master

Review: Locking / buckling wrist cuffs

July 29, 2017 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Dexx says:

Stockroom was kind enough to send us these leather cuffs to review, so we thought it would be rude not to strap anniebear into them and give her a good spanking. I can confirm that she was held firmly in place and despite some considerable moaning and squirming, she was quite unable to escape… mission accomplished.

These cuffs are part of the standard line of bondage accessories produced by Stockroom, hence the fairly plain sounding product name. They come in a range of colors, including black, pink, and red. We got the red ones, which look quite distinctive and never fail to attract a compliment when being used at a play party or dungeon.

The cuffs have a 2 inch wide main body which fit around the wrists, and then taper to thinner sections at either end. What this achieves is that the thin part can be tucked through and wrapped around the entire wrist. When compared with more traditional style cuffs, you get a much more comfortable and snug fit, and they are also especially robust and secure. Short of some heavy duty fabric shears, there’s no escaping these guys until the top says so!

The buckle features a loop, which allows you to attach padlocks to keep them properly locked if desired. There is also a sturdy D-ring, which is handy for attaching the cuffs to bed posts, dungeon furniture, or each other.

It took a couple of goes to fully understand how to loop them through to close them properly. But overall, these cuffs are sturdy, soft and reliable and I can see then becoming a regular feature of my toy box.

anniebear says:

I love the helplessness of bondage – it intensifies the power exchange of D/s play and helps me get into a great headspace. If you haven’t had a good spanking while helpless and bound, you haven’t lived.

Leather cuffs like these are great for fast and practical bondage. They may not have the same sensual art as rope bondage, but they get the job done.

There are enough size options that you should be able to get them closed nice and snug, but with enough room so that they are comfortable and don’t inhibit blood flow etc. I had them attached to a loft ladder pulling my wrists high and wide, and they are wide enough that I was comfortable in this position for at least 15 minutes. They aren’t suspension cuffs, so I wouldn’t want them taking my body weight, but fine for holding the weight of my arms.

I love the striking red that these ones came in. They come in some other colors too – I wouldn’t mind trying out the pink ones some time. There are also matching ankle cuffs which I bet would go great with a spreader bar – looking forward to testing those out another time. You can get this this exact pair from Stockroom. Make sure to come back and let us know what you think!

D-types: Knowing the Other Side

July 24, 2017 By Jenn Masri 4 Comments

My last article was about s-types “knowing the other side” – so now it’s time for the D-types out there. I realize this is typically a harder sell. There are many D-types that when it’s suggested just to feel what their implements for play feel like they answer with something along the lines of, “Hell no!” I get it. You’re not a masochist. That’s fine, I’m not telling you that you need to be. Just hear me out.

There is a spectrum that represents D-types who have experienced the s side of the slash. From those that have never bottomed to any kink implement nor considered themselves “in service” to anyone to those that spent years as an s-type on their journey to becoming a D-type and many, if not most, who fall somewhere in between.

Now I realize that if a D-type really doesn’t want to do something – I could suggest it until I’m blue in the face and it won’t matter. However, this article is for those that are at least open to the idea of understanding the s-side better. Two main categories to being on the s-side of the slash are bottoming and service. At the very least I suggest experiencing what your implements feel like, if not implements in general. I’m not suggesting this means you doing an entire scene or going super heavy. However, if you’re willing to push those limits then great.

If you’ve had experience in the military or martial arts you may have an idea of being “in service” to a higher ranking officer or sensei. This gives you a glimpse into service, however, it’s not quite the same. Try filling that role with another D-type that you trust – if you dare. Even just for an evening. ;)

I had a friend once, a lifestyle D-type for many years, who wanted to develop a deeper understanding for what his s-type felt like as well as experience what the violet wand felt like since he was looking to expand his Topping skills in this area. He decided to do this by attending a Female Dom / male sub party where he was required to be in the bottom/service role for the evening. He caught a lot of flak from the D-types there because many were his peers. He brushed off their taunting and went about what he was there for. He learned what a violet wand felt like as well as how it felt to serve for an evening. This, to me, was a testament to his Dominance. The fact that he was willing to set his ego aside in order to publicly experience what he did in order to grow as a D-type made me respect him even more than I already did.

I can honestly say that of the D-types/Tops I’ve played with – the ones who have spent time on the s-side of the slash were some of the absolute best. I’m not saying you can’t be a fantastic Top/D-type without doing this. However, there’s just another level of understanding that comes from the experience of putting yourself in the bottom/s-types shoes.

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

The New 24/7 Slave

July 17, 2017 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

In a previous kinkweekly.com article, The Dynamics of 24/7 D/s, I had opined on so-called 24/7 D/s relationships. I would like to expand on that article and offer a 24/7 plan that can work in our fast-paced and demanding society.

There are a lot of differing opinions when defining the phrase “24/7” as it applies to slaves and submissives. Technically, the precise definition of “24/7 slave” would have to mean exactly that — serving twenty-four hours, seven days a week. Nonstop. This works fine in the cyber world of idealized relationships. But in the real world, there are life considerations that usually make this impossible.

Taken literally, one could never be a 24/7 slave or sub unless one were totally detached from our basically vanilla world. Thus, the world of 24/7 Dom/me/sub relationships would be left to the unemployed, the independently wealthy, those without kids and/or those without any obligations outside of the slave serving Master or Mistress. This would eliminate all but a few of us. Thus, what we need is a realistic definition that everyone here can live with. A definition that works practically — but one that doesn’t water down the intent of the phrase “24/7 slave.” This can be especially useful for the “New Guard,” who seem to have interests in many other areas besides BDSM.

I think the key to defining a “new 24/7” lies not exclusively in the physical realm. You do not have to literally be at the Master’s or Mistress’s feet all the time. It is really the depth of dedication, not the weekly duration of service. (Of course there are purists who will disagree with me. But what is a debate without opposing views?) The key is to examine the emotional foundation of the Master/slave relationship.

What makes a slave a slave? Surely, slavery is illegal; “slave contracts,” appealing as they are, cannot be legally enforced. Master/slave is, and must be, a consensual agreement. But, it has to be more than just a “consensual agreement” if it is to have any meaning other than a semantic one. It must be more than just BDSM play and service to a Dominant figure. Since “slavery” is consensual, how exactly do we measure it? The key to “slavery” being more than just another form of dating lies in the fact that, at some point, the slave becomes bonded to her/his Master/Mistress in an incredibly deep way. At this point, the slave cannot leave the Master/Mistress without incredible amounts of mental agony; he/she is welded to the Master/Mistress; he/she needs the Master/Mistress to complete his/her existence. Once this point of mental enslavement and dedication is reached, it is, by definition, 24/7. The slave is owned without regard to the time of day or what he/she is doing. The Master or Mistress owns the slave all the time, whether he/she is working at a job, at the DMV or on safari in Africa.

Thus, we can define 24/7 Master/slave as a mental state rather than a physical one. Using this definition, the slave is owned, emotionally and mentally, twenty four hours, seven days a week. Even when apart, the slave’s world revolves around the Master/Mistress — whether the slave is physically with the Owner or not. Once in this TPE “slavespace,” the actual number of hours and days served per week is irrelevant. The slave can be at a job, applying for a loan, or even be at a PTA meeting. As long as the slave is mentally connected to his/her Owner 24/7, then we can effectively say he/she is a “24/7 slave.”

This is one compelling reason for the collar. Worn at all times, it serves as a constant reminder that the slave is connected and owned by the Master or Mistress – twenty-four hours, seven days a week. The collar also has its spiritual component; it symbolizes the Owner’s touching the slave’s neck at all times. It is, to many of us, a lot more than just a vanilla necklace. Besides the collar, technology, such as cellphones, can connect the slave to the Master or Mistress at all times no matter how far apart they might be. 24/7 is a bit easier now than it was in the pay phone era. (“Slave, keep a roll of quarters on you at all times!”)

But does eliminating the physical 24/7 requirement make it easy to be a 24/7 slave? Of course not. To be a slave, 24/7 or otherwise, requires trust, devotion and the need to serve one’s Master. So, to those of you who want to own or be a 24/7 slave, this article offers yet another approach. Keep in mind, that when you wear your Master’s or Mistress’s slave collar, you wear it 24/7. You are owned 24/7. Even if you are on safari!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

The Big Question

March 20, 2017 By Baadmaster 5 Comments

In the world of BDSM, there are a number of questions that will instantly start a heated debate. No, I don’t mean, “Is President Trump a submissive?” – although that can start an argument in a New York minute. What I mean are questions like, “Slave versus submissive?” “What makes a Master?” and “Is BDSM play integral to a D/s relationship?” (I have addressed some of these questions here on kinkweekly.com). But, there is another, even more contentious, question floating around – the “Big Question” as I call it. It concerns the merits of the legendary Old Guard precept that, “You cannot become a Master or a Top without having been a slave or a bottom.”

Before we evaluate its intrinsic worth, a little (boring) history, as best as I can gather, is in order. The Old Guard Leather Societies came of age during the heyday of post World War 2, conservative America. The mainstream culture, at that time, considered S&M (as BDSM was called back then) extremely perverted, if not illegal. Factor in the fact that most of the Old Guard were gay, and you can appreciate why they would be paranoid and be exclusive rather than inclusive. It was not an open subculture; admission into an Old Guard house was purposefully made difficult. Although this was not the Mafia, there was one similarity — the Old Guard tended to be rather secretive. And what better way to keep out “infiltrators” than to keep the S&M bar high? As best as I can determine, there were many rules that raised the price of admission. Some were:

1. Experience in the lifestyle determines social seniority.
2. The more submissive one is, the less direct eye contact one should make.
3. No rules or codes are ever to be explained to outsiders.
4. Tops must behave, at all times, with honor, honesty and dignity.
5. A slave must keep the Master’s leather polished at all times.
6. Bottoms must walk behind and to the left of Tops.
7. And, of course, “You cannot become a Master/Mistress without having been a slave or a bottom.”

This last rule would, in and of itself, raise the “experience bar” dramatically. So it dovetailed into the way the Old Guard maintained itself during a time of “vanilla persecution.”

There is no doubt that knowing how a submissive thinks and reacts will make a Dom/me a better one. In our modern, Internet world, one can learn a lot about the psychology, makeup and proclivities of a submissive by exchanging information on the Internet. Sites like kinkweekly offer a wealth of information. But in those early days, you had to learn mostly by doing; there were few alternatives. Thus, bottoming could give you an insight that was hard to get elsewhere.

As with most ideas, those that work become popular, while those that don’t – like myspace — get discarded. The fact that this rule has survived for so long, and is still being discussed, is testament that it works. And the fact that switching is more popular than ever among the newer lifestylers shows it has worth. But as to bottoming being essential in the schooling of a Master, I disagree.

Bottoming is only one of a number of requirements to becoming a Master – both back then and now. Bottoming alone simply won’t cut it. Whether he/she attains this knowledge by bottoming or by soaking it up in other ways is immaterial. As the song goes, “It doesn’t matter how you get there, just get there.”

The Old Guard Leather Societies pioneered a lot of great customs in this lifestyle we now call BDSM. But all subcultures evolve. And though it might not be required in our era to bottom in order to become a Master/Mistress, it is a technique that still works, and works quite well. I believe that you can become a Master/Mistress in many ways, taking many varied paths. The equivalent result of having bottomed can be achieved by other means. For some, bottoming might be one stop on the road to achieving Mastery. But it is not the only stop, and it is surely not one that every Dom/me must make.

We will be examining “Old Guard vs. New Guard” both here on Kink Weekly and in a panel discussion at DomComLA in May!

Subbie Snap

January 23, 2017 By Baadmaster 1 Comment

Up until now, we have concentrated on the broad principles that make relationships work. Communication, negotiation, limits and the like have been covered extensively. But what about the little, nagging things that can gnaw at the fabric of even the most solid Master/slave relationship? What are they? How can you avoid falling prey to them? Let’s start with one I call “subbie snap.” (This article is primarily aimed at Dom/mes and subs who are — or want to be — in a committed D/s relationship.)

In most D/s relationships, the broad principles of Dominance and submission are pretty obvious. So, when the Dom/Domme asks the submissive to “make coffee,” for example, neither really gives it a second thought. Compared to tying your submissive to a cross and flogging him/her within an inch of her/his safeword, this is no big deal. Or is it? Well it can be.

The “big commands” – like pushing limits in a public scene – happen only occasionally. But the “little orders” can be an everyday occurrence. The danger in these “little commands” is that the submissive is reluctant to object to them no matter how annoying they might be.

For example, let’s say that every time the submissive opens up a can of Coca-Cola for her/himself, the Master/Mistress seizes the can and takes a big gulp out of it, almost finishing it. In a vanilla relationship, the partner can just say, “Next time get your own friggin’ soda.” In a Master/slave relationship, no matter how much this habit gets on the slave’s nerves, he/she would just accede to this demand and make no mention of it. Over time, this can build up from a minor annoyance to a major resentment. If there are too many of these little unresolved annoyances, it can add up to an overall feeling of frustration. In the worst case scenario, left unchecked, this can cause what I call “subbie snap.” This is where the submissive “loses it” and tells the Master/Mistress off. Little frustrations, added up over time, can turn into one big frustration that can threaten the whole D/s dynamic of the relationship.

The problem here is that most submissives won’t mention these little things to the Dominant. While he/she might mention a major problem, there can be a reluctance to seem “un-slavelike” when it comes to these tiny, seemingly unimportant, irritations. What to do?

From the Dominant side, a keener sense of observation might be called for. When in a scene, a given Dominant might be the most observant person on the planet. But when in garden-variety life interactions, this same Dominant can be as thick as a brick. Thus, the Dom/me must make a special effort to keenly observe the submissive’s demeanor on a regular basis. The Dominant should look to see if the slave is making those “little faces” when responding to small requests. If it is not an important demand, you — the Dom/me — might want to request it less often. On the other hand, it might be a tip-off that the whole Master/slave dynamic is going off kilter. In this case, the “C word” – communication – comes to the rescue. It might be time to address it before it becomes a bigger problem; taking care of business early can prevent a major case of “subbie snap.”

From the submissive’s point of view, don’t suffer in silence. Not wanting him hogging your Coca-Cola might not seem a big enough deal to risk looking un-slavelike – but it can be. If your Master has some annoying habits that make you squirm, don’t be afraid to mention it. There is nothing unusual about being a good slave in all regards but having a few minor things you simply loathe doing. Small frustrations are easy to nip in the bud – before they become big frustrations. On the other hand, if your actions are a symptom of a bigger problem, it is incumbent on you to tell your Dominant. What is to be gained by hiding it? In the long run, by not confronting it, you might ruin your relationship. Here, again, communication is essential. Remember, if your Dominant does not observe the problem, then you must tell him/her. Your Master/Mistress might be many things, but a mind reader is probably not one of them. And if he/she is not good at reading the little signs I have been pointing out, then you must advise him/her about what is causing you grief.

At the end of the day, both parties should be fulfilled in a Master/slave relationship. And avoiding “subbie snap,” even at the risk of breaking of your particular protocol, is one way to insure that.

The Complete Mentoring Guide

October 17, 2016 By Baadmaster 5 Comments

This article can be filed under “controversial” and “opinion” because it falls into both categories. You can also file it under “important,” because I think it is essential to objectively examine the practice of Dominants placing submissives “under their protection.” Although we have covered the basics in our previous kinkweekly.com article, “What Is A Mentor?”, I thought a more detailed look would be useful – especially to new submissives. As with many BDSM traditions, “mentoring” in this “Fifty Shades” world is disappearing. People are just jumping into Dom/sub relationships. But until the practice totally dies out, I think we should examine it – if only to protect those new subs who might encounter – or seek out – this way of entering the lifestyle.

To recap: let’s define what “under the protection of (the Dominant)” (often called “mentoring”) means. In theory, it is where an experienced Dominant selflessly looks out for and coaches a submissive. In practice, it ranges all the way from honorable, experienced Dom/mes showing newbies the ropes while protecting them from predators (best-case scenario), all the way to conniving Dom/mes using it as a way to quickly become the “de facto Dominant” without any of the responsibilities of a Master/Mistress (worst-case scenario.) Mentoring seems to have no historical basis in BDSM; I cannot find reference to it in “Old Guard” lore or anywhere else. It appears to be an Internet-inspired phenomenon; there are no universal standards.

In its ideal manifestation, mentoring has much to recommend it. An experienced Dominant is the perfect person to guide a newbie through the daunting maze that is BDSM. He/she can show the new submissive the ropes while also screening out potential predators who might seek to take advantage of the newbie’s newness. (That is either a neat phrase or totally lame!) But, life is rarely ideal. For example, let’s say the protector is tasked with screening potential Dom/mes for the submissive. The most experienced Dom/me is neither all-seeing nor all-knowing. I would be more comfortable if the job of screening potential Masters included consulting with the sub rather than screening them unilaterally, which is usually the case.

This practice is just begging to be abused. After all, who is protecting the submissive from the protector? Protection can turn out to be less a teacher/student relationship than a version of “Dom/sub light.” (Of course, if this is what the sub seeks, then this is fine.) Although this is truly an anecdotal observation (I have no hard statistics to back up this claim), it seems that this is especially true in a male Dom/female sub situation. In this “worst-case yet common” scenario, protection is just a way of getting the milk without buying the cow. The insecure Dom is able to take a female sub off the market quickly and become the sub’s sole support system. He quickly becomes the sub’s de-facto Dom – but without the responsibilities.
As with any social system, there are bound to be abuses. So, let’s give newbies a few tips that can help them choose a mentor/protector, should they decide to pick one.

1. Both of your agendas should match. See if your potential mentor has a hidden agenda that is at odds with yours. Is his/her primary motivation your well-being or is there another aspect to it? Often married men, or Doms with alpha slaves, will use protection as a way of rapidly snapping up an additional sub. If this is acceptable to you, this is fine; otherwise, be forewarned. Make sure both of your agendas match. This is probably the most important aspect when picking a protector.

2. Check out the protector’s reputation. Ideally, you should have a “protector protector.” As this is not only silly but also impractical, don’t jump under someone’s protection until you check him/her out. If you meet your “protector” at a local dungeon, ask around (including other subs.) If you met online, find real time people who know him and ask! The keyword is “ask.”

3. Use your “bullshit-detector.” Don’t simply rely on detective work and testimonials alone. Use your bullshit-detector. (If you don’t have one, they are on sale, this week only, on kinkweekly.com.) Does your gut tell you the Dom/me is honorable or is he/she being deceptive? Honesty is everything if you plan to trust someone else with critical decisions. So, trust your instincts – your built-in “bullshit detector.”

4. Look for red flags. If the protector says, “Don’t go on the Internet…resign from kinkweekly.com…don’t talk to this Dom or that Dom…give me all your passwords…I will screen your friends…I will control all your money…I am your sole source of information, etc.” Any one of these, especially anything having to do with your money, is a big red flag.

5. Don’t be desperate. Often the worst abuse comes when a submissive is at an emotional low point and seeks a “protector” to help sort things out. This is a very human need. However, if you are desperate, it might attract predator Doms who can sense your situation. Search with purpose, not with desperation.

6. Mentor should not be making demands. Ideally, a mentor should be there to help you learn or heal, and he/she should not be making demands or asking for control. Unless this is what you want, this should be a red flag.

7. Don’t get bum-rushed. If your potential protector says, “Now,” this is another red flag. True story: I was at a local dungeon with my collared slave and a play partner. Play partner leaves us, checking out the play space; half hour later she comes back and states, “I cannot talk to you anymore, I am under the protection of Lord Bla Bla Bla,” whom she just met. Shortly thereafter, she left the lifestyle in disgust. The world won’t end if you wait a week or two. (Although watching the news, I am not so sure.)

8. Negotiate. Just as you should negotiate a Dom/sub relationship, you should negotiate the rules of protection. Don’t leave it as a vague concept that basically gives the “protector” more influence in your life than even a Dom/me! Be specific – set hard limits and specify where the mentor’s areas of control and/or protection begin and end. For example, many subs want a protector to be with them at BDSM events and parties, so they don’t attend alone. This could be where the protector’s duties begin and end. Or, there could be more. No matter what, obligations and limits should be negotiated.

9. Have fun. As I have stressed over and over again, BDSM should be fun. If your mentor makes the whole process “un fun,” you are losing out. The last thing you need is to make BDSM a chore. (Unless, if course you enjoy not having fun. In which case, disregard this tip!)

Although the concept of mentoring and protection is an admirable one, one should never forget to always be vigilant. Not paranoid, vigilant. I hope these tips will keep you on your toes and, should you seek out a mentor/protector, you will choose wisely!

Practical Slave Positions

September 19, 2016 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Slave positions are standard poses that you can teach your submissive or slave to memorize, to be assumed on command. The exercise of training a submissive in the poses, and punishing and rewarding them based on their successes and failures along the way, can be a fun and bonding play scene for those into domination and submission.

There are as many different slave positions as there are dominants, but below we have outlined 12 of the most popular which you can use as a starting point for training your submissive.

This post contains affiliate links. For more info, see our disclosures here.

Everyone has different needs and physical limitations, so as the Dominant, consider some leniency while your slave is getting used to the different body positions. You may find that one position exacerbates an old injury or perhaps your slave is not flexible enough to achieve another. All of the following examples can be modified or simply removed all together based on your preferences and the limitations of your slave’s body. On the other hand, most can be made more difficult by adding additional elements like wearing high heels while holding the positions.

Position 1 – Present

Present slave position – sitting down on knees, with knees spread wide and hands palm up on thighs.

This position is a great starting point for training your slave in positions. It’s easy to learn and not too difficult to maintain However, if the slave is wearing heels or not the most flexible, then this position may become uncomfortable after a while. I like this one as it shows respect and patience in the part of the slave.

Position 2 – Submit

“Submit” slave position – kneeling forward face down with knees spread and arms stretched in front.

Submit may look familiar, as it is quite similar to “child’s pose” in yoga. It’s pretty comfortable to remain in for longer periods of time, and puts the slave into a nice downward facing submissive posture. They won’t be able to see what you’re doing, and the forehead on hands lends itself well to having your slave get into a relaxed state of mind.

A more difficult variation of this position is “grovel”, where the arms are in a box position behind the back (shown in the picture at the top of this article).

Position 3 – Kneel Forward

“Kneel forward” slave position – straight arms and hips forward from knees

This position is essentially plank pose, but on the knees so a little less intense. When held correctly (with hips forward of knees), it will be challenging to endure for periods. A more difficult variation is “punishment” where the feet are held off the ground (increasing pressure on the knees).

Position 4 – Kneel Back

“Kneel back” slave position – kneeling with knees wide, while leaning back onto straight arms.

Those with tight thigh muscles will find it a challenge to get into this position. It’s a very submissive and aesthetically pleasing position, which provides great access to all of the front of the slave’s body.

Position 5 – Expose

“Expose” slave position – kneeling with hands behind head and knees spread wide

This position is named very aptly. I could picture sitting a slave in a corner at a public dungeon or play party in this position, for all to see (and have several times in fact).

A variation is to have the slave crouched on feet rather than knees, and the arms can be behind the back rather than over the head (pictured on the right above).

Position 6 – Hands

“Hands” slave position – arms together held out in front while kneeling down

This position is a test of endurance on the arms. To make more difficult, have them straighten their arms, or add an object like a book to be held (as shown in the picture).

Position 7 – Floor

“Floor” slave position – lying face down, wrists cross behind back

The slave in this position feels true supplication. They are physically at the lowest level possible, which can be experienced at a very emotional level. The wrists behind the back means the full weight of gravity is felt on the body. This can be made more difficult by having the forehead rest on the floor rather than the cheek.

Position 8 – Apology

“Apology” slave position – lying face down, forehead down, arms spread wide

The forehead touching the ground ensures the slave cannot see anything happening in the room. The arms spread wide means the slave takes up more space, ensuring they are seen by all in the room. A big statement of obedience and total submission – perfect for a slave that has something to apologize for.

Position 9 – Wait up

“Wait up” slave position – standing with legs slightly apart, wrists crossed above the head

It’s like waiting, but with the hands neatly and submissively out of the way in case Master should feel like playing with the slaves tits. And certainly would never be confused with an independent person just casually standing around.

Position 10 – Wait

“Wait” slave position – standing with legs slightly apart, arms in box position behind the back

More subtle that “Wait up”, this can be a nice default position when waiting on the Master, or when in vanilla settings where it draws less attention that other positions.

A variation is to allow the legs to be only slight apart rather than spread wide, which will be more subtle and more comfortable for longer periods of time.

Position 11 – Spread

“Spread” slave position – lying down on back, with arms behind back in box position, and legs spread wide

This position coveys total sexual submission. The genitals and breasts are presented and available for the Master’s every whim.

Position 12 – Wheel

“Wheel” slave position – feet slightly apart, back bend supported by the hands

This shares the name of “wheel pose” (also known as upward bow) in yoga. It is the most difficult of these 12 positions to enter and maintain – a true test of strength and endurance. For those slaves who are able to hold this position for their master, the effort will be rewarded by the feeling of complete submission to their Master.

I hope these positions give you some great inspiration for training your submissive in slave positions! Many Dominants come up with their own names and variations on positions, and have their subs / slaves practice and memorize them based on position number, name or both. If you have a unique approach to slave position training, we’d love to hear about it in the comments below!

Writer, photographer, hedonist, Dom. After years of at-home BDSM, Dexx finally embraced the kink community and met many fantastic fellow kinksters in the scene. Along the way, it occurred to him that it would be just super if there was a magazine-style web site which catered to people interested in BDSM, and he recruited some of his friends to help create it.

Tip of the day: Interested in trying shibari rope bondage, either being tied up or learning to tie? Experience shibari in Los Angeles with Lovely Fate.

Bottoming From the Top

August 29, 2016 By Baadmaster 3 Comments

This article is addressed to the more advanced Masters/Mistresses among you, especially those who are involved in – or want to be involved in – Master/slave relationships. As opposed to many of my other articles, this one is mostly my own personal opinion. You might or might not agree with my observations; but I am presenting it as food for thought. (For the purposes of this article, I will use Master, Mistress, Dom, Domme, slave and submissive interchangeably. I have covered in kinkweekly.com – and will cover in more detail – the differences between these terms.)

On the surface, Master/slave relationships seem pretty simple. But the dynamics of maintaining them can be a bit tricky. In previous articles, I have addressed the many common problems of maintaining BDSM relationships. Here I will discuss a more obscure problem I have noticed in some Master/slave relationships. I call it “bottoming from the Top.”

In any relationship, be it vanilla, D/s or M/s, both participants want it to work. This seems pretty obvious. But how you make it work is the trick. Theoretically, in a Master/slave relationship, the Master requests, the slave obeys — within, of course, the negotiated limits. And except for times when the Master makes an asinine demand outside those limits — like the “bus question” (below) — this should work just fine.

(For those of you unfamiliar with the “bus question,” which I referred to in a previous kinkweekly.com article, I will repeat it here:

The infamous BDSM question, “Would you walk in front of a bus if your Master ordered you to?” is usually answered, “Yes, but Master would never ask me to do it.” That is fine in theory. It sounds good. It works great online. But in reality, ask your submissive to walk in front of a bus and the answer will be “F*ck you, Asshole.” Notice, the word Master was quickly replaced by Asshole. Make a demand that can’t be honored, control can disappear in a N.Y. minute.)

But the obverse of making insane demands — “bottoming from the Top– can create problems, too. In this scenario, the Master/Mistress only asks for things they know the bottom will like or are easy to execute. “Master orders you to drink Coke, not Pepsi.” If this is done occasionally, then there will be few problems. It is when the Master/Mistress is constantly skewing his/her requests in such a way to please the slave that problems arise. Being a “Coca-Cola Dom,” as I put it, eats into the dynamics of the relationship and takes the “top” out of the Top. There must be some challenge for the submissive; predictability and dullness are not what BDSM should be about..

So why is “bottoming from the Top” as widespread as I have observed? Most times I have noticed this is done out of fear of upsetting the relationship; fear that if the Master screws up and asks for something the slave will refuse to do, he will lose the relationship. It is a totally justified and human fear and a hard one to overcome. To a greater or lesser degree, this fear is always present in any relationship. But being a Master or Mistress requires the ability to work around this tendency.

Naturally, a Master/Mistress should not ask for things that the slave would find abhorrent, even if not pre-negotiated as a hard limit. On the other hand, the Master should not be constantly thinking of only “what the slave will like.”

Ideally, Master/slave means the Master asks without guile, without over-thinking the request and without skewing his/her demands out of fear that the given request will not be precisely what the slave wants.

The closer you can come to this ideal — and it is an ideal — the closer you will come to a solid Master/slave relationship.

Event Review: Leather HEAT

April 4, 2016 By anniebear 1 Comment

I attended the Saturday portion of the Los Angeles Leather HEAT event with Dexx this past weekend. Leather HEAT is a multi-day educational non-profi event highlighting all things leather and M/s (Master/slave) including classes, vendors, play parties, and the highly anticipated M/s contest. It’s also pansexual to include all genders and orientations.

Dexx and I are not well acquainted with the leather scene in Los Angeles but we love to learn and meet new people. Leather HEAT was extremely well organized and the line up of classes was top notch so it was a great way to dip our toes into this sub-community. We entered the Airtel Plaza Hotel to collect our badges and noticed leather clad attendees in spades which is so much fun to see in public. The staff was extremely friendly and we received a goody bag including items from the varying sponsors most notably Stockroom.

We were short on time so we scurried off to our first class. Dexx and I had decided ahead of time to take advantage of the variety of M/s oriented classes to give us some more ideas for our personal dynamic. We decided on “Hear My Face See His Words” by Master Obsidian and slave namaste from Texas. They are a long term M/s couple from Texas. We personally could not have chosen a better class! They discussed everything about communication within an M/s dynamic, cramming all of this valuable information into 90 minutes. This topic is extremely broad and deep, so it can be difficult to dissect it down to the most essential parts. Master Obsidian and namaste did an incredible job of this, noting that discussing any relationship is an “acquired taste” which means everyone can become accustomed to it and it does not have to be an end of the world discussion. They “normalized” M/s relationships for me. We also ran into fellow Kink Weekly writer Jenn Masri in this class. *Hi Jenn*!

We took a lunch break and checked out the vendors. Dexx ended up snagging a pair of matched floggers from Bunny Flogger to practice his Florentine with. He also had his eye on an asphyxiation collar from Justin Sayne Leather. Yes, it is just as terrible and wonderful as it sounds. I on the other hand had my eye on a leather corset posture collar by Deviant Elegance. It’s simply divine!

The next class was “The Invisible Leash” by Master Tallen and slave george. This was a slightly different point of view from the last class since this was a gay male leather perspective. Master Tallen utlined specific protocols he uses and why. He also answered a lot of really awesome quesitons from the audience. My favorite concept for newer couples entering a power exchange was his method for stopping a potential fight before it begins by alwyas going back to the protocols and dynamic. I personally feel it can be hard even for the most devoted slave to short circuit their lifetime of vanilla relationship management and rely on D/s alone. The concept of having a protocol even for disagreements was novel to me.

The final stop on our M/s train was the second class from Master Obsidian and slave namaste, “The Winter of Our Discontent.” This was the go-to class for conflict resolution within an M/s dynamic. Master Obsidian and namaste made many correlations between an M/s dynamic and a royal hierarchy with the Master being the King of course. This is a great comparison since a royal hierarchy has very specific protocols. I was telling Dexx that I think of him as a Captain, haha.

In all it was a really informative day. I left feeling inspired by all of the great content. Tickets for Leather HEAT 2017 are already on sale here.

Submissive Dilemma

March 15, 2016 By Baadmaster 4 Comments

When speaking to relatively new submissives, I have found that many have been introduced to the lifestyle, or at least some of it, via “Fifty Shades.” And with a sequel in the works, chances are many more will be.

Most subs have questions regarding the “slave contract” portion of the movie. Although, in the movie, a contract is offered rather suddenly, with little explanation of exactly what it was (I guess if you have a helicopter, explanations are not required!), the submissives I interviewed wondered exactly what the slave contract procedures – or protocols — are. Time for a little clarification.

The confusion usually arises when a sub initially makes contact with a prospective Dom/Domme. We usually refer to this initial stage as “negotiation.” Typically, the prospective Dom and sub (no more Dom/Domme and he/she; it’s too hard on the eyes!) discuss their BDSM interests, play preferences, hard and soft limits, needs and requirements, etc. It is during these initial stages that a predicament hits many submissives. “Isn’t strongly stating my needs and requirements ‘Topping from the bottom?’” Fear of “Topping from the Bottom” (to be explained in a subsequent article) has stopped many a sub from firmly stating her needs and requirements to a prospective Dominant. What to do?

The answer is actually quite simple and elegant. To put it into a pithy sound bite, “During negotiations, you can’t ‘Top from the bottom’ because you are not yet his bottom.” Even if you are his play bottom, you are not yet his slave so all bets are off negotiation-wise. At this point, you are two equals negotiating a power exchange. The submissive has not ceded any permanent power to the Dominant. Until negotiations are concluded successfully, no power has been exchanged. Pending signing the slave contract, the submissive is free to be as hard-headed a negotiator as LeBron James’s agent.

Another dilemma concerns the timing of slave contracts. While I am a firm believer in slave contracts (there are sample contracts in a previous Kink Weekly article), I found it a bit odd that the fictional Christian bum-rushed his prospective slave into a permanent one. In my universe, a permanent contract – as opposed to a temporary and/or play contract — is usually presented to a slave well after the D/s relationship has started and negotiations concluded; anywhere from two to six months is most common.

Our last dilemma concerns what to do about a slave contract that bears little resemblance to that which you negotiated. Ideally, after negotiations, the “final” contract should not have any surprises. But if the contract demands things you hadn’t consented to, violates your stated hard limits or bears no correlation to protocols you have previously negotiated, this speaks badly of his skills as a Dominant. In this case, you should simply reconsider signing. After all, a contract must be one that you can honor. Signing a contract that you cannot possibly live up to is a prescription for failure.

On the other hand, if there are a few points in the contract – ones you might have agreed to but now have second thoughts about — you must discuss them. Suffering silently is never a good strategy. A good Master will likely amend it if he feels it is in the interest of the relationship.

Every D/s relationship is different; there are no hard and fast rules. In fact, there is no decree that says the contract must be prepared by the Dominant. I personally know a Master who had his slave write her own deed. Is this “Topping from the bottom?” Maybe, maybe not. But who cares, other than the two people involved? The key is to never let protocol get in the way of communication.

Slave contacts can be sexy and exciting, and can build a strong foundation for a great BDSM relationship. Ultimately, honest communication between Master and slave is the best way to conduct any relationship.

By Baadmaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

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