you then open the door and say, “can I help you?” It was a blank building down by the ocean. And you’d say, “yea I’m here for the kinky club,” and if you weren’t dressed in fetish gear right there you’d better have a bag with you that had the fetish gear to change to show the doorman. Then they had a changing room and you weren’t supposed to be in the club unless you were in full fetish fashion. You’d pay your money and open another door and boom, you’re in the club. And the first word that popped into my head that day was, “Home.” And it’s been that way ever since. I was like, “oh my god I’m home.” It was like stepping into the Star Wars cantina, an intergalactic zoo of wonderful weirdness. Just so much stuff going on and everywhere I turned something new or different or bizarre and it absorbed me instantly.

I went on to start producing my own fetish club called “Iniquity” here in America, and Amsterdam had a big influence on me. London has always been fantastic. Different cities have a different emphasis. In London I was once told while I was there on vacation that I was one of twelve Doms in London, which I don’t think that’s true but the point was there were so many Fem-Dommes, it was overrun. San Francisco is very male Dom heavy. Los Angeles is pretty balanced. Obviously San Francisco has a huge gay leather scene, Chicago as well. Although I’m not personally gay myself, I attended IML (International Mister Leather) because one of my friends was the son of the owner of Mister S Leather so we all went. There was a small hetero group there and of course we all spotted each other across the convention floor in this gigantic BDSM toy market. The market was amazing, and my point being it doesn’t really matter if it’s your thing or not because there’s amazing stuff to be found everywhere. At one of the parties there at IML there was a needle play scene that was art. It was just art. It wasn’t the typical thing where they stick the needles and make a little pattern. They did it bi-laterally on the person’s whole body inside of this wooden frame that was a permanent structure at this dungeon and then they had fishing line going from each needle to the frame so each needle was being tugged microscopically in every imaginable direction. It was mind blowing, creating a visually stunning art piece. There’s something for everyone in the world.

You do some stuff with needles too?

Not really. I will use acupuncture needles moderately – its kind of fun and again it’s edge play. If you’re doing something like that where you break the skin then you have to know your STD status and your partner’s. If you’re doing it on a stranger you should wear rubber gloves… all this kind of stuff. An acupuncture needle put in the right spot… and I don’t suggest you experiment with this…

I’m good!

If you put in the right spot you can make it stop movement like rope and the person can’t move… if they move there is a little shoot of pain.

Ah!

No you don’t understand (laughs)… it’s so awesome. I did a scene on stage in Australia where the girl was tied to a St Andrews cross by her wrists and then I put the acupuncture needles on her so she really couldn’t move and then I did fire play.

You’re a mean man! (laughs)

No no no I’m a generous man! (laughs) She was very happy. The amount of endorphins you get through these situations… there is no purchasable drug on Earth that can compare.

Sure! I believe it. I’ll take your word for it (laughs). So the scene internationally do you favor Amsterdam mostly because that’s where you got your start?

It’s actually the variety you find around the world that is a lot of fun for me. In Australia right now one of my best friends, Master Thorn, an amazing Dom, is the center of the Brisbane BDSM scene. He teaches classes every week and has parties every week and it’s a younger crowd that are super enthusiastic. Now is it as sophisticated or polished as the London or Amsterdam scene? No, not even close, but the enthusiasm, the raw enthusiasm is fantastic. Also another example there in Brisbane is that they have an enormous emphasis, one of the best in the world, on pet play and animal play, hosted by the Sanguine Pack, and that’s exactly the point. The fact that all over the world you find these pockets where the kink goes a little this way or a little that way. That’s awesome! My goal with her (to Daphne) – she hasn’t been travelling around the world with me yet – would be to take her to some of these places to show her what its like in London and Brisbane.

How the other half lives.

The other tenths. (grin)

From your experience what do you think the biggest problem is affecting the community as a whole?

Fifty Shades of Gray! (laughs) Not really. When Fifty Shades of Gray was first written people were really split. Ok here’s a fun statistic for you… because of the number of books that are known to be sold plus the number of expected illegal downloads when it was an Ebook, it works out that approximately one out of every thirty seven literate adults in the world over the age of 18 has at least obtained a copy of this book. That’s crazy. And what that did is it helped open the conversation massively. You can talk about BDSM anywhere now. And people have some idea what you’re talking about. Now if people take Fifty Shades of Gray as a guidebook they’re in for a very rough, dangerous and probably destructive road. So that is really the problem. Well not so much a problem – and I was kind of joking when I gave my answer – it’s not really a huge problem with BDSM, its just that so many fresh minds are out there who want to learn and what I’m doing and what my friend in Australia is doing is just trying to get good information out there. So is that a problem or is it just a need that needs to be filled? Good information, we need a lot more good information

Better dissemination of information.

And funny you should ask this exact question. I literally just got done talking with one of my clients. I do training for couples and so one of my clients was telling me that she was in some shop and she told the person, “my Master…,” and the guy knew them by association and said, “he can’t be a Master because he hasn’t done it long enough… you can’t call him Master.” And she wrote me and asked is this true? And I said, no that’s nonsense. He’s your Master, you can call him anything you want. He can tell you what he wants to be called by you, Master, Sire, My Lord, whatever. Doesn’t matter. If he was to step into a room full of BDSM people and say “I’m a Master!” than yes they might expect him to have a ton of experience, but he is your Master and you are his slave and that’s beautiful and you should embrace that. So another possibility with this need for information is to correct bad information or overly politically-correct information, which is not always going to help the situation, or highly opinionated information. People who are in the scene long enough know that when someone starts saying, “my way is the only way and everybody else is wrong,” then you need to walk away. Outside of that, I think we’re in a time of incredible opportunity to educate the world.

Yea, Dexx always says we’re in a “BDSM Renaissance.”

Yes, but its really true! And there are enough people out there that really know.

Out of curiosity, have you ever bottomed?

Funny you should say that. I have a running joke that I’m only 99% Dominant. I’m 1% submissive to chiropractors, deep tissue massage, acupuncturists and myofascial-release which makes ordinary deep tissue massage look like you sneezed. It’s very intense. The running joke, as Daphne has been here one time when the lady was working on me, is the question of how few times will I scream the word “Fuck!”

Daphne: It’s pretty entertaining (laughs)

Arcane: But that’s about it. One time way back with my first bottom we tried switching and my brain was just like, “there is no point, this is doing nothing for me,” and she agreed that she also didn’t want to be in control or be mean (laughs).

(To Daphne) Have you ever topped

Daphne: Ummmm, no (laughs). I’m trying to think if I ever really did? There’s just something about being a submissive that’s just so freeing and relaxing that I don’t know if I could handle the responsibility of somebody else.

(to Arcane) What advice would you offer someone just starting out besides reading your website and book of course!

Just read and educate yourself. My first clubs were in Amsterdam and London, then I came back to America. Very soon thereafter I moved to the San Francisco bay area and joined the Society of Janus up there. Janus, like Threshold in Los Angeles, is very politically correct in their BDSM. And what they teach is going to be very almost white-bread BDSM. Nonetheless I joined Janus and I took every single workshop they taught for two years. I never missed one unless it was you know, how to feminize your slave or what not. And that’s huge to get in the community. I tell my clients, “come with us to a party because you need to see the way other people do it.” Not just to be amongst peers and get that peer acknowledgment and acceptance for being into it, which is important and easier now than it was ten years ago because of Fifty Shades of Gray and the openness its caused, but also because like I said at my first time in my very first club, you see these things and you think, “well I never thought about doing that,” and you learn something new.

Ask questions, obey club etiquette, don’t interrupt someone’s scene. Get educated. One of my first martial arts senseis was a generous man because a lot of the schools back in the day did the whole Karate Kid thing where they would say, “our school is the best school!” I was lucky enough to have a sensei who one day turned to the whole class and said, “ok I’m going to teach you a secret now. If you want to get good at martial arts then you will have to study many different styles.” That’s exactly what I would say. The Crow Academy style is very couple-oriented with romance, high protocol, high etiquette, and those are with traditions from hundreds years ago that we’re revamping. But if you’re attracted to someone else’s style, read their book, learn it. Learn about different ways of doing what others do in their BDSM style that might be just as good.

Be aware because you want to avoid many stereotypes that are two-dimensional. And this is why I take the ball and roll with the whole romance angle. Yes a Dom can love their slave, yes a Master/Mistress can love her sub. In both directions. Don’t ever think that this is just some random act devoid of emotion. I would say go the opposite direction. Put your emotions into it. Be an artist. It’s a creative process. Make it your own.

You can contact Arcane through The Crow Academy and read more advice and writings here. Follow Arcane @CrowAcademy as well as on Facebook. His new book Igniting the Fire is available now on Amazon.

Something wicked…

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Skull-1

Photographer: ReddDyver Models: Travis and Theresa

His possession of her was swift. She fought very little because in fact, she wanted it. She wanted to be owned and toyed with. Who was this wicked man-or would creature or being be a more fitting name? His power was intoxicating, consuming. She could not wait for more.

Topspace

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M Lucy Solo-2

Subspace. We’ve all heard of it and some of us have experienced it. If you are unfamiliar with what it is I highly suggest you read my article about it here on Kink Weekly. However, I get asked in class when I speak to subspace if there is an equivalent for D-types. Yes, there is such a thing as Topspace or Dom(me)space. However, this is something you hear much less about. Not only do you hear less about it, but it also seems to occur less often than subspace. Why is that? I have a theory.

This theory is my own personal opinion based on what I know of subspace and having experienced Topping. Have I gone out and researched it? Nope. Have I interviewed 100 D-types about it looking for common threads? Nope. So take this for what it’s worth and, if you’re really interested, do more research. If you do, and find more interesting tidbits – please leave them in the comment section below!

Ok, so let’s use subspace as a starting point. In general, subspace refers to an s-type’s reaction to various chemicals being released in their system. The closest vanilla activity I can compare it to is a runner’s high. In both scenarios the individual is pushing past, or through, a painful sensation – allowing the aforementioned chemicals (adrenaline, endorphins, etc.) to kick in. These chemicals give a natural high feeling and increase pain tolerance. If you have experienced either you know that you also have to allow yourself to relax into, or give into this chemical change in your body in order to feel the full effects. As I mentioned in my previous article about subspace, everyone experiences it differently.

So with that subspace refresher, here is why I think Topspace is more difficult for people to achieve. When you’re Topping you are focused on numerous things – where you want the scene to go, how your bottom is doing, which implement you’re using, your aim, your surroundings, etc. When you are that focused and “in your head”, it is much more difficult to let go, or “give in”, to the chemicals being released. You may still have endorphins and adrenaline pumping through your system however, there is a huge psychological component to achieving Topspace. For a runner if all you keep focusing on are the components of running – how tight your shoes are, worry about a lace coming undone, the pain in your right knee, concern about which direction you’re headed or if you’ll become lost on your trail, etc – you won’t ever allow yourself to get out of your head and give in to that runner’s high. The act of running has to become second nature so that you aren’t thinking about it anymore. That’s when you can start to “fly”, so to speak.

This is why I typically hear of D-types who have a lot of experience speaking of getting “spacey”. They have enough experience to where what they are doing is second nature. Flogging, spanking, or whatever they love just comes naturally and they don’t have to think very much about what they’re doing. They can let go and allow those chemicals to take over and feel all floaty after a scene just like s-types.

I think it takes a long time, and/or a lot of experience to get to the point that a D-type can get there, for their play to really become second nature – which is why we hear of it less often than subspace. It’s like getting in your car and arriving home, not remembering the drive. Because driving and your route home have become something you no longer have to consciously think about. Once a Top can say that about their play, they are much more likely to experience Topspace.

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

The Collar: Part One

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collar part 1

Part I of this article is an overview of the traditional collaring practices in the BDSM lifestyle.

Part II will be addressed to newbie subs who are uncollared.

Part III will be BaadMaster’s “Seven Levels of Collaring” – a unique and modern take on how to integrate old guard traditions with new era needs.

PART I – THE COLLAR

One of the most enduring traditions in the world of BDSM is that of the “formal — or slave — collar.” It is the spiritual descendent of the old Roman slave collar, the one that was welded shut around the slave’s neck. (I am Spartacus!) Although there were many variations on this theme over the years, collaring one’s slave was codified by the legendary Old Guard Leather Societies years ago. The Old Guard custom (rapidly disappearing in our short attention span world) called for a series of three distinct collars, all of different materials – the “Collar of Consideration,” the “Training Collar” and, ultimately, the “Slave Collar.”

The Old Guard Leather Societies treated the last of these collars – the “formal or slave collar” — as similar in both spirit and commitment to a vanilla marriage. (As this predated gay marriages, and the Leathermen were primarily gay, it fulfilled a very practical need in this community.) And although it lacked the enforcement of law, “collared couples” were respected in the leather community in the same way as married couples were respected in the vanilla world.

One of the big criticisms of “Fifty Shades” (there I go again!) is that, in the movie, Christian proposed a slave contract and did not even mention collaring. Surely, at the very least, a “collar of consideration” would have been proposed simultaneously to the slave contract. Kink Weekly is here to correct this oversight. Obviously, in our fast paced world, most couples skip the first two stages and proceed to the formal slave collar. (Honestly, I did too!) But for historical correctness, let’s discuss the three stages of collaring as set down by the Leather Societies. (If Kink Weekly doesn’t honor traditions, who will?)

The first collar in this series is called the ‘Collar of Consideration’ which is given at the start of a potential relationship. Although usually made of leather, it is like an engagement ring — if at any time the relationship is unsatisfactory to either side, the collar is returned to the Dominant with no further obligations on either party’s part.
The ‘Training Collar’ is the second stage. Again, this collar will be one that the Dominant chooses; it is usually made of base metal and is a bit more elegant than the consideration collar. It represents a “graduation” of sorts; with the presentation of the Training Collar, the Dominant will move into areas of training and discipline which are much more demanding, severe and strict.

If this second stage works out, then it is time for the actual collaring with the ‘Slave Collar.’ This is the actual collar – it is this stage that is generally assumed when someone says they are “collared.” This represents true commitment between the Dominant and his submissive. In the tradition of the old guard, this collar is to be treated with the same respect that marriage is treated in the vanilla world. Indeed, it is rather common to have simultaneous collaring and wedding ceremonies.

Of the three collars, typically the slave collar is made of gold or silver and can be quite beautiful. The design can be unique to satisfy the Dominant’s taste; most times – as it usually worn 24/7 – it can be locked or even welded for permanence. With the recent popularity of BDSM, the variety of collars is impressive and the ideal collar is relatively easy to find – especially those that can pass in the vanilla world. (Note: the collar should always be purchased by the Dominant and always remains His/Her’s property. It is returned to the Dominant at the end of the relationship – no matter when the relationship ends.)

As it is the analogue of the vanilla marriage, this collaring is often done at a party/celebration, in front of invited guests, with vows exchanged or a slave contract signed. Depending on the nature of the relationship, there can be permanent markings done — such as tattoos, piercings, brandings, cuttings etc. The markings can be done in a scene – and if the couple happens to enjoy public scening, this is an awesome sight to behold. Other traditions can come into play here – the presentation of a gift made by the submissive (typically a flogger) to the Dominant is one European ritual that comes to mind.

Make no mistake about it, this old guard, traditional collaring ceremony is intended – unless otherwise negotiated – to signify a lifelong partnership. If you are invited to one, think of it as you would a wedding. Arrive with an attitude of wanting to have fun but keep a proper respect and decorum.

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Opinion: Taking Up the Mantle of Mastery

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man in suit

There is much debate in our community as to the use of the word Master. To some it is about describing their role in a power exchange relationship. To others it means that they have mastered a particular skill set or knowledge. Some even have a “kajira” classification for slaves – a term which is taken straight from the John Norman GOR novels where men are Masters and all women either slaves or intentionally freed by said Masters. In fact in one of those silly BDSM quiz things you see online I was identified as a Gorean Master myself; a fact which I felt accurate according to the original descriptions in the books. Truthfully these are all appropriate uses of the term, but there is also a much deeper meaning. So what does it mean to me to call myself a Master?

This is a matter which has been bouncing around in my head for quite some time, the origin of which happened some time ago while I was attending the BOLD conference in 2013. I sat in on a panel led by Master Bert on this very topic; what it means to be a Master, and to wear that title like a badge of honor and identification.

He related a story to us about a rite of passage for the young men of a certain tribal village in a remote, primitive area. In this rite, the young men must prove their readiness to step into manhood by climbing a nearby mountain, and returning safely to the village.

The first step in their journey is to go into the forest, and cut a small tree trunk to make a walking staff for their trek up the mountain. The staff is of course a practical tool, but more importantly it is a symbol of their commitment to the journey. Not just the journey up the mountain, but their journey into manhood itself; a commitment to become a man.

He equated our use of the term Master as a similar commitment to become a Master, to take up the mantle of Mastery, and commit to the lifelong journey towards this ideal.

To make a pact with oneself to work daily to become the Master of our own life, our own behavior and our own destiny. I was mesmerized and fascinated by the discussion and the concept has been rattling around my head ever since. “Am I ready for this commitment?” “What will others think about my use of the term at my level of experience?” So many quiet little doubts in my mind, preventing me from taking that first step in the commitment to the journey. As you can tell I’m a pretty deep thinker and have learned to not take important steps too quickly or lightly.

But there have been many changes in my life this year, many steps in a positive direction, and after a long and deep discussion about this and many other aspects of the D/s, M/s lifestyle with a friend yesterday, at last I feel I am ready to commit to the journey.

It matters not how others perceive the choice, or if anyone even notices. What matters is that I have made it.

I am in charge of my own destiny. I am in charge of my own life. I am in charge of my own behavior and attitude. I have made my staff, and committed to the journey. It is time.

I am a Master.

Slave Contracts: Part Two

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Welcoming partner

“A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it is written on.” Samuel Goldwyn.

Last week, we presented two “slave contracts”; this week we will offer, as promised, some additional contracts. This group should fulfill all your “slave contract” needs.

But first, some additional observations are in order. (You can skip this section and get to the contracts; no one is watching. Other than Edward Snowden!)

Obviously, slave contracts are a great way to codify your BDSM relationship. Since memories are short, the slave’s duties can be spelled out exactly so there is no argument. And since they can be negotiated – as all contracts can – both Dominant and sub can be satisfied with the terms. But, I offer a couple of suggestions to consider before you sign on the dotted line.

First, from the sub’s point of view. DO NOT negotiate like you would when you are buying a car. Although the relationship can hang in the balance, you must always seem “sub-ly” (if there is such a word) and not be a “pushy submissive.” You can easily ruin the Dom/sub dynamic before you even start by being a “Dominant submissive.”
Second, from the Dom/me’s point of view. DO NOT use your position of Dominance to cajole the submissive into agreeing to terms he/she will later regret. On the other hand, do not cave in to all the sub’s demands (like the “Dominant as submissive” Christian Grey in Fifty Shades.) If you look like a wimp, many a sub will perceive you as a wimp and will walk all over you. Friendly negotiations are the best way to proceed.

And now, here is this week’s selection of slave contracts.

This first contract, and third in this series, is open ended; it is also part of the collaring ceremony. (We will, in future Kink Weekly issues, cover collaring from every point of view.) Much like a marriage, this slave contract/collaring is supposed to be forever. I love this contract; it is simple and to the point. Just add a termination/renewal date, a little negotiating and you have the basis for a killer relationship.

Collared Slave Agreement

Made this __________ day of _________ in the year 20_____, between __________________ hereinafter referred to as slave, and ______________________ hereinafter referred to as Master or Mistress,

Witnesseth: That the said slave, for and in good consideration and in humble appreciation of such care and attention as the said Master may choose to afford the slave, has given, granted and conveyed, and by these Presents does hereby give and convey unto the said Master; All of the slave’s body and each and every part thereof without reservation, every bit of the slave’s will as to all matters and things, and the entirety of the slave’s soul. To have and to hold, all and singular, the above described body, will, soul, and presence, to the Master and any of the Master’s Assigns until such time as the Master determines to the contrary.

The slave does hereby freely and voluntarily agree:

1. The slave shall immediately, diligently, and enthusiastically comply with and submit the slave’s full being to all directions or desires of the Master.

2. The slave shall offer, at all times, the Master absolute respect, shall address the Master only as “Master” or such other title as the Master shall direct, shall position the slave’s body in a physical position subordinate to the Master whenever possible, and shall speak to or otherwise distract the Master’s attention only when granted explicit permission to so do.

3. The slave shall diligently maintain the slave’s body parts in such circumstances as will demonstrate and ensure that they are fully open and available to the Master. In particular, the slave shall never close the slave’s legs in the Master’s presence, the slave shall never wear undergarments at any time, and shall cover no part of the slave’s body with apparel or material of any description, except when the act of doing so and the design of the item of apparel or material are expressly approved by the Master, and the slave shall keep the slave’s body parts clean shaven at the direction of the Master;

4. The slave shall preserve the slave’s body parts for the exclusive use of the Master and the Master’s Assigns, which use shall be the sole and exclusive source of the slave’s pleasure, and the slave shall engage in no act of self-gratification nor any physical contact with any other person, except at the express direction of, or permission by, the Master;

And, the slave does hereby irrevocably declare and acknowledge the slave’s everlasting and unconditional dedication to serving the Master to the Master’s full satisfaction, and the slave unashamedly confesses that prior indulgence of the slave’s untempered conduct by others may have permitted the slave to become afflicted with inferior habits that may prove unsatisfactory to the Master, from which imperfections the slave humbly implores the Master to free the slave by re-training the slave with corporal punishment, or any other means which the Master, in the Master’s unquestionable wisdom and experience, deems effective in directing the slave to the slave’s sole ambition and life destiny of perfectly fulfilling the Master’s every expectation of the slave.

In Witness Whereof, the slave has hereunto set the slave’s hand, and the Master has deigned to seal these Presents by affixing the Master’s collar around the slave’s neck, on this, the day first above written.
_____________________________________ slave

Signed by slave, whose collar was applied and who was delivered unto the Master on the date above-mentioned and in the presence of the below signed Witness or Witnesses.

_____________________________________ Witness
_____________________________________ Witness

Our second – and fourth in this series – slave contract is a rather technical one. I offer it to show you how detailed these contracts can get; you might need a lawyer to figure out some of these clauses. Still, the outline of the Master’s and slave’s responsibilities is clear and is a good indicator of the scope that a slave contract can entail. And its limited use of the safe word — except in extreme situations — is a good example of this type of slave contract.

Enslavement Contract

Of my own free will, I ___________________________, herein known as the Master, hereby accept you, __________________________, herein known as the slave, as my full responsibility and care, of both the slave’s body and mind as of:
the ____ day of ______, 20___, at ____:____ am / pm _____,
until
the ____ day of ______, 20___, at ____:____ am / pm _____.

This period of time will herein be known as the enslavement term.

The Master will command the slave at all times and will expect the slave to seek the Master’s comfort, pleasure and well-being, above all other considerations that the slave may have.

The Master accepts no responsibility for the slave’s pleasure during the relationship described in the Enslavement Documents, during the enslavement term. The Master may, at the Master’s discretion, administer pain or pleasure at any time. Upon disclosure of the slave’s desires for the Master’s consideration, the Master may or may not grant those pleasures desired by the slave. If desires are not disclosed by the slave, the Master takes no responsibility in the consequences of failure to disclose of the slave’s desires even if the slave is unable to communicate those desires to the Master. The Master will re-mold the slave’s body, habits, and attitudes to whatever the Master desires, within the scope of the Contract. If the slave does not change the slave’s actions and speech to express the slave’s changed habits and attitudes, the Master has every right to punish the slave for not adhering to the “Enslavement Contract” in any way the Master sees fit.

The Master expects the slave to learn how to please the Master better. The Master may instruct the slave in any way the Master feels appropriate The Master may administer criticism to the slave in any way the Master feels appropriate. If the slave does not understand the criticism, the way it has been communicated by the Master, the Master accepts no responsibility for the consequences of the slave not understanding.

The Master expects all rights to privacy or concealment of the slave to be revoked to the Master. The Master has the right to ask any question of the slave and has the right to expect the slave to answer truthfully and completely, to the best of the slave’s knowledge. If the Master suspects that the slave is not disclosing the best answer to the slave’s knowledge, the Master may interrogate the slave to acquire the best answer to the slave’s knowledge. The Master understands and agrees that any failure by the slave to comply fully with the Master’s desires shall be regarded as sufficient cause for any punishment the Master deems appropriate The Master also understands and agrees that if at any time the Master disregards the terms in the Enslavement Contract, the slave at that time can dissolve all contracts by uttering the termination word. The termination word is the only safe word that exists during the enslavement term, since all limits of the slave are described herein.
Within the limits of the Contract, the Master has the right to do anything the Master may choose to do with the slave, whether as punishment, for the Master’s amusement, or for whatever purpose the Master desires, no matter how painful, unpleasant, or uncomfortable to the slave.

The Master agrees to take all the experiences that occur during the enslavement term, that transpire in the relationship that has been described in the Enslavement Documents, as a chance to learn and grow, and use them to improve the relationship between the Master and slave, both during the enslavement term and possibly after the enslavement term.

Signed by, _______________________________, the Master,
and

signed by, _______________________________, the slave,

dated this ____ day of ______, 20____.


Much like a Las Vegas buffet, you can mix and combine these contracts to best suit your needs. There is no such thing as a “standard contract.” Yes, a Master/Mistress will be pushing boundaries; but these boundaries are open to negotiation. After all, it is YOUR relationship!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Slave Contracts: Part One

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Welcoming partner

“The elephant in the room.” You’ve heard that expression a million times. For us at Kink Weekly, the “elephant in the room” is Fifty Shades of Grey. It has brought a kinda-sorta BDSM consciousness to the masses; its effects, both good and bad, cannot be ignored. This article will not address the pros and cons of this film, but rather it will expand on one of the most discussed aspect of it – slave contracts. While BDSM styles, protocols and rituals come and go, slave contracts endure. Slave contracts, to this day, are an integral part of many D/s and BDSM relationships. Why?

First, they are sexy. One cannot get hotter than a paragraph that says, “I will devote myself completely and totally to the pleasure and desires of my Master…”

Second, they remind the Dom/me and the sub of their duties during the term of the contract.

Third, they do render a small amount of legal protection were issues of consent to arise. (One cannot legally consent to being beaten; but a contract with the word “consensual” in it can mitigate some legal concerns.)

Finally, they are fun.

As an exclusive to Kink Weekly, we have compiled a number of slave contracts. After all, one size does NOT fit all. Surely, with the selection we are presenting, you will find a template that fits your needs. And remember, these contracts are subject to negotiation!

This first contract is the one I use. It is not open ended, has some great general rules and contains a safe word. (Although some High Protocol Masters eschew the safe word, I always use it.) This contract covers a lot of the bases – especially addressing “Work Rules of Conduct.” And the “I” is in lower case to reinforce submission!

Master/Mistress and Slave

Of my own free will and out of a desire to express my love and devotion to the man (woman) i love and adore, i offer myself in slavery to my Master for the period beginning on __________ and ending at noon on_____________.
Although i consider myself to be slave full-time to Master, during the time period expressed above, i will devote myself completely and totally to the pleasure and desires of my Master, without hesitation or consideration of myself or others.

General Rules

The slave agrees to obey her Master in all respects. his/her mind, body, heart and time belong to Him . The slave accepts the responsibility of using her safe word (red!) or safe signal (to be agreed upon) when necessary, and trusts implicitly in her Master to respect the use of that safe word. If a condition arises in which the slave needs to use the safe word or gesture, her Master will assess the situation, and determine an appropriate course of action.

The slave shall keep her body available for the use of her Master at all times. In addition, the slave agrees that her Master possesses the right to determine whether others can use her body and what use they may put it to. The Master will discuss all such instances in advance with the slave, to be certain that such play with others will not violate any established limits. The slave shall demonstrate her acceptance of her role of service and availability at all times while at home and at other times and places specified by her Master. The slave acknowledges that her Master may use her body or mind in any manner He wishes within the parameters of safety. He may hurt her without reason to please Himself. The slave enjoys the right to cry, scream or beg, but accepts the fact that these heartfelt expressions will not affect her treatment. Further, she accepts that if her Master tires of her noise, he may gag her or take other actions to silence her.

The slave will answer any questions put to her honestly and directly, and will volunteer any information her Master should know about her physical or emotional condition. While her Master expects His slave to speak honestly and forth rightly about anything that bothers her, she is not to interpret that as permission to whine or complain. she will phrase her concerns politely and respectfully, and then gracefully accept her Master’s judgment in these matters without further complaint.
The slave will always speak of her Master in terms of love and respect. She will address him at all times as either “Master” or “Sir” (see Public Rules of Conduct).

The Master may give the slave “free periods” in His presence during which the slave may express herself openly and freely. There will be no punishments applied during “free periods.” It is understood, however, that the slave will continue to address her Master with respect and love at all times and that deviations from the rule are subject to punishment at a later time.
The slave agrees that severe punishment may be assessed for any infraction of the letter or spirit of the contract, and will accept the correction gratefully. The form and extent of the punishment shall be at the Master’s pleasure, and the Master shall make it clear to the slave that she is being punished when punishment occurs. The Master shall endeavor not to inflict physical harm upon the slave that might require the attention of anyone outside the relationship. Master and slave agree that in extremes either may activate a free period by using the safe word. The free period will continue until both parties agree that the problem(s) concerned are resolved.

The slave is permitted to engage in any and all activities not actively forbidden by the contract or by later edict of the Master. All rights and privileges not otherwise noted in this contract belong to the Master, and He may exercise them as He chooses.

Private Rules of Conduct

On days when her Master is at work, the slave will greet Him wearing her collar, wrist restraints, and a shirt belonging to her Master. She will wear no underclothes in His presence unless given permission. On days when the Master is home, the slave will wear whatever is deemed appropriate by her Master. When in the same room as her Master, the slave will ask permission before leaving the room, explain where she is going, and why. At mealtimes, the slave will serve her Master, and sit at His feet while He eats. Food for the slave will be given by the Master at His discretion. When speaking to her Master or being spoken to by Him, the slave will assume a demeanor of alert attention and will meet her Master’s eyes directly, unless instructed to do otherwise.

Public Rules of Conduct

The slave will conduct herself at all times in such a manner as to not call attention to Master and slave. she will call her Master/Mistress by His/Her name only if the use of “Master” is inappropriate. The slave will defer to her Master in public. The slave may dress herself, but must seek approval of any clothing she wishes to wear in public. Unless specifically stated otherwise, the slave may not wear panties.

Work Rules of Conduct

No part of the agreement is intended to interfere with the slave’s career. The Master wishes the slave to work hard and honestly, in general to conduct herself in a manner calculated to bring honor and respect to them both. During periods of work, the slave is permitted to schedule appointments, to dress in a manner appropriate to work, and to leave the house when necessary. During periods of work, the slave may answer the telephone and discuss business without the expressed permission of her Master. With my signature below, i agree to accept and obey all preceding rules as well as any rules my Master may choose to issue at a later date. i gratefully consign by body and soul to my Master for His pleasure and use for the contract period noted above.

_____________________________________________ slave __________________ Date

I accept My slave’s desire to serve Me more fully, and take responsibility for her well-being, training and discipline to more perfectly serve My will.

_________________________________________ Master/Mistress _________________ Date

For those of you who wish a shorter, more general and yet more sexually based slave contract, I offer the following:

Slave Contract

This contract sets out the conditions of mutual consent under which _________________________ is to be held in sexual bondage and the terms of her enslavement.

Of my own free will, I offer myself in slavery to my Master/Mistress for the period beginning on __________ and ending at noon on_____________.

This contract also affirms that she/he shall be offered the use of a safe word (safe word: _______), the use of which in any situation whatsoever automatically stops any activity at that time.

Slave also has the right to cancel any and all conditions of this contract at any time.

Conditions:
I accept sexual use and abuse of my body while under discipline for any purpose.
I accept that I shall be placed in and kept under strict discipline within the negotiated time limit.
I accept any form of punishment meted out to me while under discipline.
I accept any form of restraint and chastisement, administered as Master desires.
I accept that the various forms of torment to which I am to be subjected may cause suffering. I wish it to be known through this document that I am aware that any such suffering is part of my training program.
I accept that I am subject to the absolute rule of my Master and those to whom he delegates that rule. This may be taken to mean that I am subject to sale, exchange, or loan without redress to those of corresponding status with my Master, but only within the context of this contract.
I accept that subtle rebellion is expected of me, and lack of it taken to the point of docility is likely to terminate this contract.
I accept that no form of disobedience will be tolerated when in the company of my Master, other Masters or Mistresses and slaves and that I must conduct myself precisely as instructed on each specific occasion.
I accept that I remain under the disciplinary code imposed by this contract at all times and am bound by it’s terms and conditions in all situations, whether closely supervised or not.

I _________________________, do set my signature to this document of my own free will, thus becoming the property of _____________________________, in full understanding that I may be used for any sexual or disciplinary purpose whatsoever, without prior limits.

SIGNED: _____________________________________ slave Date: ____________

SIGNED: _____________________________________ Master Date: ____________

Next week, we will be presenting two more slave contracts, one of which will include collaring. With this selection, we hope you
can find the right slave contract for your relationship.

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Dexx Interviews Master Gabriel

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master gabriel

Dexx: You’re the creator of the Gentleman In Charge event, you teach the BDSM 201 class series, and you create leather products under the Ravynblood Leather brand. For many you’re also known as the voice of DomCon in LA and Atlanta. So, I guess if you go back a little ways, how did you first find yourself coming into the BDSM community?

Master Gabriel: Well, actually I first stepped foot into the Sanctuary in Reseda. A friend of mine at the time had seen some of the leatherwork that I’d done. We thought perhaps we could get something going and he suggested possibly going to talk to Mistress Cyan and see what she thought of the leather goods and see if it might be a worthwhile venture to try out. So that was my first step in and that was some many years ago, probably a good eight to ten years ago. Of course before then I was playing behind closed doors and didn’t even know there was an actual community at that point in time. So that was my first introduction into the actual community of BDSM.

So you have a degree in psychology I believe?

I do.

And do you think that that has helped you in terms of understanding the roles in BDSM and finding your own role that you like and educating others in terms of the different aspects of BDSM?

I wish it helped me more often than I thought because it really does but when you get up close and personal for some reason what you know about psychology just goes out the door. But in general, yes it helps me understand the roles a little bit better. It helped me to kind of understand the inner workings of the community as a whole, not necessarily as helpful up close and personal because as I mentioned typically when you get into a relationship with somebody it’s –there’s so much passion and so much energy going on you don’t really pay attention to those fine details.

Right –so the Gentleman In Charge (GIC) event seems to have become quite popular at Sanctuary. What lead you to creating that?

Actually, this is the brainchild of Mistress Cyan. She brought me in on it in order to start it up and run it. I had been mentoring under her and she thought I’d be a good fit for running it. Of course, then the only thing that we had in mind was creating a male Dom/female sub evening. At that point in time WICK, which is Women In Charge of Kink had been running with some relative success for about a year or so and she wanted to make sure there was a male Dom/femsub side to it as well. So we hit the ground running and took the reigns and its been going ever since.

So how is GIC different form other play parties?

It’s way different than other play parties. It’s specifically male Dominant/female sub, there’re not that many male Dom/femsub specific clubs in southern California so there’s not really much to choose from in that regard. In particular, from the get go our team understand that this meant for male Doms and female subs but we felt it needed to be a safe place for the female subs to come to. Otherwise it’s just any old meat market and we didn’t want that. We wanted to make sure it was a safe place for new people and people who are long term in the scene as a fem sub to be there without fear of having to do whatever any dominant that approaches them says. Which is partly why we utilize the red ribbon system where you can pin on a red ribbon if you’re interested in talking about potential play. It leaves that particular bit of control in the women’s hands, that way they can at least show if they’re interested in talking or if they’re just there to spectate.

Do you think that’s been an issue at other male Dom/femsub play parties in the past- that they can be quite intimidating for the females because its sort of open season for the males to think they can do as they please?

I think there’s a sense that that might be the case. Whether that’s what actually goes on in those clubs or not is dependent highly on the individual clubs. But I think that the intimidation is there and to make it open and make it well known that our interest is to make sure its not that kind of a night, not that kind of a club, I think that’s what’s important.

And it’s billed as a high protocol event. What does that entail?

Well for GIC specifically we bill it as high protocol simply because we make sure the gentlemen are there as gentlemen. We enforce a dress code both for the men and women just to make sure that the evening is more classy or make sure that its seen that way. As far as protocol in general, we really leave that open to the specific dynamic you come in with. Also if you come in with your own lady and you have your own protocol we make room for that. But certainly the feel is there. We want to make sure that gentlemanly Dom is the overall energy of the evening and that lends itself to the specific dynamics.

Great-would you recommend that as an event for people who are brand new to the scene?

Most definitely. Every month we get a ton of new people that are coming in there. Several people will send new people that they learn of and talk to in the scene, specifically because of the kind of night it is. It’s not the meat market type of event, you do have the availability to say whether or not you’re just there to watch or if you actually want to interact or not. The gentlemen that are there on average do act like gentlemen. We do make sure we have both male and female dungeon monitors. That way the females that are there do have somebody they can go to. They don’t feel like its just male run. So its very much well structured for that. Also on the flip side of this, at the beginning of the evening we have our discussions. That ranges from anything from negotiations to dynamics we’ll bring guest speakers and that runs for a good half hour or so at the beginning for education for the entire community. I leave that open as an interactive discussion on purpose because we want to make sure we get everybody there interacting. Its not there to be just somebody up there talking and lecturing. We want to make sure everybody participates including the new people. A lot of new people have questions that they really don’t feel as if they can ask at someplace like a class. That’s the place to do it.

In your 201 class series, you cover some advanced topics. Some of them involve dynamics and psychology of D/s relationships others touching on some areas some people consider to be edge play like needles knives and fire play. How did you come to learn those skills?

I learned directly from my mentor Mistress Cyan. Others were 101 training that were taken throughout the year, some is cross over from things that I’d learned such as martial arts. I’ve been drawing from Boy Scouts, personal exploration. So it’s from there and a lot of it is a mixture of all of thee above.

Do you think that people that enjoy BDSM tend to gravitate towards more edge and advanced play over time or do you think some people are more content to stick to the more conventional play like spanking, floggers and power exchange?

No, I really think a lot of them gravitate more towards the conventional play like flogging and power exchange. Not everybody is into edge and that’s perfectly fine. Everybody has different styles of play. The vast majority is conventional.

Do you ever have people that attend some of the classes and find themselves getting a bit squeamish?

I haven’t come across that yet. Usually I make it pretty well known what is generally going to happen in those classes. For the most I think people know ahead of time what to expect. So I haven’t come across anybody who has become squeamish yet- or at least not that they’ve told me.

And do you know of anybody yourself that has suffered unintended injuries trying out some edgier things? Perhaps not as a result of your class but just in general in the scene?

I haven’t seen too much in the way of it. Now there have been instances in the past that I’ve heard of and you know its kind of like rock climbing, you know that there are dangers that are involved in it. So there is the possibility for potential problems. I haven’t had the experience of having too much of that happening. You usually hear a whole lot about it but in my experience its better to be well prepared for something even if its not going to happen. The possibility of it makes it a necessity to be prepared for it

Do you have any advice for people who are curious about trying out some of those things but they live somewhere where it’s harder to find classes about those topics?

Well, I would go on the online classes, read obviously, there are a lot of books even on edge play. There’s a book called Play Piercing, that’s specifically on needles. Jay Wiseman has written several books on topics including knife play. There’s plenty of literature out there these days that are open and available for it

Your submissive birdy also seems to teach quite a few classes. More of the submissive oriented ones. You two seem to be a pretty good match in terms of you both being quite well known figures now as BDSM educators.

The whole House has been doing quite well with the classes and such, we have the Submissive Training Series that birdy has done. Prior to that we had the Submissive Bootcamp earlier in the year. Starr, my other submissive will be doing the next submissive bootcamp in the coming year. Of course there’s GIC and BDSM 201 but also the SoCal Poly Support Group that birdy runs. We do various conventions and such, we even have LA Next Gen which is run by Mister Gear which is also a member of the house. I have several fingers in several pies.

So that’s your House Ravynblood your talking about? Tell me more about that.

That’s my household. I’m the head of house. Ultimately it’s a group of like-minded thinkers. We’ve gotten together over the last few years or so. We’ve grown to be much larger than I ever expected it would actually be. It started up a little over a year ago, about a year and half at this point. And the first members of course were myself and Mister Gear. Vee came in the mix shortly after that. Ultimately, there’s a protocol guide, a household guide that we all follow and our major creed over the household is “to love, to honor, to respect” and we do try to get out in the community and make sure we’re teaching and putting that energy back into the community that we love.

I’m sure people often ask if you all live together?

It’s not a physical household in that we all live in the same house. It’s a household in that we all are like-minded and connected by the protocol. Together at one point in time or another, they’ve all served under the household. So the household is really what we conglomerate under. So when we put out the SoCal Poly Support Group, when we put out the upcoming Dom Training series all of that is under the household. And we all help each other to make it work.

Within the household, you mentioned you’re the head of the household. Are there other defined roles or statuses that people have?

In general yes. There are other dominants in the house. In fact Mister Gear just gained a dominant status. So in relation to say the structure of it you would come into the house, there is a period of time where you are evaluated. Then at that point in time if we feel that both ends are a match then you are welcomed in the household but at that point you are not given a title at all. You have to undergo what we call standards; standardized sections of information-some of them are discussions, some of them are projects. You do have to finish those in order to update your status in the household. Whether that’s submissive or dominant we also have “compeer” which is kind of a switch type of position. Those are various positions in the house. So really in regards to dominant and submissive, they’re pretty much on the same level across the board it’s simply a matter of dynamic rather than position.

How could somebody join the household if they were interested in that?

Well that’s all in our protocol guidebook which of course you would not have seen but as far as our protocol goes in regards to becoming a part of the household –the house as a whole will look at that and see if we’d like to entertain putting that person through a period of evaluation. Of course as the head of house I have the final say so regardless of what the house votes I am the final say on it. After you’ve been brought in for evaluation-there’s three to six months of evaluation where both the house is kind of evaluating that person as well as giving that person a chance to feel out the house and make sure it’s the right fit in both directions. Because if it’s not something you end up feeling that you want after a six month period of time then it’s probably not for you. It’s probably not something that you would be very invested in and that’s ok.

And have there been people who have either been turned down or have decided not to pursue that?

It hasn’t happened yet. But it might happen; I don’t now what the future holds. Obviously the future held a lot more people in the household than I expected to begin with.

Just generally do you have advice for somebody who’s new to BDSM that wants to be dominant?

Actually, I’ll be starting up a Dominant Training series at the beginning of the year. That spun off of the current BDSM 201 that I’ve got. In general, really it can be online classes, YouTube has plenty of things on there that you can gleam from. Read. I can’t emphasize that enough even if its audio books. There are tons of things on audio right now that are kink and BDSM related. Of course you can start off with the book BDSM 101 its for beginners in general. I highly suggest especially as a dominant to seek outside of that as well. There’s a fantastic book called Nudge. It has nothing to do with the scene what so ever but is on the mental devices that we as humans have that alter our decisions. There’s also another book, Mistakes Were Made But Not By Me and it’s all about deception. And that in itself changed my entire perception on how to discipline myself and discipline in general and kind of utilizing that for discipline and behavior modification for others. And of course there’s also podcasts. There’s the Fearless Submissive podcast, the TED radio hour -you’ll learn about both sides of the slash.

As a dominant you don’t want to limit yourself to just learning about being a dominant. Learn about the submissive side. Understand who it is your working with. What it is that your working with in general? What they’re going to see from their angle. And then think outside the box. Once you know the basics, once you have the basic skills the basic idea of what it is to be a dominant, work outside of that. Draw from what you now. You’ve been in marital arts? Fantastic you can draw from that. I can’t tell you how many things that I have in my protocol that I’ve drawn from my martial arts background. Boy Scouts, I’m an eagle scout, I’ve drawn tons of information from it. Most of the things that are in my household’s standards are drawn from Boy Scouts. You have skills, hobbies, do you know how to boot shine can you learn how to boot shine, can you learn just general skill over all that you can utilize in the scene? There’s tons of information out there that really has nothing to do with the scene in general but can be applied.

It seems like there are quite a few classes around for many of the technical skills involved in being a dominant whether its tying rope or impact but not that many in terms of actually the dominant mindset and your confidence and body language and perhaps inspiring submission in somebody who wants to take on that role. So, do you have advice for how people can get into that mindset a bit more and develop themselves?

Posture and breathing. Posture and breathing are two huge things that can help you get into that mindset. Far to often we slouch throughout the day and by the simple act of straightening your back and bringing your shoulders even has an immense impact. When I first started training Mister Gear for his dominance, that was the first step that we took, to straighten out his posture. Now that doesn’t mean you have to walk around like that all of the time but it changes the way that you look at things, it changes the way that you see things. It changes how you feel about yourself. And that in turn changes how you act and how you act towards others. Now you’d be surprised that by doing that simple little act how much more dominant you feel and again breathing; one thing that I have several in my household working on right now again drawing from martial arts, its called “One Conscious Breath,” and that’s the simple act of drawing in a breath and letting back out and not just breathing but focusing only and solely on nothing else but that breath. It lends such a clarity and peace of mind, it helps to refocus and again those little things, those simple little acts can change how you are change your dominance drastically.

It sounds like you’ve drawn quite a lot from martial arts which you’ve done. Which martial arts have you done and how long have you been doing those for?

The martial arts that I was in, I haven’t done it for a few years now was called Mugei Mumei no Jitsu-which roughly translates to “no art no hand.” And ultimately it was a bit unconventional I’d have to say. I learned quite a different smattering of things. It’s a combination art and really was kind of built from various martial arts so was drawn from ju-jitsu and kenjitsu and several others to kind of a melting pot into a different art all together. But between that and as you mentioned before the psychology background it really changes how you look at things, that how things don’t necessarily need to be exactly what they are presented as….you can do so much more.

Do you think that at some point, BDSM could benefit from having some kind of standardized training progression system particularly for dominants where you can measure progression similar to how you have in martial arts?

I think it could benefit greatly from standardization. Not necessarily that is needs to all be the same. The reason for standards in my household is not because that’s the end all be all of what you need to know. The standards are simply only basic to take care of somebody who might be dropping, how to recognize drop, things that really even basic players should really learn and know. And what that does for me as the head of household, it gives me a peace of mind that any member of my household can be anywhere at any time and I don’t have to be there. I know they know the basics, I know they know what they’re doing in those particular realms. Now that doesn’t mean that they are the best at flogging, that doesn’t mean that they’re the best at anything, that just means they know their basics. They know their basic skills. Now really everybody actually should know how to bandage a wound. Most people don’t even have a first aid kit in their bag.

So what attributes define a great dominant?

I’ve met so many great dominants. I will say a sense of patience and the ability to step away from a situation, to look at it from the big picture. I think that really is a factor that you see across the board. Most great dominants that you see in the scene they have that uncanny ability to step away and not let something rile them up even though by all rights could, to be able to step back and take a look at the big picture and act accordingly to respond rather than react to the situation.

You produce leather products under the RavynBlood Leather brand. How long have you been working leather for?

Well I’ve been working leather for-well my first job at Candy was way back when in 1996 and then I think I was fiddling with leather for a few years before that. So for a long long time. Learned a lot of tricks over the years. But I do currently run Ravynblood Leather. I normally have a booth out at DomCon LA. Occasionally here and there I will have a booth out at Sanctuary Marketplace coming up at the end of November. That’s really the only places that you’ll see it these days. I’ve really shifted focus. I like to keep my leather fun and doing it all the time for a full time business just isn’t fun so I like to do it here and there so that way I can experiment with things, play with it a little bit more and have some fun.

What’s involved for a layman who doesn’t know anything about leather working. What’s involved in turning the materials you source into a product like a collar?

Something like a collar-well you’re talking about straight edging and strap cutting it which basically means you’re cutting out the strip itself from a hide because they haven’t perfected the art of growing cows in squares yet. So they kind of come in wonky shapes. And for those who are in the know of leather, there are certain areas you really want to avoid on a cowhide. That’s something that only a person who’s been working with leather for years would know. You definitely want to bevel those edges, make sure its not scratchy on the skin. You can do any kind of design you want to do on it. If you’re savvy with tools, you can actually tool in it. These days most times you’ll see rings, so now you’ll have to punch holes for those small pieces, rivet off the pieces of leather, rivet up the buckle and finish it up. A little bit more work than a cut in paste (laughs)

(Laughs) And where did the name RavynBlood come from?

I don’t get asked that question too often. Actually that came from my family background. In my family we have quite a bit of native heritage. And the one native heritage that we managed to get the most information about in our tree, actually their primary motive for their tribe plan, was the raven. In that particular group, the raven was the only creature in the universe that was capable of keeping one foot firmly in the mainland, what we see and what we know, and one foot in the other world. It was the only creature able to go back and forth like that. So, I actually have native blood of the raven, hence RavynBlood. Initially that was just for the leather booth, and as things went that name stuck to me and kind of became part of my name over all and hence the household name was spawned under that name.

I hear you’re writing a book? How’s that coming along?

I actually am now writing two books. I’m writing a book in regards to household structure and how to build households. And that’s drawing from my experience as well as drawing from other experiences from other dominants that I personally know in the scene. I’m kind of combining all of those together a little bit to give people a better understanding of how these things come about and how to do it themselves. Parts of that have spun off into the gentleman dominant and there will be a whole other book following up with that.

That’s great, I look forward to when those two come out. Do you have a timeframe for them?

I’m hoping they’ll be out by the end of next year. I’ve got the first rough draft partly done already for the household book. That’ll be the first to come out. Hopefully the following year I’ll have the secondary book-The Gentleman Dom.

Master Gabriel is the Head of Household with House RavynBlood. He produces Gentlemen in Charge and Sanctuary Marketplace at Sanctuary LAX, is the Lead Educator of the BDSM 201 Education Series, and “the voice of DomCon LA.” You can view his Ravynblood Leather goods here.

Opinion: The roles that bind

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woman handcuffed

Why I feel a switch is more of a master than a master

The reason I’m writing this is to help those who have hit a wall and have finally stopped believing everyone who refers to them as such just because they typed it on a screen when creating a profile – but rather hears the quiet voice in their head that speaks only the truth that they can no longer ignore.

Mastery as a Verb (Not as a TPE, management of slaves, or anything else, just a verb)
As a verb, (which is the only definition I personally feel fits “Master” in the context of a kinkysexual lifestyle), is defined as:

1. To acquire complete knowledge or skill in an accomplishment, technique, or art.

2. gain control of; overcome.
synonyms: learn, become proficient in, know inside out, know (frontward and) backwards; pick up, grasp, understand; get the hang of

If one were to call themselves “Master”, they are saying they know something “inside out”. The only type of kinkysexual I have personally experienced that knows kink “inside out” is a switch.
If you believe you are a master who knows kink “inside and out” without ever bottoming, this article is not for you – yet, or perhaps ever. So you can stop reading now, but feel free to bookmark this if anything ever changes.

Moving on, I’ve bottomed to, and even served, leather masters now and again over the last 20 years and I found those who never switched knew the out very well, but not the inside – you can’t say anything to these people, just don’t return their calls and emails.
So how can we call a person who never bottomed “master” without quietly saying to ourselves “I’m just going to be polite and call that person master so as to avoid making any waves.” I don’t have an answer.

Mastery is Overcoming
To master something, one overcomes. If kink is the only thing in life you feel you have mastered, then this may be hard to understand.

What does a master who never bottoms overcome? Carpal-tunnel syndrome?

For someone who never bottoms, where is the fear? Where is the fear to overcome? Does one even know what the fear feels like when one never experiences giving up total control?

So in a sub-conclusion, a switch, by definition, has done the work that other masters in other disciplines must do to earn the title master. However, and ironically, switches do not usually claim the title master out of humility and desire to remain unchained to words. That is why I feel switches should be considered masters of kink.

Enslavement to Roles
If you are enslaved to a role, can you be a master or even a slave to another master? (That’s a question only you can answer for yourself.)

Thousands of years ago, it was written in a fantastic story book, also referred to as a “bible” by some: “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.”

For me, I feel as a global kinkysexual community, we are becoming more and more enslaved to roles like top and bottom, dominant and submissive, and master and slave, that I have seen tend to hinder, not broaden, sexual experiences.

Roles in Relationships as Opposed to Play
You may have a default comfort in relationships like me. I’ve never had a relationship where I’m a submissive or slave because outside of the kink of submission itself to simply have mind blowing orgasms, it doesn’t make me happy or I haven’t found anyone who could inspire submission or surrender on a relationship level – until that happens, I will never really know, but since there’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to submission or surrender, I will keep an open mind.

Actually, the best sexual experiences I’ve ever had in my life were with kinkysexuals who refuse to adopt a role, but adopt and accept themselves, and do whatever the hell they feel like at the moment – now that’s dominating life and society’s nonsense in my opinion. Consequently, over the years, I have become more and more inspired to free myself of “role bondage” by these marvelous and powerful creatures who had no shackles to bare.

Is Mastery outside of Kink the same as Mastery in Kink?
In martial arts, a master has a long history of enduring pain, the physical pain when struck and the emotional pain of defeat when bested by their master over and over again. I know of no masters in martial arts who only kick others and never receive a kick themselves. And if you have a traditional martial arts training experience, you’re basically a slave without the sex and play.
In naval traditions, masters of a ship had to start out as midshipmen. They endured the humiliation and challenge of recruit training and service on a ship before becoming a master of their own ship.
The examples go on and on.

So that begs the question…why is being a master in kink any different?

The simple answer: It really isn’t. Why?

To top or bottom is more of an act than a role, like being a punching bag for your martial arts master and fellow students. However, many act as though both top and bottom are roles that bind because they think everyone else believes acts define us as human beings, when acts actually enrich us – and heaven forbid others think of us as not conforming to those standards in kink that keep us cool, palatable and acceptable.

What really happens is that the roles obfuscate the need for knowledge and awareness so as it cannot be obtained by a shackled mind. If you must have a role, I feel the best role in kink is “perpetual student” and when your white flogger has turned black over the years, you’ve become a master.

Effects of the Roles that Bind
I have met many who identify as one role and act outside of that role with guilt, turmoil, or shame. We would have a stronger community if we supported, not judged or exiled, other kinkysexuals who venture out beyond their initial programming no matter where it takes them in kink.

Conclusion
Again, if you’re happy and smiling in your role, keep up the good work. This is for those who are expanding beyond their initial roles and feel bad about it.

I’m not saying that there is no one who is a total slave in kink. I’m saying that if you suspect a role is what’s keeping you in a holding pattern, it’s time to ask yourself – “why isn’t kink making me smile anymore?”

We are human, which means we can be more than roles if we choose. There is not one right way, but many. Consequently, roles can sometimes fool us into thinking there is “one way” to be and “one way” to experience kink.

We need freedom to be human and environments that stifle freedom only hinder our evolution and growth towards a more loving and compassionate community. I hope this article adds to an environment of acceptance of those who are hard to accept by others and themselves.

*As for social masters in the communities out there who were covered because of their service to their community, that’s a whole other animal and not what I am addressing here. I know plenty of covered masters who get down in all sorts of ways according to what turns them on – and that’s awesome in my book.

Since his introduction into the BDSM lifestyle in the early 90s, the “Kinkstar” Simon Blaise has shared his passion for BDSM with the world as an international presenter at BDSM/Leather events across the globe for the last 8 years. As an attorney, he has provided probono legal services to members of the BDSM, Leather and LGBT communities for the last 10 years. As a transgender person who lives equally as both a male and a female, he hopes to pave the way for others in our community to feel more comfortable about living authentically and openly. You can learn more about him here.

Do you agree that a switch is more of a master of BDSM than a master? Have your say below…

What is a master?

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Fetish Hand cuffs, collar, whip dominatrix

What exactly is a Master? (Or Mistress.) I have been asked this question so many times (almost as many times as slave vs. submissive!) that it demands an answer.

Only in the world of BDSM-D/s is the title “Master” self-anointed. A Master Electrician is one who is certified by a mobster-controlled union. A Master Auto Mechanic is one who is accredited by the ASE. (I said a Master Auto Mechanic, not an honest one!) To become a Karate Master you must win a black belt from a reputable Dojo (karate school). Only in BDSM can someone simply go online and instantly proclaim him or herself a Master! Until Kink Weekly offers a course for “BDSM Master” certification, I can only offer some guidelines as to what I believe a Master is.

A “Master” is a skilled, experienced and knowledgeable Dominant with the capability to own, train and command a slave or submissive. Even if one is a natural Dominant both in abilities and temperament, being a Master requires more than just that. I believe there is a list of things that a Master must know before he can call himself – and be called by others in the lifestyle – a “Master.” I will try to codify them. Since many people meet online – I think giving some guidelines as to what a Master is would be helpful. . Both for those who aspires to be a Master and for the slave or submissive who is looking for a Master.

A Master must have certain personal traits. Honesty, strength of character, the ability to communicate, the ability to inspire trust and respect, good judgment, self-control, patience, self-confidence tempered by dash of humility and a sense of humor are essential elements for a Master to possess. No one person can possess all of these traits. But a Master should have most of them and strive to work on those areas where he/she might be deficient. To be able to own, possess and control another person will require more than just proclaiming “you are mine.” This can work in a one-night stand; it will not work in a Master/slave relationship. Without these character traits, all the technical BDSM skills in the world will not a Master make.

Before I get into specifics, I would like to address two character traits I believe are critical to becoming a Master. One is “sense of humor.” I know it is fashionable for Doms to put on their “Dom face” and look as tough as possible. Even I wear sunglasses at night. And though a Master should not be cracking jokes like Louis C.K. (“This Dom walks into a dungeon…”) while training, scening with or when punishing a slave, a Master should still make the overall Master/slave experience fun. If a Master treats this whole process like an extension of the Inquisition, I believe that he/her will not be able to keep a slave for very long. Nor have much fun attempting it.

The other trait is being able to admit you made a mistake. Many Doms seem to think they cannot make – much less admit – a mistake. Everyone makes them. Everyone. There is no Doctrine of Dominant Infallibility. The ability to admit error, gracefully and without making excuses, is critical to the development of a Dom into a Master. Take this to the bank.

Now onto the technical requirements I feel one would need to get my accreditation as a BDSM Master, if such an accreditation existed.

One must be knowledgeable in BDSM and D/s. If there were a written test, it goes without saying that a Master would know every term in “Where Do I Begin, Part 1.” A Master should have read a lot about BDSM. (Amazon.com – search “bondage books.) The more you read, the more you know. And reading is still the best way to understand the mental dynamics of the Master/slave relationship – which is what a Master must have an understanding of.

Realtime experience is crucial. Even if one knows everything bookwise, he/she is still not a Master. I would think that some years experience in the lifestyle would be necessary. It has been said that the best Dominants have had experience as a submissive. This is open to debate. But what is not open to debate is that realtime BDSM and D/s experience is essential. It is one thing to know things theoretically – let’s say by extensive reading, online chatting, etc. – but there is nothing like “hands on” experience. (And in BDSM, “hands on” can be a lot of fun!)

A Master should have mastered (there is that word again!) many essential real time BDSM skills. At the very least, a Master should know proper and safe flogging-caning-cropping-paddling-spanking techniques, and know how to use most BDSM equipment (like the Saint Andrews Cross) safely and skillfully. A Master should know how to put a submissive into subspace and provide the proper aftercare. Although some Masters eschew public play, a Master should have gone to a bunch of play parties to get a feel for what others in the lifestyle are up to. Observing others at play parties – and joining local BDSM groups in your city and meeting others in the lifestyle – is the best way to learn these techniques.

I think a Master should have at least one specialty that he is truly an expert in. It might be fire play, breast bondage, wax play, caning, wielding a single tail whip, rope bondage, mummification, cupping, electric play or any one of a myriad of BDSM skills. (We will cover the how-to’s of most of these skills in future issues of Kink Weekly.) In this way, the Master not only earns respect from his/her peers, but can also teach these skills to others on their road to becoming a Master. Obviously, no one can be an expert in all areas. But a Master should strive to keep learning.

Finally, a Master should always practice safe sex and safe play. Keep in mind that becoming a Master is not a destination but a step in the BDSM journey. A fun journey.

Since we just covered the essential qualities a Master or Mistress should have, our next article in Kink Weekly will be “Submissive vs. Slave.” Between these two articles, you will start to grasp exactly what Masters and slaves are – and are not.

Do you agree with my definition of what a master is? Does it fit with the people you’ve met who describe themselves as masters or mistresses? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

by BAADMASTER
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.