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Rules

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Rules, I LOVE rules. Long lists of complicated instructions relating to everything from when they can speak to what furniture they are allowed to sit on, or short simple ones like always wearing their collar when we play. There are so many to choose from, and as with so many things in kink they are only limited by your imagination. When we set rules is it because we actually want them to be followed? Are we setting unachievable goals so that the bottom cannot help but eventually fail? Are the rules designed to eventually become patterns of unthinking behaviour, effectively training the bottom?

So let me start by narrowing the topic, here we are talking about rules that are supposed to be followed, not play rules that are fun to break or challenge. The rules we are discussing are those most often found in long term D/s dynamics.

What these rules end up being, the punishments agreed upon if the are broken, where they are enforced, all of this is just the beginning.

We can often mistake rules as being only about control. A way for the top to exercise their desire and dominance over another person, when physically there or not. However, I believe rules can be far more than that. First we need to decide what the objective of the rules are and where they are enforced. Then we can explore how rules can build trust and bring the top and bottom closer together.

I believe that rules are about trust. Because of that they need to come from a positive place. They need to be rules that genuinely make the top happy, and that improve the bottom in ways you both want, even if that is just in making them a better bottom. When I set a rule it is always with the objective of developing the bottom. Small rules can set the foundation for much greater changes.

Rules can be contextual or temporal, existing perhaps only in the bedroom, or on kinky weekends.

Rules can exist in perpetuity, even if they only are acted upon in a certain environment.

Rules can be omnipresent, forming the foundation for patterns of behaviour which stretch from the bedroom to the workplace and every corner of life.

Whatever rules you settle on they are not just about control, they are also about trust. As a top it is vitally important that you treat the rules with respect. You imbue them with all their power by enforcing them, fail to enforce them and the rules are meaningless.

Consider a bottom who has studiously been following the rules of a long distance relationship, and let us imagine that rule is to send the top a picture of them in their underwear every morning when getting ready for work. For three weeks, without fail, they have sent a picture, posed and considered to their top. Then one morning the alarm doesn’t go off! In the frantic rush that follows the photo is forgotten and it isn’t until the evening that they remember. An apologetic message is sent immediately, explaining the situation and begging forgiveness. Then the Top replies saying that they hadn’t remembered and that it is okay, they understand and it is fine.

What an incredibly underwhelming response!

For three weeks the bottom has been mindful, considerate and obedient. Let us not forget that it can be hard work as well, spending that extra time every day fulfilling the wishes of another person. With one act of nonchalant dismissal the Top has devalued all that hard work. What bottom would want to go though that again?

How much more exciting is it for the bottom to receive a text as they rush to work, a simple threatening question: “Where is my photo?” Adrenalin starts to flow, the delightful panic of knowing that punishment is impending, the fear of failure and the reassurance that the Top is always thinking about the bottom, monitoring them, aware of their actions and failures. We can easily focus on the surface emotions of that moment; fear, a sense of failure, impending doom. However, we shouldn’t forget the greater affirming impact on the relationship. The reminder that the Top is dedicated to the bottoms development, thinking about them, aware of their actions.

Isn’t this a more fulfilling response? I think so.

A rule should be rewarded when followed, and punished when defied.

A reward should be tailored to the bottom. Some only require a simple “Well done!” others need a reward chart with a big reward at the end. But most often the reward is recognition. It should be carefully balance though, not to over reward or under-appreciate. A rule should exist with a certain expectation of obedience and so giving praise for something that hasn’t actually been hard devalues the Top’s praise. However, no praise at all is demotivating.

Learn your bottom, give as much consideration to a “Well done!” as you would a spanking. Plan a big reward with as much care as you would a 6 hour beating scene. The reward part of the rule is just as important as the punishment part, both reinforce the value of the rule.

Punishments give a rule value, the higher the punishment the more important the rule. We should intrinsically know this, it is why murder gets life in prison and jaywalking a fine. But these are detached, we commit the infraction against a ethereal entity, society, but breaking a rule in a D/s dynamic is personal. You are breaking my rule. So here we can choose to punish even the smallest infraction in a most severe manner. We are punishing not just violation of the rule but the rebellion or forgetfulness which caused the rule to be broken.

I should highlight here that when I talk about punishing the infringement of a rule, I do not suggest you be merciless. We live in the real world, things go wrong, people get upset, things are forgotten for good reason. Depending on the circumstances a punishment might well not be appropriate or deserved, but I strongly suggest it is highlighted. Let them know it is not forgotten, but it is forgiven because of the situation. In this way a potentially upsetting situation can become another chance to show care and attention.

Rules are great fun, and if you want they can run deep through the very core of a D/s relationship. If that is what you want then they reward consideration, planning and forethought, but treat them casually and they can turn on you. Rules are not for the lazy Top, because unlike the bottom we don’t have anyone holding a stick over us to make us respect them.

About the Author

Will Hunt has been involved in the UK kink scene for the last 10 years; running clubs, teaching workshops, performing and generally encouraging naughty behavior wherever possible.

The Misunderstandings of Littles

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Pure Rebel – https://www.patreon.com/purerebel
The Dark Arts-https://darkestarts.com/

I was still finding myself when I met my Daddy.

Correction.  I hadn’t even begun trying to find the self I had lost when I met him, yet he inspired me to begin that journey.

Along the way, he pointed out to me that I had some of the tendencies of littles.  Having read very little about people who identify that way, but finding those things to be negative, I rejected that possibility for myself.  It was only after I did some more reading and spent some time being honest with myself that I was able to accept that part of me.  I have met others along the way who struggled similarly with their preconceived notions of littles and thus fought against their desires for things such as pacifiers.

I genuinely cannot count the number of times people have become friends of mine and at some point remarked casually at how they hadn’t known someone who was a little before.  They often go on to describe characteristics which are often associated with littles, such as brattiness and childishness, and express distaste with those traits, but pleasure that I am “not like that.”  The conversation usually moves on, leaving me with that hint of sadness that one of my identifiers is so widely misinterpreted.

For a portion of society who preaches about tolerance and not judging one another, I see an awful lot of misconceptions about subgroups in our community.  Perhaps the only experience some has had was with a little in a forum, or seen from across the room at a play party, all in pink stomping a foot and emphatically saying no.  This trend towards treating littles somewhat dismissively tends to hit me hardest where I live, as these things often do.  Rather than seeing those of us who identify in this category as whole, healthy individuals who have embraced their inner child, they are often seen as annoying, with much misconception. However, I see it in the case of “littles,” so let’s talk about us!

There are at least three large categories within the “little” heading.  Littles, middles, and babygirls are often grouped together.  So let’s break it down.

Littles often, but not always, identify that way because they have an age regression.  This can be a state of mind for them which is sometimes situational.  It can sometimes be referred to as little space in discussion.  This age regression is different for every person who experiences it.  Some people will identify an age they feel they regress to, others will have a range.  For the most part littles tend to identify on the lower end of the age spectrum, generally under age 10, taking on characteristics of those age groups.

This may mean your little wants to have a pacifier, or takes comfort in stuffies.  It may mean games of Candyland or coloring.  It could mean Disney movies, a system of reward and punishment, or the endearment good girl being a thrill.  It may mean they do not want sexual contact while in their age regressed state.

It does not mean that people who identify this way are incapable of taking care of themselves.  It also does not mean they act like children all of the time.  There are generally specific things which will trigger age regression for them, and may require them to feel comfortable and safe with the people around them.  That generally doesn’t occur during the work day or with just anyone.

Middles generally identify in the middle of the age spectrum, somewhere from 11 and up.  Again, some may experience age regression and some may not.  They may or may not enjoy some of the more childlike things like coloring and stuffies and may be more open to sexual contact while in this mindset.

Babygirls often do not identify with age regressive experiences, yet strongly desire to fully integrate their inner children with their adult experiences.  They may enjoy some of the same activities that littles and middles do without necessarily needing them or being restricted to one age bracket.

Confusion can come because all three subcategories can exhibit similar outward characteristics.  Individuals identifying in these manners can often project a certain level of naivety or innocence in some form, whether it exists or is simply a projection of childlike innocence.  Generally all three groupings are seeking a Daddy or Mommy relationship with an individual who is often, but not necessarily, older in chronological age and who guides the pairing.  This partnership can provide mentoring in areas which may be less developed in the submissive partner, or simply provide emotional fulfilment.

The important thing to remember when dealing with anyone who identifies in any of these ways is that they are still adults who are perfectly capable of rational and intelligent thought.  They shouldn’t have to hide their identifier out of fear of misconception or ridicule as I have seen some do.  This community should be as inclusive as it claims to be.  We should offer all those we meet an opportunity to educate us about areas of kink we were previously unfamiliar with, and perhaps learn a little about ourselves in return.

About the Author

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Unmasked

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Brian Vox-http://www.voxart9.com/

Dances at geek conventions are a very mixed bag. Put several hundred socially awkward nerds in a room together with loud music and alcohol and one of two things will happen. Either everyone will sit quietly huddled together with the few other people they know, trying to talk over the music, or enough people will overcome their awkwardness that the dance floor will be packed with people who are mostly too scared to talk to one another.

This dance was themed around superheroes and villains, and he was thrilled to be there. He was tall, well-muscled, and his father was from Puerto Rico, which meant that it was a natural fit for him to take the costume of a luchador-inspired villain who had been responsible for the destruction of one of comics’ most popular heroes a few years ago. He went for more of a comic-inspired version of the outfit than the one from the movie that came out a few years ago, meaning he wore black spandex that left his massive arms exposed, and his mask was a luchador-style one with a zippered opening allowing the mouth to come away from the mask so he could eat and drink.

His roommate for the convention had insisted on their costumes and that they come out to the dance, and he had reluctantly agreed. He was still in the midst of an unpleasant divorce, so while he had been looking forward to the convention, the idea of spending a night surrounded by drunk and desperate nerds was of limited interest to him. Predictably, his roommate spotted a young twenty-something dressed as a female clown-themed villain moments after they arrived at the dance and vanished into the crowd, leaving him alone.

Sweeping his gaze across the crowd, he tried to figure out how long he had to stay at the dance before he could slip away. His roommate would probably go back to the room of the blonde he had chased after, so no one would know that he left. He could get in a workout, turn in early, and be ready for the convention tomorrow.

So resolved, he turned towards to the exit and started to make his way out, not looking down, and so he almost tripped over her. She was maybe 5’6” tall, and some of that came from the black stilettos she wore. Her hair was long and dark, spilling out of the latex cat-inspired cowl. Her eyes were green, sparkling like emeralds. The leather catsuit she wore was unzipped halfway partially, revealing the tops of a very nicely rounded pair of breasts. They didn’t seem to be terribly large, but on her fairly petite frame, they were more than proportionate. A whip was coiled and hung from her hips. She was adorable, if perhaps a little too young for him.

She also had been holding a full cup of some fruity alcoholic concoction, most of which was now splattered all over his costume from where they collided.

“Watch it!” she said, indignantly, looking right into his sternum. Her gaze traveled up over his well-defined chest until she was looking up at his mask. “Oh… uhm…” she continued, obviously embarrassed at both her outburst and at having spilled her drink all over him. “I’m sorry…”

“No worries, kitten,” he said. “I’m fine. The costume will wash. Shall I get you another one?”

She looked at the empty and dented plastic cup in her hand. “No. No, I really don’t need this. It won’t help.” She was practically screaming to be heard over the music.

“Here, follow me,” he said, taking her by the hand and leading her to a set of couches that were on the outside edges of the dance. He noted how easily she went with him, and he guessed there was a submissive streak in her, despite the fact that the costume she wore had been inspired by the outfits of professional dominatrixes.

When they found the couches, he left her for a minute, then returned with two cups of water. “So, why are you so upset?” he asked as he sat across from her, handing her one of the two cups. She looked at it warily, clearly aware of the potential risk of drinking something a stranger handed her at a party before she decided to throw caution to the wind and sipped the cool liquid.

“The guy I came here with? The one who I spent hundreds of dollars buying a costume to coordinate with his? He’s over there dancing with some blonde slut with big boobs.”

She pointed across the dance floor, and sure enough, there was a guy dressed as the famous vigilante, dancing with a cute little blonde number dressed in pigtails with clown makeup. She was in her early twenties, and the two of them were sharing their dance area with his roommate.

He chuckled.

“They’re also dancing with my roommate,” he said. She was obviously furious with the guy, and he guessed that she had really been planning to sleep with the guy this weekend. Her costume wasn’t cheaply made, so she had been willing to invest quite a bit to impress this dude. “I suppose the three of them make quite a set. Hero, villain, and villain’s girlfriend.”

She grimaced. “That is such an unhealthy relationship. I don’t get why girls think those two make a good couples costume.”

“Oh, you’re a fan?” he asked.

The two of them began to talk, sharing their favorite moments in comics, films and television. The conversation flowed naturally and easily, to the point where neither noticed that they had never bothered to share their names. She was clearly much younger than he, but he found her engaging and charming and well-read. They were oblivious to the dance going on around them, and before they knew it, the lights were being turned up to tell the partiers to get out. Both of them looked around and noticed that their respective friends had left without them – most likely somewhere with the blonde in red and black.

“Would you like to continue this discussion back at my room? I’m in a hotel connected to the convention,” he offered.

She chuckled, uncomfortably. “You just want to get me back to your room so you can take advantage of me. Big strong supervillain holding the vigilante anti-hero at his mercy.”

She said that nervously, but he thought he could detect a note of longing in her voice. She was more than ten years his junior. His divorce wasn’t finalized. And if her convention badge could be believed, she lived on the opposite side of the country. There were a million reasons why bringing her back to his room was a mistake. But he decided to go for it anyways.

“Would it be such a bad thing if I did, kitten?”

She bit her lip nervously as she considered her options.

“Take me,” she said, finally.

* * *

They didn’t speak as they made their way the few blocks through the city back to his hotel. The convention had filled the hotel lobby with people in costume and playing board games, so no one paid them a second look as they came in, still in full costume. She stood demurely and quietly beside him as he led her to the elevators and by the time the elevator arrived at the 14th floor, they were the only two left. She followed him down the hall to his room. When they arrived at the entrance, he turned and faced her, placing his second copy of the room key in her hand.

“If you’re going to come into my room, it has to be your choice. Because once we’re inside, what I say goes. Do you understand?”

She nodded assent.

“I still don’t even know your real name,” he said as he let himself into the room. He turned back to see her standing in the hallway.

“I’m your kitty. You’re my poison. Do we need to know anything more about each other?” she said as the door closed with a click.

He stood just inside the threshold to the hotel room, waiting for the impossibly long time as he waited for her to make her choice. It might have been as few as five seconds between when the door closed and when the green light on the lock flashed, indicating that she was inserting the room key, but it felt like hours. As she tentatively began to push the door open, he grabbed the edge, flinging the door wide.

Before she could say anything he had his hands under her arms, lifting her up, spinning her around, taking several steps into the room, letting the door swing closed under its own power, as he pinned her to a wall and they exchanged their first kiss.

She wrapped her slender legs around him, not quite able to fully encircle him as he had one hand on her ass, using it to hold her up and support her as she was pinned against the wall. His other hand was on the black latex of her cowl, pulling her mouth to him. Her hands grabbed his biceps, the claws of the leather gloves digging into his muscles, not quite able to draw blood.

As their tongues dueled, with hers retreating to allow him to explore the shape of her mouth, he released her head. His hand came between them and found the zipper of her catsuit, pulling the zipper down exposing the full curves of her tits. She wore a lacy black shelf bra that pushed her cleavage high, and once the leather was pulled back, left her nipples on full display. A silver stud went through the nipple of her right breast, and her small, pebble-like nipples were hard and erect with longing.

“He would have been very lucky,” he said his hand came up to cup her right boob. His thumb ran across the nipple, toying with the jewelry. “He’s a fool to have turned away from you. But I am happy to claim what should have been his.”

“Yesssss,” she moaned as he fondled her. “Claim me. Own me. Make me yours.”

He turned them away from the wall, easily holding her up with one hand. Before she could fully react, he tossed her onto the king-sized bed that dominated the room. She landed hard, prone and lying flat on the bed, breasts bouncing from the impact, wind slightly knocked from her lungs. Then he was on her, knees pressing her thighs apart as he held himself just above her on his elbows, one hand back on her zipper, peeling it all the way down her stomach, past her waist until the top of her lacy panties could be seen. He kissed her again, his other hand reaching up to take the edge of her latex cowl to pull it from her head.

“No,” she asked, one of her delicate hands gripping his wrist. “Leave the masks on.”

He grinned a predatory grin.

“You wish to be taken by the villain, and not by me?”

“Tonight? Yes. Oh, yes.”

“As you wish, kitten.”

With that, he grabbed the opening of the catsuit near her collarbone and he pulled roughly, yanking it halfway down her arms, exposing her torso fully to his gaze. He kissed her again as he pulled, rearing back on his knees and bringing her into a sitting position as he worked the leather suit down her body. His mouth moved from hers to her neck, and he kissed and bit at her as he stripped the catsuit off of her, leaving her in only her bra and panties.

“Now, my little cat, if you want to make me happy – and you do want to make happy – strip me,” he ordered her as he lay down on the bed.

She was a vision of innocence and debauchery in one, somewhat demure despite the lingerie that had clearly been chosen to create lust and desire. Her bra did nothing to hide her full breasts, the nipples fully on display, and the high-cut lace thong did more to enhance her cunt than it did to conceal it. No hair showed under the lace, so she either had a very well-trimmed landing strip, or she was completely bare underneath.

On her knees she slid down the bed, first unlacing the heavy boots he wore. She slipped them off, then gently peeled his socks down his feet. She turned away completely, so that she was facing the foot of the bed, and as she bent over, he could see the full lips of her pussy peeking out from behind the lacy strip. Her folds glistened and gleamed with her arousal, and he put one hand on the cheek of her ass possessively as she bared his feet.

She looked back over her shoulder, eyes gleaming mischievously as she wiggled her ass back at him. The raven black hair from under her cowl flipped wildly as she turned her attention back to him. She sat back on her knees as she ran her hands up his legs, feeling the muscles beneath through the spandex. Her fingers stroked the growing hardness of his manhood as she worked to undo the complicated belt that was as much prop as it was an article of clothing. His outfit was a one-piece singlet, but the belt had to go before she could peel it down him.

Her hands kept straying from working the buckles and snaps of the belt as she got distracted feeling his manhood. He was big, perhaps not bigger than the basketball player she had hooked up with during college, but still more than enough to satisfy her. She couldn’t wait to expose him, to feel the girth of his shaft, the weight of his balls. Her mouth watered as she considered the possibilities.

“Stay focused, kitten.” His voice brought her back to reality, and she hurriedly finished removing the belt before spinning back to face him.

Her fingers slipped under the black spandex shoulder straps, and she began to peel it down him, loving the play of muscles she could see in his pecs, his abs. His waist tapered in, although she was briefly disappointed that his cock was covered by a pair of tight silvery briefs. But she continued to peel the second skin of the spandex costume down him, fingers massaging the taught muscles of his thighs as she went, and then he was just like her, wearing only underwear and a mask.

Then his hands were back under her arms, pulling her onto him so that she straddled him. She could feel his hardness through their underclothing, her slickness allowing her panties to easily slide back and forth across her sensitive lips as he ground himself against her.

His hands went to her hips, guiding her as she moved above him, their bodies pressed tight together, both longing to feel the naked flesh that was covered by the thin pieces of fabric. He brought his head up to her right breast, taking her nipple between his teeth, biting gently, with his tongue playing with the jewelry embedded within. She grabbed the back of his head, pulling him into her by the spandex as she moaned with pleasure and pressed her pussy against him.

“Take me. Now,” she breathed.

“With pleasure,” he responded, gently pushing her back as he sat up, reversing their position so that her head was flat on the mattress by the foot of the bed as he positioned himself above her, between her legs.

He took her wrists in one massive hand, pushing them above her head and pinning her to the bed as he reached between them to rub her pussy through the black lace of her panties. She was soaking through, and he pushed the thin strip of fabric to the side to feel her bare lips. She was hot, and wet, and his finger slipped past the inner lips of her pussy. Her heat was intense, and the muscles within seemed to pulse and almost pull him in. He slowly fucked her with one finger, marveling at her tightness.

“No, don’t tease me. Please. Just fuck me,” she begged.

“I don’t… do you have condoms?”

“No… but I know you’re clean. I’m clean. And on the pill. And I need you. Now.”

He shimmied out of his underwear, baring his cock. He was hard and ready, his foreskin pulled back, revealing the swollen glands that was ready to penetrate her. The thin hair of her pubes tickled the head of his cock as he rubbed himself against her, slickening his shaft before he penetrated her. She whined in frustration and tried to raise her hips to impale herself on him, but he had her too firmly pinned to do so.

He pushed, and her lips parted to allow him entry, engulfing the first two inches of his cock. She was like a wet, velvet vise, gripping his shaft as it slowly pushed deeper into her. She moaned, a low, deep, soft sound as she was penetrated but his throbbing manhood. She felt herself stretching to accommodate him, not quite painfully so, but a delicious ache that left her feeling completely full. And then he was completely embedded within, their pubic hair meshing together, and his heavy, full balls resting against the curve of her ass.

“You’re mine now,” he said, and then brought his face to hers, nipping gently at her lower lip.

“Yes, absolutely. I’m at your mercy.”

“Too bad I have none,” he said as he swiftly withdrew most of his cock, and then slammed back into her in one fierce thrust that made her shudder. She was almost ready to beg him to do that again when he preempted her request by repeating the motion again… and again… and again.

He fucked her hard, and long, with deep, powerful thrusts, pinning her to the bed, and leaving her completely helpless. And she didn’t want to be anywhere else. Her moans came so quickly and intensely that they stopped being separate moans, and more became one single long exaltation of pleasure as he drove into her, pushing her through one orgasm, then another and another.

He stopped, leaving her panting and wanting more, and withdrew from between her thighs. Seizing her, he pulled her to her feet and then shoved her over, so she was bent over the bed. As she tried to adjust to what he was doing, he had retrieved the whip from her costume, and brought it around to her hands, wrapping her wrists in the leather behind her back. She was a vision of loveliness and submission, bent over at the waist, chest against the bed, hands bound, pussy wet and glistening and open and ready.

Then he was behind her again, pushing into her once more, hands gripping her hips as he fucked violently fucked her. He was hard and ready to burst – it had been months since he had last lain with his soon-to-be ex-wife, and he was primed and ready to explode.

“Do you like this, kitten? Being taken? Being owned?”

“Yes.. oh, god, yes….” She moaned, his words almost as exciting to her as the powerful cock that was piercing her from behind.

“You like the feeling of me inside you. Making you mine?”

“Yesssssss….”

“Tell me what you want… what you need.”

“Fill me. Own me. Take me. Fill my pussy with your cock, with your cum. Make all of it yours. Use me. Fuck me. Just fucking take me!”

Her words were enough to push him over the edge, and his fingers dug into the curve of her hip as he buried himself in her, his cock twitching as it sent spurts of his cum deep into her wet and ready womb, triggering another orgasm of hers as she felt him empty himself in her.

He collapsed forward, pinning her to the bed, and they both tried to catch their breath as the moment began to pass.

He withdrew, and lay back down on the bed, pulling her to lay beside him, her head resting on his chest, one of her legs thrown over him. He unbound her wrists, and she cuddled into him, their masks still on.

She brought one hand up to the edge of his mask, fingers toying with the seam.

“Can we take these off?” she asked in a voice that was high-pitched, childlike, and vulnerable.

“Of course,” he answered gently.

Reaching back, he peeled the spandex off his head. His hair was short, dark brown, and despite being matted down under the spandex, she could still make out the gentle curls that were there. His face was handsome enough, deeply lined, with sorrowful bags under his eyes, and now that she could see his eyes, they were a deep brown.

For her part, when the latex cowl with attached wig was removed, he could see that her hair was very short and dyed red. Although her cowl had let her eyes shine through, unmasked she looked even younger than he had thought she was originally. He didn’t doubt that she was the age she had told him, but she seemed so much more innocent and youthful with the mask gone – a look that was only somewhat marred by the well-fucked look in her eyes.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” she responded, looking back at him.

“I guess now we should exchange names?”

They both laughed, as they cuddled together. They had been intimate enough that something as mundane as the exchanging of names seemed extraneous, and they drifted off to sleep curled into one another.

About the Author

Broken Unicorn has been a writer since he was a child, starting off writing decidedly non-erotic stories about superheroes. As he got older, he started writing erotica about superheroes, before eventually discovering his kinky side and writing about people who could live in the real world. He lives in the midwest, and is happy to live in a very full house that includes four humans and two dogs. He can be found under the profile Broken_Unicorn https://fetlife.com/users/8765084

Advice: I’m poly but I don’t want my Dom to get another submissive

By 4 Comments

Brian Vox-http://www.voxart9.com/

One of the most appealing aspects of our lifestyle is often polyamory. Having two – or even more — subs or slaves can be very hot. That being said, by all accounts, these arrangements are usually the shortest lived of BDSM unions – especially for those who want a live-in and permanent relationship. As I am a male Dominant who has had a few live-in triads with two female subs, I think I have some experience in these types of relationships. (There is a companion piece, “Polyamory,” right here on this site: https://www.kinkweekly.com/article-baadmaster/polyamory/ )

Earlier this year, at a discussion at L.A.’s legendary dungeon, the Lair deSade, I was asked the following question:   

“I’m a female who joined a triad with a male Dom and his female sub. She dropped out and now I am his only sub. I really like this new situation. But he says he is going to find another sub. I am petrified and don’t want to be in a triad again. But I love him. What should I do?”

Obviously, this is not like the case of a “one-sub Dom” who, at a later date, decides he wants a second slave. There does not seem to be any overt dishonesty on his part; you knew he was poly from day one. Furthermore, by joining the triad, you agreed to it; he has every right to re-establish a triad should he so desire. However, before you get all bent out of shape at the prospect of your Dom adding another slave, you must first ascertain whether he is dead-set on adding a second submissive again. Saying he is going to find another sub and actually finding one can be two different things.

People’s tastes change. For example, as I had stated, I have pursued poly a number of times. None of these relationships have worked out long term; besides, they required an inordinate amount of effort to maintain. As a result, poly does not currently top my list of priorities. Similarly, this might also be your Dom’s experience with your now-defunct triad. Although he says he is going to find another sub, you should find out to what lengths he will be looking. Here is where the C-word – communication — comes in. Ask him how committed he is to the poly lifestyle. There is every possibility his experience mirrors mine; he might be open to having a one-sub relationship. Don’t assume the worst. You know what they say about assuming. So communicate, don’t assumicate! (I am not sure how good or bad that one is.)

If, however, he is firmly committed to replacing the last sub, you must do a lot of self-evaluation. In this case, you can safely conclude that you will, more than likely, never be his sole slave. Keeping this in mind, can you accept this fact? Will it make you terminally unhappy? Can you adjust? You should look back on your poly days and honestly examine those aspects of it that you liked and those you disliked. Unless it was like cleaning the Aegean Stables, there were surely aspects of poly that you enjoyed. Figure out under what circumstances you would accept another triad with your Dom. Could it be a particular type of sister-sub is acceptable? Could it be that you want an alpha-beta arrangement? Or, maybe, a few days a month, play type arrangement? Keeping all these factors in mind, it is time to go back to the old overused C-word again. Talk to your Dom. Explain your concerns, your likes, your dislikes, your needs. Any Dom contemplating a triad would appreciate this input; after all, poly is tough enough without having to guess what works best for one of the two subs.

On the other hand, if poly is totally distasteful to you and he is dead-set on having a triad, then you might not be able to salvage the situation. Love or no love, this could be just an untenable situation for you. There are times when “irreconcilable differences” are truly irreconcilable. This could be one of them; you must face this truth head on. Sad to say, I cannot always offer a solution to every problem.

Personally, I would say try to look at the good things about poly (and there are many; I speak from experience) and try to “steer” your Dom (without overtly topping from the bottom) into picking a partner that you can live with. If this is not acceptable to you, then you just might have to ask for your release and look for a “one-sub Dom.”

About the Author

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

On My Knees: Part 2

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Dominatrix: Mercenary Mistress
Photographer: Danny Stygion
Corset: FetCraft
MUA: Texas Dela Rosa
Shoes: Refuse To Be Usual
Location: Austin Dungeon

For Part 1 Click Here

We got up to the top floor of the hotel and Master instructed me to get on my knees by His hotel room door and He led me into the room by the leash on all fours. “Take off all of your clothes and show me your favorite position of submission” He ordered and I obeyed Him. I made sure to slowly take off my clothes so that He could take me in part by part.

My eyes were transfixed on His, not as a sign disrespect, but of the utmost respect and connection. When I was naked, I got on my knees and put my hands behind my head, hands clasped, back straight, chest out, eyes down.  It hurt not to look at Him in the eyes,  but I wanted to show Him complete submission. “Beautiful. Just beautiful” He said as He began to photograph me with His phone camera.

He went behind me and stood there for a few minutes. I waited patiently. “You have a beautiful body, Juliette” He told me as He grabbed the leash and pulled my neck back so I would look up at Him. He smiled at me and took my left breast into His hand, squeezed my nipple, played with it and stretched it out as far as it would go. He then took my right breast and did the same thing. “Whose tits are these?” He asked calmly. “They are yours, Master. I am all yours” I responded eagerly. He playfully slapped them, took His dick out of his pants and rubbed it all over my breasts but especially over my nipples. My nipples became hard in no time.

With my arms still behind my head, and my mind completely on wanting to obey, I stayed in my position as He continued to tease me with His dick. He guided my head down to watch his every move. His dick was fully erect. He then told me to stand and I did I was instructed to do. Hands behind my head still, He went behind me and took my arms and put them behind my back and made me stand there while He went through the suitcase He had left in his room earlier and suddenly I felt the cold metal of handcuffs surrounding my wrists. I loved the sound they made as He made them get tighter around each wrist.

He laid me down gently on my stomach, head down on the bed while my feet were on the floor. He went back to his suitcase. He came back to me and rolled a metal bar slowly down my back, onto my ass, and down my legs. It was then I realized He bought a spreader bar to use for me. I happily spread my legs wide for Him so that He could restrain me with it.

For the first time, I was completely at the mercy of a Master. It was also my first time being restrained by a spreader bar and with arms behind my back. Master began to finger me from behind, occasionally stopping to smack my ass with His dick, playfully. He went to His suitcase and suddenly I felt lube on my asshole. As one finger entered my ass, His dick began to enter my pussy. This was all for His pleasure, not mine, as I cum only from clitoral stimulation. He fucked me nice and slow while He fingered my asshole at the same pace. Then He took His finger out of my ass and replaced it with His dick. I hadn’t been fucked in my ass in years so it was a little painful at first but then He rubbed my clit while He fucked my ass and I came nice and hard. He could feel my vaginal walls clench despite being in my ass at the time. It was the first time anyone made me cum that way. He handled me like a pro.

I was left in awe of Him.

When He was done, He left me there to wait while he took a shower. I imagined what He looked like naked and thought about our elevator fun while I waited. When He came out, He was only in a towel and He went to the side of the bed to make sure I knew it. His shoulders were as sculpted and strong looking as they were in the pictures I saw of Him. His body was very attractive to me, even though parts of Him were covered by a towel. He was always gorgeous to me but seeing Him like that was a total turn on. I saw the outline of his dick in the towel and my pussy couldn’t stop pulsating. He unshackled my legs and told me what a good girl I was for laying there all quiet in the room while He showered. He instructed me to take a bath and then rinse off in the shower. I did as I was told. In the bath, He made sure to tease me. He watched as I soaked myself up with body wash all over my breasts, pussy and ass. His dick got stiff in the towel as I slowly played with my nipples and jiggled my breasts playfully for Him. He came over every once in awhile to play with a nipple or put His hand in the bath water and play with my clit. He was so good at teasing.

When I was out of the bath and shower, He told me to get on the bed. He had another surprise for me. He took out a sexy purple nightgown in my size. He then took off his towel and, to make me laugh, pretended to put the nightgown on but then quickly told me to raise my arms up and He dressed me like I was His doll. I am His doll. I stayed in my position on the bed with my beautiful new nightgown on, taking in the sight of my Master. His body in totality is delicious. He laid on the bed next to me and told me to get in between His legs and blow Him. I happily began to lick the head of his dick then put it in my mouth. I concentrated first on the head and then moved my way down and choked a little on His cock. He watched me the whole time, giving me little instruction as He already knew I knew what I was doing. I took His dick in and out of my throat for a few minutes and then rubbed it with my hand while I licked His balls. “Oh yes, Juliette. That’s it. Lick my balls” He demanded and I continued. His dick was rock solid. He took control for a second and slapped my face with it. “Spit on my cock you slut” He commanded and I spit as much as I could. He took His dick and rubbed it all over my face. I enjoyed every minute of it but put my eager tongue out to let Him know I wanted more.

He got up, told me to lay on the bed on my back with my head at the edge of the bed. “Mouth open, tongue out” He urged and I listened. He then slapped my tongue a few times with His dick before putting it all the way in my mouth. He fucked my throat with vigor and told me what a good little subby slut I was. He reached forward and rubbed my clit as he fucked my face. It was like no other sexual experience I have ever had before. Within minutes He and I came at the same time. It was incredible. That night He had me sleep at His feet, with His feet using me as a foot rest, right where I belong.

About the Author

Mistress Rayvyn is a 37 year old native New Yorker who has been in the lifestyle for 20 years. Her hobbies include photography, singing, writing, reading, talking to people from around the world on various messengers, cooking, baking, and playing rpgs of all kinds.

She only started writing BDSM erotica a year ago, but has been writing poetry and fictional stories since she was 14 years old. While her BDSM stories are fictional, they are comprised of the fetishes she and her following have. Some stories are catered to specific people in her life, others are fantasies of her own. She hopes to continue to build her following and get some constructive feedback along the way.

Relationship Dynamics

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Dominatrix: Mercenary Mistress
Photographer: Danny Stygion
Corset: FetCraft
MUA: Texas Dela Rosa
Shoes: Refuse To Be Usual
Location: Austin Dungeon

Relationship dynamics are so very individual.  Vanilla or kink, everyone has to develop their own working model.  The funny thing is that if you google the words “relationship dynamic definition,” you get a bunch of articles and book recommentations, but no actual definition.  I thought I’d take a stab at it.

Relationship:

noun
  1. the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
  2. The way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave toward each other.

Dynamic:

adjective
  1. (of a process or system) characterized by constant change, activity, or progress.
noun
  1. a force that stimulates change or progress within a system or process.

Using the dictionary as our foundation, then, we can create a better definition than just waving our hands about to encompass BDSM and talking mystically about our dynamics, expecting others to nod along.  I argue we can define it thus:

Relationship dynamic:

  1. the way in which two or more people are connected and behave toward each other, characterized by constant change or progress.

I really like the part that implies that relationships are constantly growing and adapting, because that’s definitely how I see it.  The question then becomes how does one find the mythical “relationship dynamic” and wht kinds of dynamics can one build?

Obviously, the most common relationship structure that gets attention in Kink is that of a Dominant / submissive pairing, though polyamorous structures are possibly even more common.  I also tend to see quite a bit of literature on structuring Master / slave relationships.  Any of the relationships we build in the Kink Community can be as sexual or non-sexual as the participants desire.

The things we don’t tend to see as much of are pairings such as Handler / pet or even Daddy / little or middle or babygirl, Stag / vixen, and a host of other possible combinations.  Perhaps because I’ve been looking I have seen more informative writings about those types of relationships lately, though they have required me to search with more deliberation to find them.  It gets even more interesting when we begin to combine elements from different areas of kink into one relationship dynamic.  Perhaps an individual identifies as a submissive but also a primal prey.  It is easier to find a match in a Dominant Primal Hunter than when someone identifies in ways which seem conflicting.

Those large categories can often carry some societal assumptions, even within our more open-minded community.  Think for a moment of the word submissive.  We often make some broad generalizations about an individual who identifies that way.  We assume that person must either accept pain or be a masochist along with that submission, but those things don’t have to go together.

What happens to someone who clearly identifies as submissive bottom but who is also a sadist?  Does this person require poly structures to get what they want, since the likelihood of finding a Dominant masochist is smaller, or hold out hope of finding everything they need in one partner?  That is a decision only that person can make, but it reminds us that even broad categories can be confining.

It can become even more challenging when an individual identifies in more than two categories.  I identify as a babygirl, but also as a submissive and as a slave / property.  Finding a Daddy Domiant / Master was quite a challenge.  For me, though, the rewards of being able to develop a relationship dynamic which feeds more of what I need was well worth the effort it took to discover and develop it.

I get a lot of questions from people who are wanting to develop similar structures, or even other types of less common combinations, but are unsure how.  Prehaps they have read something I wrote and notice that I tend to swap back and forth between terms of address for my Dominant, and they are left with quesrions.  We are often faced with people who want others to be only one thing, to be more easily categorized.  That may work well for some, but there are many of us who don’t feel one category adequately describes either us or the relationships we build.  Sometimes it helps to look to others who have built similar structures and engage them in dialogue.  The one piece of advice I can offer is this.

Time.

There’s a song about time and patience.  Unfortunately, for those of us who want to build any relationship, we have to start from the ground up.  From individuals who only want a relationship which falls into one category to those who want theirs to span several, they all require participants to clearly communicate both their desires and their needs for the relationship.  Those things may be different, and deciding if something is a need vs a want can be challenging.

Once each individual has determined their needs and wants, they should communicate those to one another.  I find sitting with a written list can help ensure I’m not forgetting anything I felt was important enough to discuss.  I have a tendency to bunny trail a bit…

After having communicated, the relationship can be adjusted to accommodate those agreed-upon aspects, as well as to see what is working and what isn’t.  Perhaps it may even include adding additional elements that had been on the “want” portion of the list but which have transitioned to the “need” portion.  Those things rarely remain static in an individual, let alone a pairing or poly grouping.  This can be similar to a renegotiation, and may involve sitting down with lists again for a conversation, or can be as simple as a few words of agreement as an aspect comes up and requires attention.

I firmly believe that one of the most important characteristics of a healthy long-term relationship dynamic is fluidity.  The ability to adjust to the changes and emergencies life can often bring may make the difference in the longevity of the partnership.

Like any other structure, such as homes or boats, building a relationship dynamic requires time and effort to create something which will not crumble when stormy weather assails it.

About the Author

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Navigating Negotiations With Chronic Pain or Illness

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I write from my own experiences and from the submissive perspective.  I realize there are many s-type identifiers (slave/sub/bottom/brat, etc.) and many D-Type identifiers (Master/Dom/Top/etc.). However, for the sake of simplicity for this article, I will use sub and Dom going forward. The same is true of gender identifiers that correspond with s-types and D-Types. However, again, for the sake of simplicity for this article, I will use she/her for sub and he/him for Dom.

How do you negotiate a scene when you have a chronic physical condition or limitation, especially one that is not immediately noticeable to the naked eye?

Invisible illness and chronic pain can be especially difficult to navigate because we look perfectly fine to everyone around us. However, we’re typically working overtime to make it appear as if we’re fine while we’re actually in excruciating pain.

This can lead to questions, fears, and concerns like:

  1. How much information about my condition do I need to reveal to a new play partner?
  2. At what point in our play relationship do I reveal the WHOLE STORY about my illness or condition?
  3. What if I tell my play partner about my condition, and they are fearful or do not wish to play with me?

So…Let’s tackle each of these questions one at a time.

First, how much information about my condition do I need to reveal to a new play partner?

There are a couple of possible ways to approach this. You could reveal just enough so your partner has the information necessary in order to keep you safe and not cause additional harm while still maintaining your privacy.  For example, my pain is primarily in my right leg, hip, and pelvis. So, I must tell my play partners not to hit me too hard on that side, or when doing any kind of rope bondage not to leave me standing on just my right leg or to bind my right leg too tight. With a new partner I do not go into the history of why I have this pain or the illness that caused it (However, you can now read all about this in the last article I wrote for KinkWeekly).

The other way of approaching negotiations would be to reveal everything in an attempt to be completely transparent. I applaud anyone who would be willing to do this with a virtual stranger or acquaintance. Perhaps, this would work with a friend or someone you’ve known for some time and are just now starting to play with. However, in my opinion and from personal experience, I don’t think it’s necessary when you are first starting to play with someone to disclose everything. You only need to disclose as much as you are comfortable with while also giving your partner the necessary information to keep you safe.  Ultimately, it comes down to what makes you comfortable and the level of trust you have with your partner.

Next, at what point in our play relationship do I reveal the WHOLE STORY about my illness or condition?

I capitalize WHOLE STORY in this question because for me, my chronic pain is the result of a 10 year struggle with a chronic illness that is quite personal. It’s taken me a very long time to be willing to talk about it privately, let alone publicly.  I only recently told my WHOLE STORY to a play partner with whom I’ve been playing for quite some time. He had questions, but his response was otherwise very positive and supportive. In the beginning, I was cautious and gave only enough information to keep myself safe and make sure he did not cause further damage to my body. If there was anything happening in a scene that I knew would not work with my body, I spoke up. Otherwise, I didn’t feel like I had to immediately disclose very personal medical and health information until our play relationship progressed, and I felt I could trust this individual.  Trust is paramount. If you cannot trust the person you are negotiating with to a certain degree, you should not be playing with them in the first place, especially if you have a medical condition. Do you know their reputation? Are you confident in their skill level? Have you seen them play with other people? Are they established in the Community?

I am writing from the perspective of a submissive, but let’s not forget about the other side of the slash. It’s just as important for Dominants to inform their partners regarding any conditions that may affect how they play or things that could cause them real harm in a scene. Just because they are in charge of a scene, does not mean Doms are exempt from informing their sub(s) about something as serious as a medical condition that could affect the scene or the health or safety of either party. A favorite example of mine is: perhaps the Dom is diabetic and this is the first time the two are playing together. It’s impossible to tell by looking at someone if they are diabetic, so it would be necessary for the Dom to disclose this to the sub for many reasons. For example, he may need to take a break during the scene for a snack if his blood sugar is getting low. It’s best for the sub to be aware ahead of time that this may happen, so she is not caught off guard during the scene. What if the sub is bound, and the Dom has a diabetic attack and passes out? The sub needs to be able to respond to this and know what is happening. I realize these situations may sound extreme, but they are completely possible.

Lastly, what if I tell my play partner about my condition, and they are fearful or do not wish to play with me?

It is possible that some people may react this way. However, there are some things you can do to mitigate fear and make all parties more comfortable. Be as open as you comfortably can be about your situation and answer your partner’s questions. Allowing your partner to ask questions during negotiation regarding your limitations and medical issues and giving open, honest answers can go a long way towards making them more comfortable with the situation. Be clear about anything you may need during or after play to insure yours and your partner’s safety. Let your partner know specifically if there is anything they cannot do or anything they need to have on hand that is out of the ordinary for you. Ask your partner if there is anything you can do to ease their mind or make them more comfortable. Remember, you are in this together. Clear, honest communication and a little extra preparation can make all the difference when negotiating a scene involving individuals with any kind of chronic pain or illnesses. Ultimately, you have no control over someone else or how they are going to react. It may be difficult, but if they simply cannot handle the responsibility of playing with someone who has some limitations, it’s best to move on.

Some final thoughts….

Checking in every time you play with someone is always a good idea. Don’t assume that just because you’ve told your partner once about your condition they will remember every time, especially with a newer partner.  Also, the sub is just as responsible (or more responsible) as the Dom for checking in and speaking up about how they are feeling and what is going on with them physically and mentally before play. It’s not pushy or controlling to express your needs during the negotiation process and to take care of yourself. You are not “topping from the bottom” or any of those other things outspoken subs are often labeled. Talking about these things is exactly what negotiation is for. It’s a huge red flag if any Dom is not interested in listening to your needs and wants- especially regarding your physical safety.

The sub is also 100% responsible for their own safety during play. Your Dom is incapable of knowing if something he is doing is truly causing you harm. If it is, speak up. Use your safe word or  if possible, gently let your Dom know to make a change or adjustment to what he is doing. This does not mean you must stop the scene altogether. This is where the negotiating comes in. Because you have already talked about your illness or limitations, if you make a small request during a scene due to a physical condition or illness, your Dom won’t be surprised. He will be much more aware and receptive to you speaking up. Also, a small adjustment will be much less likely to disrupt the rhythm and energy of the scene if you’re both on the same page.

What are situations, positive or negative, that you have encountered surrounding negotiating a scene involving chronic pain or having to disclose a medical condition to a play partner? I would love to hear your thoughts and perspectives on this topic. Please share in the comments section.

About the Author

When looking for a way to turn what had always been kinky ideas and submissive desires into a tangible reality, blushangel discovered the Los Angeles BDSM Community a little over 2 years ago and has not looked back. Besides exploring kink and submission, her favorite things are yoga, the beach, and incorporating her love of fashion into her fetishes of corsetry, lingerie, and erotic photography.

Chapter Two of “Dominatrix Boss: A BDSM Femdom Tale”

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Illustration by Dirk Hooper

Ava’s Office

My mind was racing as I went back to my office. I had a little over an hour to worry about why Ava had asked me to come to her office. After getting caught staring at her, I didn’t imagine it was good news.

I had been with the company nearly as long as she had. She hired me and I’ve worked in her division ever since. When I wasn’t distracted by her I did my job well and we had developed a cordial work friendship. Obviously, I wanted much more, but there was no chance of that. I had to be content with looking at her when I got the chance, and feverish masturbation every evening.

I ate a cold ham sandwich and surfed the Internet on my lunch break. I tried to get that meeting out of my mind and worried endlessly about what Ava was going to say to me. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe she had a project for me or something. I was sure that was all.

Ava was beautiful, and I always thought she was, but she had gone through an ugly divorce and it clearly hurt her for a while. She let her appearance go, gained some weight and wore clothes like armor. It was during this time I reached out to her and we even went to lunch together a few times. I almost had the nerve to ask her out, but I figured that it was a bad idea because she was my boss. There was just too much to lose if it went wrong, and why would she want to date an overweight underling anyway?

She shared a lot with me over that time. I’m a good listener. Soon, she was complaining to me about her ex-husband.

Then over the course of one year, she began to make some changes. It started with eye surgery to get rid of her glasses. She grew her hair out again. Ava hired a personal trainer. It wasn’t long before she was running in marathons. As she lost weight she updated her wardrobe. Her skirts got shorter and she bought those expensive stiletto heels. In a year she had refined her look in every way. She wasn’t just beautiful to me, she was beautiful to everyone.

We talked less and less as her lunches were filled with visits to the gym and interest from other men. I missed my opportunity to make more out of our visits. Now that she was hot, my infatuation with her was from a distance.

As my lunch break concluded I was convinced that she just needed my help with some work problem. I went to the public bathroom on our floor and brushed my teeth before I headed to her office. If she got close, I didn’t want her to smell my lunch.

Ava had a corner office that was large and private. When I walked in Ava was typing on her computer. She looked up and said, “Tim, close the door behind you.”

After shutting the door, I turned around to walk across her office. It was large with warm recessed lighting, a lounge area with leather furniture and an impressive cherry wood bookcase for a wall. Her desk was also cherry wood and took up half the width of the room. It was impressive too, but the word that came to mind right now was “intimidating.”

“Sit down Tim,” she said with a chill in her voice. I slowly found a seat in one of the chairs in front of her desk. It was soft and should have been more comfortable, but now I was worried again.

Ava moved her computer monitor to the side and leaned forward on her desk. Her cleavage was right there but I was in no position to be looking. She took a long pause before she spoke, “Tim, you’re a good employee and your evaluations are always positive, but there’s a problem we need to address.”

I nodded my head as my throat went dry.

“During the meeting today you were staring at my chest.”

My heart sank. I opened my mouth to speak…

She raised her hand, “There’s no use denying it Tim. Not only did I see it, but so did the everyone in the meeting. I’m insulted, and you’ve put me in a bad position here.”

“I-I’m so sorry,” I said. I couldn’t look up at her. This was bad.

“That’s not all Tim. There’s something else,” she emphasized as she rose from her chair. Ava grabbed a small stack of papers off her desk and walked them around the desk to place in my hands. I looked in horror as I saw all the websites I had visited at work over the past month. While most were innocuous, some of them were fetish sites, and of those, most were about female domination. She stood over me and let me stew for a moment as I flipped through the pages. When I looked up from the page it was slow and cautious.

She was looking down at me. I felt so small and embarrassed.

“Staring at me is one thing. It would be well within protocol to write you up for that alone. However, these websites are a violation of company Internet policy and subject to immediate termination… at my discretion.”

My mouth dropped open and I struggled to say something. I needed this job.

Ava grabbed the papers from my hands and leaned on the edge of her desk. She crossed her ankles and started thumbing through the log of websites. “What is ‘femdom’ Tim?”

“Oh… Ava, are you sure you want me to…”

“Let’s hear it, Tim. I want to know what’s so important that you would risk your job.”

“Well… it means female domination.”

“And that is…”

“Ava…”

“No, I want to know.”

“It’s when someone is submissive to a dominant woman. It’s a type of relationship where the woman is completely in charge.”

“Keep going…”

“It often involves humiliation, corporal punishment, chastity, or service,” just talking about this was both excruciatingly embarrassing and, unfortunately, exciting to me. “Really, whatever the woman wants.”

She clicked her tongue, “What you do on your own time is your business Tim, but surely you don’t think it’s appropriate to look at sites like that at work?”

“No… no, no, no… I shouldn’t have ever done that. I’m so embarrassed. If you’ll forgive me I promise to never do that again,” I looked up at her, but she was still looking at the pages.

Ava sat the pages down on her desk and leaned forward, she was inches from my face. I could smell her perfume this close, she told me long ago it was Elizabeth Arden Provocative Woman, and it was intoxicating. “You’re going to have to do better than that.”

She emphasized every word of this next sentence, “I want to hear you beg for your job.”

I took in a sharp breath of air. I felt my cock swell in my pants. Was she fucking with me? Was she serious? I really needed this job. “P-please don’t fire me, Ava. I won’t ever do it again. I need this job. Please!”

An almost imperceptible smile curled at the edge of her lips as I debased myself in front of her, “That’s not bad Tim, but I’m still not really convinced. I need more from you.”

I still couldn’t tell if this was serious or not, but I knew for sure that if she wanted to fire me that it was well within her power and she had every right to do it. I also knew that this job would be very difficult to replace. It didn’t really matter if this was for real. And, I knew one more thing–Ava having this level of power over me was making me scared, and aroused, at the same time.

“What do you need from me, Ava?”

Ava deliberately sat up on her desk, crossed her legs and dangled one of her stiletto-heeled shoes in front of me, “I want you to push that chair away, kneel down and give me a foot rub. If you do well enough, you can keep your job.”

Without hesitation, I got up, scooted the heavy chair to the side and knelt in front of her. I had imagined doing this many times and nothing ever prepared me for the feeling of really, actually, doing it.

Her foot was about chest-high. I gently took her expensive shoe off and laid it on the floor. I wanted to look up at her, but I knew that was wrong, even if she didn’t know what was proper in a BDSM relationship. I concentrated on the task at hand.

I cupped her heel in my left hand and began to run the base of my right hand slowly up her arch. I could feel the warmth of her foot through the soft nylons she was wearing. I pushed deeper into her arch with the meat of my hand, working from her heel to the ball of her foot. An audible sigh came from her as she began to relax.

Using my thumbs I worked her arch vigorously and then spread out to the ball of her foot and her heel. As I rubbed, the smell of her foot became more pronounced. The intimacy of smelling her feet in this way was absolutely thrilling. As she relaxed more, I could feel my cock grow in my pants. It was unavoidable. It felt like destiny.

More than anything, I wanted her to enjoy what I was doing. I have never put so much effort into a simple foot rub. I wanted to show her that I took this very seriously. My job was important, but nothing was as important to me as making Ava happy right now.

I manipulated her toes and gently rolled them individually with the tips of my fingers, then rubbed her foot all over, between my hands to finish. I looked up at her for approval. She said, “Now the other,” and re-crossed her legs so her left foot was in front of me.

Everything I had done before was repeated. I was careful to not rush anything. Touching her, and hopefully pleasing her, was everything to me. Kneeling before her was a dream come true. Near the end, my heart was beating so fast that I could feel it in my chest.

When I was finished, I carefully put both shoes back on her feet and sat quietly waiting for what came next.

Ava took in a long deep breath and let it out, “That wasn’t so bad, Tim. I suppose you can keep your job. For now.” She stood up and walked back behind her desk.

“Get up and put that chair in the right place,” she said with increased conviction.

Standing up, I moved the chair back to its original position. Ava laughed.

“I guess you enjoyed yourself,” she said while staring at my crotch. My cock was tenting against my pants.

“Y-yes, Ava.”

“What I want you to do is return to your office with your erection and get to work. No more surfing websites. No more staring at me. I want you to work harder than ever before, Tim. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Ava.”

“Then get back to work. Now.”

I turned around and sprinted to the door. That walk from her office to my office was going to be embarrassing as hell with my swollen penis. I prayed that no one would see me on my way back.

…

“Dominatrix Boss: A BDSM Tale” by Asher Lake is available now through Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07GYM1TPW/

…

About Asher Lake

Two decades of real-life experience, as both dominant and submissive, fuel Lake’s narratives with real scenarios, real training methods, and authentic emotions.

It is the author’s greatest desire that Lake’s work will excite those who are in the community and inspire those who are interested to explore further. Asher Lake is a professional writer, who has been published as a poet, a comic writer, and has written articles for many major publications.

“Dominatrix Boss: A Femdom Tale” is Lake’s debut novel and is working on a follow-up right now.

Hard Limits – common examples and how to communicate them

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One of the most exciting things about BDSM is “pushing limits.” I have written articles here on kinkweekly.com regarding boredom – that even BDSM can get boring. But “pushing limits” seems to be a wonderful anti-boredom prescription.

In many D/s relationships, what was once a hard limit often becomes a favorite activity. D/s relationships are fluid, not static, interactions. But a Master/Mistress should not take on a submissive who states that monogamy is a hard limit and assume that he can change her/him at his/her whim. In this case the Dom/me is no better than the clowns on Jerry Springer who spring some mondo-bizarro fetish on unsuspecting wifey and say, “this is what I really want.”  If your Dominant agreed to be with you fully aware of your hard limit, then he should not insist you to do it — at least not until you change your views. And herein I propose a system to expand hard limits elegantly.

I can not over emphasize how important negotiations are when you start a Master/slave or Dom/me/sub relationship.  Serious misunderstandings can result from sloppy – or worse, a lack of — negotiations. But assuming you clearly delineate what the hard limits are, one should employ this concept that I have used quite successfully.

When you start a D/s relationship, write down all hard limits – no matter how crazy they may seem. Include everything from golden showers to cock cages and everything in between. Make your list as complete as you can. You can compose your list from this master list:

Abandonment

Acrophobia – being aroused from heights.

Acrotomophilia – being aroused by amputees.

Agalmatophilia – being aroused by statues.

Ass worship

Barosmia – being aroused by smells.

Being recorded

Body parts (including surgically altered)

Boot worship

Branding

Brown showers

Catheterization

Chamber pots

Cock cages

Cock rings

Corsets

Cross-dressing

Dirty sex (literal) – sexual activity in and around dirt, mud, or oil.

Douching

Enemas

Erotic dancing

Exhibitionism

Fear play

Feathers/fur

Foot worship

Gang bangs

Golden showers

Gun play

High heel worship

Humiliation

Infantilism

Latex

Leather

Lingerie

Medical instruments

Needles

Pegging

Piercing (temporary and permanent)

Posing

Prostitution (role play)

Prostitution (real)

Public exposure

PVC

Recording scenes

Rituals

Scat

Sensory deprivation

Shaving

Skinny-dipping

Spandex

Speculums (anal)

Speculums (vaginal)

Spitting

Swallowing semen

Taking erotic photos

Tasting yourself

Tattoos

Tickling

Uniforms

Voyeurism

Wearing fluids

Wrestling     

Now here is the key: every month of so, go over your “hard limit list” and see if you are curious about expanding some hard limits. What was once a hard limit might now be a soft one. The key, as I see it, is to look at hard limits as not being written in stone. It is a flexible list where there might be room for experimentation. If you examine them in a timely manner, you will be able to expand your BDSM repertoire without “stepping on toes.” (Or “stepping on toes” as an activity!)

For example, many people list needle play as a hard limit.  As the relationship evolves, the slave might be more receptive to a needle play demand.  The Master/Mistress should often talk about all hard limits as the relationship grows. Then he/she will know when the time is right. But changing hard limits cannot be as inelegant as saying “do it because I am the Dom/me.”  This might work for a few couples, but more often than not it is a prescription for disaster.

Pushing a slave’s limits is an exciting part of any D/s relationship. And taking a “hard limit” and converting it into a soft limit can be thrilling – if done right!

About the Author

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

How To Kink Without BDSM

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Hello everyone!

I was recently inspired by my own M/s dynamic to write this article. For many of us in the lifestyle, it IS standard to practice BDSM.

However, a lot of individuals think of kink as encompassing solely BDSM. When in reality, there are so many other ways “to kink.” Of course, BDSM is one way to participate in the lifestyle, but I think it’s important for readers to know about other ways to stay kinky-especially for those that know that BDSM isn’t their thing or for those that have limitations that keep them from practicing BDSM.

To me, a kink is a thing/fetish that deviates from what one would of think of when thinking of conventional sex (missionary sex, making out, fingering, blowjobs, eating out, etc.) You know, the “regular vanilla progression” of what one thinks of. With this being said, kink can also include actions that do not directly relate to sex (such as peeing on a partner), certain phrases (for example: good girl, bad boy, calling someone Mistress), an agreed upon power exchange structure (such as D/s, M/s, Big/little etc.). It doesn’t just involve impact, canes, whips, choking, and flogging-although all of these are quite prevalent in the community. To me, kink is all about an alternative way of doing things that deviates from the “vanilla norm.”

Even though my Master and I do use paddles, floggers, belts, practice breath play, wax play, and water sports, these are not the main things that drive our kinky relationship. At our relationship’s core and what makes us the most kinky (in my opinion) are the honorifics we use, the fact that we live by Rack rules (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), that I have agreed to make myself sexually available for my Master at all times, how our sex is geared towards his pleasure and the use of me to make sure he obtains climax, how we speak to each other, our use of rituals and slave positions, my Master having complete control over my schedule/time/life, the fact that my Master has complete control over my orgasms, our love of lingerie, sleekness, and how we dabble in the Daddy/little realm.

And none of these include any sort of impact, but yet to me, they are certainly kinky things that go beyond vanilla sex. The fact that my Master can point and I hop to and get on my knees to pleasure him, the fact he calls me his “good girl” and gives me specific, sexual instructions, the fact that I am his property and have given him the power to do whatever he would like with me at any moment, and the fact that I have multiple tattoos dedicated to him that all pay homage to our dynamic are all things that relate to our kink. So do my stuffies, my little persona, and our use of high protocol. The fact I have to ask permission to go anywhere, again, is part of our kinky journey.

Now, not all of these things turn us on. It’s not like he gets close to coming when I ask to see my best friend for lunch and he tells me yes or no, but I am merely suggesting that these things should be considered just as much a part of the community as flogging or caning because they are a huge part of a lot of power exchange dynamics. We live in a world where it’s common for people to want to be their “own person,” or think they should be at least. So having to ask permission definitely goes against the status quo. It’s an alternative lifestyle and should be considered as much a part of kink as any act one might see in the dungeon. Negotiation may or may not turn someone on, but it is still paramount before having a scene with someone, and should be considered just as as much a part of the kinky process as any sexual act relating to BDSM.

Just the act of yielding/giving power to someone and/or taking control consensually over someone is a form of kink, at least in my opinion-even if you aren’t into any kind of BDSM or have any obvious fetish.

My point is that there are so many ways to kink and they all should be celebrated! You are just as kinky if you are in an agreed upon power exchange that doesn’t play in a dungeon and sticks to more vanilla sexual activities as the experienced flogger that has five play partners and practices BDSM at nearly every play party.

The community has such a wide spectrum of fetishes, kinks, and lifestyles, and it’s important to include the less practiced ones into our definition of the lifestyle.

I think it’s rather easy to look around at a dungeon, see various things happening from room to room, and think to yourself, “Oh, to be kinky I have to do x,y, and z.” But that is clearly not the case.

To be in the lifestyle, you can play at a dungeon, at home, or not at all. To be a kinkster you can just like the idea of consent, communication, power exchange, and negotiation without ever taking a spanking or holding a single-tail.

Again, it’s all about an alternative lifestyle that differs from what the Vanilla World is practicing. What matters is that you hold the values of the community at large- acceptance, consent, transparency, respecting boundaries, negotiation, clear expectations, and respect.

If you’re on-board with that, then, you have found the right place to be yourself and find what you want out of life, relationships, self growth, and play.

I think all of us need to be as inclusive as possible and widen our definition even further of the Kink Community. This expansion can only happen if people are informed of other ways to be in the lifestyle.

Here is a short list of some other ways to kink not yet mentioned in the article that do not include BDSM. These can be paired with BDSM if one wishes though.

Exhibitionsim

Ball worship

Latex/Latex Outfits

Diaper Play/Baby Play

Boot Worshipping/Bootblacking

Leather/Leather Outfits

Watersports/Scat Play

Role Playing

Animal/Pet Play

Humiliation

Foot worship

Blindfolding

Sensation Play/Sensory Deprivation

Pussy Worship

Pegging/Strap ons

As always, please feel free to ask questions and comment. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author

Slave Bunny is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master/ husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

Along with being a part of the Kink Weekly team, she will be teaching kink classes all over the Los Angeles area this year and organizing events.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink Community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming events and classes.