slave

Top Ten Submissive Desires

March 21, 2016 By Baadmaster 3 Comments

Once again we wander into the province of a Cosmo style article.

Cosmo style notwithstanding, I think this article is an important – and fun — read for Dom/mes of all levels. After all, one should have a rough idea what most sub’s want before you attempt to close the deal – whether it is for a one-nighter or a more permanent arrangement.

For this article, I have interviewed a group of subs, both male and female, at Los Angeles’s famed private dungeon, Lair DeSade. This compilation will concentrate on personal aspects; in a subsequent piece I will annotate the most popular play needs.

This list is in order of the popularity of the answers. None were mentioned by everyone except one – “honesty.” Yet, “honesty” does not appear on this list. Why? Because I considered it too obvious an answer. It is like the “no children” hard limit – everyone agrees on it. Thus, I felt it did not shed enough light on the subject. Another popular answer, “pushing limits,” is omitted because I felt it belonged in the “play” list.

By the way, this list is great for both Dominants and submissives alike. So, without further adieu, the envelope please!

1. I want a Dom/me who listens. Many subs are reticent about expressing their needs. Thus, they would like a Dom/me who listens carefully when they do express themselves. There is nothing worse than having to repeat yourself – especially for a submissive. When you have to “hint” again and again, it can border on “topping.” A Dom/me who is a good listener, and takes what the submissive says into consideration before making decisions, gets a big plus in any sub’s book. No matter what you think of “Fifty Shades,” Christian was a good listener.

2. I want a Dom/me who doesn’t listen. Say what? Didn’t BaadMaster say just the opposite one paragraph ago? Not really. What I am stating here is that a submissive doesn’t want a Dom/me who does everything he/she wants. After all, the Top would then become the bottom! The submissive regularly needs to know that the Dom/me can and will do things that please only the Dom/me – for whatever reason. How often is open to debate; it will surely depend on the relationship. But there is no doubt that a submissive craves those times when the Dominant is just that – Dominant!

3. I want a Dom/me who laughs. This was also a surprisingly universal wish. The stereotypical stern Master who rules with an iron fist seems acceptable for a session. But, as a lifestyle Dominant, most submissives rejected this out of hand. Taking this lifestyle too seriously – and making laughter a forbidden activity – seemed a prospect most submissives reject. Maybe Carrot Top as his/her Dom (although his name has “Top” in it!) is not a submissive’s dream; but then neither is someone who eats nails for breakfast – and never smiles. (Would you, if you ate nails?)

4. I want a Dom/me who follows through. Since the Top is in control, he/she should not disappoint the submissive by promising something and then not delivering. A Dom/me who actually makes the effort to follow through gets high marks from every submissive I have talked to.

5. Gimme a break. Of those who were in an actual D/s relationship, most listed the need for regular breaks from serving as a prime need. This one caught me off guard; I never expected this answer. But it seems that all subs need time off from being a submissive on a recurring basis. I cannot speculate exactly why this need seems so ubiquitous among those in LTR liaisons, but it seems that all Dom/mes should take this surprising desire into consideration.

6. Consistency. When it comes to Dominance, consistency seems to be an attribute that is absolutely essential. A minor infraction on Wednesday should not become a major infraction on Friday. The submissive must know what is and what is not expected by her Master/Mistress – especially if there is a “slave contract.” If this changes at the drop of a hat, all is pretty much lost. Consistency in all other matters is also a critical need. If the Dom/me praises the submissive for something – and then criticizes him/her for the same thing another time – the sub will be driven crazy. Respect can go out the window on this one.

7. Unpredictability. I don’t write ‘em, I just report ‘em! At first glance, this desire seems at odds with the previous one, “consistency.” But, upon closer analysis, the two are actually complementary. On one hand, the Top must bring a degree of consistency to his/her training methods; on the other hand, he/she must introduce the element of surprise to keep the relationship from becoming boring. This is a semi-vanilla concept, one that you would read about in, duh, Cosmo. Nevertheless, it works here.

8. I want to be appreciated. Again, this was a pretty universal desire. Almost every submissive wanted to feel appreciated for the effort he/she makes. And make no mistake about it, being a good submissive – although it should fun – also entails work. And if this is taken for granted – or worse, denigrated – the submissive will not be a happy camper.

9. I want to feel unique. I guess everyone wants to feel special. And submissives are no exception. Personalized rituals, play that is designed specifically for the sub and a feeling that the Dom/me is not using a “one size fits all” cookie-cutter approach are essential needs of most bottoms. After all, who wants a McDom/me?

10. I want a Dom/me with a good reputation. This desire was mentioned only by those subs who were into public play. Everyone in this “subgroup” (pun intended!) wanted a Dom/me who was held in high esteem in the BDSM community. Although this was the specific desire of the smallest number of subs (thus it is listed last), I would advise all Dominants to guard their reputations, because you never know when it will come into play.

These ten seem to be the most important desires of those submissives interviewed. Of course, one size does not fit all. But, I think this list gives you a good overview of what most submissives really want!

By Baadmaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Submissive Dilemma

March 15, 2016 By Baadmaster 4 Comments

When speaking to relatively new submissives, I have found that many have been introduced to the lifestyle, or at least some of it, via “Fifty Shades.” And with a sequel in the works, chances are many more will be.

Most subs have questions regarding the “slave contract” portion of the movie. Although, in the movie, a contract is offered rather suddenly, with little explanation of exactly what it was (I guess if you have a helicopter, explanations are not required!), the submissives I interviewed wondered exactly what the slave contract procedures – or protocols — are. Time for a little clarification.

The confusion usually arises when a sub initially makes contact with a prospective Dom/Domme. We usually refer to this initial stage as “negotiation.” Typically, the prospective Dom and sub (no more Dom/Domme and he/she; it’s too hard on the eyes!) discuss their BDSM interests, play preferences, hard and soft limits, needs and requirements, etc. It is during these initial stages that a predicament hits many submissives. “Isn’t strongly stating my needs and requirements ‘Topping from the bottom?’” Fear of “Topping from the Bottom” (to be explained in a subsequent article) has stopped many a sub from firmly stating her needs and requirements to a prospective Dominant. What to do?

The answer is actually quite simple and elegant. To put it into a pithy sound bite, “During negotiations, you can’t ‘Top from the bottom’ because you are not yet his bottom.” Even if you are his play bottom, you are not yet his slave so all bets are off negotiation-wise. At this point, you are two equals negotiating a power exchange. The submissive has not ceded any permanent power to the Dominant. Until negotiations are concluded successfully, no power has been exchanged. Pending signing the slave contract, the submissive is free to be as hard-headed a negotiator as LeBron James’s agent.

Another dilemma concerns the timing of slave contracts. While I am a firm believer in slave contracts (there are sample contracts in a previous Kink Weekly article), I found it a bit odd that the fictional Christian bum-rushed his prospective slave into a permanent one. In my universe, a permanent contract – as opposed to a temporary and/or play contract — is usually presented to a slave well after the D/s relationship has started and negotiations concluded; anywhere from two to six months is most common.

Our last dilemma concerns what to do about a slave contract that bears little resemblance to that which you negotiated. Ideally, after negotiations, the “final” contract should not have any surprises. But if the contract demands things you hadn’t consented to, violates your stated hard limits or bears no correlation to protocols you have previously negotiated, this speaks badly of his skills as a Dominant. In this case, you should simply reconsider signing. After all, a contract must be one that you can honor. Signing a contract that you cannot possibly live up to is a prescription for failure.

On the other hand, if there are a few points in the contract – ones you might have agreed to but now have second thoughts about — you must discuss them. Suffering silently is never a good strategy. A good Master will likely amend it if he feels it is in the interest of the relationship.

Every D/s relationship is different; there are no hard and fast rules. In fact, there is no decree that says the contract must be prepared by the Dominant. I personally know a Master who had his slave write her own deed. Is this “Topping from the bottom?” Maybe, maybe not. But who cares, other than the two people involved? The key is to never let protocol get in the way of communication.

Slave contacts can be sexy and exciting, and can build a strong foundation for a great BDSM relationship. Ultimately, honest communication between Master and slave is the best way to conduct any relationship.

anniebear Interviews Arcane

February 29, 2016 By anniebear 2 Comments

I sat down with Arcane and his slave Daphne on a sunny afternoon in Hollywood. As an educator and founder of the Crow Academy, Arcane has experience coaching couples on D/s relationships and BDSM techniques. We talked about all things kinky, his new book, and kink around the globe.

anniebear: So you have a really original life story. It seems like you’ve kind of been everywhere and seen everything.

Arcane: I haven’t been to Antarctica… yet.

Haha, some day! I wanted to start at the beginning. What is your origin story? How did you get into BDSM in the first place?

When I was five years old I was tying up all of the neighborhood girls. For some reason I just really, really liked that and enjoyed it a lot, and found that was how I always wanted the games to go. Then the ironic part was that because I was the only little boy on the street with the little girls, to evolve the story I had to play both the hero and the villain. So I’d start off the first half of our games playing the villain and I’d tie her up, and then switch half way through it and play the hero and rescue her. I noticed that I’d delay the switching to the rescue part. So my initial kink has been a part of me pretty much as long as I’ve been alive.

My first girlfriend, real girlfriend, was also my first bottom. She actually came out of the closet to me on prom night and asked me to tie her up and “treat her roughly.” And I looked up at the sky and I said thank you (laughs). So BDSM has been, you could safely say, a part of my entire adult life since my first girlfriend. The other thing that actually shaped me quite a bit is that my first girlfriend and I also began to explore Tantra together, so my entire adult BDSM life has also paralleled my entire adult Tantric pursuit. It kind of runs through everything.

So do you teach Tantra as well?

Only to my partners, although when I teach a BDSM class I’ll drop Tantra in there because I think it’s actually super important for people to learn. I wouldn’t teach a Tantra class by itself but I have written articles on how BDSM and Tantra overlap nicely. The whole fetish world is a perfect canvas for Tantra and the reason is because one of the principles of Tantra is to get you to engage all five senses, and we have all these extra things: the smell of leather, the look of the submissive in their bondage, the sounds they make, the sounds of the whip, the flavors you can bring in any way you want, and a lot of people play with specialized lighting… candles, light bulbs and all these things so it really is a perfect ground to practice Tantra and it makes the scenes better.

And everyone is more open anyway. You teach a lot of different things but you specifically seem particularly interested in D/s dynamics and relationships. We don’t have time to go way into it, since it is such a complex subject could you pick three key components that are most important to a D/s dynamic?

No problem. Well number one, absolute number one, if someone comes up to me and tells me they want to be a Dom, I will look them straight in the eye and I will say, “how comfortable are you with Capitol-R Responsibility for another human being’s well being?” And if they tell me that’s not what they thought it was about, that they just want to control someone and boss them around and have good sex… I tell them, “if you don’t want the responsibility for another person, then you don’t want to be a Dom. Go find a different hobby.”

Number two, D/s does have a lot of variety. I can talk all day and night about the Crow Academy system but it’s not the only good school of D/s in the world. There are other perfectly respectable D/s schools that are very different and in fact those Doms and I talk and we share ideas and my style evolves and their style evolves. D/s is absolutely an Art Form and it will evolve. It’s meant to be practiced like anything else. If you want to be a better painter then paint, and if you want to be a better Dom, practice your domination. Always pursue to get better, to grow, to become good at it.

Number three, one of the main things about the Crow Academy and the D/s style that I teach is that it’s very specifically about building a romantic D/s relationship, a connecting, bonding relationship between the Dom and the sub. There are people out there with perfectly good reasons for saying “oh well I don’t like to be romantically involved with my sub” and that’s fine, that’s just not what the Crow Academy is about. The Crow Academy style is really aimed at couples who want to have all the bondage, all the passion, all the BDSM, all the D/s alongside and parallel to building a really great relationship.

And beyond that do you teach classes on skills?

Yes, flogging, bondage, animal play… one of the things I really want to teach again soon is a class about constructing a scene. So when you do a scene, the way I teach it every scene needs to tell a story. It needs to have a beginning, a middle, and an end. The beginning, the light toys and tools, is kind of the introduction to the characters, which are the various sensations. The middle of the scene is the build up, and the up and down and the switching of sensations given. I’m a very strong believer in switching the sensations, except during Fire-play as that’s a pretty monotone sensation but even then we start off with some flogging to get the blood up to the surface of the skin and wake her body up and what not, and then in between some of the fire I still bring out the fur creating a dance of sensations. If you understand how skin is constructed with all of the different nerves for temperature, pressure, texture, and all of these different sensors, then if you really want to get a sub into her bliss you will want to get as many of those sensors activated as possible. So you can activate a pressure sensor with flogging and you can activate a texture sensor with rabbit fur. You can activate those but if you then get the temperature one to go way too high then the other ones will almost shut off because they become lesser, irrelevant information. And the hypothalamus part of the brain will say, “sorry the pressure and the texture doesn’t matter because right now all that matters is the temperature that is triggering an emergency-alarm’s level.” So really good S&M is about balancing all of these different sensations and doing it in such a way that, say by the end act two in a three act play, you’ve built a dance of all of these characters on stage going back and forth speaking their lines of sensation. The fur speaks its line and then the floggers speak their line and a little bit of knife play speaks and all of that is what makes her skin go crazy.

(to slave Daphne) You live a tough life I’m sure

Daphne: Yes it’s just so hard (laughs).

Arcane: And then in act three, when you go from act two to act three of your scene, you want to build and build to the hardest, heaviest, most intense sensations…. and then you start to land the scene, to bring it back home. This is where I think a lot of people really don’t get in there enough. You need to kind of land everything and gently bring it back down. You can’t just stop, unless of course you have a very good reason to do so, but you want to bring it back down and go back to lighter sensations… heavy to medium, medium to light, then super light and then the scene ends.

Yes, it can be very jarring to go from bam bam bam to we’re done. Times up, gotta go!

I just taught an enormous workshop series in Australia that was all about beginning, intermediate, and advanced D/s and a lot of safety. I emphasize safety because this is a person I love so her safety and well-being is going to be paramount.

And that tends to get glossed over for the sake of being more “Domly” I think.

In newbies. There’s a lot of good education going on right now. A lot of people have access to find out how to be better and understand these basic safety principles. Almost everybody knows what a safe-word is. If they don’t they have some studying to do.

You seem particularly interested in bondage. Probably your most favorite thing? What is it about bondage that kind of gets you going?

Because that’s where I started. When I was five years old.

It’s your roots.

Yes, my roots were bondage and role play. So I never get tired of role play. Daphne and I come up with the crazy roles plays all of the time. I’ll tell you about a fun one, this is really cool because this just happened. So we’re both Star Wars fans and for Christmas I got her these really sexy Boba Fett leggings and a little crop top. And she owns these really awesome spike heel boots and we put together this whole role play where she was a bounty hunter and I was working for Darth Vader and captured and kidnapped her. Here I am, I’m a grown man but I honestly have to tell you that I could not believe how turned on I was and how that role play filled my head. As far as I was concerned we were there on the Death Star.

And it was right here in your apartment?

Daphne: Oh yea!

Arcane: It was super hot. And my point being that it’s a hell of a lot of fun for me to just open my imagination and bring in all of the things that I love into our role plays. We’re both pretty active-imagination people.

(to Daphne) And what’s some of your favorite stuff?

Daphne: Because he’s got the long hair and beard and kind of looks like a pirate I love the pirate and duchesse role plays. It’s my favorite.

Arcane: We have ongoing role plays about it.

Daphne: We seriously do! Its like ok we stop and we’re done and then our next role play we pick it right back up and I feel like I’m on a ship.

Arcane: But also I do love fire play. I don’t even know why… it’s just like the generic little pyromaniac in me. It’s edge play because fire. But just watching her reactions and how the fire dances across her body and knowing that I have enough control and experience with the fire… and fire is fire. You talk to anybody who ever works with fire professionally. There’s a great movie with Robert DeNiro where he talks about fire as a beast and you have to know how the beast lives and works and breaths and its really true. So when I’m doing this – putting fire on her to guide it and dance it around her body – I seriously feel like an artist at a canvas. In all BDSM really I feel that way.

(to Daphne) And do you feel safe or scared?

Daphne: You know honestly you say edge play Master, but I trust him so much and it just feels good I just feel… he puts it as a hot feather gracing your skin. Sometimes there is a very slight burning sensation. It’s not enough to hurt but it’s enough to wake me up because sometimes the fire is very soft and you get all relaxed and then it kind of bites and then I’m back in my body again. So it’s incredible. I highly recommend it to those who know how to do it.

Arcane: That’s one thing that I definitely have to say – Only if you’re taught it. I had someone teach me how to use it. I’ve taught fire play workshops and at least 30% of the workshop is just safety and really understanding what it is. That’s kind of how it is with any edge play. You really have to be taught by somebody who knows how it works before you start messing around.

And it looks like you have a new book out? That’s exciting! Can you talk a little bit about that? Is it your first book?

Well I’ve done a lot of writing but this is my first fully formed completely crafted, designed book. Igniting the Fire is an Ebook right now, been out for about a year selling purely by word-of-mouth which makes me super happy, and we just got another 5-star review on Amazon. It’s designed to be a hardcopy coffee table book. Every single page is a colorful plate and when its published in its full hardback form it’s about 400 pages.

(Arcane has Daphne bring the hard copy prototype. It really is a gorgeous book!)

It’s a complete A-Z system of how to do the Crow Academy style. It’s the first in a series of books so this book is aimed at the submissive. I speak to the submissive but there’s so much stuff in there that any Dom can pick it up and use the technique and the protocols described. The voice that I use when describing a protocol is the Dom speaking to the sub but any Dom could try these and decide, “this is a cool protocol,” and add it to their personal repertoire. The mechanics are spelled out. It’s written for people of all levels, absolute beginners as well as people with a ton of experience and everyone in between.

It looks like you got Ken Marcus to do the photography.

Yes, Ken Marcus and Perry Gallagher both.

It’s divided into four sections. The first section is your basic physical protocols and slave positions, and the second section is more on understanding some of the psychological elements, commands and signals. The third section goes really into the headspace of the submissive. The fourth part delves into the traditions and where it all comes from. A lot of stuff has been written about BDSM, which is great, and a lot has passed down by word of mouth. I had people and information coming at me from all sides in my own evolution and so I took what I learned from them all, what I tried and tested that became the Crow Academy style, and put in a ton of modern, utilitarian emphasis to make it real, to make it contemporary and useful.

It’s a beautiful book. I like that its written geared towards the submissive. I think that doesn’t happen as often, for written text. There’s some but not a lot.

Book two, which is in outline form right now, is going to be the exact opposite. I’m going to speak to the Dom because one thing that’s happened in the course of the Crow Academy being around is that I get a lot of letters from submissives saying, “I met up with this man who said he was a Dom and this terrible thing happened and now I feel like dropping out of the scene but you seem like you know what you’re talking about so what do you suggest?” And if I was to summarize the greatest need that I would like to provide for the world is to make a ton of really good, smart Doms out there. I’m tired of getting those letters. I want to get letters from people who say, “oh my gosh I met this man I gave him your second book and now he’s become the Dom of my dreams.” That would make me extremely happy.

So I’m curious in your travels to different places and lands far and beyond, have you explored many of the kink scenes in other countries?

All over!

Which one is your favorite?

Well my first public community scene was in Amsterdam and when I stepped into my very first fetish club there was a very strict dress code. The entrance was like something out of a Bugs Bunny cartoon. They had the big guy at the door and the sliding eye-slot thing and they look at you then open the door and say, “can I help you?” It was a blank building down by the ocean. And you’d say, “yea I’m here for the kinky club,” and if you weren’t dressed in fetish gear right there you’d better have a bag with you that had the fetish gear to change to show the doorman. Then they had a changing room and you weren’t supposed to be in the club unless you were in full fetish fashion. You’d pay your money and open another door and boom, you’re in the club. And the first word that popped into my head that day was, “Home.” And it’s been that way ever since. I was like, “oh my god I’m home.” It was like stepping into the Star Wars cantina, an intergalactic zoo of wonderful weirdness. Just so much stuff going on and everywhere I turned something new or different or bizarre and it absorbed me instantly.

I went on to start producing my own fetish club called “Iniquity” here in America, and Amsterdam had a big influence on me. London has always been fantastic. Different cities have a different emphasis. In London I was once told while I was there on vacation that I was one of twelve Doms in London, which I don’t think that’s true but the point was there were so many Fem-Dommes, it was overrun. San Francisco is very male Dom heavy. Los Angeles is pretty balanced. Obviously San Francisco has a huge gay leather scene, Chicago as well. Although I’m not personally gay myself, I attended IML (International Mister Leather) because one of my friends was the son of the owner of Mister S Leather so we all went. There was a small hetero group there and of course we all spotted each other across the convention floor in this gigantic BDSM toy market. The market was amazing, and my point being it doesn’t really matter if it’s your thing or not because there’s amazing stuff to be found everywhere. At one of the parties there at IML there was a needle play scene that was art. It was just art. It wasn’t the typical thing where they stick the needles and make a little pattern. They did it bi-laterally on the person’s whole body inside of this wooden frame that was a permanent structure at this dungeon and then they had fishing line going from each needle to the frame so each needle was being tugged microscopically in every imaginable direction. It was mind blowing, creating a visually stunning art piece. There’s something for everyone in the world.

You do some stuff with needles too?

Not really. I will use acupuncture needles moderately – its kind of fun and again it’s edge play. If you’re doing something like that where you break the skin then you have to know your STD status and your partner’s. If you’re doing it on a stranger you should wear rubber gloves… all this kind of stuff. An acupuncture needle put in the right spot… and I don’t suggest you experiment with this…

I’m good!

If you put in the right spot you can make it stop movement like rope and the person can’t move… if they move there is a little shoot of pain.

Ah!

No you don’t understand (laughs)… it’s so awesome. I did a scene on stage in Australia where the girl was tied to a St Andrews cross by her wrists and then I put the acupuncture needles on her so she really couldn’t move and then I did fire play.

You’re a mean man! (laughs)

No no no I’m a generous man! (laughs) She was very happy. The amount of endorphins you get through these situations… there is no purchasable drug on Earth that can compare.

Sure! I believe it. I’ll take your word for it (laughs). So the scene internationally do you favor Amsterdam mostly because that’s where you got your start?

It’s actually the variety you find around the world that is a lot of fun for me. In Australia right now one of my best friends, Master Thorn, an amazing Dom, is the center of the Brisbane BDSM scene. He teaches classes every week and has parties every week and it’s a younger crowd that are super enthusiastic. Now is it as sophisticated or polished as the London or Amsterdam scene? No, not even close, but the enthusiasm, the raw enthusiasm is fantastic. Also another example there in Brisbane is that they have an enormous emphasis, one of the best in the world, on pet play and animal play, hosted by the Sanguine Pack, and that’s exactly the point. The fact that all over the world you find these pockets where the kink goes a little this way or a little that way. That’s awesome! My goal with her (to Daphne) – she hasn’t been travelling around the world with me yet – would be to take her to some of these places to show her what its like in London and Brisbane.

How the other half lives.

The other tenths. (grin)

From your experience what do you think the biggest problem is affecting the community as a whole?

Fifty Shades of Gray! (laughs) Not really. When Fifty Shades of Gray was first written people were really split. Ok here’s a fun statistic for you… because of the number of books that are known to be sold plus the number of expected illegal downloads when it was an Ebook, it works out that approximately one out of every thirty seven literate adults in the world over the age of 18 has at least obtained a copy of this book. That’s crazy. And what that did is it helped open the conversation massively. You can talk about BDSM anywhere now. And people have some idea what you’re talking about. Now if people take Fifty Shades of Gray as a guidebook they’re in for a very rough, dangerous and probably destructive road. So that is really the problem. Well not so much a problem – and I was kind of joking when I gave my answer – it’s not really a huge problem with BDSM, its just that so many fresh minds are out there who want to learn and what I’m doing and what my friend in Australia is doing is just trying to get good information out there. So is that a problem or is it just a need that needs to be filled? Good information, we need a lot more good information

Better dissemination of information.

And funny you should ask this exact question. I literally just got done talking with one of my clients. I do training for couples and so one of my clients was telling me that she was in some shop and she told the person, “my Master…,” and the guy knew them by association and said, “he can’t be a Master because he hasn’t done it long enough… you can’t call him Master.” And she wrote me and asked is this true? And I said, no that’s nonsense. He’s your Master, you can call him anything you want. He can tell you what he wants to be called by you, Master, Sire, My Lord, whatever. Doesn’t matter. If he was to step into a room full of BDSM people and say “I’m a Master!” than yes they might expect him to have a ton of experience, but he is your Master and you are his slave and that’s beautiful and you should embrace that. So another possibility with this need for information is to correct bad information or overly politically-correct information, which is not always going to help the situation, or highly opinionated information. People who are in the scene long enough know that when someone starts saying, “my way is the only way and everybody else is wrong,” then you need to walk away. Outside of that, I think we’re in a time of incredible opportunity to educate the world.

Yea, Dexx always says we’re in a “BDSM Renaissance.”

Yes, but its really true! And there are enough people out there that really know.

Out of curiosity, have you ever bottomed?

Funny you should say that. I have a running joke that I’m only 99% Dominant. I’m 1% submissive to chiropractors, deep tissue massage, acupuncturists and myofascial-release which makes ordinary deep tissue massage look like you sneezed. It’s very intense. The running joke, as Daphne has been here one time when the lady was working on me, is the question of how few times will I scream the word “Fuck!”

Daphne: It’s pretty entertaining (laughs)

Arcane: But that’s about it. One time way back with my first bottom we tried switching and my brain was just like, “there is no point, this is doing nothing for me,” and she agreed that she also didn’t want to be in control or be mean (laughs).

(To Daphne) Have you ever topped

Daphne: Ummmm, no (laughs). I’m trying to think if I ever really did? There’s just something about being a submissive that’s just so freeing and relaxing that I don’t know if I could handle the responsibility of somebody else.

(to Arcane) What advice would you offer someone just starting out besides reading your website and book of course!

Just read and educate yourself. My first clubs were in Amsterdam and London, then I came back to America. Very soon thereafter I moved to the San Francisco bay area and joined the Society of Janus up there. Janus, like Threshold in Los Angeles, is very politically correct in their BDSM. And what they teach is going to be very almost white-bread BDSM. Nonetheless I joined Janus and I took every single workshop they taught for two years. I never missed one unless it was you know, how to feminize your slave or what not. And that’s huge to get in the community. I tell my clients, “come with us to a party because you need to see the way other people do it.” Not just to be amongst peers and get that peer acknowledgment and acceptance for being into it, which is important and easier now than it was ten years ago because of Fifty Shades of Gray and the openness its caused, but also because like I said at my first time in my very first club, you see these things and you think, “well I never thought about doing that,” and you learn something new.

Ask questions, obey club etiquette, don’t interrupt someone’s scene. Get educated. One of my first martial arts senseis was a generous man because a lot of the schools back in the day did the whole Karate Kid thing where they would say, “our school is the best school!” I was lucky enough to have a sensei who one day turned to the whole class and said, “ok I’m going to teach you a secret now. If you want to get good at martial arts then you will have to study many different styles.” That’s exactly what I would say. The Crow Academy style is very couple-oriented with romance, high protocol, high etiquette, and those are with traditions from hundreds years ago that we’re revamping. But if you’re attracted to someone else’s style, read their book, learn it. Learn about different ways of doing what others do in their BDSM style that might be just as good.

Be aware because you want to avoid many stereotypes that are two-dimensional. And this is why I take the ball and roll with the whole romance angle. Yes a Dom can love their slave, yes a Master/Mistress can love her sub. In both directions. Don’t ever think that this is just some random act devoid of emotion. I would say go the opposite direction. Put your emotions into it. Be an artist. It’s a creative process. Make it your own.

You can contact Arcane through The Crow Academy and read more advice and writings here. Follow Arcane @CrowAcademy as well as on Facebook. His new book Igniting the Fire is available now on Amazon.

Opinion: Taking Up the Mantle of Mastery

December 28, 2015 By Frederick M 3 Comments

There is much debate in our community as to the use of the word Master. To some it is about describing their role in a power exchange relationship. To others it means that they have mastered a particular skill set or knowledge. Some even have a “kajira” classification for slaves – a term which is taken straight from the John Norman GOR novels where men are Masters and all women either slaves or intentionally freed by said Masters. In fact in one of those silly BDSM quiz things you see online I was identified as a Gorean Master myself; a fact which I felt accurate according to the original descriptions in the books. Truthfully these are all appropriate uses of the term, but there is also a much deeper meaning. So what does it mean to me to call myself a Master?

This is a matter which has been bouncing around in my head for quite some time, the origin of which happened some time ago while I was attending the BOLD conference in 2013. I sat in on a panel led by Master Bert on this very topic; what it means to be a Master, and to wear that title like a badge of honor and identification.

He related a story to us about a rite of passage for the young men of a certain tribal village in a remote, primitive area. In this rite, the young men must prove their readiness to step into manhood by climbing a nearby mountain, and returning safely to the village.

The first step in their journey is to go into the forest, and cut a small tree trunk to make a walking staff for their trek up the mountain. The staff is of course a practical tool, but more importantly it is a symbol of their commitment to the journey. Not just the journey up the mountain, but their journey into manhood itself; a commitment to become a man.

He equated our use of the term Master as a similar commitment to become a Master, to take up the mantle of Mastery, and commit to the lifelong journey towards this ideal.

To make a pact with oneself to work daily to become the Master of our own life, our own behavior and our own destiny. I was mesmerized and fascinated by the discussion and the concept has been rattling around my head ever since. “Am I ready for this commitment?” “What will others think about my use of the term at my level of experience?” So many quiet little doubts in my mind, preventing me from taking that first step in the commitment to the journey. As you can tell I’m a pretty deep thinker and have learned to not take important steps too quickly or lightly.

But there have been many changes in my life this year, many steps in a positive direction, and after a long and deep discussion about this and many other aspects of the D/s, M/s lifestyle with a friend yesterday, at last I feel I am ready to commit to the journey.

It matters not how others perceive the choice, or if anyone even notices. What matters is that I have made it.

I am in charge of my own destiny. I am in charge of my own life. I am in charge of my own behavior and attitude. I have made my staff, and committed to the journey. It is time.

I am a Master.

The Willing Subject

December 27, 2015 By Desdemona 1 Comment

Photographer: Dexx Models: Mistress Lucy and Renatta Collete

She loved to serve. To be subjected to the most mundane tasks pleased her immensely. Mistress enjoyed the torment. A foot stool, a shelf, any inanimate object-left for minutes or hours if she pleased.

Slave Contracts: Part Two

November 30, 2015 By Baadmaster 6 Comments

“A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it is written on.” Samuel Goldwyn.

Last week, we presented two “slave contracts”; this week we will offer, as promised, some additional contracts. This group should fulfill all your “slave contract” needs.

But first, some additional observations are in order. (You can skip this section and get to the contracts; no one is watching. Other than Edward Snowden!)

Obviously, slave contracts are a great way to codify your BDSM relationship. Since memories are short, the slave’s duties can be spelled out exactly so there is no argument. And since they can be negotiated – as all contracts can – both Dominant and sub can be satisfied with the terms. But, I offer a couple of suggestions to consider before you sign on the dotted line.

First, from the sub’s point of view. DO NOT negotiate like you would when you are buying a car. Although the relationship can hang in the balance, you must always seem “sub-ly” (if there is such a word) and not be a “pushy submissive.” You can easily ruin the Dom/sub dynamic before you even start by being a “Dominant submissive.”
Second, from the Dom/me’s point of view. DO NOT use your position of Dominance to cajole the submissive into agreeing to terms he/she will later regret. On the other hand, do not cave in to all the sub’s demands (like the “Dominant as submissive” Christian Grey in Fifty Shades.) If you look like a wimp, many a sub will perceive you as a wimp and will walk all over you. Friendly negotiations are the best way to proceed.

And now, here is this week’s selection of slave contracts.

This first contract, and third in this series, is open ended; it is also part of the collaring ceremony. (We will, in future Kink Weekly issues, cover collaring from every point of view.) Much like a marriage, this slave contract/collaring is supposed to be forever. I love this contract; it is simple and to the point. Just add a termination/renewal date, a little negotiating and you have the basis for a killer relationship.

Collared Slave Agreement

Made this __________ day of _________ in the year 20_____, between __________________ hereinafter referred to as slave, and ______________________ hereinafter referred to as Master or Mistress,

Witnesseth: That the said slave, for and in good consideration and in humble appreciation of such care and attention as the said Master may choose to afford the slave, has given, granted and conveyed, and by these Presents does hereby give and convey unto the said Master; All of the slave’s body and each and every part thereof without reservation, every bit of the slave’s will as to all matters and things, and the entirety of the slave’s soul. To have and to hold, all and singular, the above described body, will, soul, and presence, to the Master and any of the Master’s Assigns until such time as the Master determines to the contrary.

The slave does hereby freely and voluntarily agree:

1. The slave shall immediately, diligently, and enthusiastically comply with and submit the slave’s full being to all directions or desires of the Master.

2. The slave shall offer, at all times, the Master absolute respect, shall address the Master only as “Master” or such other title as the Master shall direct, shall position the slave’s body in a physical position subordinate to the Master whenever possible, and shall speak to or otherwise distract the Master’s attention only when granted explicit permission to so do.

3. The slave shall diligently maintain the slave’s body parts in such circumstances as will demonstrate and ensure that they are fully open and available to the Master. In particular, the slave shall never close the slave’s legs in the Master’s presence, the slave shall never wear undergarments at any time, and shall cover no part of the slave’s body with apparel or material of any description, except when the act of doing so and the design of the item of apparel or material are expressly approved by the Master, and the slave shall keep the slave’s body parts clean shaven at the direction of the Master;

4. The slave shall preserve the slave’s body parts for the exclusive use of the Master and the Master’s Assigns, which use shall be the sole and exclusive source of the slave’s pleasure, and the slave shall engage in no act of self-gratification nor any physical contact with any other person, except at the express direction of, or permission by, the Master;

And, the slave does hereby irrevocably declare and acknowledge the slave’s everlasting and unconditional dedication to serving the Master to the Master’s full satisfaction, and the slave unashamedly confesses that prior indulgence of the slave’s untempered conduct by others may have permitted the slave to become afflicted with inferior habits that may prove unsatisfactory to the Master, from which imperfections the slave humbly implores the Master to free the slave by re-training the slave with corporal punishment, or any other means which the Master, in the Master’s unquestionable wisdom and experience, deems effective in directing the slave to the slave’s sole ambition and life destiny of perfectly fulfilling the Master’s every expectation of the slave.

In Witness Whereof, the slave has hereunto set the slave’s hand, and the Master has deigned to seal these Presents by affixing the Master’s collar around the slave’s neck, on this, the day first above written.
_____________________________________ slave

Signed by slave, whose collar was applied and who was delivered unto the Master on the date above-mentioned and in the presence of the below signed Witness or Witnesses.

_____________________________________ Witness
_____________________________________ Witness

Our second – and fourth in this series – slave contract is a rather technical one. I offer it to show you how detailed these contracts can get; you might need a lawyer to figure out some of these clauses. Still, the outline of the Master’s and slave’s responsibilities is clear and is a good indicator of the scope that a slave contract can entail. And its limited use of the safe word — except in extreme situations — is a good example of this type of slave contract.

Enslavement Contract

Of my own free will, I ___________________________, herein known as the Master, hereby accept you, __________________________, herein known as the slave, as my full responsibility and care, of both the slave’s body and mind as of:
the ____ day of ______, 20___, at ____:____ am / pm _____,
until
the ____ day of ______, 20___, at ____:____ am / pm _____.

This period of time will herein be known as the enslavement term.

The Master will command the slave at all times and will expect the slave to seek the Master’s comfort, pleasure and well-being, above all other considerations that the slave may have.

The Master accepts no responsibility for the slave’s pleasure during the relationship described in the Enslavement Documents, during the enslavement term. The Master may, at the Master’s discretion, administer pain or pleasure at any time. Upon disclosure of the slave’s desires for the Master’s consideration, the Master may or may not grant those pleasures desired by the slave. If desires are not disclosed by the slave, the Master takes no responsibility in the consequences of failure to disclose of the slave’s desires even if the slave is unable to communicate those desires to the Master. The Master will re-mold the slave’s body, habits, and attitudes to whatever the Master desires, within the scope of the Contract. If the slave does not change the slave’s actions and speech to express the slave’s changed habits and attitudes, the Master has every right to punish the slave for not adhering to the “Enslavement Contract” in any way the Master sees fit.

The Master expects the slave to learn how to please the Master better. The Master may instruct the slave in any way the Master feels appropriate The Master may administer criticism to the slave in any way the Master feels appropriate. If the slave does not understand the criticism, the way it has been communicated by the Master, the Master accepts no responsibility for the consequences of the slave not understanding.

The Master expects all rights to privacy or concealment of the slave to be revoked to the Master. The Master has the right to ask any question of the slave and has the right to expect the slave to answer truthfully and completely, to the best of the slave’s knowledge. If the Master suspects that the slave is not disclosing the best answer to the slave’s knowledge, the Master may interrogate the slave to acquire the best answer to the slave’s knowledge. The Master understands and agrees that any failure by the slave to comply fully with the Master’s desires shall be regarded as sufficient cause for any punishment the Master deems appropriate The Master also understands and agrees that if at any time the Master disregards the terms in the Enslavement Contract, the slave at that time can dissolve all contracts by uttering the termination word. The termination word is the only safe word that exists during the enslavement term, since all limits of the slave are described herein.
Within the limits of the Contract, the Master has the right to do anything the Master may choose to do with the slave, whether as punishment, for the Master’s amusement, or for whatever purpose the Master desires, no matter how painful, unpleasant, or uncomfortable to the slave.

The Master agrees to take all the experiences that occur during the enslavement term, that transpire in the relationship that has been described in the Enslavement Documents, as a chance to learn and grow, and use them to improve the relationship between the Master and slave, both during the enslavement term and possibly after the enslavement term.

Signed by, _______________________________, the Master,
and

signed by, _______________________________, the slave,

dated this ____ day of ______, 20____.

Much like a Las Vegas buffet, you can mix and combine these contracts to best suit your needs. There is no such thing as a “standard contract.” Yes, a Master/Mistress will be pushing boundaries; but these boundaries are open to negotiation. After all, it is YOUR relationship!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Slave Contracts: Part One

November 23, 2015 By Baadmaster 6 Comments

“The elephant in the room.” You’ve heard that expression a million times. For us at Kink Weekly, the “elephant in the room” is Fifty Shades of Grey. It has brought a kinda-sorta BDSM consciousness to the masses; its effects, both good and bad, cannot be ignored. This article will not address the pros and cons of this film, but rather it will expand on one of the most discussed aspect of it – slave contracts. While BDSM styles, protocols and rituals come and go, slave contracts endure. Slave contracts, to this day, are an integral part of many D/s and BDSM relationships. Why?

First, they are sexy. One cannot get hotter than a paragraph that says, “I will devote myself completely and totally to the pleasure and desires of my Master…”

Second, they remind the Dom/me and the sub of their duties during the term of the contract.

Third, they do render a small amount of legal protection were issues of consent to arise. (One cannot legally consent to being beaten; but a contract with the word “consensual” in it can mitigate some legal concerns.)

Finally, they are fun.

As an exclusive to Kink Weekly, we have compiled a number of slave contracts. After all, one size does NOT fit all. Surely, with the selection we are presenting, you will find a template that fits your needs. And remember, these contracts are subject to negotiation!

This first contract is the one I use. It is not open ended, has some great general rules and contains a safe word. (Although some High Protocol Masters eschew the safe word, I always use it.) This contract covers a lot of the bases – especially addressing “Work Rules of Conduct.” And the “I” is in lower case to reinforce submission!

Master/Mistress and Slave

Of my own free will and out of a desire to express my love and devotion to the man (woman) i love and adore, i offer myself in slavery to my Master for the period beginning on __________ and ending at noon on_____________.
Although i consider myself to be slave full-time to Master, during the time period expressed above, i will devote myself completely and totally to the pleasure and desires of my Master, without hesitation or consideration of myself or others.

General Rules

The slave agrees to obey her Master in all respects. his/her mind, body, heart and time belong to Him . The slave accepts the responsibility of using her safe word (red!) or safe signal (to be agreed upon) when necessary, and trusts implicitly in her Master to respect the use of that safe word. If a condition arises in which the slave needs to use the safe word or gesture, her Master will assess the situation, and determine an appropriate course of action.

The slave shall keep her body available for the use of her Master at all times. In addition, the slave agrees that her Master possesses the right to determine whether others can use her body and what use they may put it to. The Master will discuss all such instances in advance with the slave, to be certain that such play with others will not violate any established limits. The slave shall demonstrate her acceptance of her role of service and availability at all times while at home and at other times and places specified by her Master. The slave acknowledges that her Master may use her body or mind in any manner He wishes within the parameters of safety. He may hurt her without reason to please Himself. The slave enjoys the right to cry, scream or beg, but accepts the fact that these heartfelt expressions will not affect her treatment. Further, she accepts that if her Master tires of her noise, he may gag her or take other actions to silence her.

The slave will answer any questions put to her honestly and directly, and will volunteer any information her Master should know about her physical or emotional condition. While her Master expects His slave to speak honestly and forth rightly about anything that bothers her, she is not to interpret that as permission to whine or complain. she will phrase her concerns politely and respectfully, and then gracefully accept her Master’s judgment in these matters without further complaint.
The slave will always speak of her Master in terms of love and respect. She will address him at all times as either “Master” or “Sir” (see Public Rules of Conduct).

The Master may give the slave “free periods” in His presence during which the slave may express herself openly and freely. There will be no punishments applied during “free periods.” It is understood, however, that the slave will continue to address her Master with respect and love at all times and that deviations from the rule are subject to punishment at a later time.
The slave agrees that severe punishment may be assessed for any infraction of the letter or spirit of the contract, and will accept the correction gratefully. The form and extent of the punishment shall be at the Master’s pleasure, and the Master shall make it clear to the slave that she is being punished when punishment occurs. The Master shall endeavor not to inflict physical harm upon the slave that might require the attention of anyone outside the relationship. Master and slave agree that in extremes either may activate a free period by using the safe word. The free period will continue until both parties agree that the problem(s) concerned are resolved.

The slave is permitted to engage in any and all activities not actively forbidden by the contract or by later edict of the Master. All rights and privileges not otherwise noted in this contract belong to the Master, and He may exercise them as He chooses.

Private Rules of Conduct

On days when her Master is at work, the slave will greet Him wearing her collar, wrist restraints, and a shirt belonging to her Master. She will wear no underclothes in His presence unless given permission. On days when the Master is home, the slave will wear whatever is deemed appropriate by her Master. When in the same room as her Master, the slave will ask permission before leaving the room, explain where she is going, and why. At mealtimes, the slave will serve her Master, and sit at His feet while He eats. Food for the slave will be given by the Master at His discretion. When speaking to her Master or being spoken to by Him, the slave will assume a demeanor of alert attention and will meet her Master’s eyes directly, unless instructed to do otherwise.

Public Rules of Conduct

The slave will conduct herself at all times in such a manner as to not call attention to Master and slave. she will call her Master/Mistress by His/Her name only if the use of “Master” is inappropriate. The slave will defer to her Master in public. The slave may dress herself, but must seek approval of any clothing she wishes to wear in public. Unless specifically stated otherwise, the slave may not wear panties.

Work Rules of Conduct

No part of the agreement is intended to interfere with the slave’s career. The Master wishes the slave to work hard and honestly, in general to conduct herself in a manner calculated to bring honor and respect to them both. During periods of work, the slave is permitted to schedule appointments, to dress in a manner appropriate to work, and to leave the house when necessary. During periods of work, the slave may answer the telephone and discuss business without the expressed permission of her Master. With my signature below, i agree to accept and obey all preceding rules as well as any rules my Master may choose to issue at a later date. i gratefully consign by body and soul to my Master for His pleasure and use for the contract period noted above.

_____________________________________________ slave __________________ Date

I accept My slave’s desire to serve Me more fully, and take responsibility for her well-being, training and discipline to more perfectly serve My will.

_________________________________________ Master/Mistress _________________ Date

For those of you who wish a shorter, more general and yet more sexually based slave contract, I offer the following:

Slave Contract

This contract sets out the conditions of mutual consent under which _________________________ is to be held in sexual bondage and the terms of her enslavement.

Of my own free will, I offer myself in slavery to my Master/Mistress for the period beginning on __________ and ending at noon on_____________.

This contract also affirms that she/he shall be offered the use of a safe word (safe word: _______), the use of which in any situation whatsoever automatically stops any activity at that time.

Slave also has the right to cancel any and all conditions of this contract at any time.

Conditions:
I accept sexual use and abuse of my body while under discipline for any purpose.
I accept that I shall be placed in and kept under strict discipline within the negotiated time limit.
I accept any form of punishment meted out to me while under discipline.
I accept any form of restraint and chastisement, administered as Master desires.
I accept that the various forms of torment to which I am to be subjected may cause suffering. I wish it to be known through this document that I am aware that any such suffering is part of my training program.
I accept that I am subject to the absolute rule of my Master and those to whom he delegates that rule. This may be taken to mean that I am subject to sale, exchange, or loan without redress to those of corresponding status with my Master, but only within the context of this contract.
I accept that subtle rebellion is expected of me, and lack of it taken to the point of docility is likely to terminate this contract.
I accept that no form of disobedience will be tolerated when in the company of my Master, other Masters or Mistresses and slaves and that I must conduct myself precisely as instructed on each specific occasion.
I accept that I remain under the disciplinary code imposed by this contract at all times and am bound by it’s terms and conditions in all situations, whether closely supervised or not.

I _________________________, do set my signature to this document of my own free will, thus becoming the property of _____________________________, in full understanding that I may be used for any sexual or disciplinary purpose whatsoever, without prior limits.

SIGNED: _____________________________________ slave Date: ____________

SIGNED: _____________________________________ Master Date: ____________

Next week, we will be presenting two more slave contracts, one of which will include collaring. With this selection, we hope you
can find the right slave contract for your relationship.

A New Look at Pain

November 16, 2015 By Baadmaster 8 Comments

One of the most pervasive questions in this lifestyle is whether pain is essential in a BDSM relationship. The answer is an unequivocal “no.” One can have an awesome Doninant/submissive partnership with absolutely no pain being involved. It could be a sex slave arrangement, a service slave situation or any number of D/s unions. Then again, there could only be symbolic or light pain involved. A hand spanking when a submissive misbehaves or a light crop on the palms can be the basis of a very hot D/s relationship. Or just a light hand spanking in a kinky vanilla relationship. (After all, this is Kink Weekly!) The possibilities are virtually endless. We have no scientific data, but we would bet the number of non pain or light pain relationships far outnumber those using significant pain. Of course, the Sadist who whips his masochist in a dungeon attracts more attention than the Master with a sex slave whose service is limited to the bedroom. But, that is just the way it would appear to a casual observer; on closer analysis, it does not mean that pain is the preferred, or more popular, way to go. There is no one right way to do BDSM. That being said, the question remains, why is pain often an integral part of a BDSM relationship? What we propose is that there are three distinct aspects to pain that make it so pervasive. We will term this trio “the ‘Story of O’ effect,” “the subspace effect” and “the bonding effect.” Let’s examine them in order.

1. The “Story of O effect” alludes to the landmark novel of Dominance and submission by Paulene Reage, available for free. which took the world by storm in the seventies. At its core is the old school romantic proposition that a slave will do things for her/his Dominant that he/she would not do for anyone else. “Suffering for one’s Master” as a sign of submission. The novel, and a subsequent movie, has some odd, and debatable, takes on love and sacrifice; but, the overall message is that the devotion a slave has to her Master/Mistress can be judged by the amount of pain the slave takes. As BDSM progressed from the 70’s, this concept evolved into the common practice of pushing the submissive’s limits. Here the submissive/slave (for convenience, we will use these terms interchangeably) is being taken to places that she would not ordinarily go to for any other Dominant. “Pushing limits” does not have the verbal pizzazz, nor the romantic luster, that “Suffering for one’s Master” does. But, the effect can be almost identical. In both instances, we are using pain thresholds as a way of measuring the dedication of a submissive.

2. The “subspace effect” is commonly intertwined with the “Story of O effect.” Subspace often occurs during a pain session. What is this mysterious state called “subspace?” Although subspace will be explained in another Kink Weekly article (amazingly, it is titled “Subspace!”), it can safely be stated that subspace is a mental/physical state caused by a rush of endorphins flooding the body. Among subs who have experienced it, it is likened to “flying.” In fact, “flying” is a synonym for it. By all accounts, subspace is an incredible high. And here is the hook: it is accessed most easily and predictably by…guess what…pain!

The most effective way of putting a submissive into subspace is to spank/flog/cane him/her over a period of time. (Note: always observe safe words during BDSM play.) To put it succinctly, pain is popular because it works. As opposed to the “Story of O” effect, one does not have to push limits to get a submissive to fly. Moderate, or even light pain over a longer period of time, can be just as effective as extreme pain. Besides, what one person’s sting can be another person’s hurt.

3. The “bonding effect” might be an even more notable facet of pain than the previous two – if only on a subconscious level. Rarely spoken about in BDSM circles, its bonding power can be unbelievably potent. It appears the pain/pleasure/endorphin dynamic that is actuated when pain is given and received brings the duo together in unique ways. Whether they are play partners or a Dom/sub couple, the trust involved in pain play invariably bonds the two people together. Even casual players develop a close friendship that is deeper than being just golfing partners. Add into this the enjoyment that the Dominant gets from flogging – and even marking – a submissive. Perhaps this is one of the great appeals of pain!

Taken in totality, when these three aspects of pain are actuated, the partners can amplify any type of BDSM relationship they have agreed too. Light pain, medium pain or heavy pain can all be equally effective. Whatever pain threshold you decide to work with, the concept of three “effects of pain” might give you an insight into its power. After all, pain can be a potent tool for pleasure!

by BAADMASTER
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Erotica: Good Girl, A Fantasy

November 16, 2015 By Phi 1 Comment

I’d been up since 6am, having only gotten four hours of sleep the night before. The party had gone well, the show was a success, and the afterparty was in full-swing. I wanted nothing more than to get out of there, walk in my front door and strip my way up the stairs to the bedroom and pass out.

But there were still hours to go between now and then. I still had to be “on.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins, thank you so much for coming! Oh, I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I’d love to catch up next week and give you an update on our next project. I think you’ll definitely want to be involved in it.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him. He was standing at one of the high-tops, sipping a drink and eye-fucking me as he had been most of the night. I’d warned him that I had to be on my best behavior.

“I need to be a good girl tonight. The other kind of good girl,” I’d responded quietly when he’d come up behind me, put his firm hand on the small of my back a the bar and whispered, “I’d love to take you to the coat check room and fuck your face right now, you dirty little whore.”

I mean, it’s not like I hadn’t thought of it. But, there’s a time and a place. There’s being a good girl, and there’s being a good girl.

He’d backed off after that, but every so often I’d glance around and spot him somewhere nearby, watching me.

When it got close to 11pm, I started preparing myself for the challenge ahead. Pretty soon I’d make the call to shut down the open bar and start gathering my volunteers to pack up the event. The crowd was starting to thin out. My bosses were making their rounds, drunk of course. She’d given me the biggest hug. “I have no idea how you pulled this off, but it was the best year ever!” She says that every year.

My parents were still here, but I could see they were starting to fade as well. I looked over at my friend and smiled. “Soon” I mouthed to him. He grinned back, and walked over.

“Now,” he said as he walked past me and up the stairs toward the room we’d been using for storage.

I took a quick peek around. Nobody seemed to be looking for me.

“Sam,” I said to my assistant, who was finally enjoying her first drink of the evening. “I’m going to head upstairs for a few minutes. Need a few minutes of quiet.”

She looked over at the staircase where he was standing there like Leo in Kate’s dream sequence, and laughed.

“Right. Quiet. Okay, I’ll keep everyone out.”

She knows what I’m about, you see. She knows.

I turned toward the stairs. Once he was satisfied that I’d follow, he turned and continued his ascent, disappearing behind the wooden shutters that separated the lounge area from the changing rooms.

By the time I walked into the room his cock was already out of his pants and in his stroking hand.

“Do your thing, slut.”

I fell to my knees in my evening gown and took him into my mouth. He wasn’t fully hard yet, but it wouldn’t take long to get him there. I was quite well acquainted with his favorite techniques.

I could hear the murmurs of conversations below. Suddenly, a conversation came through the walls like it was being broadcast over a megaphone.

“Oh, we LOVE having phi as part of the team! You must be so proud!”

“Yes, yes. We are. We come to this event every year, and we’re always so impressed with how well it turns out!”

It was my mother and my boss …talking about me. I was less than 15 feet from them, and separated only by a few pieces of slatted wood.

I heard him laugh. “That’s right. Listen to them talk about what a “good” girl you are. Fucking whore. What kind of good girl makes me wait all night to do what I want, huh?” He put his hand on the back of my head and pressed his cock toward the back of my throat. As if to make a point, he pushed harder until I started to struggle back for air.

“What, you need to breathe now?” He held me down a few seconds longer before pulling my head back by the hair.

“You breathe when I tell you to breathe.”

“Yes, Sir,” i whispered.

“You’re not leaving this room until I’ve seen my come on your tongue,” he continued, “so the longer you take, the more likely you get caught.”

I resumed my worship, using every technique I’d cataloged as his preference

He was starting to shake, the tell-tale sign that I was getting close. Then i heard their voices again. “I haven’t seen her in a few minutes. Sam! Sam, do you know where phi went? Her parents are leaving and want to say goodnight.”

Sam knew I’d be able to hear. “Uhh…I can go check around for her.”

“Maybe she’s upstairs?” It was my mom.

“Uhh…let me go check,” Sam responded, her voice louder than usual.

I pulled off his cock, and he grabbed and forced me back on.

“Don’t you fucking stop. I don’t care who comes up here. You don’t get up until my come is sliding down your throat.”

It only took another thirty seconds or so. He came right we heard the knock at the door. He just looked at me. I opened my mouth and showed him his come on my tongue.

“Good girl,” he murmured. “Tell her to come in, then swallow it.”

I pleaded with my eyes. There was a second tap at the door. “Phi, your mom is looking for you,” Sam’s voice announced.

“Come in,” I said, mouth full of come, as I stood up. I swallowed just as the door opened.

She looked at us both and laughed.

“Ok, Boss,” she said. “I’ll tell her you’ll be down in a minute. You might want to fix your lipstick.” She walked back out, shutting the door behind her.

When I turned to look at him, he was looking very pleased with himself.

“See, phi?” he grinned. “You can be both kinds of good girl in the same night. Now, get your ass back to work, before I put it to work for me.”

Phi is an erotic fiction writer. Phi (pronounced “fee”) came into kink at early age and renewed her connection with the lifestyle in 2014 after a decade-long hiatus. A somewhat popular and undeniably avid blogger on fetlife.com under the name phi-is-me, phi lives in the suburb of a suburb in southern California with two cats and six pillows.

Erotica: Lady O

November 9, 2015 By Phil K 3 Comments

After my first session of submission with Stephanie, I was even more hooked on BDSM. Each time I arrived, I would find her skill showed marked improvement over the previous session, each time showing me what a Domme can do and helping feed my desires to move from self-bondage to submission.

Our second session was more rope tying. When I arrived, she let me in and directed me to strip and kneel with my back to the door that entered the room. I did as requested and waited for her to approach. When she entered she stood right behind me over my legs. The heat from her body merging with my own. She did not need to do anything more to indicate her presence. Her warmth was enough and put me at ease as she put a blindfold over my eyes. She stepped away for a moment and then returned.

When she was close to me, she began to bind my arms. Starting with my elbows, she wrapped them with a rope and started to pull them together. She did not stop until my elbows touched. Already, I could tell her experience had found better ways to secure me. She followed up with roping my wrists together, which left me completely vulnerable to her.

Sensing my thoughts, she came around to my front and started to flick my nipples. Within moments my nipples were perking up and I immediately found them held by a constant pinch. The pinch was similar to last time, but not as strong. I could feel her touch my skin at about an inch down from my nipple.

She continued to repeat on my other side below my other nipple. Then she would alternate back to the other side and continue another inch down. Over a period of what felt like an eternity, the pinching became long lines down my chest to along my thighs. I would sometimes twitch, which would wiggle those areas that already pinched me. Any subtle movement imparted pain from each pinching spot and I would find myself focusing hard to get through the feeling. When she stopped, I was relieved for the brief period I was untouched, but that was short lived.

I could hear her walk to the closet and pulled something out. Standing behind me again, I was sure this was not the moment where she was going to take off the blindfold.

“Open your mouth'” she said.

Given the situation, I was not in any way going to argue with what she was doing. Doing so would surely cause something negative to occur. As instructed I opened my mouth. I soon found a bit gag that was being tightly secured deep into my mouth. Crossing my mouth from left to right and pulling so deep in that my back teeth were catching hold of the bit.

Walking away again she picked out another item from the closet. Upon her return she quickly made me aware of what the item was.

*thawp*

The stinging, familiar pain found the back of my thighs. The feeling was sharp, then dulled after a few moments. She must have sensed the right time to strike, as the pain was becoming less and my mind was coming back from the reaction as she struck me again. This became a repeated pattern. Her goal to keep me bound and registering pain at an almost constant level or higher.

The continued impacts of the cane upon my body made me twitch. The twitching would cause the pinching on my front to hurt more from all the spots on my body. I could tell that she had to be enjoying the reactions, as I lost track of time and all other focuses of the world. After what seemed like an eternity she stopped caning me, which allowed me to focus on the pinching pain on my front. To focus on controlling myself and withstanding the torture.

She walked to in front of me and proceeded to remove the blindfold. Tilting my head up to look at her as light returned to my vision. My eyes blinded for a few moments as they adjusted to the return the sense of sight. When I could see clearly it was then that I noticed a pair of strings in her hand that dropped straight down between us.

“Would you like me to remove what is attached to these strings?” she flaunted.

I did not move and inch. I was not sure what she meant to do or why. I dared not break eye contact with her to find out what these strings were attached to and how.

“I’ll take your silence and unmoving body as acceptance,” she said backing away.

It was then I was able to look at where the strings went. The pinching was from clothes pins. Each side was connected together with the string. As soon as she noticed the hint of dread in my eyes, she yanked on the strings with great ferocity.

I gripped the bit gag with my teeth as the pain of the pinches tugged at my skin, the feeling of my flesh being torn from my body came forth as she did so. This was a rather intense pain. I was not sure what could have made that worse, but I hoped I would not find out.

She walked up slowly and teased me. Looking me in the eyes as she rubbed the spots where clothespins had been moments before. I didn’t look where she looked, but I watched as she smiled. Enjoying the feeling of what had to be impressions upon my skin at each spot and the look in my eyes as she touched each sore one. A look of satisfaction and pleasure came forth beyond that devilish smile. As painful as it was, I found enjoyment in pleasing her.

I was sure she meant it as a way to tease me, as she reached around my body in almost a hug. After a few moments, I was unbound and my arms dropped to my sides in soreness. Yet, I was not given much time to rest or analyze my experience.

“I want you to become a table,” she said. ” Get down on all fours and become the best human table ever.”

Puzzled, I thought about her command did as she asked and became a table. Using her cane she swatted those areas of my body that displeased her as a means to perfect my position for adjustments. Spreading my legs a bit more, lowering my back, then when happy she walked out of the room. I wanted to see her walk away, but I resisted. My mind still lost on the pain from early and trying to understand what she had in mind for me now. I expected her to bring back candle wax, but that was not what she brought.

“Now, if you spill this, then we will have issues,” she said. “I do not want a mess on my nice clean carpet.”

When she was finished speaking, I felt something on the small of my back. The object felt cold and smooth with a circular base.

“That is my glass of water.” she said. “Don’t spill that cup, as it is quite full.”

Without being able to see the cup, I had to assume it was filled to the edge of the lip of the glass. I also assumed it was a tall glass as it felt quite heavy upon where it was placed upon me. I tried to not move as best I could. Then it happened.

*smack*

A soft, but stingy blow came across my ass. I twitched just enough to dribble. What I did not find out until later was that she caught the glass from spilling completely. She tested me quite a few times after that. Trying different objects to hit me with. Pulling on my nipples and even tapping my member with her implements of impact. I was trying to do my best and she was pushing to see how far that extended to self control and power of will.

By the time she was done, our session time had ended. As usual, I was let free and I got dressed. As I was walked out, we swapped pleasantries before I turned to get in my car. I would think about the pain I suffered and the restriction of the bondage. A feeling of euphoria following each time.

Successive sessions that followed between Stephanie and I were good, but they were spaced out because of time and our schedules. Eventually all sessions with her died off in occurrence. After a time we lost contact, as college took more focus than everything else. When the urge to seek out my submissive side pulled at me enough to the point of distraction, I headed back to Craigslist to find a dominant woman to expand my experiences.

My search was as before, with many responses of interest and nibbles from fakes. Some from people that were too scared to commit to meeting in person. Other replies were semi-serious and some were just picture collectors. On occasion I would find a person to meet in public, but that seemed to always fall through. Finally, one email reply caught my attention that I could not easily ignore:

Hello,

I see you are interested in becoming a submissive to a dominant woman. What you seek is not something to take lightly. Though I have watched your posting change and evolve over the passing months, I also understand that you have been submissive before to Stephanie. I’ll admit that she was a good start for you, but should you wish to experience far more from a woman that can train you well, then reply to this email. Don’t be shocked on how I know you were with her. Just know that some circles are smaller than others, but also have far more discretion.

Perhaps you will be the one to meet my needs and expectations, but that is something only you can prove.

I’ll be waiting…

For the rest of the day, I was no longer focused on work. All I could think of is what to do and how soon work was going to be finished. A few people wondered if I was feeling ill, but I brushed it off as nothing at all. Though afterwards I thought better of it and should have taken the option to fake sickness. At least then I could have relaxed at home or been given more time to prepare myself.

When work day finally came to its end, I proceeded home. Lost in thought of what to do. I walked in the door and took a shower. Though I took far longer than normal, perhaps hoping the heat and water would cleanse my mind for what to do.

When I came out of the shower I sat down on the couch. Taking my phone out, I looked at the message again. With a
deep breath I typed a reply and pressed send. I was committed to what was to come.

Phil K comes with creative talents ranging from writing to photography. His photos invoke thoughts and desires to make you want to engage with the images, while the stories make you long to be in them and never end. You can view his work here. Helives near Royal Oak in Southeast Michigan.

slave

Footer