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Can two switches collar each other?

August 8, 2020 By Baadmaster Leave a Comment

  • hot male submissive in collar
    via stock.adobe.com

In my search for entertaining and unique questions, I have run across many that are ridiculous. But rarely have I encountered a question that initially hit me as joke material, but then, on closer examination, had some very serious elements buried within. The following question is cut from this mold. So, laugh and learn!

Reader: Can two switches collar each other? How would this process work with power exchange? After ten years together, my partner and I would like to make our commitment outwardly clear, but we’re unsure as to the steps for our specific combination. We’re new to the BDSM community, and so any advice you can give us will be greatly appreciated.

First of all, after you are finished laughing at two people collaring each other, let’s make a distinction between a play collar and a commitment collar.

In a play collar situation, the answer is pretty obvious. All you have to do is negotiate who is the Top and who is the bottom for the scene, and the Top puts the play collar on the bottom and the scene proceeds. Unless you want to switch in the middle of the scene – or at five-minute intervals – this will work out just fine. It is when you are considering a real (for want of a better term) collar – one that implies a D/s relationship – where a little more thought is required.

The key thing to remember is that, in this case, collaring means commitment.Of course, since collaring evolved out of the term “slave collar,” it does have D/s implications in it. But, to me, the commitment aspects seem far more critical than any Dominant/submissive facets of it. As all of our BDSM rituals are not strictly codified, and are loosely based on an oral tradition that dates back to the Old Guard Leather Societies, there are no hard and fast rules for collaring. Thus, I see no valid reason why the two of you cannot be collared to one another.

BDSM is a constantly evolving lifestyle. The question is how best to go about it.As I see it – and this is new territory for me — you should figure out a way to preserve the “slave collar” tradition and adapt it to your personal situation. And here is my suggestion. Try to figure out which of you is the more dominant partner. Surely, as switches, you do not switch exactly fifty percent of the time. (Possible, but unlikely.) In your life, there must be a hierarchy that gives one or the other a bit more dominance or a bit more submission. Or, you might want to see which of you is more dominant or submissive in play.

After ten year together, you should have a feel for the dynamics, no matter how subtle the distinction might be.Using either criterion, the more dominant partner can offer the more submissive one the collar. This keeps it within the basic D/s framework. And if you are contemplating a ceremony with lifestyle friends, they will be more concerned with the commitment part of the ceremony than the personal Dom/sub components of your relationship on a day-to-day basis.You might also find that having a contract — although in your case it would not be a typical “slave contract” — might add a bit of clarity to the breadth and scope of your BDSM relationship.

I am a big advocate of contracts; a contract would be a useful adjunct to your collaring. Besides, the negotiations involved with contracts can be incredibly enlightening.In general, my personal problem with collars is with the Velcro aspects of them, not the nuts and bolts of who is collaring whom. I see far too many collars that are shorter lived than a Hollywood marriage. I could care less if a collared couple does not maintain a D/s dynamic that is consistent.

Let them switch, let them have vanilla days. My concern is that the collar truly means commitment. And in your case, as a ten-year couple, it seems that you have the commitment thing down.So go out and have a great ceremony. There is nothing more beautiful than to see a collaring ceremony witnessed by lifestyle friends. Especially when you know that it is a truly meaningful collar.And in your case, it sure seems like this collar will be on your — or your partner’s — neck for a long time.


About the Author

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: baadmaster, bdsm, bdsm play, bottom, collar, cuffs, dom, domme, femdom, fetish, master, mistress, power exchange, sex, slave, submissive, Top, toys

Review: Locking / buckling wrist cuffs

July 29, 2017 By Desdemona 2 Comments

red cuffs stockroom

Dexx says:

Stockroom was kind enough to send us these leather cuffs to review, so we thought it would be rude not to strap anniebear into them and give her a good spanking. I can confirm that she was held firmly in place and despite some considerable moaning and squirming, she was quite unable to escape… mission accomplished.

These cuffs are part of the standard line of bondage accessories produced by Stockroom, hence the fairly plain sounding product name. They come in a range of colors, including black, pink, and red. We got the red ones, which look quite distinctive and never fail to attract a compliment when being used at a play party or dungeon.

The cuffs have a 2 inch wide main body which fit around the wrists, and then taper to thinner sections at either end. What this achieves is that the thin part can be tucked through and wrapped around the entire wrist. When compared with more traditional style cuffs, you get a much more comfortable and snug fit, and they are also especially robust and secure. Short of some heavy duty fabric shears, there’s no escaping these guys until the top says so!

The buckle features a loop, which allows you to attach padlocks to keep them properly locked if desired. There is also a sturdy D-ring, which is handy for attaching the cuffs to bed posts, dungeon furniture, or each other.

It took a couple of goes to fully understand how to loop them through to close them properly. But overall, these cuffs are sturdy, soft and reliable and I can see then becoming a regular feature of my toy box.

red cuffs ladder

anniebear says:

I love the helplessness of bondage – it intensifies the power exchange of D/s play and helps me get into a great headspace. If you haven’t had a good spanking while helpless and bound, you haven’t lived.

Leather cuffs like these are great for fast and practical bondage. They may not have the same sensual art as rope bondage, but they get the job done.

There are enough size options that you should be able to get them closed nice and snug, but with enough room so that they are comfortable and don’t inhibit blood flow etc. I had them attached to a loft ladder pulling my wrists high and wide, and they are wide enough that I was comfortable in this position for at least 15 minutes. They aren’t suspension cuffs, so I wouldn’t want them taking my body weight, but fine for holding the weight of my arms.

I love the striking red that these ones came in. They come in some other colors too – I wouldn’t mind trying out the pink ones some time. There are also matching ankle cuffs which I bet would go great with a spreader bar – looking forward to testing those out another time. You can get this this exact pair from Stockroom. Make sure to come back and let us know what you think!

Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, cuffs, dominant, fetish, handcuffs, leather, master, slave, Spanking, submission

Product Spotlight: The Versatility of Bondage Cuffs

June 19, 2017 By anniebear 1 Comment

Wrist cuffs by Masterbind
Wrist cuffs by Masterbind

Not enough can be said about bondage involving leather cuffs and straps. Bondage cuffs are often one of the first things a newbie gravitates toward when they’re just starting out (after fuzzy handcuffs of course ;). I think this is due to not only the versatility but also the immediate headspace that the wearing of cuffs and collars brings to the submissive or bottom. If you’re able to get creative with your bondage, you can wow your submissive and not break the bank by having to buy a hundred other toys at the same time.

This week we’d like to introduce you to “The Master,” the mastermind behind Masterbind (see what I did there?). If you’re looking to graduate from those Velcro cuff starter sets, this is the place to start and end. Master makes by hand each and every order per specified measurements. This means you can customize your cuffs to fit your specific submissive. Just looking for a catchall set to play with more than one person? The Master can advise you on the best sizing option or make an adjustable set. The best part about Masterbind, he doesn’t use stitching on any of his products. This means you can pull, push, and hang and they won’t give or rip. The Master says, “I build them to be extremely durable with the best leather around and solid hardware, these are meant for a lifetime of heavy use.” If you’re anything like my partner Dexx, this is a definite plus!

I’ve seen and experienced personally a number of creative methods for the use of bondage cuffs, check it out:

Immobilization
Strap up your submissive in a pair of sturdy leather cuffs, link them together in front (or back if you’re extra “evil) and lead them around like that for the night. Don’t unhook them even if they go to use the restroom. Pass them off to a trusted friend to “watch” for a few minutes. Put a pair on their ankles and link those together to limit mobility. From personal experience, it’s extra humiliating to have to shuffle around all night long getting caned for being too slow. Ahhhh the memories!

Cuffs with a leather connector from Masterbound
Cuffs with a leather connector from Masterbound

Make sure they can’t get away
When you’re ready for some fun play time, you can hook your slave up to any old hardpoint around with the use of carabineers or connectors. Usually dungeon furniture and St. Andrews crosses come equipped with these for easy attachment. Do you have a squirmy slave? All you need is a sturdy pole or column, place their back to it, and link their wrists behind them. No getting out of that.

Forget neckties and handcuffs
Cuffs are great in the bedroom. Loop a piece of chain or rope around a bed post or headboard through the cuffs links and your submissive is good to go…or not go anywhere rather. If your bed doesn’t have anywhere to hooks cuff, get creative and put your submissive on the floor hooking them to the bed leg.

Wacky ways to trap your submissive
Lay your submissive on their back and link the ankle cuffs to the wrist cuffs using a hogtie connector. This exposes some sensitive areas allowing easy access. If you have a hard point up above, you can even tie then to that, creating extra discomfort and exposure. There is also the traditional hogtie laying them on their stomach and reaching the arms back to connect the wrists to the ankles. I advise that this is not for the faint of heart and requires some amount of flexibility so use caution!

Don't know how to use rope? Get a hogtie connector and save yourself the hassle. Photo from Masterbind.
Don’t know how to use rope? Get a hogtie connector and save yourself the hassle. Photo from Masterbind.

I hope this gave you some devious ideas to pull from for your next scene. We’d love to hear about it in the comments!

Masterbind cuffs and accessories are available online via his store.

Tagged With: bondage, cuffs, leather, scene

Slave Contracts: Part One

November 23, 2015 By Baadmaster 6 Comments

Welcoming partner

“The elephant in the room.” You’ve heard that expression a million times. For us at Kink Weekly, the “elephant in the room” is Fifty Shades of Grey. It has brought a kinda-sorta BDSM consciousness to the masses; its effects, both good and bad, cannot be ignored. This article will not address the pros and cons of this film, but rather it will expand on one of the most discussed aspect of it – slave contracts. While BDSM styles, protocols and rituals come and go, slave contracts endure. Slave contracts, to this day, are an integral part of many D/s and BDSM relationships. Why?

First, they are sexy. One cannot get hotter than a paragraph that says, “I will devote myself completely and totally to the pleasure and desires of my Master…”

Second, they remind the Dom/me and the sub of their duties during the term of the contract.

Third, they do render a small amount of legal protection were issues of consent to arise. (One cannot legally consent to being beaten; but a contract with the word “consensual” in it can mitigate some legal concerns.)

Finally, they are fun.

As an exclusive to Kink Weekly, we have compiled a number of slave contracts. After all, one size does NOT fit all. Surely, with the selection we are presenting, you will find a template that fits your needs. And remember, these contracts are subject to negotiation!

This first contract is the one I use. It is not open ended, has some great general rules and contains a safe word. (Although some High Protocol Masters eschew the safe word, I always use it.) This contract covers a lot of the bases – especially addressing “Work Rules of Conduct.” And the “I” is in lower case to reinforce submission!

Master/Mistress and Slave

Of my own free will and out of a desire to express my love and devotion to the man (woman) i love and adore, i offer myself in slavery to my Master for the period beginning on __________ and ending at noon on_____________.
Although i consider myself to be slave full-time to Master, during the time period expressed above, i will devote myself completely and totally to the pleasure and desires of my Master, without hesitation or consideration of myself or others.

General Rules

The slave agrees to obey her Master in all respects. his/her mind, body, heart and time belong to Him . The slave accepts the responsibility of using her safe word (red!) or safe signal (to be agreed upon) when necessary, and trusts implicitly in her Master to respect the use of that safe word. If a condition arises in which the slave needs to use the safe word or gesture, her Master will assess the situation, and determine an appropriate course of action.

The slave shall keep her body available for the use of her Master at all times. In addition, the slave agrees that her Master possesses the right to determine whether others can use her body and what use they may put it to. The Master will discuss all such instances in advance with the slave, to be certain that such play with others will not violate any established limits. The slave shall demonstrate her acceptance of her role of service and availability at all times while at home and at other times and places specified by her Master. The slave acknowledges that her Master may use her body or mind in any manner He wishes within the parameters of safety. He may hurt her without reason to please Himself. The slave enjoys the right to cry, scream or beg, but accepts the fact that these heartfelt expressions will not affect her treatment. Further, she accepts that if her Master tires of her noise, he may gag her or take other actions to silence her.

The slave will answer any questions put to her honestly and directly, and will volunteer any information her Master should know about her physical or emotional condition. While her Master expects His slave to speak honestly and forth rightly about anything that bothers her, she is not to interpret that as permission to whine or complain. she will phrase her concerns politely and respectfully, and then gracefully accept her Master’s judgment in these matters without further complaint.
The slave will always speak of her Master in terms of love and respect. She will address him at all times as either “Master” or “Sir” (see Public Rules of Conduct).

The Master may give the slave “free periods” in His presence during which the slave may express herself openly and freely. There will be no punishments applied during “free periods.” It is understood, however, that the slave will continue to address her Master with respect and love at all times and that deviations from the rule are subject to punishment at a later time.
The slave agrees that severe punishment may be assessed for any infraction of the letter or spirit of the contract, and will accept the correction gratefully. The form and extent of the punishment shall be at the Master’s pleasure, and the Master shall make it clear to the slave that she is being punished when punishment occurs. The Master shall endeavor not to inflict physical harm upon the slave that might require the attention of anyone outside the relationship. Master and slave agree that in extremes either may activate a free period by using the safe word. The free period will continue until both parties agree that the problem(s) concerned are resolved.

The slave is permitted to engage in any and all activities not actively forbidden by the contract or by later edict of the Master. All rights and privileges not otherwise noted in this contract belong to the Master, and He may exercise them as He chooses.

Private Rules of Conduct

On days when her Master is at work, the slave will greet Him wearing her collar, wrist restraints, and a shirt belonging to her Master. She will wear no underclothes in His presence unless given permission. On days when the Master is home, the slave will wear whatever is deemed appropriate by her Master. When in the same room as her Master, the slave will ask permission before leaving the room, explain where she is going, and why. At mealtimes, the slave will serve her Master, and sit at His feet while He eats. Food for the slave will be given by the Master at His discretion. When speaking to her Master or being spoken to by Him, the slave will assume a demeanor of alert attention and will meet her Master’s eyes directly, unless instructed to do otherwise.

Public Rules of Conduct

The slave will conduct herself at all times in such a manner as to not call attention to Master and slave. she will call her Master/Mistress by His/Her name only if the use of “Master” is inappropriate. The slave will defer to her Master in public. The slave may dress herself, but must seek approval of any clothing she wishes to wear in public. Unless specifically stated otherwise, the slave may not wear panties.

Work Rules of Conduct

No part of the agreement is intended to interfere with the slave’s career. The Master wishes the slave to work hard and honestly, in general to conduct herself in a manner calculated to bring honor and respect to them both. During periods of work, the slave is permitted to schedule appointments, to dress in a manner appropriate to work, and to leave the house when necessary. During periods of work, the slave may answer the telephone and discuss business without the expressed permission of her Master. With my signature below, i agree to accept and obey all preceding rules as well as any rules my Master may choose to issue at a later date. i gratefully consign by body and soul to my Master for His pleasure and use for the contract period noted above.

_____________________________________________ slave __________________ Date

I accept My slave’s desire to serve Me more fully, and take responsibility for her well-being, training and discipline to more perfectly serve My will.

_________________________________________ Master/Mistress _________________ Date

For those of you who wish a shorter, more general and yet more sexually based slave contract, I offer the following:

Slave Contract

This contract sets out the conditions of mutual consent under which _________________________ is to be held in sexual bondage and the terms of her enslavement.

Of my own free will, I offer myself in slavery to my Master/Mistress for the period beginning on __________ and ending at noon on_____________.

This contract also affirms that she/he shall be offered the use of a safe word (safe word: _______), the use of which in any situation whatsoever automatically stops any activity at that time.

Slave also has the right to cancel any and all conditions of this contract at any time.

Conditions:
I accept sexual use and abuse of my body while under discipline for any purpose.
I accept that I shall be placed in and kept under strict discipline within the negotiated time limit.
I accept any form of punishment meted out to me while under discipline.
I accept any form of restraint and chastisement, administered as Master desires.
I accept that the various forms of torment to which I am to be subjected may cause suffering. I wish it to be known through this document that I am aware that any such suffering is part of my training program.
I accept that I am subject to the absolute rule of my Master and those to whom he delegates that rule. This may be taken to mean that I am subject to sale, exchange, or loan without redress to those of corresponding status with my Master, but only within the context of this contract.
I accept that subtle rebellion is expected of me, and lack of it taken to the point of docility is likely to terminate this contract.
I accept that no form of disobedience will be tolerated when in the company of my Master, other Masters or Mistresses and slaves and that I must conduct myself precisely as instructed on each specific occasion.
I accept that I remain under the disciplinary code imposed by this contract at all times and am bound by it’s terms and conditions in all situations, whether closely supervised or not.

I _________________________, do set my signature to this document of my own free will, thus becoming the property of _____________________________, in full understanding that I may be used for any sexual or disciplinary purpose whatsoever, without prior limits.

SIGNED: _____________________________________ slave Date: ____________

SIGNED: _____________________________________ Master Date: ____________

Next week, we will be presenting two more slave contracts, one of which will include collaring. With this selection, we hope you
can find the right slave contract for your relationship.

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, contracts, cuffs, dominant, dominatrix, dynamic, femdom, femsub, Journey, master, mistress, protocol, punishment, s-type, slave, slave contracts, submission, submissive, Terminology

anniebear the maid

October 12, 2015 By Desdemona 3 Comments

maid at work

Mistress is out again. At coffee, or lunch, or brunch. Probably brunch. anniebear cleans. Sweep, mop, scrub… the weight of metal on wrists, ankles, neck, reminding her of her submission.

Steel wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs supplied by Stockroom.

anniebear_maid-1
anniebear_maid-2
anniebear_maid-3
anniebear_maid-4
anniebear_maid-5 (1)
anniebear_maid-6
anniebear_maid-7
anniebear_maid-8
anniebear_maid-9

Tagged With: bdsm, cleaning, cuffs, femsub, handcuffs, maid, scene, service, sexy maid, submission

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