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submissive training

Training/Discipline vs Punishment

January 17, 2021 By SafferMaster 2 Comments

sexy submissive hair pulling toilet slut
via stock.adobe.com

My ideal relationship is a 24/7 TPE (Total Power Exchange) D/s Dynamic where I am fully in alignment  with my submissive masochist who has chosen to serve me because that is exactly what she wants. She  chooses me to kneel before as a new action each day. My orientation is to enroll her in what I am up to  and for her to see the possibility of the dynamic that allows her to choose me to gift her submission to  because she wants to serve me. Another way of saying this is that she does what I want her to do  because she wants to do it. 

In this context, training my submissive to please me is as simple as making simple tweaks or suggestions  to her behavior to guide her as she reaches for perfection in her service. It is high order for her to  achieve her goal of pleasing me ongoingly. 

Let me offer one example. It pleases me a great deal that she kneels for me to put herself forward to be  used. In so doing, she invites me to take her, and to use her as I see fit. She is offering herself by gifting  her body and mind to me. Her presentation is particular. Before we played for the very first time, we  talked for months in detail about our perfect dynamic ideas, and what it would take for it to succeed in  creating it, and we talked about how to begin our total power exchange. I invited her to give me her  consent by putting herself forward to be claimed. We also talked about how during her claiming  ceremony she would be marked inside with piss and outside with a cane. The time came to begin when  she ended her marriage, and a space was created to start something new. We talked in detail over  months during which time my desire crystalized, and I shared with her my particular preference to have  her present herself in the Nadu pose. 

The first time she offered herself to me was the day she put herself forward to be claimed. Because it  was the first time, when she knelt for me, I noticed a few ways that she could improve her posture to  please me and recognized an opportunity to coach her. I gently corrected and adjusted her posture to assume the perfect Nadu pose. Knees apart, back straight, head lowered, hands resting in a relaxed  position, palms up, on her thighs. Perfect to my eye. Only one time since then, more than two years ago,  was I promoted to make a correction. I gently turned her hands over to perfect her pose. Now when she  kneels for me, and she offers herself to be used every single day, she assumes the pose perfectly and  she pleases me. With this simple action, she creates me.  

Part of her training includes taking on a new context for her life as she moved from an abusive marriage  where her context was one of survival, to our dynamic where she was being trained to live with freedom  and power and full self-expression. Naturally, that is a big lift in the best of circumstances.  

On occasion, because we live together in our 24/7 TPE dynamic, she would let her mind run away with  her as she reverted to the ordinary way of being. Because she was in an abusive marriage before we  met, something would come up between us, some issue or other that she would make meaning about.  This would inevitably create an upset or space between us. This is something we had agreed not to  allow. At the same time, I observed that this sort of upset tended to occur predictably when we had not  engaged in impact play for more than a few days. I thought about it, and it occurred to me that she  experienced total clarity for days after we engaged in intense impact play, and I made the determination that what she really needed was my daily attention as her Dom. I implemented a daily “maintenance  spanking” protocol which she agreed to, reluctantly at first, worrying about being what it would mean to  be spanked by her sadist every day. 

New actions lead to unexpected outcomes. What happened for her, is that she is now crystal clear about  how this new action has opened her exploration of her experience as a masochist and now she looks  forward to her spanking because in addition to fully expressing herself as a masochist, the spankings  lead to hot, hot sex and she experiences multiple orgasms every day. One result of our daily spanking  routine is a daily scene where her pussy, ass and mouth are used in addition to her having her ass  spanked red. It’s a very erotic and sexy daily experience and has furthered our dynamic bringing us closer together.  

She is trained to serve me during every waking hour and even in bed, where she cups my balls as we  share a daily gratitude practice, we often find that her nightly stroking of my cock turns into her gibing  me head, and she falls asleep with my taste on her lips after we roll over to spoon, falling asleep with my  hand holding her breast. 

Training my slut to please me is an ongoing process of enrolling her in being the submissive I want her to  be. Here is the important thing. There is never anything wrong. She never needs punishment because  she is a service slut who strives to please and if she fails, she punishes herself harder than anything I  could do. Remember, she is a masochist, so if I use impact to punish her, am I really punishing her? My  view is that a 24/7 dynamic training is ongoing as she strives to please me without fail. Given that she is  in an ongoing training paradigm, which is to gently prompt and coach required behaviors, the question  remains as to why, when and how I would choose to punish my submissive?  

Allow me to offer an example of a situation that occurred where punishment was required even though  she was in training. Early on she had made an agreement with me to not perve (access or read) my  messages without my permission. She broke her word and was out of integrity with me by accessing my Fetlife account one morning when I was still sleeping. She then spent the day making meaning out of a  few message exchanges she had read bits and pieces of. Because I leave my computer screens open and  often step away from my office (I work at home), we made the agreement requiring her to avoid taking  advantage of the access, and to be sure, it required some degree of self-discipline on her part not to  immediately revert to old familiar behavior out of a natural tendency to be suspicious. She did, after all,  live for decades with an abusive husband who repeatedly stepped out on her. 

While I understood her motivations, she had, nevertheless, indeed broken her agreement with me. A  break in integrity demands a consequence. In this case the strategy was to first teach her how to restore  her integrity with me. Restoring integrity is a necessary part of the process. First she had to identify and  state what action she took to break the agreement and fall out of integrity – she perved my messages – then what the impact of that was for me – a lack of trust, a feeling of being let down, disappointment,  etc, and for her, a feeling of letting me down, being untrustworthy, of knowing herself as someone  untrustworthy, and so forth, including how it made her feel to know herself as someone who breaks  agreements, and then she had to state what structure she would put in place to not have the broken  agreement occur again in the future – she made a commitment to not access my computer again – , and  finally there had to be a consequence. It is important to note that punishment never comes from a place of anger. It comes from a place of love. So I chose a punishment that would get her attention and be  limited in its scope and one that would give her time to assess her behavior. Figging. She was required to  go to the store and select a stem of ginger. Then she would come home, peel it and rough it up with a  fork to make it juicy. Then she would present it to me and request that I insert it for her and then she  tool a position kneeling on all fours as she repeated the request that I “place the ginger into her ass for  30 minutes so that she could contemplate her behavior.” 

Afterwards we talked with her kneeling at my feet, and she tearfully expressed thankfulness that she  was able to restore her Integrity. It was also the first time that she had ever been given a chance to  restore her integrity and she was very relieved that we could let the situation go completely with her integrity restored. 

Is corporal punishment ever legitimate as a routine way to interact with a submissive? Putting aside  masochists who choose hard impact play as their preferred kink, there is one consideration where  corporal punishment is legitimate in my mind. That is where a submissive has requested corporal  punishment as motivation for achieving a difficult discipline. For example, I had a submissive request  hard corporal punishment for failing to stay on course in the program I designed for her to improve her  health and fitness, modify her diet and reduce her alcohol intake. In this situation she agreed that she  would be on an escalating punishment schedule for each breach of agreement. Now keep in mind, we  used the integrity model, so she had to deal with restoring her integrity as well, BUT each transgression  escalated her punishment by 3 cane strokes. She was to present herself to be caned each week. Initially  we started with 3 strokes. So she got 3 strokes the first week and the second week, but by the third  week she started to revert to her old habits. So she got 6 strokes and when she failed to live up to her  agreement, 9 and so on. The idea was that there would be a level of weekly punishment where she  would choose to be her word rather than get additional punishment. In her case that number of strokes  was 15. Being caned 15x by a sadist with a heavy cane on her bare unprepared bottom while counting  out loud and holding her posture as she thanked me for each stroke was intense. She preferred not to  have more punishment than that. She was caned and then, she was required to kneel before me to  make a new agreement. As you can imagine, this was highly motivating for her. She would come to be  punished each week in order to motivate her, and 15 strokes kept her on track for better health. 

So, to summarize, training is a process without any negative input that is more akin to coaching. As a  coach of a team sport, you would not berate your players for small errors of not understanding, you  would teach them and coach them to perform. With a submissive, it’s the same thing, the difference is  that you are seeking an intimate partner who you want to be all in. You are seeking complete alignment. 

Be a coach. 

Punishment is only warranted when agreements are broken and it’s important that the punishment fit  the crime. A small break in integrity does not deserve the same punishment as a major transgression.  But most important, there must be resolution. It is important that punishment does not result in  resentment or space between you. Discipline using corporal punishment is a negotiated agreement. You  are really being the accountability buddy by using corporal punishment to enforce agreements. Both the  Dom and the sub must be on the same page. This is coaching at a very high level where in addition to the coaching guidance you offer your submissive, you are also responsible for her motivation and also  for holding her accountable. 


SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground 

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm punishment, bdsm relationship, discipline, fetish, kink, submissive, submissive training

Video: Submissive Training: Slave Positions

October 4, 2020 By Kinky Assignments 2 Comments

Submissive Training: slave positions. For Dominants and submissives in a BDSM relationship

Interested in submissive training?

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Then, check out this informative video on slave positions brought to you by Kinky Assignments!

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bottom, master, power exchange, service, sex, slave, submissive training, Top

This week in kink: May 28, 2018

May 28, 2018 By Dexx 6 Comments

metallspitze-16x24www.voxart9.com

This week we are featuring an amazing artist named Brian Vox. To check out more of his work click here

About the Artist:

Brian Vox has been creating art for more than 40 years. His work ranges from acrylic to digital paintings and thematically tend to revolve around pinup, surreal, and fetish. Several works include mixed media design with his trademark steel cage-frames or beautiful Shibari rope. His work is darkly sensual. Evoking a beauty that is exciting to the senses. It contains a hint of something unreachable and unnerving, yet the overtone is sleek and erotic. He has always felt that the female forms portrayed have a power and strength. These are not damsels in distress. They are powerful creatures fully exuding their sexual confidence. Sometimes abstract, sometimes photorealistic. His work is intended to please the eye and excite the senses while allowing the viewer to initially question the topic and pull the beholder around and through the subject into a worId of the libidinous imagination.


ricks-1-16x24www.voxart9.com

June 8 at 9pm at Lair de Sade (Los Angeles) Sinister Insight Night is hosting a submissive/slave training, punishment/discipline, reactance/resistance panel moderated by Slave Bunny.

Click Here For More Details.

We hope to see you all there!


thistle-and-silk-18x24www.voxart9.com

Ever wonder why powerful, upstanding men like to be spanked?

Click here to find out why.


fashion-shibari-3-12x36 www.voxart9.com

Pregnancy shouldn’t keep you from doing what you love! Click here to learn how to practice BDSM safely while pregnant.


 Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”

Tagged With: bdsm, Brian Vox, discipline, dom, fetish, kink, lair de sade, master, powerexchange, pregnancy, punishment, reactance, resistance, sinister insight night, slave, slave bunny, slave training, Spanking, sub, submissive training

Punishment

May 21, 2018 By Baadmaster 9 Comments

eva-2Mistress Eva with sub. Check out more pictures at https://www.youwillpleaseme.com/

One of the most popular — and exciting — features of D/s is the training of a submissive by a Dom/me. Usually this entails the use of both positive and negative reinforcement – the negative side typically being punishment. I had covered the technical aspects of punishment in two previous articles here on kinkweekly.com – The Punishment Manual Part 1 (https://www.kinkweekly.com/article-baadmaster/punishment-manual-part/) and The Punishment Manual Part 2 (https://www.kinkweekly.com/article-baadmaster/punishment-manual-part-ii/ ). But I wanted to address many questions that remained with regards to punishment.

I also wished to add a warning that BDSM life in the year 2018 would require. Unless you are in a long-term D/s relationship – and even if you are – I would take one important step before you start to train any submissive. Make sure you have a signed and/or videoed consensuality agreement with the submissive you are training – especially if you are using serious physical punishment in your schooling. In this day and age, one can never be too careful. Now back to the topic at hand!

Ideally, when a Dominant starts to train a submissive, the object is to mold the sub to the Dom/me’s specifications. The traditional BDSM  – and most effective — way to do this is though the judicious use of punishment…and reward. Contrary to myth, punishment (meaning something the submissive truly hates as opposed to a spanking which he/she may secretly enjoy) by itself will not train a submissive or a slave successfully. Or at least not as effectively as the use of both punishment and reward.

In general terms, the Dominant trains his submissive to please him or her. One of the most fun things in BDSM (and surely the most popular) is training a submissive in ways to please the Dominant sexually. The Dom/me might train his/her submissive how to pleasure him/her orally, how to dress in a way that turns him/her on, how to make-up and even how to walk.  So let’s peek into a submissive’s diary to see what being “trained to please your Master” really entails. (This is an actual slave’s diary!)

Sir called me over to present myself for inspection. I knew the routine well. After all, he had been training me to do it exactly his way for a month now. And his punishment for getting it wrong – sitting in the corner for an hour – is just too painful to bear. I spread my legs – bare, wearing five inch high heels and no panties as He had instructed – and stood in front of him, eyes cast down. He touched my pussy. He felt it. He put his fingers in it, into “his property” as he called it. I felt a rush of pride until he told me that I hadn’t done an acceptable job shaving my pussy.  

He stared at me in silence, then he punished me by slapping my face once. It did not hurt; but it was so humiliating. I do not think I will ever forget to shave to his specifications again.  It was that humiliating.

He then had me suck his cock.  I did it exactly the way he had trained me, the ways he likes it.  I was scared I might displease him like before; but he told me “good slave” as he got hard as a rock. Sir then had me use my hands to make him cum. Afterward, he praised me and told me how much I pleased him. This was made me feel so wonderful.   I love pleasing Sir so much.

(Note: if this slave ever had “buyer’s remorse” for the face slapping, you will be glad you have a signed and/or videoed consensuality agreement. It is not ironclad legal insurance, but it sure helps if problems arise.)

In this above case, both punishment and reward were used so that the Dominant could get his slave to do things exactly the way he desired them. The punishment, in this case, did not entail extreme pain. A simple face slap did the trick because this Master understood his submissive well enough to know what she truly hated. Many times a Dominant automatically thinks a spanking or even a caning is the proper punishment. This is not necessarily the case — and surely not for a “painslut” (slang for a submissive who enjoys pain). The best punishment is that which the submissive hates. But the Dominant should never forget reward, either.

This use of both punishment and reward applies to non-sexual tasks as well. In BDSM “discipline” training – which ranges from proper use of etiquette to complex presentation rituals — the principles remain the same. A Dominant who only uses punishment as a training tool is using only half of his arsenal.

Of course, the obverse is true. Reward alone, too, is usually an inefficient training tool.  When a submissive fails in tasks or training, swift punishment is perhaps the only way to call attention to this failure.

The Dominant, much like a parent, should strive to make all punishments consistent.   And they should be administered in a calm manner. The Dom/me who loses his/her temper and punishes out of rage will lose his submissive’s respect. And maybe his submissive too!

 

About the Author:

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: baadmaster, discipline, dom, master, punishment, reward, slave, slave training, sub, submissive training

BDSM Pony Play

October 10, 2016 By Baadmaster 3 Comments

cupcake-pony

In classic BDSM, “pony play” is where the Dominant trains his submissive to act like a pony. Of course, in today’s BDSM world of blurred lines, there might not be any Dominance and submission involved. It could just be an exercise in training and execution. But since kinkweekly.com is a kink site, let’s take a look at classic BDSM pony play as a beautiful expression of prime Dominance and submission.

One of the cool things about pony play is that, other than any punishment – either physical or mental — that the Dom/me might mete out to improve his/her pony’s “performance,” there is usually little pain involved. Just as in training real horses, pain is not the best way to get results. One of the great aspects of pony play is that you can simply put yourself in the hands of your Dominant and do as he/she says. If you are the type of submissive that fears displeasing their Master/Mistress, this is the only fear that you can reasonably expect to face. Other than that, it is a piece of cake. And, it is a lot of fun!

The purpose of pony play is to turn the submissive into a well-trained pony. Much like learning specific high protocols, pony training can be just as rigorous. Depending on your Dominant, you will be entering a brave new world of unique discipline. More than likely, the first thing you will be taught are specific gaits. How to “trot,” “cantor,” etc. Much like learning dance steps, the aim is precision and grace. Posture is of prime importance. From those pony-enthusiastic submissives I have interviewed, the part they like best is the praise they earn from their Dom/me when they perfect a particularly difficult stride. Much of the appeal of pony play seems to come from the fact that it is a very measurable D/s activity. By its very nature, it gives power to the “trainer;” the “pony” must listen and learn. It is D/s without any of some of the complex negotiations that can be part and parcel of a power exchange.

If your Master takes it to the next level, where elaborate equipment is used, you will be amazed at the beauty and complexity of the gear that is available. Headgear, costumes, tails and even elaborate carts can be part of pony play at this level. In addition to pony play competitions, I have also seen many trainers show off their ponies, in full dress, at BDSM play parties. (One of our local dungeons has a pony play cart, some pony play gear and a huge room for pony displays.) You might say that high level pony play is the ultimate in cosplay!

If you like attention, then pony play might just be for you. And, if you want to add depth to the Dominance and submission aspects of your relationship, this is a fun way to do it. After all, this is an exercise that combines the best of role-play and Dominance and submission. There are very few downsides to it – other than the expense. (You can’t get pony play gear at the 99 cents store!) Besides, the price of a top-notch pony headdress is not your concern – it is your Dom’s.

From the sub’s point of view, pony play is one of the more enjoyable BDSM activities around. You usually don’t have to worry about a safe word (other than for cramps and such), you don’t have to concern yourself with hard limits, and you don’t even have to bother with negotiations. All you have to do is…neigh!

Here is a fantastic interview Kink Weekly did with pony play expert submissann which will offer even more information on the topic.

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm pony play, equestrian play, pony play, slave training, submissive training

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