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The Pros And Cons Of Contracts

December 19, 2020 By Ms. Rika 5 Comments

sexy Domme with whip
via stock.adobe.com

I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!  

I was recently involved in a conversation regarding the use of Slavery Contracts within a dynamic. I  thought it would be an interesting discussion to start here in Rika’s Lair. 

Do you need a contract to establish a meaningful power dynamic? Of course not. Will it help? That  depends on the people writing the contract; how much clarity they need; how realistic they are in  creating it; and what expectations they have in signing it. There are Pros and Cons. 

Contracts are, by design, the formalization of an agreement. In order to come to terms in a contract,  both parties need to articulate their objectives of that agreement. For a contract to be complete, there  are four key elements: Mutual assent (offer, acceptance, and obligation), adequate consideration,  capacity, and legality.  

That last condition (Legality) creates the first conundrum: There are no LEGAL slavery contracts in most  countries around the world today. No matter how much you want to, you can’t sign yourself, legally,  into being someone else’s property. It’s not so much the property part, but rather, a contract cannot bind someone into doing something that’s illegal. Slavery is illegal…so, even if you are willing sign  yourself away to be someone else’s possession, the paper is meaningless in a court of law. They simply  will not recognize that agreement and it will be void. Period. 

However, many see value in contracts. The discussion today, therefore, is how can there be value in a  contract, when we all know that it’s void and unenforceable? 

We’ve already pointed out that legality is not going to happen here and I am assuming people engaging  in this type of activity are of legal age and mental state to make the agreement (Capacity / capability) … so what’s left is for the contract to articulate the terms of offer, acceptance, obligation, and  consideration. 

Power dynamics are, of course, the result of a power-transfer agreement. Power dynamics, in general  will benefit from adequate, up-front, descriptions and communications of the terms of the agreement. Both parties need to understand what is being transferred; why; and what obligations the agreement brings. 

The Pros 

We’ve all seen that the common-known terms thrown about in BDSM and D/s literature are poorly  defined and are seldom standardized. What one person means by “Dominance”, “Submission”,  “Service”, “Slavery”, “Tasks”, “Reward”, “Punishment”, etc. does not necessarily mean the same thing to  another. Anything we can do that aids in this communication and clarification is going to give the  agreement a better chance at longevity and fulfillment. When we write, we force our brains to organize  our thoughts and to clarify concepts. Using a contract to clarify terms, in detail, will help  communications. The obligations and limitations under which each partner is going to operate within  the power dynamic needs to be articulated clearly. Even if the contract isn’t legally worth the paper it’s  written on, there might be value in helping to communicate the power agreement more clearly.

Another positive aspect of writing a contract, is that they’re really fun to sign. There’s something  exciting about drafting the terms of a power dynamic, and putting one’s name on the line. We can  visualize images of the scene from “Venus in Furs”, when Wanda guided the hand of Severin as he nervously watched his name appear on their contract. The notion of formalizing the commitment, even  if it’s meaningless, is titillating. You can make an event out of the signing, complete with pomp and  circumstance, and seal the deal with a random act of kinky fun. There’s benefit to that. 

The Cons 

There are some downsides to slavery contracts: The first, and most obvious, problem occurs when  people try to rely on the contract to enforce their power dynamic. The paper is legally worthless, it’s the  commitment that matters. So, pointing to the paper for enforcement doesn’t work. Both parties know  the terms are unenforceable. Ultimately, you’re dependent on each other’s mutual commitment to the  dynamic. That’s where you need to put your focus – not on some piece of paper. 

Other problems occur when people pack so much detail into a contract, that they don’t leave room for  any flexibility or spontaneity. In my second book, “Uniquely Us”, I described Sean and Dave’s “The Book” that described, in detail, every interaction they were able to predict and how they agreed to handle it. They had a ceremony signing the contracts and lived by “The Book” for a while. The problem was,  situations changed, reality struck, family issues, job issues – tastes changed. The book had to be updated  to reflect the changes in their lives. It required too much energy to maintain and The Book eventually  fell out of importance. It eventually became a paperweight. 

The last problem I see, is that “consideration” can be abused. As those of you who’ve read my books and  articles already know, I try to avoid anything that will obligate me as a dominant. My sub’s job is to serve  my preferences, not the other way around. It’s not that I don’t fulfill my sub’s preferences (and respect  their limits), but I do not want to OBLIGATED by anything other than my natural responsibilities as their partner in our relationship. Contracts require “Consideration” – which technically means something of  adequate value given in return for the offer. Therefore, the dominant is obligated by the contract to  provide something in return for accepting the sub’s offer of submission. In my opinion, this can offset  the imbalance of power – particularly if the sub is requiring things that they want, that don’t serve the dominant.  

Conclusion 

I generally don’t use contracts in my dynamics – at least ones that are written down. However, I have  used them sparingly – and will sometimes recommend them for some of the couples with whom I’ve  worked, where I believe it will help. When I do, I recommend a few ground rules: 

• First: Don’t take the contract seriously. It’s a great form of communication, use it that way • Don’t think this is a binding agreement. It isn’t 

• The process of making the contract is more important than the contract itself. Consider creating  it together, even if you don’t sign it, and then throw it away 

• Don’t feel that you need to have a legitimately constructed contract. You are starting out  knowing that the contract is missing “Legality”; it can miss other aspects of proper construction  as well. For example, it doesn’t NEED to have a Consideration section. It does not need to  stipulate obligation for the dominant. The contract can be as one-sided as the power transfer

• Lastly: Keep the details at a level that helps the communication, but is also open-ended and  flexible. Don’t try to pack EVERYTHING into a contract. After working with me, Dave and Sean  re-created a contract (because that worked for them) and it was less than one page long. It  simply stated their intents and committed a clear power transfer. It did not require maintenance  and still served its purpose. They continue to live by it, today 

It’s important to communicate your vision of your dynamic and to assure your partner has a clear  understanding of what it entails to you. You might find a contract helpful in communication and  clarification of that vision. Also, it might be a fun, kinky, exercise to document your power dynamic and  sign it in ceremony; with pomp and circumstance. If you do choose to use a contract, take the commitment to each other that it documents seriously, but the contract itself is just a communication  tool – don’t make it the center of importance. 


Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at  Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm contract, bdsm relationship, fetish, kink, power dynamic, power exchange, sex, slave contracts

Slave Contracts v. 2017

October 23, 2017 By Baadmaster 3 Comments

i-agree

This article might be the most important one you will ever read. Hyperbole? Maybe. But with the latest frenzy regarding sexual harassment, we should re-examine our “slave contracts” and try to make them as bulletproof as possible.

(Disclaimer: I am not an attorney; this article was written with the help of a Harvard-educated lawyer. Since laws vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, use this as a guide, not as a bible and consult an attorney if you have any questions!)

Although “sex on demand” seems quite natural in a Master/slave relationship, in this year of frivolous – and not so frivolous – litigation, there are issues of consent that should concern you. Pushing limits is integral to most D/s relationships – but it is never a Master’s/Mistress’s right, despite being enumerated in a “slave contract.” Even if the slave has agreed that he/she is not allowed to refuse a sexual request, forcing yourself on him/her is rape, and rape is always a crime. BDSM must always remain a consensual practice.

Many in the lifestyle, even as represented in the lame “Fifty Shades,” use “slave contracts” as a way of affirming, codifying and outlining a D/s relationship. Since, legally, one cannot consent to being beaten or even restrained, a slave contract offers scant protection should the bottom decide the Top overstepped his/her bounds and wished to pursue a legal remedy. What to do?

As established by the courts, “No” always means “No” — even in marriage. Thus I recommend that in any slave contract, a “No means No” clause be included. Words such as “stop,” “red” and the like must also be enumerated in the “Slave Contract v. 2017.” This ain’t the 90’s anymore. Let’s get specific.

First, I will present a classic “Slave Contract.” (Obviously, these can be negotiated to the satisfaction of both parties – especially the role and limits of punishment which are not part of this basic sample contract.) At the end of the contract, I will suggest some changes that will make safety and consensuality of this union non-debatable.

ORIGINAL

Consensual Slave Agreement

Made this __________ day of _________ in the year 20_____, between __________________ hereinafter referred to as slave, and ______________________ hereinafter referred to as Master or Mistress.

Witnesseth: That the said slave, for and in good consideration and in humble appreciation of such care and attention as the said Master may choose to afford the slave, has given, granted and conveyed, and by these Presents does hereby give and convey unto the said Master; All of the slave’s body and each and every part thereof without reservation, every bit of the slave’s will as to all matters and things, and the entirety of the slave’s soul. To have and to hold, all and singular, the above described body, will, soul, and presence, to the Master until such time as the Master determines to the contrary.
The slave does hereby freely and voluntarily agree:

  1. The slave shall immediately, diligently, and enthusiastically comply with and submit the slave’s full being to all directions or desires of the Master.
  2. The slave shall offer, at all times, the Master absolute respect, shall address the Master only as “Master” or such other title as the Master shall direct, shall position the slave’s body in a physical position subordinate to the Master whenever possible, and shall speak to or otherwise distract the Master’s attention only when granted explicit permission to so do.
  3. The slave shall preserve the slave’s body parts for the exclusive use of the Master, which use shall be the sole and exclusive source of the slave’s pleasure, and the slave shall engage in no act of self-gratification nor any physical contact with any other person, except at the express direction of, or permission by, the Master.

And, the slave does hereby irrevocably declare and acknowledge the slave’s everlasting and unconditional dedication to serving the Master to the Master’s full satisfaction.

In Witness Whereof, the slave has hereunto set the slave’s hand, and the Master has deigned to seal these Presents by affixing the Master’s collar around the slave’s neck, on this, the day first above written.
_____________________________________ slave

Signed by slave, whose collar was applied and who was delivered unto the Master on the date above-mentioned and in the presence of the below signed Witness or Witnesses.
_____________________________________ Witness
_____________________________________ Witness

ADDENDUM

Here are my suggestions to add to a slave contract:
The slave, at any time, can use the following words to stop all play at any time for any reason: “No” (preferred), “Stop,” or “Red.” (A safe signal should also be agreed to and enumerated.)

5. The slave hereby reaffirms that he/she has entered into this agreement voluntarily and all interactions performed here are completely consensual.
6. The Master/Mistress hereby confirms that the slave is free to leave or abrogate this agreement at any time and for any reason.

These addendums, though not offering ironclad protection, establish that you accept and obey all safety protocols. Yes, there is a bit of mistrust and even wimpiness in adding these clauses – but “I don’t believe in safe words” is a dangerous game to play in the year 2017. Of course, the best way to avoid problems is to stop immediately when the slave says stop! You can call me paranoid, but with the way things are going, why take a chance?

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm contract, contracts, slave, slave contracts

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