• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • New to kink?
    • Articles for beginners
  • Contribute
  • BDSM Buying Guide

Kink Weekly

BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource

Home » bdsm community » Page 12

bdsm community

How Do Submissives “Enjoy” Physical and/or Emotional Discomfort?

February 27, 2021 By Ms. Rika 2 Comments

hot lesbian rope bunnies
via stock.adobe.com

I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!  

This entry, I’d like to share some thoughts from a FetLife conversation that revolved around the notion  that submissives “Enjoy” punishment, pain, and denial…and the question of how they deal with doing  something they don’t really enjoy. 

I brought up the point that I’ve shared here in previous columns in Kinkweekly: That feeling compelled  to do (or endure) something you normally wouldn’t, forces the submissive to rationalize why they are  allowing it (or going along with it) …and that the popular rationalization is that they are out of control  and under the command of their partner – that they are “Forced” to accept the discomfort. This serves to build the façade of power that allows both partners to obfuscate the reality of consent and enjoy  their dynamic despite the continued existence of free-will. 

I’ve used this point to argue why punishment isn’t actually the most effective tool in changing behavior  in submissives, since, although the submissive might dislike the punishment itself, they crave the  concept that their partner has the authority to punish them. The more distasteful the punishment, the  greater the perceived authority of the dominant, the more ‘enjoyment’ for the submissive. Obviously  counter-productive to actual behavior modification. 

During the conversation, one friend, who goes by the auspicious username of 000-298-237 (his friends  call him ‘7’…jk ) posted an interesting point of view regarding the use of the word ‘enjoyment’. With  his permission, I’m quoting him here: 

“Enjoy” has become a difficult word over the years. There is a great deal that goes  on, no matter the relationship or the context, that isn’t “enjoyable”. I still do things. 

I have pursued the craft of blacksmithing for more than two decades now. There is a  saying “Blacksmithing without burns is like expecting to swim without getting wet.”  I’ve had my share of burns, thankfully, through care and luck I’ve not had any that  required serious medical attention. I did reach the place where I let the burn sizzle so  as to not spoil the weld. (It’s not masochism in such circumstances, trust me.) I  haven’t stopped my smithing due to burns. I do not enjoy burns. Particularly the ones  on the inside of the hand where there is no nursing them if the work needs to continue. I still don’t stop smithing. 

About the same time, I came to hear “swimming without getting wet” I was in about  my third year of chastity with a full belt. (A Goenthals for the curious.) That’s when  “enjoy” started becoming an awkward word. “You must really enjoy chastity to be in  that belt so much.” Most were surprised to hear me say “no”. And later, “‘Enjoy’ has  nothing to do with it, but it’s not a hair shirt, either.” The side that gets little press  about such things is the work of it. It wasn’t discomfort or denial. Even if it had become easy routine, the level of maintenance of belt and body requires dedication  and effort. I’d explain this. 

“But if you don’t enjoy it, why do you do it?” My reasons were several, and several  were my own. It was not completely the whim and insistence of a Superior, and even  when it was it wasn’t about what either of us “enjoyed”. Most of my specific reasons  I don’t care to share here. Really, the specific reasons aren’t germaine. 

“I appreciate it.” 

Changing one word makes a world of difference, at least for me. My world has a lot  of joy in it. My relationships have had a great deal of joy too. Sometimes the greatest joy has come when there was the least to be enjoyed. Maybe it’s age, but even younger I was little moved to do something simply because I might enjoy it.  That’s for decisions like “I think I’ll pick up a candy bar when I stop for gas and milk.  I’ll enjoy the ride home a little more with a candy bar to munch on.” 

There’s much I don’t enjoy in service or submission. There’s much I don’t enjoy about  being a father, or when I was a husband, or sub, or slave, or employee, or employer.  I’ve appreciated and more than appreciated all of that. My love and appreciation has  not diminished when dealing with dirty diapers or the considerably greater quantities of manure a horse can produce. I can’t say I’ve enjoyed the blood or vomitus or any of the several other less than pleasant substances and experiences of  tending to people who are ill. I still do it. And I appreciate them, and the relationship,  and the circumstances and environment and more. I’m profoundly grateful for them. 

Joy does not mean enjoy. 

I love this last phrase, “Joy does not mean enjoy”. In a nutshell, this is it. We can like the fact that we  do things, even though we don’t like the things we’re doing. The price we pay for joy often comes at the  cost of ‘enjoy’. Submissives derive pleasure from unpleasurable things…it’s not a paradox…it’s a fact of  natural human life. We all have experienced this. 

At the end of the day, power dynamics are just extensions of our other natural desires. There isn’t  anything unique or puzzling about sacrifice for devotion and caring. We can find pleasure in enduring  the unpleasurable. “Love hurts”.  

I found this an interesting perspective and wanted to share it with you. I Hope you find it thought-provoking as well! 


 Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her  husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, bottom, dominant, fetish, impact play, kink, submissive, Top

Slave Auction-It’s For A Good Cause

February 27, 2021 By eve 2 Comments

hot male submissive in collar
via stock.adobe.com

***All works of erotica are fictional. We never condone anything that is not safe and consensual.


A box was at the top of the stairs for cell phones, house rules. Each participant had signed a contract for tonight’s session. A faint smell of incense meets everyone as they make their way into the transformed basement. The only light is from a strand of Christmas lights stapled across an exposed beam. Oversized pillows and rugs covered the floor in front of a brown plush couch, which has seen better days. A padded sawhorse with straps and St. Andrews cross featured in the middle of the room. Speakers hidden behind draped fabric played 80’s hairband music. The music clashed with the vibe. It should have been sitars and ethereal voice drawing the participants into the Arabian night fantasy. Tonight, I was the watcher. A group of t-shirt and bare-chested men were making conversation on the far side of the staircase. The music quieted, a voice from upstairs called, “draw near, the auction will begin.” Each stair has a set of bare feet and legs. 

The robed herald leads the line of slaves to the center of the room. The men on the far side fell in behind and immediately began to handle and inspect what was on offer. Each slave wore only a collar with a card hanging from it. The hard limits for each slave were stated on the label. The first beast on offer was male; his loose black curls covered his eyes. His mouth had been painted bright pink. It shimmered from the cheap gloss that had been used to begin his humiliation. A small pink ribbon encased his balls and accentuated his semi-erect cock. A Dom, bare-chested wearing cowboy boots and a pair of pressed jeans, ran his hand from the nape of curls to the slave’s full round ass. He sniffed closely and called to his compatriots, “boys, I smell fresh meat.” The bawdy laughter of the Masters’ filled the room with an eerie sense of the satisfaction they would take in those on offer tonight.

“What’s this useless Fuckwad afraid of?” he asked indifferently, smacking the slave’s ass, leaving a handprint on the soft pink flesh. The slave didn’t make a sound or make eye contact with the handler who held his collar. 

“Oh, I think this will please you, Sir, no feet, that’s it.” With that, two other Doms approach and inspect the slave. One forces its’ mouth open and sticks two fingers to the back of the slave’s throat. He looks at the other Dom and says, “yeah, he’d do,” He presses down on the sex-slave’s head, forcing him to his knees. The Dom lines his leather-clad crotch with Fuckwad’s face. 

LeatherD taps the handler on the shoulder, “let’s get started. This one amuses me.” The three men step back and wait for the auction to begin. “Tonight, is for real money. It all goes to a local charity. There is a minimum of 300.00 per slave but no maximum.”

I open my book and record the pen name (fuckwad) for the first. Bidding starts with 300.00 and goes up to $20.00 between the three men until they reach 500.00. A 500, the handler uses a crop and smacks the thighs and stomach of Fuckwad. “Gentleman, this one wants to be used hard and made very wet” He laughs at his own pun. Leather-clad Dom takes the bait, he approaches Fuckwad and roughly opens his mouth.

“$700.00.”

The other Doms raise their hands in surrender.

“Sold for tonight only, Fuckwad to LeatherD.” I record the amount in my book. 

LeatherD clips a lead onto Fuckwad’s collar and yanks him towards his table. Slave followed, all eyes in the room turned to watch. The sex-toy is now fully erect, and precum glistens on the head. LeatherD smacks the member and warns the useless fucker that he will regret cummings without permission or giving his money’s worth. 

“Yes, sir,” seeps from his lips. With lightning speed, LeatherD had a hand full of curls and forced his slave to his knees. “Don’t speak! Every time you do something without permission, it’s five with the flogger. Nod if you understand. Your safe work is can-opener.” Master delivers three tight smacks to the slave’s cheek. “I don’t like to repeat myself,” he continues to smack the other cheek as the slave nods. 

Fuckwad’s cheeks were flushed from the smacks, he nodded, and a grin came across his face. I waited for the smirk to turn into a saucy comeback, but he stayed silent. LeatherD removed the ribbon with a deft hand and put a silicone cock ring around his play toy’s balls. Fuckwad stood ready for inspection, his fingered interlaced behind his head. Leather D had put wrist cuffs on his slave after he had inspected for cuts and bruises. “Safe, sane, and consensual,” he said, and he cracked a crop across his slave’s thigh.

“Ow!” shot out of Fuckwad’s mouth, and his eyes bulged the second he realized he had made a sound. 

Without breaking stride, Master quipped, “that’s five slave- do keep track.” Fuckwad nodded but didn’t make a sound. 

I could see him trying to look through his curls and keep his head bowed. Master for the night took inventory and continue to size him up. LeatherD tweaked the toy’s nipples, slapped his cock, and grumbled insults. All the while, the rest of the room continued with their inspection of the other slaves. Leather D held a flogger and nipped at the toy, flicking and barely making contact. Master soothed the awakened flesh with his large, calloused hands, grabbing and squeezing Fuckwad’s ass. Master circled like a shark dizzying its prey. 

“You were fucking looking at me, you piss ass, don’t you dare look at me. You are a goddam waste of flesh. Your father would have been better off wanking off into the harbor, rather than your useless mother.” He spits in the slave’s face.

LeatherD turned his back on the room and inspected the items he had prepared for the evening. He pulled a deep red flogger. It must have had 100 falls; it was stunning. Extending his arms, the fall draped over on forearm. He displayed the flogger, holding it up, so close Fucktard automatically turned away. “That’s another 5 -you pussy,” Master drew back and walked behind. “Count bitch, what is your safeword?

“Can-opener” was clear as a bell, a sign Fuckwad was delighted to have Master punish him. Master did a final inspection of his toy’s thighs, ass, and back. He murmured something in approval. The first lash was met with little more than a murmur and the count of one. Fuckwad stood unrestrained hands clasped in front of him, feet shoulder-width apart. The next four were delivered in quick succession from thighs, ass, and back. He hesitated only to hear the count. On the third lash, Fuckwad wavered on the count as he fought to keep his position against the force. Master said, “that hesitation gets a do-over; let’s try that again, slut.” This lash had full force behind it. Leaving stripes across Fuckwad’s back. 

“Three,” he blurted out and bit down on his lower lip. The strikes to the ass were the hardest from the sound and the resolve of Fucktwad’s tone. The final strike was not hard but airy, making contact between the shoulder blades and dragging the falls softly down the slave’s back. The flesh was crimson with streaks. Master rubbed and soothed the flesh as he walked Fuckwad towards his table, “good slave, hands on the table.”

Master removed the cock ring, and Fuckwasd shuttered as he held his load. He took a vibrating prostate stimulator, applied lubricant to the tip, and cut a length of bondage tape. Fuckwad was moved to the far side of the stairs, where the light was lower, and the others would have to consciously shift to continue to watch the session play out. Master clipped the cuff to a nylon strap that had been wrapped around the exposed crossbeam. Fuckwad was no longer able to stand flatfooted. He was upon his toes and fighting to keep balanced. Master spread his toy’s ass check and slowly inserted the anal stimulator. A groan of pleasure rose from his slave. A piece of bonding tape kept it in place. The slave’s cock was red and engorged from the stimulation. Master’s finger flicked the tip, after the fourth or fifth flick, his slave winced. Long firm strokes were met with breathless moans. Smack, “I didn’t give you permission to speak. Now you wait.”

LeatherD leaned against the table and unzipped his pants. His erect cock released and ready, “look at me, slave,” he held his toy’s eye and began to stroke. The slave’s cock seeped and jumped with excitement. Master circled Fuckwad and tapped the anal probe quickly. He held his slave to his chest. It was too much to endure. “Please let me cum?”

“Not yet,” Master held his slave tighter and increased the intensity.

“Oh, Oh, Ogh, please, Master?” the speech was practiced. Tethered to the ceiling on his toes, he opened his legs and held his load on the edge of ecstasy.

“You cum after I do.” He ripped the bondage tap away and removed the simulator. Master stood behind the slave and penetrated him. The slave threw his head back in pleasure. LeatherD was tall and tucked himself in under the restrained fuck toy. Bringing his slave to the edge again, removed himself and released the slave. Without prompting Fuckwad was on his knees, hands behind his back, sweat running down his body, and his master’s cock was in his mouth. The face fucking was relentless, Fuckwad gagged and drooled, taking his Master deep. Leather D lost control, just for a moment. I caught the look of pleasure as he watched the slave bring him to climax. He came in the slave’s mouth, and the cum dripped off his chin. He made no effort to clean his face. 

“Bring me the horse, I will finish you off hard, and you will be grateful.” Leather D used a towel and zipped his pants back up. He stepped into a dildo harness with a nine-inch bright orange cheetoh of a cock. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen. 

Fuckwad lifted and carried the awkward piece of furniture, avoiding contact with his cock, which was still hard but slightly less engorged. “You ready to cum, my boy?” he said with a smile. He strapped his slave down lengthwise. Fuckwad’s cock pressing against the edge of the horse, I’m guessing he wished for a glory hole right about now. Fuckwad’s new position drew the attention of another Dom. 

He stood in front of Fuckwad, “may I use the front end? He seems talented?”

LeatherD laughed and slapped slave’s ass hard, “he is a good cocksucker, useless as a man, good fuck toy, though. Use that end at your leisure.”

With a condom clad member, Leather D pound Fuckwad, letting him moan and writhe to his heart’s content. He struggled with the desire to curl in on himself as Leather D rode him because his mouth was full of a relatively thick and short penis. He gagged as the cock was forced to the back of his throat.

“Do that again. He gave a little extra to me when you did that,” he said to the guest. His slave’s eyes watered, and he gagged on the short cock as he felt his release. His cock twitched so fervently it hit the horse as he came. Every nerve was stimulated. He was electric with the awakening his body was going through. You could see it. After he came, you could see the energy leave him. He was spent. LeatherD finished, and the other Dom walked away as he came on Fuckwad’s face. He nodded at his fellow Dom in thanks. LeatherD released Fuckwad and wrapped him in a warm blanket. 

“You served me well, have some fruit from the tray, and you can sit at my feet.”

They joined the group and watched the proceeding in the other part of the dungeon.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, fetish, kink, power exchange, slave, slave auction, slave contracts, slave positions, slave training

This week in kink: February 22, 2021

February 20, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Be sure to check out PV Chat, a movie about a gambler who falls in love with a Dominatrix.

Click below to learn more about the film from Dazed!


Daily news explains that France wants to set the age of consent to 15.

This would legalize folks 18+ being able to sexually engage with minors 15 and over.

Click below to read more.

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/ny-france-set-age-sexual-consent-15-amid-increasing-public-pressure-20210211-nljkhi7uznhonkdgmqrt5kevii-story.html

CNN shares that Utah refused to pass a bill that would require consent be taught in sex education classes.

Click below to learn more.


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, consent, dominatrix, fetish, kink, sex, Sex Work Community, sex worker rights, sex workers

This week in kink news: February 15, 2021

February 14, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Don’t miss Kink, an amazing collection of erotic stories that explores many aspects of BDSM.

Folks are saying this may be the “new 50 Shades of Grey!”

Click below to learn more from Daily Mail.com


D1 Softball News reports that Emma Watson is a kink advocate. She raves about kinksters being the best at communication.

Click below to find out more about her views on BDSM and feminism.

http://www.d1softballnews.com/emma-watson-makes-amazing-revelations-about-her-sexuality/

We, at Kink Weekly, support the Sex Work Industry and sex workers.

With this being said, please check out this important article that explains the negatives around consuming free adult content from healthline.

Click below to read more!


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm erotica, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, communication, consent, fetish, kink, negotiations, power exchange, Sex Work Community, sex worker rights, sex workers

Interview With Mira O’Hart

February 14, 2021 By slave_bunny 2 Comments

  1. How did you get into writing? What draws you to writing erotica?

I’ve always loved writing and language. It appeals to me that there are so many options in how to express something. I began writing this novel as a teen. It didn’t have its current form then; it was a compilation of short stories in my journal. It was a way of expressing thoughts and feelings that I didn’t have another way to express.

  1. Do you identify as kinky in your personal life?

Currently I identify as a Sadomasochist. I’m drawn to multiple aspects of BDSM and have enjoyed scenes as a top and bottom and had a long term BDSM relationship.

  1. If so, how does this affect your writing?

I think the fact that I have ‘played’ and felt and used the implements that I write about makes my work more authentic than a writer who has never had these experiences. For instance, someone who has never enjoyed a single-tail may assume they cause only pain, whereas I know they can bring immense pleasure in the right hands and when that person is finished with you- you’re thrilled to be a pile of goo at their feet. It’s this sensation I want to put across when aaron first meets his Master.

  1. What do you feel are the things that make great works of erotica?

I think for the reader to find the scene ‘hot’ the writer has to first find it hot. My work tends to have a lot of M/m with BDSM elements but not a lot of explicit sex or graphic depictions. Why? Because the chaining and beating and groveling are what does it for me. There are only two actual ‘sex’ scenes in the book, because, for me, sex is not the focus.

  1. Do you feel that erotica must always come across as ethical? Why or why not?

No. Readers need to exert their own judgement there. Some fantasies can be dark. In consensual BDSM scenes we negotiate them out and keep everyone safe. In a fictional world with fictional characters a writer can be free to take the reader on a more extreme ride. Is this the same as what we would actually want done to us? Perhaps not, but it’s great creative fuel for a fun consensual scene later. 

  1. What projects are you currently working on?

I am currently working on book two of the series. When I need a break, I have another less developed piece that I play with. It may become a novel someday.

  1. Besides being a writer, what would you like our readers to know what about you?

 I don’t fit well in any box. I’m a wiccan, I’m homoflexible, I am kind and loving and I’m a conservative. It’s terrifying to say that in today’s world, because you instantly get hated. I love animals. I have two cats I adore. I can’t wait for Covid to be over so that I can travel again or take in a museum or Broadway show. I’m fortunate to have a great family and friends, and I am still hoping to find a long- term lifestyle relationship (fingers crossed). 

  1. Where can our readers find you online?

I’m on Fetlife frequently; I use Mira O’Hart as my profile name.

  1. What would you say is your overall mission regarding your work?

To give life and expression to my characters. It was so fulfilling to publish book one. It’s an amazing feeling that people around the world are reading my words. This was my dream for decades as my characters took their first breaths in the pages of my diary.

  1. Any closing words?

I’d like to try to explain the world/setting a bit. In my fictional world: The United States are still operating under the Articles of Confederation – ie. The States never unified, slavery remained legal in some States and not in others, but it’s not a North/South thing. With today’s racial tensions, I had some fears that people might misconstrue it as a racially motivated work. It is not. In book two I might get to play around more with how differently some States developed. Technology is quite different (think 1940’s or so). Not everyone has cars, or phones. No computers, no cell phones. TV’s are very new and expensive. Also, slave names are intentionally lower case, like we do in the scene. The exception is Sugar, because she doesn’t even listen to me.


Mira O’Hart credits her life long love of words, books and language to her Mom, who read to her every day. “Bookie” was one of her first words and publishing her own novel became a goal by age 10. Mira studied Journalism and Psychology at Penn State and later returned for a Master’s Degree in Education. Her varied career has included journalism, community mental health and school counseling.

Her passions include reading, writing, animals and travel. Italy and Greece are two of her favorite places visited so far. Her love of the written word has inspired her to study ancient languages including Latin, Egyptian Hieroglyphs and Summarian. She lives in North Eastern Pa with her cats, Tilly and Chloe.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm erotica, erotica, fetish, kink

How To Be A Better Dominant

February 14, 2021 By Evie Lupine 2 Comments

Do you identify as a D-type?

Do you want to improve your power exchange relationships?

Do you realize that there’s always room for improvement?

Then, check out this awesome video by Evie Lupine on how to improve your Domming/Dommeing skills!

How to Be a Better Dominant

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bottom, dominant, femdom, fetish, kink, master, mistress, power exchange, slave, submissive, Top, topping from the bottom

Neurodiversity In Kink

February 7, 2021 By Baron Von Aaron 2 Comments

sexy power exchange couple, submissive blindfolded
via stock.adobe.com

It turns out that kink isn’t just a haven for those who think differently, it’s actually a healthy outlet for those whose brains work differently.

Spend any time around a dungeon or kink event and the first thing you will notice is the hugely diverse representation in many spaces. As BDSM, and Kink as a wider subculture, grows in popularity as a place where people who might not find their identity elsewhere to create a niche for themselves, we have invariably seen a lot of neurodiversity grow within the BDSM subculture, especially as more neurodivergent people find BDSM and the social elements of their communities to be valuable networks for support.

What is Neurodiversity?

If you’re new to the Neurodiversity conversation, then perhaps some of the terms used will be a bit confusing. They sound like something from a young adult sci-fi novel, and many of them do come from that same place. To make things simple, neurodiversity is the idea that our brains all work in different ways. This doesn’t make any specific way right or wrong, nor does it place value on any specific neurological makeup. It just recognizes that what you might think of as “Normal” is only one of many ways to do things.

Within Neurodiversity, there are two categories: Neurodivergent and Neurotypical. These words describe a person’s position within neurodiversity. A neurotypical person has a brain that one might say works in the ways that society expects them to. They go about their day with no real significant challenges that one might expect to face no matter what. A neurodivergent person, however, has a brain that works differently and, as the neurotypical folks make up a majority of the world, may struggle with certain aspects of life based on their ability to adapt to expectations.

Examples of neurodivergence make up several different social, attention, and mood disorders; conditions like ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, Executive Function Disorders, Autism, CPTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, etc. These conditions have been seen as lifelong illnesses, but many within the neurodiversity community use terms like neurodiversity to de-pathologize these disorders, recognizing that, while some may need higher levels of support than others, it is better to fit these disorders under a social model for disability rather than a pathological disorder intended to be treated and possibly cured.

Neurodivergence in Kink

All activism related talk aside, though, neurodiversity is at the core of the BDSM subculture, and local kink communities draw in many neurodivergent people for varying reasons. I myself am an autistic adult and I suffer from several complex trauma processes, and I find a lot of fulfillment in the community.

The reasons behind why many neurodivergent people might find their local dungeon or BDSM munch to be a welcome haven are as varied as the needs of each person are. Each one of us has our own experience which dictates how we interact with the world around us. 

We ND (short for Neurodivergent) folks do often have similar shared struggles, such as:

• Difficulty with changing routines or expectations

• Trouble reading or trusting social cues and coding

• A hard time processing complex or overly simple sensory input

• Hard time responding to unclear communication or shifting focus

• Difficulty with or a deep reliance on nuance or grey areas

The level and ways each person struggles will be unique to the individual and circumstances, and many neurodivergent people do an excellent job at working with these struggles to still maintain what might be considered the label of “High functioning”, or capable of functioning in a world that relies heavily upon and often demands a certain skill set in these areas.

Because of this, the world of Kink draws in many neurodivergent people. The reasons for this stem from two distinct realities for most neurodivergent people. Firstly, many of us see the world in a way that neurotypical people might not. Both because of our differing brains and the lived experience that comes with that, we tend to see things from our own unique perspective, and the freedom in exploration that kink provides us can be a wonderful space for us to live in.

The second reason is, as we work in our daily lives to overcome some of the expectations that are placed on us, the BDSM and Kink worlds offer us an environment with certain amounts of stability in expectations, outcomes, and roles. Communication and personal expression are an important part of Kink, and because of this, it gives us a great space to thrive.

You will often see neurodivergent people actively participating in our local communities because of this, whether it’s by leading, volunteering, teaching, helping others, or building a community structure. These activities allow us not only to fit in within the cultural context, but also allow us to thrive in our roles because of our unique talents and skills. Many of us have a unique heart for bringing in others, making people feel welcome, and want to build a safe place for people like ourselves, so we tend to dive in.

It also is an easy place for us to feel part of things. Many of us struggle in one way or another with standard social expectations. Whether that is due to trouble making new connections, struggles with shifting social hierarchy struggles with forms of executive function, the desire to be social without the energy to engage socially, there are a number of ways that being part of a bigger movement can help.

Communicating with Neurodivergent People and Partners

One key area where Neurodivergent people struggle is with communication. Now many of us are amazing communicators. We teach and speak and write, and many of the most interesting voices in our subculture today are ND. We aren’t incapable of communicating by any means.

On the contrary, we are typically eager to communicate and connect. However, many people are not taught to understand the ways we communicate (a great example is the perceptions around non-speaking autistic people, many of whom are poets, writers, and filmmakers who create amazing works), which leaves many neurodivergent people at a social disadvantage from the get-go. This can be incredibly frustrating, especially in a culture where relationships and interaction are the key driving force.

Neurodiverse people tend to communicate with the idea that we are used to being misunderstood. We are often either overly focused on details, or dismiss them outright. We may interpret subtext or social cues differently or sometimes not at all. We may have expectations attached to certain words or ideas that may differ from yours. It’s important to understand that we do communicate, just in our own ways.

Within the context of kink, this is something of a benefit as we exist in a world where we are encouraged to communicate. We are given the chance to negotiate expectations, to create understandings, and to build both our own styles of communication and social interaction. Give us space to do this, and then respect it. 

It is important to us that you are clear and consistent when communicating things like boundaries, expectations, and experience. Be direct and open with us, as we’ll do the same with you. Give us space to ask what you might think are obvious questions, and you do the same, especially when it comes to things like negotiating dynamics or play. 

Use inclusive language. Don’t just tell us what’s not on the table (Trust us, many of us have been building “No” lists in our heads for ages). Tell us what you DO want and DO like. Give us a direction as well. Don’t just say “Stay off the grass”, but also say “Go ahead and wander the garden path!” 

And know that we are often anxious about communicating expectations. We’ll probably over-state and overthink because we know that typically we are at a deficit in them. Give us the space to make mistakes and when they happen, accept them as they are. You’d be surprised how often neurodivergent people face unfair responses and arbitrary feeling consequences for simply being who we are, mistakes and all is going to help us feel more comfortable continuing with you.

Some Final Thoughts

The neurodiversity of the kink world is one of its biggest strengths, and as we grow towards a better understanding of things like neurodiversity, accessibility, and how we can create a more equitable and egalitarian world overall, we should take it as a chance to also improve our understanding of neurodiversity within our own subculture, and in our own communities. As mental health comes to a better understanding of how our minds and bodies work together, so are many members of our own community gaining more insights into themselves and their own needs and desires. We should continue to grow and understand how these things have played into our kink world, and how they can continue to play a role throughout all of our activities and goings-on.


Aaron is a kinkster, writer, Viking, and Curling fan with over a decade worth of experience. He enjoys sharing the knowledge and insights he has gained over his own journey. Follow him on Twitter @BaronKink

Tagged With: bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm scene, fetish, kink, neurodivergence, neurodiversity, power exchange

This week in kink: February 8, 2021

February 7, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

BDSM is becoming more and more in the mainstream.

Hopefully this leads to less stigmatization for the Kink Community at large.

With this being said, click below to learn about five mainstream movies that have BDSM in them brought to us by Film Daily!


Madam Storm empowers women to love themselves through her career as an international dominatrix.

Click below to read more about her amazing story in Mirror!


There are many misunderstandings regarding kink and BDSM.

We, at KinkWeekly, try to dispel these myths as much as possible.

Click below to read about the five most common misconceptions of BDSM by Inside Hook.

Hopefully, this will help kinksters everywhere be less looked down upon!


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm scene, dominatrix, feminism, fetish, kink

Kat Blaque Watches 365 Days

January 30, 2021 By Kat Blaque 2 Comments

BDSMer Kat Blaque reviews the film 365 Days through a kinkster lense.

Click below to find out more about her take on the movie!

The Polish Knock-off of Fifty Shades is... | Kat Blaque

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, fetish, kat blaque, kink

The Company You Keep Matters-Even In The BDSM Scene

January 30, 2021 By Ms. Rika 2 Comments

sexy feet in fishnets
via stock.adobe.com

I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!  

“You are not responsible for what your friends do, but you will be judged by the company you  keep. The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” – Colin Powell (and several others) 

“Tell me what company you keep and I’ll tell you what you are.” – Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra 

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in  fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes.” – William Gibson 

Aesop is credited as the first to have said it. Others have repeated it in various flavors. “You are the  company you keep”. Now, let’s consider these other interesting quotes from actual dominants (who will  go unnamed): 

“My subs are the lowest of the low…” 

“He’s not worthy to lick the soles of my boots…” 

“He’s a pig, wallowing in my waste…” 

“She’s an idiot, a moron, an imbecile. She can’t do anything right […] Look at the way she bows before  me…” 

I get it…it’s a fantasy. It’s play. It’s a “scene”. And, it has a place there. I certainly understand why  submissives might be excited by having to accept such insults and even might want the humiliation of  being treated like the grime beneath a boot, but I find it harder to understand they, and some dominants, choose to extend that “scene” to real life. Over the years, I’ve met a number of dominants  who openly speak lowly of their submissives, not just insulting them to their faces, but complaining  about them when they’re not even around. Not just during playtime…but as part of their everyday existence.  

Last week, I had my first consultation with a new dominant; a middle-aged man, who has been in the  scene for several years. He has a small stable of three female submissives. He had read “Uniquely  Dominant” and reached out to ask me a few questions about my methodology. 

He started to describe his submissives. There was pride in his voice…but there wasn’t a single thing complimentary, or even positive, in his description. He spoke of them in terms of their faults and weaknesses. He discussed them as if they were broken, faulted, and inept.  

I could tell that, in his mind, he was trying to make himself appear “above it all” in my eyes. He was  trying to impress me; by showing me how critical he was of his “property”. I tried to look through the  façade, but it was actually very difficult.

I asked him what he does to correct them; since he was constantly disappointed with them. He detailed  the punishments he doles out. I asked him if those punishments helped, and he responded by telling me  how afraid of the punishments they were…but that they were “so stupid” it doesn’t seem to change anything. 

… And the definition of insanity is? 

I questioned if he thought his methods were effective…or if there might be a better way. That question hadn’t ever crossed his mind. After a few minutes of probing that thought, it became quite clear he had  no interest in improving his situation. He wanted to complain about them, and flat-out wasn’t looking to actually correct anything. 

In my eyes, this man lost a great deal of respect. It’s just fantasy, right? Well, this was this guy’s  life…and he was surrounding himself with people who he wanted to feel were the lowest of the low,  incompetent, and inept. Far from being impressive, the message his attitude conveyed to me was that  he was highly insecure regarding his own strengths and intelligence, and likely even doubted his own  abilities as a dominant in the first place! 

Then, he made the mistake of asking me how I “keep my submissives in line”…which opened up the  door for me to share a bit of my approach – since, I don’t keep my subs in line. I explained that my subs keep themselves in line. They are intelligent, capable, competent people – and I go out of my way to  make sure they not only know I feel that way, but that I RELY on it: I fully expect them to put those  wonderful traits into service for me. I want them to accomplish their objective: To be the very best  submissive they can be – as measured by my assessment of their efforts and how well their efforts  please me. How can they please me if they’re unable to service competently? 

What does it say about a dominant who openly denigrates their submissives in front of others? What  does it say about a person who CHOOSES to keep people who do not satisfy them around? Aren’t we  the company we keep? With whom do we choose to surround ourselves? 

I’m a lifestyle dominant. I spend an awful lot of time with my submissives. They are around me all the  time. I have an extremely high level of power and control over the select people who dedicate  themselves to me – and I have a choice as to who I allow to be in my presence: Why in the world would I  choose to have low, sub-human, stupid, or inept people serving me? 

I choose my submissives based on how well they can learn to serve me. I work with them to improve their skills, increase their understanding of my preferences and expectations, and determine how and  when to convert that into service. I ENABLE them to serve me better. We share the common objective  of them being the best submissive for me that they can be. The level of dedication that this requires  from a submissive is not something that an imbecile is going to grasp.  

In fantasy…in scene…in playtime: They can be beneath the dirt on my sole. But to be my submissive…to  serve me…to submit to me: They need to bring their “A-Game” to the table, put their abilities on display,  and serve to the best of their ability! 


 Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her  husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, power dynamic, power exchange, submissive

  • « Go to Previous Page
  • Go to page 1
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Go to page 10
  • Go to page 11
  • Go to page 12
  • Go to page 13
  • Go to page 14
  • Go to Next Page »

Primary Sidebar

Contribute

Want to feature your writing or photography on Kink Weekly? Are you an BDSM/sex expert or professional, and interested in being quoted in an article? Contact us

Archives

Footer

18 U.S.C. 2257 record keeping compliance statement
Always play
Safe Sane and Consensual

Copyright © 2026 · News Pro On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in