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self masturbation

Why Men Love To Watch Women Masturbate

October 13, 2021 By Kate Miller 2 Comments

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Why Men Love to Watch Women Masturbate 

When in the mood for love, men are believed to focus on themselves. However, there are those – and they are not few in number – who care about things beyond getting into your pants immediately. There are all kinds of men. Some love to watch women touch themselves, others feel unessential and even unwanted when they do it. These men tend to be insecure. They feel an overwhelming burden of responsibility to be the only source of the woman’s pleasure and feel like failures if and when they aren’t.    

Of those that like watching, the reasons for their interest are more complex than you might think. 

1. An affirmation of you as a sexual being 

To some men, the fact that women are sexual beings with sexual desires not unlike theirs comes as a nice surprise. If your partner tells you he wants to watch you masturbate, it’s very sex positive. Letting him watch you explore your needs and bring yourself to orgasm can be incredibly arousing for both of you. It’s hard to argue against the positivity of it all. 

2. It’s Educational

Most women come by fingering themselves and many men don’t know that. Porn doesn’t help either. Men can learn new and exciting ways to touch you by watching you play with yourself. Your partner should be someone that cares about your pleasure. He should learn how to push you over the edge into orgasm or how to achieve it more quickly and he can do that by watching you.

3. It’s really arousing 

Men are highly visual and watching women masturbate can be a great form of foreplay for them. Having a real living and breathing woman naked in front of you, moaning and orgasming, is much better than porn. Men are very aroused when they watch you pleasuring yourself. 

4. It’s Still Taboo 

Believe it, in some parts of the world at least, women masturbating is still seen as taboo. We’re turned on by naughty things. When you have a man watch, you’re asking him to take part apart from doing something taboo.  

5. It’s as Intimate as it Gets

When you invite him to watch you, masturbation becomes a form of communication. You’re showing him that’s something you enjoy, you’re trusting him, and you’re willing to feel vulnerable just to share it with him. 

On Watching and Voyeurism 

There are some men who are absolutely crazy about watching women masturbate. They’re called voyeurs. Voyeurism is where you experience arousal by watching people engaging in sexual activities or naked people. Usually, the biggest pleasure comes from watching others, because we get most of our sensory information from the eyes. In addition, voyeurs are turned on by listening to other people’s sexual experiences or hearing people in the act. 

Voyeurism is an extremely common fetish and nothing to be ashamed of in most cases. Almost everyone in the world watches porn and one could argue that pleasure is voyeuristic in nature. 

Why is It a Fetish?

Different people are turned on by different things, so it really depends on what you like and want to do. Voyeurism is an unconventional way of experiencing sex. You’re seeing what gives someone pleasure, the position, when they moan the loudest, when and how they orgasm. 

When is Voyeurism not OK? 

It’s not ok if the person doesn’t know you’re watching them, obviously. It’s also not acceptable when the person has made it clear she doesn’t want to be watched. You shouldn’t insist if that’s the case. 

Myths and Misconceptions Surrounding Female Masturbation 

Quite a few myths surround this pleasurable pastime. We present some of the most common ones. We’ll start with misconceptions surrounding sex toys. 

Some men think we keep the toys we use to masturbate in something like a treasure chest. That we pick them with painstaking care. In most cases, they’re propped up against the window, and we tend to have a current favorite, so we don’t do much choosing. What they don’t suspect is that the girl’s toy of choice might be quite unusual, like a double ended dildo. Some heterosexual couples use them together. Want to know more? Check out the double ended ones from this website. 

Then, guys think girls do something to get “in the mood.” They listen to sexy music first or engage in another kind of preparation. In fact, men and women are very similar in this. It’s something you just do if you have a few extra minutes.  

Finally, guys think girls take all of their clothes off to masturbate. Again, we are more like guys than they imagine. 

How to Make It as Good as Possible 

Finally, a tip from us: if you’re going to masturbate in front of your partner, don’t be afraid to moan and show them just how much you’re loving it. Touch your nipples, stroke your breasts, and tell him not to touch you or himself until you’ve come. He could penetrate you as soon as you have.  

Tagged With: bdsm, female orgasm, female pleasure, fetish, kink, masturbation, mutual masturbation, orgasm, orgasm control, self masturbation

Orgasm Control

February 20, 2021 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

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This is a question that is self-explanatory.  So here it is:

Reader: Orgasm control and denial are topics of interest for me. I’ve heard lots of good things, but also that it can cause negative side effects. What do you think? Any tips?

First things first.  Can denial produce negative effects?  Many old wives’ tales suggest this to be true.  Some claimed that too much sex is bad; others said that denial is the road to ruination.  In the Reefer Madness era, believe it or not, there were even ones that said you would go blind if you masturbated excessively.  Yet the worst that happened to me is that I wear contact lenses.  Negative effects from orgasm control are a similar urban sex legend.  Sexual denial usually produces no negative effects — other than causing fewer orgasms in your life. Albeit bigger ones!

The purpose of orgasm manipulation is basically to make for better, bigger more intense orgasms.  (Sounds like a late night TV advertisement for the Orgasmotron – but wait, there’s more!)  Most of us practice a form of orgasm control even in the vanilla sex world. — most men delay orgasm for as long as possible to increase mutual pleasure.  But in BDSM, we have raised this to an art form.  Let’s look at the two major classes of devices used in orgasm control – the “chastity belt” and the “cock cage”.

Since many things old become new, the chastity belt for females is making a comeback.  As we become a more  egalitarian society, it was only natural to expect chastity devices to be equally available to all sexes. Or to put it into Mad Men advertising language, “Chastity devices ain’t just for men anymore.”  The effect of a chastity belt worn by a submissive – both from a role play point of view and a control perspective – can be awesome.  Recently, lightweight plastic/composite belts have replaced the old bulky leather/metal ones; these high-tech belts are not the heavy locked affairs of Elizabethan times.  These modern versions are a unique (although expensive) way for a Dominant to establish the ultimate in orgasmic and sexual control. 

The cock cage too has felt the advancement of technology in its development.  From the early plastic versions (the CB 2000) to the modern stainless alloy types, just like face-masks, they are available in a myriad of designs.   (Once this pandemic is over, you can use your spare face-masks for BDSM play!)  But whether  used for pleasure or punishment – or anything in between – ultimately the aim of such devices is to make your play more exciting.  

There is no doubt that sexual denial can increase horniness.  (Just go to a singles bar on a Friday right after work.)  But if you practice sexual denial on purpose, you can increase the anticipation and raise the sexual excitement to a fevered pitch.  “Don’t masturbate (or have sex) until I see you next week” is a popular Dominant’s technique that can turn the submissive into a horny, sex-crazed obsessive by the time they see each other.  

Another technique of orgasm control is that of bringing a submissive to the brink of climax over and over again.  Whether ending in a “ruined orgasm” or a “super orgasm,” this “tease and denial” technique can be done over a period of hours (or days…WOW!) and can be excruciatingly exciting.  Coupling BDSM play with “tease and denial” in a s scene a great way to produce explosive orgasms.

There is one area I have left to last – the legendary training of a submissive to “cum on command.”  This has an almost mythic quality to it; it appears to be the ultimate Dominant achievement.  I have heard tales of a Master being able to order his slave to cum via telephone and the slave doing so without even touching herself.  I personally have never witnessed this; nor have I ever achieved this feat.

What I have done is to train a submissive to become extremely sexually excited via a voice command.  The training technique I use is to deny orgasm over a period of time, thus building a heightened state of arousal.  Then you link your voice command to this excited state – by stating your command at the time of highest sexual arousal.  This conditioned response training is one way to get closest to making the submissive “cum on command.”  And maybe, using this technique over a period of time, it can actually be accomplished.

As with all my suggestions, they are just that – suggestions.  So let me know your experiences.  Good luck!


After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, femdom, fetish, kink, orgasm, orgasm control, power dynamic, power exchange, self masturbation, sexual freedom, submissive

How To Whip Yourself

November 14, 2020 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

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I frequently see questions about how to play by one’s self. In this day and age of plague, it’s particularly important to take care of our own needs. I have always been able to do so, not relying on a partner to give me the pleasures I like most.

This third self-play article will cover an easy impact technique anyone can use with a belt, flogger, and even a short single tail.

First, get a leather belt. If you don’t already have one in your play kit, you can get an inexpensive one from any decent clothing store. Target regularly has them for under twenty dollars. I have found beautifully broken in belts at thrift stores also. They clean up easily enough with soap and water and some shea butter or coconut oil for conditioner.

The length of the belt doesn’t really matter so long as it’s not too long. Something in the 30 to 36 inch range is fine. When folded over, it will be the perfect length.

Standing is a better position so you can swing freely and not smack the bed, chair or sofa. But on your knees on a bed works too.

Start off swinging around your ribs to your back. You may be surprised how much effort is needed to give yourself a good smack. It can be a pretty decent arm workout.

Then over your shoulders. The movies make it look so easy, don’t they?  

Inner thighs are right there. Buttocks, back of thighs. Varying the speed changes up the force of impact.

A broken-in belt is easier than a new one, but a new one will be broken in after a few sessions. A studded belt adds another degree of intensity. Some people I know have liked to use the buckle end rather than the leather in the middle. Give it a try; see if you agree.

A game I have played:

Sit down to watch a show on regular television. Commercial comes on, pick up the belt and beat yourself with it until the show comes back. Sit back, watch the show. Commercial comes on, pick up the belt and beat yourself with it. The resting between lets the endorphins come forward into a delicious high – for me, at least. The high is my goal in the first place.

By the 45 minute mark, commercials created an almost Pavlovian response in me.

You can create your own games, such as “1 strike every time someone on a show says the word “the” or “and”, or says a particular character’s name. Then give yourself that many strikes at the next commercial break, or wait and add them all up when the show is over.

All of these things can be done with a short flogger also. Something fifteen to eighteen inches overall length will do. It needs to be hefty enough that the falls have impact. Too long and too thin is difficult to throw over one’s own shoulder and get the impact desired. Shorter is easier to control and strike where you want.

Guess what? You can use a short whip too! I bought a pair of mini snake whips from Highland Whip Design (Instagram – HighlandWhipDesign; Fetlife — https://fetlife.com/users/7280606) and they can absolutely be used to whip one’s self using the same around the ribs and over the shoulder techniques. In fact, while he was finishing them, I asked him if it would reach well for that and he did it on himself to confirm that, yes, absolutely, these will whip one’s own back.

Between these two how-to articles, you have four different implements you can use almost all over on your body. Start with the flogger for warming up. Move on to the belt and then the wooden spoon. Conclude with the whip for that final sharp sting. Hours of self-play are at your fingertips. 

If you aren’t too hard on yourself, you can do this every day if you want.

——–

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written two “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and over 25 fiction books.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

FB Fan Page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseGethis/

Twitter — https://twitter.com/DameTyler or @DameTyler

She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, canes, crops, fetish, flogging, impact play, kink, masochism, pleasure, power exchange, sadism, sadomasochism, scene, scene partner, self bondage, self masturbation, sex, whips

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