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A Deep Dive Into Our Kink Relationship

August 12, 2021 By SafferMaster 3 Comments

sexy power exchange couple, submissive blindfolded
via stock.adobe.com

We live in a 24/7 TPE. She belongs to me. She is my marked, collared and plugged submissive. She gets a  daily maintenance spanking, she kneels for me when asked, and she has full agency.  

We are closer than either of us could have imagined possible. I recently wrote this poem about her: 

My Sexy Slut  

She is my muse  

My creation  

A phenomenon  

A truly sexualized creature  

Her body Pulses  

Vibrates  

And quivers in ecstasy  

Again and again  

She is erotic  

Exotic  

My Cinnamon Girl  

Connected to the earth  

Her animal spirit  

A mountain lion  

Inside her  

Brings me to  

Heights unscaled  

Where air is thin  

Aroused  

Excited  

Growling my approval  

We cum hard ‘together  

Me  

And my Sexy Slut  

When we met 3 years ago, we were both coming off long term unsatisfying marriages. She was  subjected to the whims of her domineering partner, and I suffered the scorn of a frigid wife. We both  have kids and we both have a background in athletics and health care. So there was a lot we could talk  about, and yet, we both brought a lot of baggage to the table.  

I had made the choice after a 4-year journey into hard-core kink following my separation and divorce, to  base my relationship on being an out-kinkster. I chose to seek a submissive partner to explore my sexuality with.  

Now to be clear, I had spent those 4 years post-divorce playing in the kink pool, and what I came to  discover was that intimacy was missing. I also postulated that being an out sexual kinkster, that with a  deeply submissive woman I could create intimacy in this relationship where none had existed before for 

me. I wanted to have a love relationship with a submissive masochist who herself wanted to live in a  24/7 TPE.  

With that context I wrote a “seeking post” that did as much as it could to authentically describe both  what I was seeking and who I was seeking, as well as to state clearly what I was seeking. It was an authentic writing.  

During my time playing with different submissives over the previous few years, I was present to how  many women were seeking domination. So, I was not surprised when many women responded to my  seeking post almost immediately.  

One stood out. My writing occurred to her as if it was written to her personally.  

She and I talked for months before we met. We shared stories, fantasies, kinks, desires, goals,  relationship intentions and so on then I tasked her to test her obedience and her access to masochism  as a sexual experience. She passed the test and I was compelled to meet her in person. We met for a  drink at a place midway between us.  

The way she tells it, it was in that moment of meeting me when she took stock of me in person for the  first time, that she chose to kneel for me. I occurred to her as the Dom she was seeking. Soon after our  meeting, I left the country for a month and when I returned, she was out of town for a couple of weeks.  So, we did not see each other again for around 8 weeks. We agreed to meet over lunch, and then we  met a couple of times for dinner and then on the weekend, she came over, and we took a walk and  shared a bottle of wine on the beach. She had done her research. She had lots of questions.  

She wanted to experience a real dynamic. I was interested in her as a submissive and possibly a  relationship partner long term. And the attraction was chemical. We both found each other attractive  and desirable. We were talking about what was needed to begin a dynamic. I told her that she would  need to put herself forward to be claimed, and we talked in detail about what it would take for her to  choose me to submit to. I described the protocol that she would need to follow for the experience.  

She came over one last time to spend an evening with me and she was excited to play but she had not  yet been claimed, and because I had said so, I was not prepared to play with her until she was finally  separated from her husband whom she was in the process of divorcing.  

I share this history because it was those months of conversations that comprised the negotiations for  our dynamic. We talked in detail about our limits, about the context of a D/s dynamic in a 24/7  relationship. What it would be like, the protocols I required, the specifics and so on. We established safe  words and made an agreement to set the dynamic aside while we deal with what there was to deal with  should the need arise. The more we talked the more she wanted to serve.  

She was ready to be claimed. 

This was not an insignificant moment for us. She arrived on time, and she undressed in the entrance  hall, and crawled to the center of the living room where she took the Nadu pose as instructed. Her  training had begun. The claiming was intended to be intense. She agreed to be marked inside and out as  I fulfilled on claiming her as my personal slut, and in choosing to be her Master. She got marked with  several cane strokes and I pissed down her throat and, in her ass, to mark her inside. She was now my  marked slut, and we began the experience of learning how to play together.  

For the next several weeks, she spent weekends with me and from Friday PM till late on Sunday PM she  wore a play collar and we experienced hard-core kinky sex together. We experimented with a range of  playing styles as we learned to interact sexually with each other. It was fun.  

We debriefed after every scene, and I took what I learned about her into the next scene and so on. But  at this early stage it was till experimentation us. She was experiencing her desire, being to be in a real  dynamic and to offer her submission completely, and I was experiencing the joy of training my  submissive to serve me.  

About a month into our dynamic, things started moving fast on her end and she found herself faced with  a crisis. Her ex-husband was starting to behave erratically, and she was being advised to move out for  her safety. I offered her my place to stay, no strings attached.  

She moved in under duress, but she was grateful for the safe space. I gave her the time and space she  needed to allow her to relax into the dynamic. There was zero pressure.  

She and I found that we liked spending time together. It was new for me to have a woman sleeping in  my bed day after day, and we took walks holding hands and talked and talked and talked about things.  We talked about sex, and food and kids and marriage and divorce and nature and being and religion and  spirituality and health and fitness and dogs and sex some more. I was enrolling her in my world and  specifically in my view of a 24/7 TPE along with other topics like abundance, love, relatedness, intimacy  and connection. We got along famously, we enjoyed each other’s company, and the sex was amazing.  

We talked and fucked and cooked and ate together and drank together, it became clear fairly quicky  that with her in my life, my life was dramatically improved. We started to experience good feelings for  each other. She was bold and said so first and I was confronted by my story of being unlovable, so I had  to be with her feeling strongly about me while I figured out how to deal with my own experience. I had  what I wanted and had been seeking right there in my living room telling me that she was falling in love  with me. Talk about being confronted. (I like to define the word “confronted” as to “look at without flinching”.)  

My search had been for intimacy and so that started an inquiry about what that meant for us. We  continued to explore kink and each other and she pursued her cocktail sommelier credential. This led to  us having a cocktail and an in-depth relationship conversation every day after we fucked. We had a play  scene daily and had high protocol scenes on the weekend. It was a great time. Around the same time, I  implemented a daily maintenance spanking regime to address her mood swings. She was much happier after impact play. This was a game changer on many levels. It gave us new access to her masochism and  the sex got hotter (if that was possible) and we got closer.  

In the meantime, her divorce got finalized and with her being complete, the last condition I had set for  collaring her was satisfied, I offered her my collar. She accepted, and now as my collared slut we  continued to explore intimacy in our relationship newly and if it’s possible to believe, the sex is hotter  every time out than it ever was before.  

We came to a place where we were both able to truly allow the other person in – to be vulnerable. The  way I put it was that I would allow her to hold my heart in one hand and a sharp blade in the other, and I  choose to give her the power to destroy my heart. That is vulnerability. She did the same. We got  vulnerable with each other and that made all the difference. We got closer and the sex got hotter. Crazy.  

Armed with a loving dynamic, our 24/7 TPE took off. Then covid happened and we were stuck at home  in our new collared dynamic. And wow, did we love that. We spent 24 hours a day together living a 24/7  dynamic in reality. It was magical.  

Her mixology skills improved and we found ourselves in a deep conversation about our relationship, our  dynamic, and so on, which led us to starting the podcast because if you really think about it, our kink is  communication. We worked on the coaching program, and we got involved in meeting and interviewing  kinksters to discover more for ourselves. Out of that we made friends in the kink community, and we  have deepened our relationship dramatically. We have also been having ever hotter sex, most recently  described as a “open chakras and a flowing kundalini” by Mystic Chick.  

We are getting close to a tantric experience. We have distilled our scenes down to the essence of pure  pleasure. It’s remarkable. We are left breathless and high each time we fuck.  

We love each other, our kink is wrapped into our sexuality, and we continue to explore.  

Our exploration has a few rules  

– There is nothing wrong  

– We do not allow space between us  

– We are each 100% responsible for the dynamic  

– We relate as Dom/sub, Sadist/masochist, Daddy/little, Master/owned property  

These “rules” create a context for the relationship that keeps us on an even keel. And we have  incorporated protocols that keep us ticking along on all cylinders. We are 100% aligned. Its wonderful.  

I wrote this poem recently:  

She Completes Me  

30 years  

Scorned 

Nullified  

Made Nothing if  

Demeaned  

Diminished  

Held in contempt  

Sneered at  

3 years  

Loved  

Cherished  

Esteemed  

Admired  

Appreciated  

Desired  

Valued  

Love is powerful  

Life is in balance  

She completes me  

As you think about yourself and your life and your kink and your relationship dynamics and you are hoping to experience something similar to what we are experiencing, consider that communication is  our kink, and we would not have gotten here if we were both unclear about what we were seeking in the first place.  


Our entire coaching program is designed to get you here…on your own terms. Feel free to reach out to us on https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground where the Task a Day program will give you access to the experience.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching  options.  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm contract, bdsm relationship, dominant, fetish, kink, master, power exchange, protocol, rituals, slave, submissive, submissive headspace, submissive training

The Pitfalls Of Guiding Others In The BDSM, Fetish, and Kink Communities

August 5, 2021 By TAC 2 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

We all believe we have something to contribute, and we do. Just because I have expertise in one area of kink, does not mean the knowledge and perspective of someone else who is less experienced is any less valuable. Others want to know what we know! It is why so many forums about kink exist. 

These platforms give us a place to learn from others and hopefully find help with our own growth. Sometimes those conversations migrate away from munches and kinks. People newer to the Lifestyle look for people they click with, to help guide them. Mentors.

However there seems to be a scarcity of available mentors forcing too many to seek their information solely from online platforms. This is worrisome as the nuance of kink and the bond is missed when firsthand observations are not available. I do not think it an understatement that mentoring in our community is more important than ever.

Understandably, many who have been in kink for a long time are overwhelmed by the numbers of new people to kink. Quite simply, in my experience, we are far outnumbered. This brings a new set of challenges in mentoring and guiding others. We want, and like, to help other people who genuinely care to learn. However, sometimes we have to be careful what we wish for, we might just get it, and then some. As mentors, we can get in over our heads.

What is Mentoring?

We do talk about mentoring a lot in forums and other venues, but what is a mentor? By definition, a mentor is an experienced and trusted advisor who provides guidance and possibly training. It’s a relationship designed to pass knowledge, to help others avoid mistakes we may have made ourselves, and a way we can learn more about ourselves through teaching others. By virtue of the relationship, the mentor is taking on a responsibility, less formal than having a submissive, but more formal than a mere friend. The responsibility of being a guide.

Mentoring can be immensely rewarding. There is a joy that goes with helping someone else succeed. We get to reexperience some of the things we have learned as we came up. Often, we begin remembering lessons we learned, and have since forgotten, or just started taking for granted. We learn new perspectives, as often our mentees see things in a different light than we do. We are challenged, to help solve issues we may never have considered before. As a result of all these things, we grow also. 

Like any other type of relationship, mentoring has traps and pitfalls which are easily fallen into if we, do not take the time to think things through. Please, don’t take this as me trying to scare you off. I am not! However, if this can save you some pain in the process, then why shouldn’t I share what I have learned? Here are just a few of the more common ones.

Things to Consider

Time Management: Have you ever been involved in an activity or organization where you got to the point, “Damn, this is eating up all my spare time! How did I get here?” I have, on more than one occasion. It was my own fault. I failed to set personal boundaries regarding my time, and kept saying yes to things, when I really should have said no. That drive to help blinded me. As a result, other things in my life suffered, or the organization I was volunteering for or mentee suffered. There are only so many hours in the day, guard them wisely. 

If we take on a mentoring role, real thought should be given regarding how much time you can dedicate without doing ourself, or our mentee a disservice. There may be times you have to decline being a mentor, just because, you do not have the time. That doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t try to help occasionally, just we may not be able to help as much as they would like us to.

Ask these questions- How much time can I give this person on a weekly or monthly basis? How much time do they believe they need from me? Do these line up? Is there somewhere in the middle that would work for both of us? How is the time I plan to give to the mentee going to impact the other parts of my life? 

Making Your Goals Theirs: It is easy for us to project what we want to accomplish onto another person. We’ve done something, it worked, why not? Because it’s not our journey, it’s theirs. 

As a mentor, in my opinion, our job is not to guide the mentee to a specific result, but to act as a road map. To present options, provoke thought, encourage growth and progress, be a sounding board, and share perspectives. We can and should be the legend on the map, “There be dragons here!!!” Yet ultimately, whether they go to meet the dragons is the mentee’s choice. We want them to make good decisions, to do that, they need to be presented with the options and consequences of those options, both good and bad. Once that is done, it is up to them.

Ask them up front- What are your expectations from me as a mentor? What are your goals? What are you interested in learning? 

Sure, there are the fundamentals in the Lifestyle, I believe, everyone should be introduced to such as safety, respect, and core values. Beyond those things, we help guide the mentee toward what they would like to achieve while pointing out possible traps along the way.

Assuming We Can Fix Them: I am so guilty of this. Some people never really wanted our help in the first place, or they get into kink and the Lifestyle for all the wrong reasons. We make assumptions about being able to turn them around thinking, “If I can just get them to understand this (fill in the blank),” and other variations of that thought. If we find ourselves on this track of thinking, the relationship is no longer about how we can help them, it is about us not wanting to fail. Failure sucks! I get it. 

What you may not realize at that point, is that you didn’t fail. You were set up for it and it’s no one’s fault. Some people just are not ready to listen or be helped even if they are expressing otherwise. Recognizing this and knowing when to end a mentoring relationship can be difficult. However, if you do not you are going to wind up hurting yourself, and little or nothing will have changed for your mentee. They must be ready to learn and want to learn for the right reasons.

Making Decisions for the Mentee: “What do you think I should do?” Is a common question I am asked by a mentee. Making decisions can be hard business, why wouldn’t they want their experienced guide to make it for them? I have made this mistake as a mentor, as well as having been guilty of trying to get some of my mentors to make decisions for me. As hard as it is to remain neutral when guiding someone, being that middle grounds and pointing out options will be better for them, and you, in the end. 

People become more invested in their success, if it was their success. Conversely, they learn from their mistakes more readily when they can’t blame it on someone else. They choose, good or bad result, it was their choice. When the mentee gets to own the good and the bad, they grow. We need to allow them to do that, even though it can be cringy and painful to watch at times. 

Sometimes the Best Way to Learn is to Teach

Mentoring is a great tool and can be a phenomenal experience for both the mentor and mentee. I would strongly encourage anyone who is interested, to give it some serious thought. Not just Tops, Dominants and Masters…… bottoms, submissives and slaves. It takes all walks to fill these roles in our community. And you get something out of it too!!!! 

We get to learn about ourselves, find new ways to look at old lessons we had learned, and get a unique opportunity to challenge our own assumptions about kink and the lifestyle. Throughout the process we get the satisfaction of seeing someone grow and develop in a way which is healthy for them and hopefully mold them into an asset for the community.

There will be highs and lows along the way, but in the end, it is worth it. Hopefully, what I wrote hasn’t discouraged you, and maybe armed you with some information to make your mentoring experiences better. Whatever you do, remember to have fun with it! 

Make the experience something worthwhile for both of you.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm communication, bdsm community, bdsm contract, bdsm relationship, fetish, fetish community, kink, Kink Community, mentor, vetting

Living in a 24/7 TPE Dynamic

July 5, 2021 By SafferMaster 4 Comments

Domme holding cock cage
via stock.adobe.com

I live with my collared slut. She and I have a 24/7 Total Power Exchange (TPE). This means that at all  times she chooses to submit to me. Our dynamic is sex forward. So, one aspect of our dynamic is that at  any time, I am free to use her sexually. Our dynamic is kink forward as well. What this means is that at  any time, I am free to do anything I wish to her in any kink context that I choose. Naturally, she is not a  slave, and she has agency, and she has given me her consent. Naturally, I would never do anything to  her or with her that ignored or violated her hard limits. I say “naturally” because all kink dynamics are based on trust.  

When I made the choice to seek a submissive partner to live in a 24/7 TPE, I did so after exploring a wide  range of kink scenes with an array of submissive women. While I was quite happy with the kink, the sex  itself was unfulfilling and I became present to the fact that for me, what was missing was the intimacy of  romantic partnership. In my exploration of kink, I learned some things about myself. What sort of  fetishes I had and which ones I wanted to explore further and so when I began my search, I had a list of  “must haves” and list of “I’d like to have” considerations.  

For example, I knew that I was seeking an obedient submissive masochist who was herself seeking a  24/7 TPE. She needed to into or at least open to my entire fetish list. That was the start of the adventure.  

I wrote a “seeking post” that posted in all the personal’s on Fetlife in the local and nearby cities. Almost  immediately, I received many inquiries from women and I met a few of them. One woman in particular  got my attention. Her questions seemed genuine and her curiosity authentic. We messaged for months,  spoke once or twice and then, I gave her a task to assess both her obedience and masochism. What I did was I asked her to attempt to orgasm with ginger in her ass. It was smore than that, but that was the gist  of it. Not only did she do so, but she orgasmed 3 times and then she sat in a Nadu pose with the ginger  inserted and experienced an out of body moment. That task had me anxious to meet her.  

We met in person at a restaurant and in the very first moments of our meeting, she made the choice to  submit to me. Before we even spoke. My dominant nature, my way of being, my pheromones,  whatever, something in her was triggered and she chose me to gift herself to.  

Over the next few months, she worked to get complete in her separation and file for divorce (something  that was occurring regardless of my interactions with her. Eventually, when she had taken steps to  formally separate, she put herself forward to be claimed.  

In claiming her, I would mark her inside and out as my own submissive. We had talked about this, and it  took courage to put herself as a new kinkster, in the hands of a sadist. The Claiming Ceremony involved  being chained, marked with a cane, having me piss in her ass and down her throat.  

That began a journey of exploration as we explored many different scenes and kinks of a wide variety of  alternatives, to get our kink in alignment. She is very obedient and she does everything I ask. Then after  we play, we debrief and we assess if we should do that again, more intensely, less intensely or not at all.  

Communication in a kink dynamic is probably the most important aspect of our kink and, in truth, you  could say that our favorite fetish is communication. You would not be wrong. I’ll say one important thing about communication between a Dom and a sub. There are times when we need to set aside our  dynamic and talk as equals. This is important because as I noted at the outset, she has agency.  

Before long, she moved in with me and we started to explore living together in a kink dynamic. Not long  after that, we started talking about collaring her. We made the choice to delay the collaring itself until  she had created the space she needed to create a new relationship by getting complete with her  divorce. This is an important consideration. In order to be able to commit herself to me, she needed to  be divorced completely. I needed her to be able to give me her full attention, and with the background  noise of an ongoing divorce she did not have the mindset nor the space to put her attention on  something brand new. And as soon as her divorce was done and she was complete, we began to plan  her collaring ceremony in earnest.  

We took collaring seriously. We wrote our statements out so we would not forget what we wanted to  say and she kneeled in a circle of candle lights and white rose petals as we started the ceremony by  being with each other. We sat there staring into each other’s eyes, silently, or perhaps 5 minutes. We  said what there was to say and then we created an intense and prolonged scene to mark the occasion.  

It was a beautiful private ceremony that bound us in our kink.  

What has happened since then is that we have become closer, more connected and more aligned than ever.  

The best aspect of being in a kink dynamic is what we call “The Rabbit Hole”. Why kink is like a rabbit  hole is that it takes twists and turns and we discover new things about ourselves and each other. One  example is the time I made the choice to give her a daily maintenance spanking. This occurred because I  noticed that as the week passed after our weekend marking sessions, she became “out of sorts” and it  was clear that she was in a great mood after being marked. And while she put herself forward to be  spanked as instructed, what came out of that was unexpected. We used the experience to try different  implements on her and she found that with the heavy flogger, somewhere around 150 strokes, she  started to have orgasms and experience the flogging as electrical energy. We have experimented with  over 1000 strokes, which she loved. This was completely unexpected. Another example is the time I put  her in chastity for a month and we only explored anal sex. She discovered her ass as a sex organ –  eating her ass gives her orgasms. That was unexpected.  

My point is that in the rabbit hole, the twists and turns are surprising and its super fun to have a partner  with whom that exploration is occurring.  

So what makes our dynamic work? First, we subscribe to a few principles:  

– There is nothing wrong.  

– We are both 100% responsible.  

– We are in communication.  

– Trust is present.  

There is one other thing. She is incredibly obedient. I find her obedience a turn on. She adheres to  protocols with a religious fervor. I love it. 

Now a few words on the principles we adhere to. When we say “there is nothing wrong” it is not to  dismiss her point of view or her complaint or mine, it’s a recognition that as human beings, we make  meaning out of things we do not completely understand. It’s a function of being human. What there is  to deal with is “what’s so” about a thing. That keeps us from escalating moments in a negative direction.  Second, we both take full responsibility to keep the dynamic alive and well. Its not a 50/50 deal at all. Its  100%/0%. And we talk. We talk so often about so many aspects about our dynamic that we started the  podcast Kinky Cocktail Hour. And most important, trust really is present. She trust me to use her hard  and not break her. She trusts me to love her and care for her and I trust her to do the same. Intimacy is present.  

Our dynamic works because we are committed and not attached to the dynamic and we go with the  ebbs and flows of our desires and demands. As the Dom, it is my responsibility to read her. To gauge her  energy and her mindset. We have sexualized her completely. She experiences herself as a very sexy  creature And she is perfectly suited to be my personal slut. The result is that our sex is lava hot. I would  say conservatively, that in the 3 years we have been together, we have had sex over 1,000 times, each  time being the hottest sex ever. She always presents herself to be used and it starts there. Lately, we are  employing hypnosis to move her into a trance state more quickly and I am training her to experience deep throat fucking as orgasmic. It’s hot.  

Writing this has caused me to send her a message that I am going to use her hard when she gets home  from work, and I am going to “fuck her silly”. Because our sexuality is wrapped up in kink, this means  that she will get flogged and fucked today. Her response? “Mmmmmm…Very, Very HOT!!”. Then she sent me this text:  

“Verfreude”  

The German word Vorfreude is unique and has no English equivalent. It comes from the  words vor (“before”) and Freude (“joy”) and means something along the lines of “joyful anticipation.” Vorfreude is the joy you experience while you are looking forward to something.  

Germans often say: “Vorfreude ist die schönste Freude” which means “anticipation is the greatest joy”.  

I have Verfreude too.  


SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and  personal coaching options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching  out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

New coaching content can be found on our Patreon:  

https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground 

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky Cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm contract, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, fetish, kink, master, mistress, power dynamic, power exchange, protocol, rituals, slave, slave training, submissive

Queen vs. Warden

June 24, 2021 By Ms. Rika 2 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!  

Today, I’d like to address a subject that’s been mentioned in passing in a few of my articles and books:  The difference between being an enforcer and of being a leader. 

The examples I’d like to use for this discussion, are the Warden of a prison versus the Queen of a land.  

Both positions have “constituents” – those that reside in the area over which they have authority. Both have the authority to set rules and procedures for those constituents. Both have power to rule,  somewhat unilaterally. Both have the right to enforce their will. Both are in positions of superiority. 

Of course, there are a number of differences: 

The Warden’s constituency is not present by choice. They are incarcerated and restricted. The warden is  feared. There is no personal relationship with the warden; interaction is limited to compliance with strict  and granular rules that impact every moment of every day. Compliance is not a choice, it is mandatory – and failure to comply has severe punitive consequence. They are counting the days until they can get out. 

The Queen’s constituency are members by choice. They are voluntarily citizens unless they no longer  want/need the protections / benefits of the land. The Queen is revered and honored. She is worshiped and adored. She is the leader of the land. Her rules are somewhat generic; providing an overarching  framework of culture and order, under which the citizens adapt for their specific lives. For the most part,  participation in the regulations provide a level of freedom within that framework. Of course, repeated  failure to comply to the regulations may result in banishment from the land or being turned over to … the warden, but for the most part, the constituents are governed by their desire to provide for the  queen in their deed and intent. 

Much of the literature surrounding BDSM and D/s fantasies, and consequently, many of those who  approach me for advice or contact, approach dominance as a position of enforcement. Of course, there  is a bit of a façade that gets played: When referring to dominants, they use words like “reverence” and  “worship” – vernacular that would have you believe the dominant is a queen, but when you actually look  at the nature of the imagery and understand the demands of the fantasy, you see that the role being  described most resembles that of the warden. 

Many submissivess are looking to be made captive. The fantasy is to be trapped, as if against one’s will,  under the authoritative and restrictive rule of the dominant. There is usually an elaborate storyline that  creates servitude – blackmail, disclosure, loss of bets, indenture – so that compliance to a strict rule is  assured. Every movement curtailed; every decision made for them. When to eat, when to sleep, where  to go, what to do. Enforcement is immediate and punitively consequential. The dominant is an enforcer: The “doer”; the active role. Obedience is driven through fear of consequence. All of this is necessary to make the façade feel real.

For most of the dominants I know, playing the role of warden can be fun and enjoyable – as a role.  However, being the warden day in and day out runs counter to what they’re looking for in their  relationships – and can be a lot of work! Most enjoy the feeling of being revered, worshiped, and adored. They want to set generic rules and structure, and not have to threaten or beat their submissives  into compliance. In my vernacular, they prefer “submission” to “acquiescence” …the difference being  that submission is driven by a desire to serve, whereas acquiescence is compliance driven by a desire to avoid consequence. 

The conflict this establishes can take a toll on relationships. A person who is looking to establish a power  dynamic using words like “worship” and “reverence”, is setting up an expectation that isn’t met (for  most) by the imagery of the warden. Sometimes that dichotomy is realized very late in the dynamic’s  development and can lead to all sorts of issues. If someone wants a warden, they need to be up-front  about it. This is not just a porn issue (although porn tends to present the imagery of the warden in the  guise of a full-time relationship – and for someone whose only exposure to power dynamics is through  porn, that can be damaging), this is a communications issue. Talk about what you want. Define  submission. Define dominance. Agree on your terms before you dive into the dynamic. 

For me, I am my submissive’s queen. They operate within the guidelines I present – my preferences and  expectations…the things that make me happy. They live within the purview of my land for as long as  they want to. They are neither forced to comply, nor are they trapped against their will. They opt to  serve me, each and every day they stay here. They are the “doers”; actively working to fulfill their role  within the structure. They are citizens of my land; knights; valued contributors to my domain. 


Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her  husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at  Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Tagged With: bdsm contract, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, femdom, master, mistress, power dynamic, power exchange, protocols, slave, submissive

Erotica: The Master and The Monster

June 9, 2021 By Joji Sada 6 Comments

sexy Asian slave bound
via stock.adobe.com

**This story contains depictions of edge play in the forms of electricity, knives, blood, and implied consent/CNC.  The implied consent is based on the Total Power Exchange of an M/s dynamic.  It also references past trauma as experienced by the slave who tells this tale**

I am often overlooked down here as I sit quietly at Master’s feet.  There is a thick leather collar around my neck and a steel band, around my thigh, whose chain is secured to an eyebolt in the floor.  It keeps me in place while still allowing me a moderate amount of movement.  But Master always leaves my arms free.  He has done so since the first time someone felt it right to attack his property.

Since then, he has also kept my mouth covered with black cloth when I am not by his side.  

You see, I scare people.  Or so I have been told.

My previous Master had a sick sense of humor.  He liked to play with his toys until they were broken.  And if he twisted us enough, he was sure no one would take us.

I am one of the lucky ones.  I bare the fewest scars, but I look the most fearsome.

There is a deep cut from my forehead, through my right eye, and down past my ear.  He took my sight on that side with a single whiplash.  He had my teeth sharpened to points.  I’ve been told that when I smile, its horrific.  There are slices down my back from when he played too rough while he was drinking, and a couple burns on my right thigh.  But it is my face that keeps people away.

I am used to it now.  I don’t speak anymore unless Master asks me a question.  I don’t dream.  I don’t ask for anything and I never allow myself to crave anything.

I simply exist.

I exist for Master’s pleasure.


The taste of blood is frequent, even after all these years.  I constantly swipe my tongue over my teeth and they nick it in protest.  I find it soothing. It reminds me of meeting an old friend.

Master is too kind.  He treats me delicately.  He holds back.

It…hurts.

I can see the craving in his eyes to bend me back and take his pleasure.  I see the desire to take his Sadistic needs out on my flesh.

But then I see the hesitancy when he caresses my face.  When his thumb slides down the marred flesh, I see a caring that limits him with me.  I want to tell him it’s ok.  I want to shout that I am forever in his debt and he can do as he wishes.

But I don’t say a word.

What right do I have to direct Him or His actions?

So, I wait.

Maybe soon, he will notice me as more than just a monster.

Maybe.


Master is Sadistic.  Have I mentioned that?  He likes to watch someone’s body tighten, to see them sweat.  He likes to see them grit their teeth to take what he gives.  But, most of all, he likes to see the bliss on their face.  To see them get satisfaction from enduring what only he can provide.  He likes to see them happy….and sore.

And they fall all over Him.

I watch beauty after beauty prostrate before him.  I watch them bend and burn for him.  I watch their pain, and their passion, and I see their growing attachement to him.

Not one of them will come near me.  

But he draws them in like moths to a flame.

He is intoxicating.


I think Master gets enjoyment out of watching me.  See, I love to feel his fingers through my hair.  Often, I curl between his legs, with my back to his chair, and lean my head on his thigh.  And though I never let Master see, I am sure to give a smile full of teeth to every person I watch pass our room.

He chuckles darkly from time to time when someone gasps.  They all try to be nonchalant, but no one has Mastered it yet.

It amuses me.

It makes the passing of time easier until he takes me to our private chambers each night.

While this probably makes me ill-behaved, Master hasn’t chastised me yet.  So, I must be doing something right.


My eyes are closed when another visits.  As I crack my good eye open, I see it is a far cry from another grovelling slave.  It is another Master.  I know better than to meet his gaze.  There are some things even I cannot get away with.

But I take him in.  He wears nothing but black.  His t-shirt and jeans are as dark as coal.  His vest is dark but blazing with colors.  They are too blurry for me to read.  His boots are dirty.  I can tell he must live in them.

He speaks softly and passes Master a note. This must not be for a slave’s ears.

Master taps my head twice and I instantly move back to the side of his chair.  As Master stands, my hands slip under his cushion and pull the black cloth.  I slip it over my face, in time for Master to give me a nod of approval.  

I lean my head against the side of the chair and close my eyes.  I know Master will wake me when he needs me.


I am unsure of how much time has passed when I feel Master’s fingers in my hair.  I look up at him and he is grinning.  

Two snaps.

I move to kneel in front if him.  He leans forward and removes the cloth from my face.  His hand cups the side of my face and his thumb trails delicately over the scarring.

“I have a gift for you.”

I cock my head to the side.  A gift?  I am curious as to what I have done to earn such a privilege.  

“Thank you Master.”  I smile slightly, with my mouth closed.

“It will be delivered shortly.”

Two snaps.

I return to the side of his chair.  I face the door.  My curiosity has the best of me.

With my last Master, surprises meant pain.  They meant a lot of blood and a lot of crying. But this Master is kind.  He takes care of me.  He lets me sit on a cushion instead of the cold floors.  He keeps me fed.  And he doesn’t look at me with pity or disgust.

I am uneasy but I know it will be ok.  Whatever the surprise, I am sure he knows what he is doing.

He is a good Master.


A girl.  You have gifted me a girl, Master.  

Do I get to play?

I stared at the girl thrown at Master’s feet.  She is stoic.  She is breathing heavily.  She must be nervous.  She won’t look up from the floor.  She is also refusing to rise onto her knees.  Her intentions are clear.  She is intending to refuse her orders.

I don’t need to hear what was said previously to see what is happening.  Master is good at training.  She isn’t the first to be put before him.  But she is the first to be gifted to me.

She must have offended him.  He is sending a message to her, and her handler, that she has not earned the right to be touched by him.  She is not worth his time.

But she is worth mine.

She is a pretty little thing.  Her hair is black.  It is braided tightly and cascades down to her ass.  She is petite and her skin is bronzed.  She has spent many hours in the sun.  Her arms and legs are thin. She is definitely not a work slave. I wonder if she is new to the fold or possibly a house or pleasure slave.

She has the gold markings around her wrists and ankles.  The rest of her is bare.  

When she finally looks up, I smile.  I see her eyes widen and I can feel her fear.

It’s delicious.


Master rarely lets me play with others.  I tend to be fairly sadistic.  The other Masters don’t let me near their toys.  So often, I am left by Master’s chair while he plays with others.  Unless he brings out the electricity.  Then I get to watch.  He lays them across his table, mere feet from where I sit.

I find it fascinating.  Watching the girls squirm is entertaining.  He goes so gentle with some of them.  Especially those whose Masters stay nearby.  But those left to him to take his pleasure from get a whole different experience.

Their bodies bow off the table, akin to a scene from Frankenstein.  Their voices are breathy, save for a few who unwillingly curse at Master.  It’s amusing to see his reaction.

The result is always the same.  They leave his table shaking and sated.  His eyes glow and his body vibrates with energy. It’s those moments that he unleashes me and takes his pleasure.  It is those moments that I feel useful and owned.

It’s those moments, brought by the subjugation of others, that I stop feeling like a monster.


Master stands and turns towards me.  I kneel up, my back rigid and my eyes firmly on the floor.  I let out a deep, cleansing breath.  I feel him unlock the leather collar from my neck.  In its place, I feel the cold snap of the metal collar.  Its electrified.  Should I disobey, punishment is swift and merciless.  The electric collar always comes out to play when I am unleashed now.  Apparently fighting other slaves is not an approved behavior.

Then he unhooks a key from his belt, crouches down, and unlocks the iron around my thigh.  As he sets the iron down, I lean forward until my head is between his boots.  I kiss the left boot three times and repeat the action on the right before returning my forehead to the floor and whispering, “thank you Master.”

Master returns to his seat.

Two snaps.

I kneel back up.

“Entertain me, pet.”

At his words, I prowl forward on my hands and knees.

I hope she tries to run.


She is shaking.  

It is delightful.

I make sure I move enough to give Master a good show of my ass.  It takes me only a few steps to cross the room to her.  She isn’t moving.  In fact, she has stilled like prey.

Is it bad I wanted a fight, Master?

I reach out and run a finger down her side.  Her skin is cool to the touch.  I briefly wonder how long she has been uncovered on the cold floor before she was put here.  

She jerks away and I snap my jaw at her, as if poised to bite.  She screams.  Her arms reach out as if there were spots in the floor to pull her away from me.

My hand clamps down on her hip and I flip her into her back with little effort.  My arms are much stronger than hers.

I straddle her waist and pin her wrists down with my right hand.  My left wanders down the side of her face.

“What a pretty prize you are.”  My voice is low and gravelly.  I cannot speak much more than a whisper. I don’t really know why.  I can guess but it hasn’t mattered in a long time.  Slaves aren’t meant to speak.

I brought my fingers down, hovering slightly over her nipple.  I turned my head to glance at Master.  He nodded in confirmation.

I rolled her nipple between my thumb and forefinger.  Her breath hitched.  She must be sensitive.  I tugged on it lightly before twisting it and letting go.  I flicked it several times before tugging and twisting again.  The more I did it, the more she arched under me.  When her nipple was engorged and aching, I switched my attention to her other nipple.  I swapped the hands holding her wrists and repeated the treatment. 

She is whining, low in her throat.  I can tell she is trying to be quiet.  She is trying to hold back.  

I click my tongue.  Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

I lean down to her ear so she can hear me clearly.  “You will scream for us before we are done sweetie.”  I licked the shell of her ear before returning to playing with my prize.

I let my nails drag across her stomach.  She is twisting beneath me.  My thighs can hold her tiny frame in place.  But I am excited to see her reactions.

It is much better play when the prey fights back.


I scoot my ass back a few inches until I am resting on her thighs.  I decide to see what she will do.  I let go of her wrists.

I lean back and rest on my haunches.  I stare her down.  I drag my nails down her chest, between the curves of her breasts.  Once my eyes left hers though, I learned my mistake.

I felt a hard smack to the side of my face.  My neck turned with the force.  I growled.  It’s not that she hit me Master.  Its that she hit me on my blindside.  That’s just dirty tactics.

I turned back to meet her eyes and I grabbed each of her wrists with my corresponding hands.  I gripped tightly.  I am trying not to bruise her…after all, she isn’t mine permanently.

I lean down near her shoulder and drag my top teeth across it.  They are sharp enough to draw blood.  I lap it up and hold it in my mouth.

I move her hands to her sides and kneel on them.  Then I grab her chin with bruising force and lean down to kiss her.  I let the blood, her blood, trickle into her mouth.  Then I cover her mouth with my hand until she swallows.

I watch her shudder.

She wants to hit me hard enough to taste blood, it is only fair to return the favor.


I lick the salty tears trailing down her face.  I am growing bored with her now.  

Master said I should entertain him.

An idea pops into my head.

I wrap her braid around my fist and move off her.  I give her a moment to flip over but she makes no effort to move.

So, I start dragging her.  She is begging me to let go.  But we both know how this works.  You go where directed or you are moved by force.

She made her choice.

I reach the wall and crouch down, still holding her hair. 

“Stand.  Or I will make you.”

She moves with purpose this time.  I stand her up, her back to the wall, and attach a metal cuff to each wrist.  They are above her head, stretched out to an X shape, leaving her standing on the balls of her feet.

Endurance.  That was a lesson I struggled with myself.  Let’s see if she can do better.

I roughly grab both her nipples without warning, pinching and pulling them away from her body.  Her feet are dancing, trying to alleviate the pain.

I lean in and bite the side of each breast, semi-gently.  I want her to heal.  As the blood begins to slowly seep out, I let her nipples go and watch her body bounce back in relief.

The blood is glistening.  It excites me.

I turn from her and kneel, facing Master.  My lips are still red from tasting her.  I keep my eyes down, waiting for the command to come back.

Instead, I hear his boots on the cement.  I still the quivering in my body.  I am riled up from playtime and I crave his touch.

His boots come into view and I immediately lean forward with my head on the floor.

Two snaps.

I am kneeling upright again.

Two snaps.

I climb it my feet and put my hands on my elbows behind my back.

Two snaps.

My eyes move to meet his.

He is grinning.  I can see the Sadistic glint in his eyes.

He pulls me forward by the electric collar and growls into my ear.  “You’ve done well, pet.”

He pulls my hair into his fist and tilts my neck before biting down at the juncture of my neck and shoulder.  My hands break rank as I grab for his shirt.  He knows this will bring me to my knees.  Harder and harder he bites until my first knee hits the ground.  I let out a breathy sound just before my second knee drops.  I can smell the copper tang.  He drew blood.

My head is tilted back and as he kisses me, my own blood trickles between my lips.  It is warm.  His tongue his hot against mine.  It is almost dizzying.  When he pulls back, I swallow the remaining liquid and stare up at him.  I feel drunk now.  When he lets go of my hair, my body slumps, heaving great breaths.  

Master really is intoxicating.


I almost forgot we had a guest.  Then I heard the tell-tale whine.  She is rattling the chains.  She is starting to give me a headache.  

She is interrupting my bliss.

I growl again and climb back to my feet, turning to face her.  I take the first step towards her and Master halts me with his hand.

I still.  I am dissatisfied with the direction, but I know better than to question it.  

He moves away from her and puts a finger to his lips to keep me silent.  I see where he is headed and I finally understand why.

I watch as he grabs his knife and tucks a cord through his belt.  He has just turned himself into a conduit for electricity.

He’s going to play with her.

He is going to paint her pretty with fine red lines of electric current through the tip of his blade.

She won’t know what hit her.


I can hear the soft buzzing of the electricity.  I am positive she can too, especially how this room echoes.

I am watching Master move.  His steps are light but sure.  He stays just out of her sight.  I can see the soft stains of the blood marks and sweat intermingling on her flesh.  It is both erotic and enticing.

I catch Master’s eye.  He smirks and I watch as he licks the blade from base to tip.  I shiver.  He is teasing me.  I doubt if he even feels the electricity anymore.  I am positive it must run through his veins.

He lays the blade flat on her stomach, covering her navel.  I know she won’t get much of a jolt with such a broad surface but the cold with react with the heat of her skin.

Sure enough, she looks down and tries to press herself back against the wall.  I am amused.  If there is something sharp touching you, it is best practice not to move.

But adrenaline and fear will often override common sense.  That’s what makes it so delicious.

Master slowly lifts the blade and turns it on its tip.  He drags it from her naval, up between her breasts, and slowly across both shoulders before sliding it back down.  He follows the path a couple of times, watching her.  She is mesmerized by the movement.  Where he turns the blade, her gaze follows.

He slides it down her breast, circling the dark patch around her nub.  He taps the blade against her nipple.  She gasps.  I watch him repeat the process to the other side before he reaches towards his belt.  He turns up the current.  The next round will be harsher.


Again and again, he works her over.  Turning the current up and down without warning.  He slides the blade up her thighs and across her stomach.  He tortures her nipples with both the blade and his hands.  He makes her stick out her tongue and he touches the tip of the blade to it.

I flinch.  I know that feeling.

I can smell her arousal.  It lingers in the air.  As much as she whines and cries, her body is betraying her.  Her sensitivity is heightened.  Instead of running away, her body arches towards him now.

They all break for him in the end.

He warns her not to move.  He drags the blade softly across her hips and down to her hood.  He reaches back and turns off the current for a moment, sheathing his knife.

I watch him mercilessly take two fingers and start rubbing her clit.  He does not give her any respite.  He keeps the pressure heavy and the movements fast.  

She moans and cries and begs him.  A littany of pleases leave her lips and he pays her no mind.  When she reaches the edge, he stops.  

Her body curls in on herself as tears form on her lashes.

He turns the current back on and runs the blade over her skin again and again.  Once he sees her body settle into the play, he flips it off and brings her to the edge again.

This time though, when he stops, he keeps her lips spread, turns the current back on, and taps the blade over and over against her clit.

I know from experience how sharp the sensation is.  But when you are in the state she’s in, it doesn’t matter much.

All you want is more.


Her chest is heaving.  I can tell she is tiring out. So can Master.

He has me sit down on the floor as he removes her restraints.  Her head rests on the floor next to me.  

I run my fingers through her hair.  Being worked over and left on edge is a hard lesson.  

She will be fine in a little while.

Master rubs her down with a burn cream.  We want her to heal.

Her eyes are only half-open, and the fight has left her.  She shivers from the cold floor.  

Master locks a matching electrical collar around her neck before he picks her up.  He moves to the other side of the room.  He opens the door to one of the iron cages, lined with wool blankets, and lays her gently inside.

He locks the door.

“Keep her company, pet.  She’s ours now.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm contract, bdsm erotica, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, bdsm toys, dominant, master, mistress, slave, submissive

Humiliation and Degradation

June 4, 2021 By SafferMaster 2 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

You have heard or seen humiliation and or degradation before in sexual scenes. The Dominatrix says to  her sub “You are a dirty little sissy slut, and Mistress is going to fuck your useless ass”, or you have seen  it in porn, for example, the submissive tied up kneeling on the bathroom floor with her mouth open and the word “toilet” scrawled on her body and face as a variety of men stand around urinating on her and in her mouth.  

What is it about humiliation and degradation that plays so powerfully as a fetish in kink?  

There is an arousal response that occurs when someone is humiliated. The arousal response is the  constellation of physiological changes—e.g., increased muscle tension, tachycardia and secretion of  catecholamines—which help prepare the body for expenditure of a large amount of energy; also known  as. the “fight-or-flight response”. For some people, that response occurs to them as sexually arousing.  

The fight or flight response can occur as sexual arousal because the sexual arousal response is quite  similar in some ways to the fight or flight response. The sexual arousal response is the sequence of  physical and emotional changes that occur as a person becomes sexually aroused. It occurs in 3 phases.  It’s during the first 2 phases of the sexual arousal response, desire (or libido) and arousal (excitement)  that the person who finds humiliation and degradation arousing experiences the fight or flight response as arousing.  

I have had submissives who are aroused by fear. The fear of being punished, the fear of being used hard  and so on. Well in the case of these submissive women, their fear is compressed with their feelings of  sexual arousal and so they seek situations where they can be humiliated or degraded as part of their  sexual self-expression.  

During the first phase of sexual arousal, which can last from a few minutes to several hours, (like in a  play scene), a person may experience any of the following:  

– Muscle tension increase  

– Heart rate quickening  

– More rapid breathing  

– Flushing of the skin  

– Nipple erection and hardening  

– Genital blood flow increases resulting in erection of the penis and swelling of the labia and  clitoris  

– Vaginal lubrication begins and vaginal walls swell  

– The breasts become fuller  

– The testes swell and the scrotum tightens, and he begins secreting lubricating liquid  

This list represents all the physical changes that could occur during this phase, but its quite conceivable  that a person may experience one or more of these symptoms directly as a result of being humiliated or  degraded which illustrates how humiliation and degradation can be interpreted as sexually arousing.  During the second phase of sexual arousal, those changes listed are intensified with breathing, heart  rate and blood pressure also increasing. It’s easy to imagine how the fight or flight response can be  experienced as sexual arousal because the physiological changes that occur in either one are so similar to each other. 

There are whole kink constructs developed around humiliation and degradation. Take the example of  the husband with a tiny penis who is cuckhold by his wife who dates men with much large dicks and who  constantly humiliates him by saying things like “you could never satisfy me with that tiny dick” or “put  that in a cage, its not needed any more, a real man will fuck me” and so on. I recently met such a small  penis kinkster who is 8 months in chastity and who is being sissified by his Mistress who humiliates him  to the point that he is required to dress in women’s lingerie and service her and the large-dicked men,  also known as Bulls, she brings home. To please her, he fluffs the Bull and cleans her pussy or ass after  he fucks her, and then he cleans the Bull’s dick. He does not identify as gay or bi. His entire world of  sexual arousal is based on humiliation and degradation, and for sure that is just one example of a  hundred possible scenarios. On the other hand, in a typical heterosexual relationship, the male partner  may experience arousal when his partner says things to him like “I’m going to fuck your sissy ass” while  she fingers his ass and massages his prostate, with that level of humiliation being more than enough to  sexually arouse him to his satisfaction. Similarly, my slut likes me to call her “a dirty girl”, and “a filthy  whore” because she enjoys ass to mouth, which I also love. I will also add that as a sexual sadist, I get a  certain rise out of doing things that are humiliating or degrading to my slut. From putting her in a cage  with ginger in her ass to pissing down her throat after I have caned her ass, these acts cause a sexually  arousing physiological response in me as well as in her such that we both thrive sexually.  

Consider that something occurs as humiliating only if the person being targeted with the humiliating  task or phrase experience the phrase or task as humiliating. At the same time, I humiliate my slut by  calling her a “filthy whore”, which arouses her, and so even though its clearly degrading to call her –  someone I love – a” filthy whore’, in context it serves to arouse her.  

The argument then, is that for humiliation and degradation to make sense in a sexual scene, the target  of that humiliation and degradation needs to be sexually aroused by the humiliation. If I were to call my  slut “a filthy whore” and it has the impact of making her feel bad, then that would take her out of a  sexual context and disrupt the scene.  

When I piss in my slut’s ass, it is a very dominant act that is degrading to her on one level, but on  another level, she is deeply aroused by my doing so, to the point that she masturbates vigorously while I do so.  

When I put her in pussy chastity and made her an ass whore for a month, was that humiliating? Well, it  is degrading to be told you are in chastity for a month for sure, but she loves anal sex and while she got  sexually frustrated at her pussy not being used, she loved getting related to her ass as a sex organ at the same time.  

Humiliation and degradation are kinks. They are a fetish, but unlike say, flogging, which is very much  physical, they are kinks that expand the dynamic. They do so as either direct or indirect stimuli. They are  not always as direct as impact play for example. Whether its direct like chastity, or indirect like a phrase,  incorporating humiliation and degradation into your dynamic is really about getting into your partner’s  head.  

All sexual encounters are ultimately psychological encounters in the end. Sure, sex itself is physical, but  it is the degree of arousal and the intensity of the experience that fetishes and kinks play on that make  the experience more psychological than physical, and more intense physically. 

We are very kinky people. We live in a 24/7 TPE. Consider that. It is an always on, total power exchange.  She has gifted me her power when it comes to our sexual dynamic and our relationship. This means that  when I tell her to get ready, she stops what she is doing, she goes off to the bathroom and she prepares  herself to be a 3-hole whore. She prepares herself like she is going out on a date, she makes up her face,  she voids her bowel and bladder, she crawls to the living room and she kneels on the floor to wait for me to use her. She understands that whatever I choose to do, she is prepared for. I have her complete  consent. This is based in trust. She knows me as a sensual sadist and a generous lover. She knows that I  love her and that I do not break my toys. She also knows that there is nothing wrong and so it is of no  concern to me or her if she reds out. With that knowledge she will literally do whatever I ask her to do in  order to please me, because she belongs to me and she is my service slut. The degrading things I do to  her, from a daily maintenance spanking to pissing in her ass or down her throat are just part of her  experience of deep arousal and they heat up our already hot scenes so that when we play, we  experience every sexual encounter with each other as a very intense encounter which is so very steamy  that we are left quite literally exhausted after we play.  

Humiliation and degradation are absorbed into our dynamic and they keep our sexual self-expression  hotter and more exciting than ever. And the key thing is that she is aroused by being used when I use  her in a degrading way or when I say the humiliating things I say to her, she is deeply aroused. For  example, imagine how she must be feeling to have the overwhelming urge to masturbate and slap her  clit hard while I am pissing in her ass at the end of a scene. She does this volitionally and organically and  not because I gave her an instruction to do so. It is her self-expression as she explores her experience of  intense arousal during a degrading act.  

I could write this article about any aspect of our TPE. Remember, it always boils down to consent. Every  kink you engage in as a Dom with an s-type MUST start with consent.  

With consent, anything goes. Even humiliation and degradation.  


SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and  personal coaching options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching  out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground  Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on  all podcast platforms

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm communication, bdsm community, bdsm contract, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, consent, degradation, fetish, humiliation play, kink

This week in kink: May 24, 2021

May 20, 2021 By Desdemona 2 Comments

Are there any kinks or fetishes or sexual acts that should be and/or are off limits?

Is consent by all parties the only factor redgarding ethical play?

To further answer these questions, check out this riveting article from refinery29!


Don’t miss Hajime Kinoko’s amazing Shibari installation!

Click below to read more from Cision!


Mistress Velvet, the amazing Domme that tried her best to spread the word of black feminism to her subs, passed recently.

Click below to find out more


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm contract, bdsm play, bdsm punishment, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, black feminism, bottom, boundaries, consent, dominant, dominatrix, domme, feminism, fetish, hard limits, kink, negotiations, power exchange, rope bondage, shibari, soft limits, submissive, Top

Overcoming Obstacles to General Acceptance Requires Focus on the D/s in BDSM

April 2, 2021 By Ms. Rika 2 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!  

I am confident that there will come a time, when relationships with power dynamics will be commonly  accepted in our culture. We are already seeing signs of it in popular media: BDSM has become a bit  more “mainstream”; moving beyond its presence in fashion and showing up in more real ways. Power  dynamics are plots and sub-plots in the shows we view at home, in the movie theaters, and in books. 

BDSM is arriving, but not “all of it”. B&D and S&M are being depicted, but D/s is lagging far behind! In  many ways, it’s easier to depict BDSM without D/s. It’s relatively easy to have actors “do things to each  other” than to pull off the deeper character development needed to portray a committed D/s dynamic  convincingly and so, for impact value, ease of production, and perhaps out of lack of understanding,  media has embraced S&M and B&D and foregone the emotional commitment of D/s. 

This creates some issues, not the least of which is that the imagery of B&D and S&M, particularly as  portrayed within the media, is very closely aligned with the imagery of abuse, biker-outlaws, Nazism,  and psychotics! As someone who just wants to engage in consensual healthy power dynamics, this is quite troublesome. 

As I’ve pointed out previously, power dynamics in media, which is a critical first step in acceptance in  culture, is in its infancy. We are barely beginning to be introduced to characters of substance, who have a healthy interest in D/s; who do not have to be damaged by childhood trauma, or psychotic drive as an  excuse to enjoy open power exchange. Only barely…for most of the characters still suffer from some  aspect of that excuse, or are portrayed as comedic shills – wild, out-there characters who will push any  norm. We have not yet seen a character within a power dynamic, who does not require a “reason” for  being involved in it. It is not “normal” yet – and therefore needs an explanation to be believable. 

This is going to change. Much the way interracial relationships used to be verboten – then accepted with  excuse – and now presented everywhere, without calling any attention to itself; power dynamics will  eventually be portrayed as a matter of course – a sub-text – and nothing out of the ordinary. We will  eventually relate to the characters in such a way that they will be able to accept their interests without  need for explanation. We will get to the point where we won’t need to understand Joe and Mary’s  childhood experiences to accept that they are a happily married couple – and Mary chooses to serve Joe  as his submissive”. We’ll just accept that and be focused on the real plot of the show. 

I hope to live long enough to see the day…but I do believe it WILL happen. 

What are the obstacles standing in the way of making this happen? The first problem to overcome is to  establish that people can choose to be dominant or submissive without it reflecting a weakness or a flaw  in their character. We still seem to need an explanation – a reason why someone would want to stray from the perceived norm. The assumption is that there HAS to be something lacking or damaged in the personalities. 

There is a learned resistance to power dynamics that stems from society’s proactive attempts to  criminalize abuse. Due to the abolition of slavery, the emancipation of women, and the movement  against discrimination of all types – there is an overarching sensitivity to repression and imbalance. We  naturally want to repel any unfairness. However, conflating consensual power dynamics with these  examples of non-consensual abuse is misleading, and harmful.  

Even once we can clarify the difference between consensual power dynamics and non-consensual  abuse, there are still other obstacles to overcome. Gender bias very much sways acceptance. The  generalization is that men tend to be dominant and women tend to be submissive. Intellectually, we  know how wrong that stereotype is. It has been a high obstacle for rebellion in women’s rights activists  who have had to fight it. Even though our young generations are being raised without that assumption,  it’s still present and impacts the way media portrays the dynamics. 

If I were to present a show where Joe is Mary’s master, the audience would accept the premise. Of  course, the feminist mentality in all of us would challenge the producers with claims that the  relationship is setting back women’s independence by many years and there would be flack for allowing  the stereotype to be perpetuated, but no one would challenge the nature of the arrangement. The  audience would never challenge why Joe wants to be the dominant. They would even accept that Mary  is submissive. Dominance=masculinity…submission=femininity. 

But turn it around: Joe is Mary’s submissive. Suddenly, the audience will seek to find a rationale: WHY  does he want to be submissive? What is lacking from his masculinity? Is he “pussy-whipped”? Is he a  “mama’s boy” or Is he compensating for some childhood trauma? Is he looking for a release from the pressures of his otherwise dominant life? Furthermore, why would Mary want to be dominant? Is she a  radical feminist? Does she hate men? The audience will struggle figure out what’s driving these two to  make such a diversion. It’s viewed as “Role-Reversal” because the popular beliefs have been challenged. Gender bias is a huge obstacle. 

It’s also interesting that BDSM submission seems easier for the public to accept than dominance.  Dominance is viewed as the one “doing the doing”. This is the BDSM-mentality of doing things TO the  submissive. That’s the imagery. Under this assumption, people will “excuse” a submissive, by attributing  their acceptance as weakness in the presence of the power and persuasion of a determined dominant.  But the motivations of a dominant are immediately suspect and have no excuse. They are evil, power hungry Bond-villains, out to take over the world. They are psychotic sadists, who have to hurt to be whole. 

How does this change? How do we find BDSM relationships to be acceptable regardless of gender, and  be brought out from behind closed doors? How do we get to a point where submission and dominance are equally acceptable? 

I believe that a focus on D/s as the primary motivation for a couple, without the necessity of the imagery  of S&M and B&D, will begin to bridge acceptance. Establishing an emotional bond between two partners  in which one chooses to serve the other, will be more easily digested by the public. Most people have  felt the desire to serve another and most people will accept that allowing someone to serve you (who WANTS to serve you) can be a natural response. Most people will accept that you don’t have to be  psychotic to feel and desire consensual power dynamics. 

As we all know, B&D and S&M are OPTIONAL ACTIVITIES in a relationship with D/s power dynamics.  They are elected within the context of the power agreement. They will likely not be the only activities.  Portray this in the media, even though it’s much harder to do, and we will see a change in perception  and acceptance. Once the emotional bond is established in the minds of the viewers, they will accept it  as the motivation for any physical bondage that follows. So long as the D/s is the primary motivation,  the practices of B&D and S&M will be more readily acceptable and the public will not be dreaming up  more destructive rationale for the actions. And if they are not present at all, more people will be  exposed to, and understand, pure D/s dynamics…that can’t be a bad thing! 


Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her  husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at  Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Tagged With: bdsm contract, bdsm relationship, dominant, master, mistress, power exchange, protocol levels, protocols, rituals, slave, submissive, submissive headspace, submissive training

D/s Protocols

February 20, 2021 By SafferMaster 4 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

Being a kinkster is as unique as a random dot on a page. What do I mean by that? If you think of the world of kink as represented by a sheet of paper. On one axis you have the range of fetishes and on the  other axis you have the range of intensities. If I look at my world of kink, the fetishes I am into and you  look at the intensity level of my kink life, you will be able to put a coin about the size of a silver dollar  over my preferences somewhere on the page.  

Take protocols. In simple terms, a protocol is defined as “a system of rules that explain the correct  conduct and procedures to be followed in formal situations” I am not motivated to have my submissive  do tasks for the sake of doing tasks. And at the same time, our life, in a 24/7 TPE dynamic, we have a  number of protocols in our life. Some are simple, for example, when my submissive goes off to work,  she wears a butt plug as a way of keeping me with her, and she is required to send me a good morning  message with a picture of her ass, butt plug inserted. This is especially true for us after marking her, she  is required to send me pictures of her marks every day. That is a protocol. Something I have asked her to  do for me as a matter of routine. I never have to ask her to send me a picture of her marks, our protocol is  that she just does so after being marked as a matter of protocol. And she sends me a message via  WeMinder (which I will talk more about in a minute) that she completed her task or duty.  

There are other Dom’s who have similar but different protocols that they have designed for their  preferred lifestyle. I interviewed a Dom who has his sub wash him in the shower and then she kneels  with his towel presented to him as he steps out of the shower. It is a simple gesture of submission, and  similarly to my sub, his sub does so as a matter of protocol without being asked.  

Some dynamics are extremely high protocol. To the point that the sub has to have permission to do  anything, including go to the bathroom. The degree of how intense the protocol dynamics are depend  on the needs of the partners and they must determine what works for them.  

Even though my submissive is collared, and even though this is TPE and a 24/7 dynamic, we actually  have numerous protocols that we have chosen to live with. Before I say more about that, I want to talk  about an app called WeMinder. This is an app that we use to track the protocols we have in play. We  interviewed Mako, the developer of the app on our podcast, Kinky Cocktail Hour, that you can listen to here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/962578/episodes/6206590.

Using this app, my submissive logs her  tasks and chores as she completes them, and it allows me to offer her feedback from praise to scolding,  and even punishment. She can also share her mood with me at any time and know instantly that I am  aware of how she is feeling. It’s a fantastic app for D/s couples who are protocol oriented. You can get  the app by visiting weminder.app and I recommend it highly and it’s very reasonably priced.  

When we engage in what we call “High Protocol” days, my submissive prepares for use the way she  normally does, she is a three hole slut and she is fully prepared for a prolonged scene. When she kneels for me, which is how she presents herself to be used, she offers up a cane for marking. Normally she  offers me her leash to attach to her collar, but in high protocol days, she gets chained with a heavy chain  before she is used and marked. During high protocol days, she is limited to being on all fours during play  and she is required to ask for cane strokes after her initial marking.  

Her tasks and chores are both designed to fulfill on her role as a service slut on one hand and on her  sexual submission inside of a sex forward, kink forward dynamic. Our daily maintenance spanking scene is a protocol. When I get into bed in the evening, she puts her head on my chest and cups my balls while  we talk about our day and the final act of our dynamic that lives in the world of protocol is that when it’s  time, she rolls over and we spoon and I take hold her breast, holding her close as we fall asleep. My  point is that start to finish, our days are filled with protocols. We divide the protocols into two broad  categories: Tasks and Chores. Tasks are things I might randomly task her with doing and that might be as  different as having her masturbate with the Hitachi every 30 minutes, or to do certain routine things for  me such as sending me a picture of her marks. Chores related to her duties around the house.  

Protocols live in the world of agreements. On one hand they are designed to give structure to the  dynamic and on the other, they are a natural evolution of a power exchange. My preference is to have  the protocols occur because they fulfill her desires, so to implement a new protocol, we talk about it  first, and I enroll her in the possibility that the protocol creates and then she does what I have requested  but she does so because it is what she wants to do.  

There is a very wide range of protocol implementation strategies in kink. It can be a very minor part of  your dynamic if that is what you prefer, or it can be the entirety of your dynamic if that is what you  prefer. I am going to make the observation that even in vanilla relationships there are protocols. For  instance when I was married, my ex-wife used to bring me coffee on a Sunday morning while I watched  soccer in bed. I came to expect this and it occurred routinely for years. I never asked her to do this, she  just started doing this small thing for me that made our lives more manageable. The way that that small  act occurred was that it was a loving action that made me feel appreciated even for just that moment. It  was indeed a protocol that existed during my vanilla marriage. My point is that spoken or unspoken we  operate with protocols all around us, the difference is that in a kink context, communication is the key  difference. A protocol is an agreement to do x or y, which requires that the Dom and sub are in  communication.  

Being in a dynamic is a power exchange. The sub surrenders his or her power to their Dom and then it is  up to the Dom to exercise that power appropriately. The sub wants to please. It is through protocols  that the Dom communicates to the sub what is expected and required for that behavior to land as  “pleasing” to the Dom. The sub knows where they stand. They know what is needed and expected. If  they are committed to the dynamic, then they will fulfill the protocols. If there is space or distance  and the protocols start to break down, then it gives the Dom something to address to get at the root of the upset.  

I keep making this point: our kink is really communication. We talk about our dynamic almost every day.  We plan, revisit, debrief, dream, vision share, and so on. The reason our protocols are in place is  because we have made a series of agreements around our dynamic.  

A good place to start is to sit down facing each other and do this drill. One partner asks the other partner  what they want done to them and then asks what they want to do to you, and then switch roles. Take  notes and then use those notes to talk about each of those ideas and make agreements about those  that make sense to you to implement into your dynamic.  

A D/s power exchange works best for all concerned when the communication is clean. We have a  commitment to each other to allow no space between us. We are each responsible for keeping that  structure in our dynamic and we have found, as will you, that the use of protocols keeps the dynamic humming along.


SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground 

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms

Above is a link to their podcast!

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm contract, bdsm relationship, dominant, fetish, high protocol, kink, power exchange, protocol dynamic, protocol levels, protocols, rituals, submissive

The Pros And Cons Of Contracts

December 19, 2020 By Ms. Rika 5 Comments

sexy Domme with whip
via stock.adobe.com

I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!  

I was recently involved in a conversation regarding the use of Slavery Contracts within a dynamic. I  thought it would be an interesting discussion to start here in Rika’s Lair. 

Do you need a contract to establish a meaningful power dynamic? Of course not. Will it help? That  depends on the people writing the contract; how much clarity they need; how realistic they are in  creating it; and what expectations they have in signing it. There are Pros and Cons. 

Contracts are, by design, the formalization of an agreement. In order to come to terms in a contract,  both parties need to articulate their objectives of that agreement. For a contract to be complete, there  are four key elements: Mutual assent (offer, acceptance, and obligation), adequate consideration,  capacity, and legality.  

That last condition (Legality) creates the first conundrum: There are no LEGAL slavery contracts in most  countries around the world today. No matter how much you want to, you can’t sign yourself, legally,  into being someone else’s property. It’s not so much the property part, but rather, a contract cannot bind someone into doing something that’s illegal. Slavery is illegal…so, even if you are willing sign  yourself away to be someone else’s possession, the paper is meaningless in a court of law. They simply  will not recognize that agreement and it will be void. Period. 

However, many see value in contracts. The discussion today, therefore, is how can there be value in a  contract, when we all know that it’s void and unenforceable? 

We’ve already pointed out that legality is not going to happen here and I am assuming people engaging  in this type of activity are of legal age and mental state to make the agreement (Capacity / capability) … so what’s left is for the contract to articulate the terms of offer, acceptance, obligation, and  consideration. 

Power dynamics are, of course, the result of a power-transfer agreement. Power dynamics, in general  will benefit from adequate, up-front, descriptions and communications of the terms of the agreement. Both parties need to understand what is being transferred; why; and what obligations the agreement brings. 

The Pros 

We’ve all seen that the common-known terms thrown about in BDSM and D/s literature are poorly  defined and are seldom standardized. What one person means by “Dominance”, “Submission”,  “Service”, “Slavery”, “Tasks”, “Reward”, “Punishment”, etc. does not necessarily mean the same thing to  another. Anything we can do that aids in this communication and clarification is going to give the  agreement a better chance at longevity and fulfillment. When we write, we force our brains to organize  our thoughts and to clarify concepts. Using a contract to clarify terms, in detail, will help  communications. The obligations and limitations under which each partner is going to operate within  the power dynamic needs to be articulated clearly. Even if the contract isn’t legally worth the paper it’s  written on, there might be value in helping to communicate the power agreement more clearly.

Another positive aspect of writing a contract, is that they’re really fun to sign. There’s something  exciting about drafting the terms of a power dynamic, and putting one’s name on the line. We can  visualize images of the scene from “Venus in Furs”, when Wanda guided the hand of Severin as he nervously watched his name appear on their contract. The notion of formalizing the commitment, even  if it’s meaningless, is titillating. You can make an event out of the signing, complete with pomp and  circumstance, and seal the deal with a random act of kinky fun. There’s benefit to that. 

The Cons 

There are some downsides to slavery contracts: The first, and most obvious, problem occurs when  people try to rely on the contract to enforce their power dynamic. The paper is legally worthless, it’s the  commitment that matters. So, pointing to the paper for enforcement doesn’t work. Both parties know  the terms are unenforceable. Ultimately, you’re dependent on each other’s mutual commitment to the  dynamic. That’s where you need to put your focus – not on some piece of paper. 

Other problems occur when people pack so much detail into a contract, that they don’t leave room for  any flexibility or spontaneity. In my second book, “Uniquely Us”, I described Sean and Dave’s “The Book” that described, in detail, every interaction they were able to predict and how they agreed to handle it. They had a ceremony signing the contracts and lived by “The Book” for a while. The problem was,  situations changed, reality struck, family issues, job issues – tastes changed. The book had to be updated  to reflect the changes in their lives. It required too much energy to maintain and The Book eventually  fell out of importance. It eventually became a paperweight. 

The last problem I see, is that “consideration” can be abused. As those of you who’ve read my books and  articles already know, I try to avoid anything that will obligate me as a dominant. My sub’s job is to serve  my preferences, not the other way around. It’s not that I don’t fulfill my sub’s preferences (and respect  their limits), but I do not want to OBLIGATED by anything other than my natural responsibilities as their partner in our relationship. Contracts require “Consideration” – which technically means something of  adequate value given in return for the offer. Therefore, the dominant is obligated by the contract to  provide something in return for accepting the sub’s offer of submission. In my opinion, this can offset  the imbalance of power – particularly if the sub is requiring things that they want, that don’t serve the dominant.  

Conclusion 

I generally don’t use contracts in my dynamics – at least ones that are written down. However, I have  used them sparingly – and will sometimes recommend them for some of the couples with whom I’ve  worked, where I believe it will help. When I do, I recommend a few ground rules: 

• First: Don’t take the contract seriously. It’s a great form of communication, use it that way • Don’t think this is a binding agreement. It isn’t 

• The process of making the contract is more important than the contract itself. Consider creating  it together, even if you don’t sign it, and then throw it away 

• Don’t feel that you need to have a legitimately constructed contract. You are starting out  knowing that the contract is missing “Legality”; it can miss other aspects of proper construction  as well. For example, it doesn’t NEED to have a Consideration section. It does not need to  stipulate obligation for the dominant. The contract can be as one-sided as the power transfer

• Lastly: Keep the details at a level that helps the communication, but is also open-ended and  flexible. Don’t try to pack EVERYTHING into a contract. After working with me, Dave and Sean  re-created a contract (because that worked for them) and it was less than one page long. It  simply stated their intents and committed a clear power transfer. It did not require maintenance  and still served its purpose. They continue to live by it, today 

It’s important to communicate your vision of your dynamic and to assure your partner has a clear  understanding of what it entails to you. You might find a contract helpful in communication and  clarification of that vision. Also, it might be a fun, kinky, exercise to document your power dynamic and  sign it in ceremony; with pomp and circumstance. If you do choose to use a contract, take the commitment to each other that it documents seriously, but the contract itself is just a communication  tool – don’t make it the center of importance. 


Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at  Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm contract, bdsm relationship, fetish, kink, power dynamic, power exchange, sex, slave contracts

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