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Sunday Morning

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Eyelashes fluttering, she snapped to consciousness with a hand stroking down her body. Legs parting automatically, as was the rule, it took a moment of focus to realize why the hand which dipped between her legs to find moisture felt not quite right.

That’s right, she remembered suddenly. She’d gone to sleep last night with a woman curled between them, warm and sated, all three falling deeply into the kind of sleep that only aerobics followed by orgasm could bring. She turned her head to get lost in hair that swirled around the both of them, to see the curve of feminine lips above her. Passion took hold and she reached out in turn, burying fingers in the other woman’s hair as she begged their Master for permission to ride the wave of pleasure, the poured over the edge as if the waterfall had taken her.

Her front was suddenly hit by cooler air and she opened her eyes to see their Master pull their partner to the edge of the bed, using firm grips on her hair and her own positioning as leverage. He tipped their girl’s head over the edge of bed, sliding his cock between her eager lips. His gaze fell on her and she scrambled to place herself between their girl’s spread thighs. Placing her thumbs on their girl’s outer labia, she pushed to reveal the erect clitoris beneath. She wiggled closer on her stomach and buried her face between their girl’s thighs, taking a moment to enjoy the musky scent of all three of them blended together from last night before closing her eyes again and delicately lapping at the engorged flesh. As she pleasured their girl with mouth and hands, Master stroked in and out of her mouth, pausing when she struggled to breathe, gagging at times. Their girl wrapped her arms around His thighs, pulling him to her more enthusiastically as she began to approach her climax.

As He stroked and she licked, their girl imagined she was a flame burning between them, existing as nothing but an object for pleasure, and she screamed around the cock buried in her throat as she came, pulling Him closer and over that same waterfall with her, passion releasing down her throat. Disengaging, He stroked her her and the hair of his other partner as she crawled towards them. Rearranging themselves, they piled back onto the bed to lazily doze in the half-light of the morning, drifting back to sleep.

‘Easy like Sunday morning,’ was the last coherent mutter between them, their morning a happily haphazard tangle of bare limbs, blankets and stuffies. Breakfast could wait when there was love to be shared.

This week in kink: April 5, 2020

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Want something sexy to read?

Then, check out these BDSM books from Cosmo!

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a35833352/best-bdsm-books/

Unfortunately, The Sex Work Industry is still heavily stigmatized.

With this being said, check out this informative article on how the media is perpetuating the negative view of sex work.

Click below to find out more from Dazed!

Learn about cultural misogyny and why we should care about it from The Conversation!

Click below to find out more!

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Kink Safety: Zoom & Telegram Precautions

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Even as some states are lifting lockdown restrictions, there are some digital aspects of the pandemic I hope stick around. Telegram has been an awesome way to connect my local community, and this time has spawned a web of chat rooms with a variety of subject focuses, as well as chats for various local groups to just talk about their day or discuss random kink topics.  Additionally, while there is no substitute for trying things in person, I have attended some truly excellent kink educational events via Zoom over the past year.  For classes ranging from consent and negotiations to first aid for BDSM, all the way to a class on face needles, the Zoom camera gave me access to a much better view of some of the up-close details I wasn’t often able to see when attending class in a dungeon.  Additionally, it has meant I could attend classes held in other communities with the click of a button, despite being hundreds of miles away. 

Unfortunately,  these new accounts and technological connections also give additional opportunities for kinksters to slip up and disclose more personal information than intended.  My goal is to help walk y’all through some small privacy precautions that will hopefully keep you from flashing full names to the kink world at large.

I often see newcomers join Telegram making a couple of key mistakes.  The first is using their name rather than choosing a screen name.  The “name” option is your display name, not the @tag people will use to search you.  If you plan to use it for vanilla purposes, you can choose something innocuous.  If not, I suggest disabling search functions so contacts in your phone who are already users of Telegram or who join later won’t run across your kinky self chatting up a storm. 

So here’s how.  Under settings, go to the “privacy and security” tab.  Under phone number, check “Nobody”  can see you and only people you add to Telegram as contacts can search you that way.  Under the main tab, turn off the function to sync contacts from your phone, as well as the one to suggest frequent contacts.  I also advise selecting the option to delete already synced contacts if it has done this without you realizing it.  For phones, you can edit your display name by clicking the three dots on an Android phone.  Choose a display name that isn’t your vanilla first and last name.  As an additional suggestion, consider listing your preferred pronouns.

For Zoom, prior to joining a meeting, make sure any identifying information you don’t want to share is edited first.  To change your display name from your full legal name, go to the “My Account” tab.  Click on “edit” and change your name.  IMPORTANT:  Don’t forget to change it back.  My family knows what I do for a living and wouldn’t blink an eye if I joined a chat as Christmas bunny, but if my fet name were 69slutpuddle69, I suspect my family might have something to say.  My employer might have even more to say. 

Alternatively, have a separate kink email address and Zoom account that you log into for kink events.  Again, don’t forget to log out, or just make sure not to click the check box asking if you want to stay logged in.  It requires thought and consideration to protect yourself digitally.  While mistakes can happen, it is important to be deliberate and careful if you want to avoid accidentally outing yourself.

When I host Zoom events for kinksters, I always watch the waiting room tab so that if someone forgets, I can edit their name for them to an innocuous first initial.  You can usually edit your own name during a Zoom meeting my clicking on the three options dots on the right hand corner of your own video screen, or through the participants window when it is pulled up.

Unfortunately, not everyone who hosts a meeting will have experience doing so, and the delay in response time means more minutes passing with your full name exposed to people you didn’t intend to share that with. 

Please, please, please take the time to learn how to be safer online, whether or not these digital mediums continue to flourish in the future.

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so. Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals. She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey. She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others. She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Sexualizing Your Dynamic

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From the time I was sexually active I was always surprised when I dated a girl who was as sexually active  and as horny as I was. I was raised in a home with a prude for a mother, and sex was never, ever  discussed. It was not as if sex was made to be bad or dirty, it just was never ever discussed. So, I grew  up very horny but not really aware of or clear about how girls saw, thought about or experienced sex.  My high school experience was mostly mashing with girls at parties. It was here that I had my first kiss  and felt up the breasts of one or two girls, and it wasn’t until I had almost graduated high school that I  had my first actual sexual encounters, close to 18 years of age. My early sex life was more of a hormone  driven desperate desire to ejaculate, than an exploration of sexuality. That only happened later.  

In college I got lots of pussy, and for the most part it was a continuation of my adolescence expressed as  20-year-old rookie vanilla sex. I had one secret weapon though. My older sister, who was nine years  older than me, once shared with me when I was perhaps 9 or 10 years old, that I “should always please  my lover before I please myself.” I didn’t really understand what she was on about, but even so, I took  that to heart and by and large, over time, I became adept at eating pussy and withholding my orgasm till  my lover climaxed. Then, in college, I dated my first serious girlfriend, Maryellen. She was a 25. I was 19.  She was very sexy and very sexual more than that, she was the first girl I dated that unabashedly  worshiped my cock. She loved sucking my cock, she took pictures of my erection on the beach, and she  really made me feel a little uncomfortable about how much she was into my cock. At the time, I was a  bit embarrassed about her obsession if I am honest. Looking back though, I can see how things might  have gone differently if I was more aware of my sexual power which only emerged for me later in life. I  went from girlfriend to girlfriend in college, until I eventually at 23, I dated, lived with and then married  my wife at age 26, and for those 3 years and the next 3 years our sex life was about the same as before –  uninspired vanilla sex. You might say that as regards my sex life, I had an almost certain predictable  future. Then at age 29 we started having kids and my sex life came to a sputtering halt. The future I was  living into changed entirely from boring and intermittent, to barely active at all as regards my sex life.  What this meant for me was that for about 20 years, I spent my nights lying in bed next to an otherwise  sexy blonde who was nursing and mothering her 4 kids, and who had no real interest in sex at all. I was  left to fantasize to porn magazines and movies I rented from Blue video, while I masturbated, imagining  a kinky submissive who loved sex as much as I did as my forever partner. It was the old Woody Allen  joke “the problem with my sex life is that it only involved one consenting adult.” I joke about it now, but  it really was painful. I suffered the loneliness that accidental celibacy produced for me. My “love  language” is “physical contact and genital sex.” Hers was “service”. We were as sexually compatible as  chalk and cheese are alike. Out of desperation, I found women from time to time to engage with  sexually, and through this process, I more or less interacted with my fantasy women “Submissive sluts  who worshiped my cock” by doing so. What made this difficult was that the women I encountered were  deeply sexual and so unlike my wife that I was ready to leave her time and time again. This was an  unsustainable condition. Naturally, my wife and I ended up getting divorced.  

After we separated, I set about deeply exploring my sexuality. And I found myself dating ever more kinky  women and I got to take a deep dive into my kinky fetishes. I found that I was into BDSM and I identified  naturally as a Top or Dom. I also found an outlet for me my sadistic nature in the world of sexuality. I  was genuinely surprised at the number of women I encountered who willingly and happily gave me their  consent. It was truly mind-blowing. 

I spent the next few years contemplating the women I was with, and what occurred for me was this. I  was searching for the “perfect partner” for me. I conjured up out of nothing the idea that I lived with a  collared submissive slut in 24/7 total power exchange. I created the possibility in my mind that such a partnership would result in a deeply loving and committed dynamic where we were sex forward and  kink forward and that she would choose me to be her Master gifting herself to me ongoingly, and that  inside of that dynamic, the intimacy that I had been missing my whole life would naturally occur.  

My intention was to collar my submissive slut and to live with her while as her full self-expression as a  completely sexualized 3-hole slut. What I mean by this is that without any effort, she authentically sees  herself as my imminently desirable, always available sexual creature who orgasms during impact play,  and has earth shattering, powerful orgasms, especially during anal play. I require her complete discipline  and devotion as a sexual creature and partner. I can happily report that Living with Lady Petra has been  and continues to be the fulfillment of this intention.  

The process of sexualizing my slut requires ongoing training and committed effort on my part to achieve  the desired outcome on a gradient. At the same time, my slut needs to be coachable, willing and  interested in being fully self-expressed in service to her Master as his owned and collared submissive  slut and masochist. In short, she belongs to me, and it is up to me to make sure that her service is  rewarded and encouraged. I am 100% responsible. At the same time, she is also 100% responsible for  creating the relationship on a daily basis. For example, she kneels for me in a perfect Nadu pose to  indicate that she is ready to be used. This is her choice.  

We had a conversation about sexualizing the dynamic on our podcast the Kinky Cocktail Hour – here is  an excerpt of that conversation:  

“SafferMaster:  

… that is what this podcast is about. Is this broader question of how do you sexualize a dynamic? And  this (wearing clit jewelry all day) is an example of how you sexualize a dynamic. What I mean by that is in  any relationship, sex can be something that happens between a couple regularly or intermittently and  life gets in the way in the middle. Right. And I can imagine certainly from my own experience, I imagine  from other people’s experience that oftentimes sex gets put to the side and in a dynamic where there’s  a power dynamic occurring of any sort or a D/s dynamic of any sort. The question is “how do you keep  the context of the dynamic sexual” and you, and I both believe in a healthy sexual context, we are in a  sex forward, kink forward dynamic, that was what we created, and in a healthy sexual dynamic, the  CONTEXT is sexual, it is not just the sex that is sexual.  

Lady Petra:  

Right, right. Oh, I mean, yes, there are all different things happening in a scene. However, I feel  throughout our scene-ing, it’s all sexualized. And I mean that because for me, if, if you’re flogging me,  I’m cumming.  

SafferMaster:  

Right. 

Lady Petra:  

And you’re usually stroking your cock and things like that. And when I’m caned, I’ve cum before and  then of course you in the way we do that as cane and then you fuck my ass, that kind of thing. And it  brings that context. So we just, we stay like really connected to that context all the time  

SafferMaster:  

In a scene.  

Lady Petra:  

Yes.  

SafferMaster:  

I’m arguing that there’s a broader context to our dynamic that’s sexualized.  

Lady Petra:  

Yeah. I agree. I agree with you.  

SafferMaster:  

And what I’m arguing is that there’s a way to keep the dynamic sexualized so that the sexual scenes are  [always] really exciting and hot and you don’t have … get up for them.  

Lady Petra:  

Well, I definitely think the way we foreplay.  

SafferMaster:  

yes, as an example,  

Lady Petra:  

All day long or two days ahead or whatever.  

SafferMaster:  

Yeah.  

Lady Petra:  

I think that’s a perfect example of creating, um, excitement and intensity and a readiness to in your head  versus not knowing what’s happening next. What there’s, this is one thing I noticed just based on the  dynamic we’ve created we’re sex forward. So we play all the time. 

SafferMaster:  

Yes.  

Lady Petra:  

You know, and, but we also have lives and work and stuff. So we tend to use the early part of our day to  wake up and to get going with our days. And there could be sexualization happening there, but that’s  kind of what’s happening. And then we save the latter part mid, mid to latter parts of our day as  sceneing.  

SafferMaster:  

Yeah.  

Lady Petra:  

You know, but in that whole day there’s sexualization. So if you think about it, you’re, you’re I get up  early before you, cause I need to go to the gym and I need to go do some stuff. And my work hours are a  lot earlier than yours. And so I get up and I do normal things, dynamic tasks, things, things that make me  responsible for myself wellbeing and for the households wellbeing, what have you. But then I send you a  picture of my marks,  

SafferMaster:  

Right  

Lady Petra:  

So that’s sexualizing, you know, you know what I’m saying? And lately we’ve added picture of my toes  and occasional add a picture of me kind of a fun, sexy type of picture with me right before we’ve even  been face-to-face in the morning.  

SafferMaster:  

Right.  

Lady Petra:  

And then, you know, of course we make time to be affectionate when we greet each other in the  morning, we don’t take that for granted that it just, who we are, you know? So we make sure to do that.  And then throughout the day, we’re both responsible for greetings and for acknowledgement in an  affectionate sexual way with one another,  

SafferMaster:  

right.  

Lady Petra: 

You also have given me tasks to do edging tasks or have explained when you go on your walk and I  prepare myself what you expect me to do to prepare,  

SafferMaster:  

right.  

Lady Petra:  

Uh, that may not be the normal thing we do. It would be additional stuff. Or if you have a specifics on  how you present yourself, you also then know there are times when you’re giving me freedom that you  don’t know what you’re going to come home to. You might come home to me appearing any way, any  which way, which is an excitement for you.  

SafferMaster:  

Sure.  

Lady Petra:  

You know, you going on your walk, knowing I’m getting prepared is sexualizing that time that you’re  away.  

SafferMaster:  

It’s very difficult to have a walk, try to listen to my book knowing that you are home getting prepared ..,  I’m going to get home to a horny slut, presenting herself to be used. It’s hot.  

Lady Petra:  

Yeah.”  

In this back and forth, you can see that my collared slut is all in. She is 100% committed to the dynamic.  She has been trained to present herself, she has been trained to cum with flogging and caning. She is a  trained ass whore. She does as instructed in order to please me sexually. For example, when she kneels  for her flogging, she arches her back and presents her ass and leans into the flogger. She may get 300 or 400 strokes and she is dripping wet with her juices running down her legs having experienced multiple  orgasms, and her ass is red hot after her flogging. Because I like fucking her red-hot ass, she likes having  her ass red hot for me to fuck. She is fully enrolled and registered into her role as my collared submissive  slut and all that that entails.  

Keeping the context sexualized had not only enhanced our relationship, but it has kept our dynamic healthy too. Take this text exchange last week  

Me: I think today would be a good day to wear your clit Jewelry  

LP: Thank you Sir 

Me: And while you are at it, use the Hitachi every 30 minutes on your swollen clit to make yourself cum 

LP: Yes Sir, thank you Sir  

She then sent me a message every 30 minutes to let me know she had completed the task she was  assigned. On occasion I went into the adjacent room to kiss her and fondle her breast while she  masturbated with the Hitachi. By the time I used her later that day , she was a “soupy mess” as she put it.  

Remember, I spent over 30 years in a relationship where there was no broader context to keep the  sexual aspect of our relationship present and alive, and now, I live in a D/s dynamic where the context is  fully sexualized all the time.  

She is a service slut, so part of what fills her cup is to serve. She is fastidious and committed to making  our home beautiful. She supports my cheffy nature by being my sous chef and by keeping the kitchen  clean. All of this “domestic activity” plays into her nature as a service sub and on top of that she is  deeply submissive to me and chooses me to submit to.  

My self-expression as her Dom includes a commitment to keeping the dynamic highly charged with  sexual energy. It is working out perfectly.  

When I look at how I spent the 30 years before I met her as compared to the time since I created this  dynamic with her, it is shocking to consider that this highly charged sexual dynamic was always within  my grasp, and at the same time, just out of reach the whole time. It was really the absence of a willing  partner to make it all come together.  

Today, my view is that sexualizing their dynamic is the most worthwhile step a couple can take to bring their dynamic fully into alignment.  

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and  personal coaching options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching  out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground  Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on  all podcast platforms

This week in kink: March 22, 2021

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We have all had to adjust during the pandemic including those in the lifestyle.

With this being said, click below to learn more about the virtual spaces that have opened up during these uncertain times from Lavender.

Leather Life: Virtual Leather

Check out Les Chandelles, an exclusive swingers and BDSM club with Daily Star.

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Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Presentation (From Have Your Cake)

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“I feel like this is my wedding day and you’re about to walk me down the aisle.”

“Good. That’s a very good perspective. I don’t want you to go in completely cold, so come here over my lap and I’ll give you a warm up spanking.”

Having not been touched since her day with Rikter, she was ready for some attention. All the bruises from that night and day had faded and her skin was pristine pale again.

The chair he was in was deep seated and armless. His feet flat on the floor made for a wide plane of thigh for her to bend over.

“Hands at your back.”

She was a bit awkward at first, with nothing to hold onto or brace against. His hand gripping around her wrists made her heart jump. Tight grip to hold her in place while his other hand pulled up her nightgown. Large hand that cupped and gripped her buttocks a moment before beginning the spanks. He did not start with an easy warm up, but went right to hard spanks that had her yelping at once.

“You have a fantastic ass,” he said during a rubbing pause. “You can expect numerous spankings every time you’re in the Manor.”

“Oh, goodie,” she giggled, hearing the wall clock ring the hour.

“They’ll like your sass too so long as you don’t go too far.”

Any response was cut off by a round of harder spanks. Eyes closed tight, colors bursting sparkles behind her lids, and she heard the clock chime the next quarter of the hour.

Another pause, her ass burning deep and half numb. He put her on her knees between his thighs, let her rest her head on his thigh a moment.

“I cannot bid on you,” he said. “I will be presenting you. I will play with you while they watch, while they bid to have you. I will give you intense pains. I will make you scream and cum. You wanted to be a sex slave with no ability to consent. You have gotten what you want. Don’t squander it.”

“When can you have me, Master?” she asked, smiling up at him.

“Every day after today. Or as soon as you are recovered from whatever the winner will do to you tonight. Could be a few days.”

“We’ll see,” she flirted at him. “I can take a lot.”

“Yes, you can. But you’ve never been whipped and beaten like you will be here, Pax. There’s no Dungeon Monitor to tell members they cannot do something. Only the House Master or I can stop a member. Most of the time we don’t care who dies.”

“Most of the time. Can I hope I am different?”

“You are different,” he said. “And we have recognized it. I will do the one thing that will speak loudest for you.”

He reached into his pants pocket for a small green clip ring embossed with the number 1.

“Hold this.”

In her fingertips, looking at it while he went to his desk and back. He stood in front of her, telling her to stand tall on her knees. Cool metal slid around her neck and she lifted her hair for him. Then her face was pressed into his crotch while he closed the metal ring. She felt metal on metal and he exerted pressure. She heard and felt the pop. His hand grasped her by the bangs and pulled her face up to look at him.

“You are the property of the Culpation League. You will please us or you will die for our entertainment. Which is your choice?”

“I will please you, Master,” she said without hesitation, the weight of the ring curving with her collarbones an odd sort of comfort, like it was always supposed to have been there.

“Suck me off before I have to give you to someone else for the night.”

A good, deep suck until he told her to get her tits out and hold them up. Looking down on her smiling face, tits held up in both hands for him, he jacked himself onto her nipples. 

“Paper towels are there.”

In a box like facial tissues. She plucked out one and wiped her breasts off.

“There. I may have to let someone else have you first, but you go to him with my cum on your breath and skin.”

She grinned up at him and held up the green and gold circle. “Do you want this?”

She’d been holding it the entire time. He took it from her fingers and snapped it over the ring of her collar. Others would put theirs to left and right, keeping his in the center.

“My personal request that you be kept a long time,” he said.

“Thank you, Master,” she smiled, having never felt so secure in herself and a relationship.

She was no one now. A prisoner condemned to die and a slave of the lowest order, on the cusp of perfect fulfillment. He gave her one more round of spanks, this time using a small, tapered dildo to start her anus relaxing for what was to happen. That accomplished, he called the House Master in again.

“She’s ready for the isolation room.”

“Her designation, Mr. President?”

“For now she is cunt.”

“This way, cunt.”

She couldn’t complain. Cunt was nicer to her ears than prisoner.

Excerpt is from Have Your Cake, story 1 in the Culpation League series.

———-

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written three “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and twenty seven fiction books.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

What’s Your Fetish?

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Fetish: Plural noun: fetishes  

1. a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular  object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc. “Victorian men developed fetishes focusing on  feet, shoes, and boots” 

2. an excessive and irrational devotion or commitment to a particular thing. “he had a fetish for  writing more opinions each year than any other justice”  

The origin is first Latin (facticius), then Portuguese (Feitico – meaning charm or sorcery), then French  (fétiche) then English (factitious) and then finally between French and English in the 17th century –  Fetish.  

The early 17th century use from its original use originally denoting an object used by the peoples of West  Africa as an amulet or charm from the French fétiche and from the Portuguese feitico meaning ‘charm  or sorcery’ – originally an adjective meaning ‘made by art’, from the Latin factiitius.  

If you look at the use of the word ‘fetish’ over time, you can see how it has increased in use over the last  30 or so years that coincidently tracks the internet.  

This implies that the use of search technology has allowed people to investigate their own peculiar interests.  

“FETISHES” is a menu item on Fetlife and they also have a scale of the “most popular” fetishes as rated  by the number of users of the site who have noted their partular preference for the noted fetishes.  

The top 20 fetishes as rated by the users of Fetlife (as of 2/22/2021) are in order:  

1. Oral Sex  

2. Bondage  

3. Spanking  

4. Anal Sex  

5. Hair Puling  

6. Blindfolds  

7. Talking Dirty  

8. Biting  

9. Lingerie  

10. Toys  

11. Handcuffs  

12. Ass Play 

13. Discipline  

14. Breast/Nipple Play  

15. Collar and Lead/Leash  

16. Sex in Public  

17. Musutal Masturbation  

18. Role Play  

19. Masturbation  

20. Candle Wax  

The top 20 are mostly all related to sexual interaction, but as you go down the list, fetishes include  relationship dynamics such as number 21. Master/Slave or objects such as number 31. High Heels.  

Fetishes can be common vanilla expresions suchas number 33. Kissing, or unrelated to particpatory sex  at all such as number 25. Erotic Photography.  

Fetishes can involve aspects of play that are specific such as number 30. Face Fucking or be more broad  in their application such as number 24. Rough Sex.  

Even on Fetlife (fetish is in the title) they identify only the top 100 fetishes by particpation of their users.  It is not an exhaustive list and I am sure if they were to publish every fetish identified by a user, their list  might be into the several hundreds.  

The fact is that something is a fetish if you are sexually obsessed about it. Or as noted a the beginning  something or an object to which your gratification is linked “…to an abnormal degree.”  

If you get aroused by it, it’s a fetich. If you like to have it done to you in a sexual scene, it’s a fetish. If you  like to do it to your partner in a sexual scene, it’s a fetish. If it makes you aroused, it’s a fetish.  

If you happen to review the list, and you don’t see your particular sexual gratification item on the list, it’s still a fetish.  

There is not a “right way to fetish” and a “wrong way to fetish.” Its personal. If you like it that your  partner licks ash off the floor, for example, it’s a fetish (I met a girl once who had a “licking dirty things”  fetish, so it’s not even something that I made up!)  

On our podcast, the Kinky Cocktail Hour we have interviewed a couple of different people who have novel ways to explore the world of kink. In this conversation with the “Kinky Intorverts”  (https://www.buzzsprout.com/962578/4023662), they describe how they made a deck of playing cards with different kinks, and how they use those cards to create a scene and how they negotiate who would be Top and who Bottom and then they explore the kink. They went further. They invited us onto their  show to talk them through marking with a cane. Then they workshopped it, then they played together using a cane and then they reported back on it. They use this process to explore and play with different  fetishes to see if they like them or not. It’s actually brilliant.  

Another conversation we had was with the developers of the KinkQuest  (https://www.buzzsprout.com/962578/5493526) where they described an online game where a kinkster  can learn, experience, and discover more about different fetishes. 

If you are a curious person and you are not sure what’s missing from your sex life, strategies such as those described above could be an excellent way to explore you own fetishes. Being fully self-expressed as a kinkster is one of the most enjoyable ways to engage in adult recreation.  

It’s not uncommon that individual fetishes are sourced in childhood. This sort of thinking is promoted in  movies like Blue Velvet and on TV shows like the Sopranos. It was true for me too. My kink of caning  girls and women is directly sourced to me growing up in a school system where classroom corporal  punishment was practiced. In my particular case, the girl I had little bit of a crush on got caned in front  of the room, then sat on my foot and had an orgasm. Of course not, I use a cane to mark Lady Petra  weekly and it’s a deeply meaningful part of our scene where we reconnect each week.  

Can a person have more than one fetish? Well yes of course. Anything can be a fetish and you can have  as many as you can think of. All that is required is for you to have a “…sexual desire in which gratification  is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc” and you have a fetish.  

We are often asked if fetishes are healthy. The initial answer is “yes”, and it is worth noting that it is  quite possible to have fetishes that are risky, such as self-asphyxiation. I am sure you have read about  people inadvertently hanging themselves in their closet while they masturbate. If you are going to have  a fetish like self-asphyxiation, make sure that you have a fail-safe release or that you have another  person nearby. Some people enjoy self-bondage, and they create elaborate schemes to make escape  hard, but possible, in a pinch. They may do things like freeze the key in an ice cube, for instance, in order  to make their escape hard but inevitable. It goes without saying that if your kink involves another  person, that they unqualified consent is required. Especially in such kinks as impact play or rope  bondage. Never step over consent.  

It is also noted that in many states, several fetishes that fall into the category that is legally known as  ‘sodomy’, including oral sex in some stats, are still illegal. If you live in Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Louisiana,  Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, North Carolina, Oklahoma and South  Carolina, your fetish my still be against the law. For this reason, you should make sure that you and your  partner are aware of the law.  

It’s always best to check with your partner if your fetish crosses line for them. If they have a hard limit,  then you are not free to express yourself in this fashion, not matter how much it arouses you. If they say  that it’s a ‘soft limit”, that means that there are circumstances where they may engage in that fetish,  and you will need their expressed consent to engage in that fetish.  

I am fortunate to have a very kinky sex forward and kink forward relationship with Lady Petra where we  are almost 100% aligned in our kinks and our fetishes. The result is that sexual encounters take us to  places where time stands still, and the experience is outside of language. Now even with that being said,  there are still things that she and I do not engage in. There are common fetishes that hold no magic for  us. There are hard limits and soft limits. And I can comfortably say that our real fetish is communication.  That works for us because it is out of being fully in communication about our sexuality that we  experience the bliss we do.  

Communication is the one fetish that I think ALL kinksters should explore. 

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching  out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms

The Fallacy Of Consent Defense

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But They Said Yes!! – The Fallacy of Consent as a Legal Defense

Consent is a cornerstone of Kink and BDSM. So much so it has been ingrained in how we talk about play since the 80’s when Safe, Sane, and Consensual was coined. But what are we consenting to if we do not really understand all the risks? One of those risks is legal. What are we up against if things go terribly wrong?

If you are the type that is just into a little slap and tickle, you probably have nothing to worry about. But if you are thinking about getting into heavy play, or are playing heavy already, keep reading. 

Since BDSM and Kink have come more into the mainstream in the last decade, the light shown on what we do has become immense, and not all of it good. In fact, if you include the Hollywood portrayals of our lifestyle it has been somewhat damaging to the community. Public opinion is still very mixed, and the majority out there still have a limited understanding of BDSM, or worse, completely the wrong idea. 

This public attitude toward our lifestyle is reflected in the courts. 

What is a Consent Defense?

According to University of Minnesota Law School, a consent defense is when the accused claims they have the consent of the alleged victim. But for it to work, it has to meet several criteria:

  1. Consent was given knowingly and willingly by a person who could legally give it.
  2. In most jurisdictions consent can only work as a defense to a crime in the case of sexual conduct.
  3. The alleged crime does not result in serious bodily injury or death. (definition of serious bodily injury varies by state)

We must be able to claim the person consented, the act was sexual in nature, and it did not result in serious bodily injury. Which might work, if things have not gone horribly wrong, such as broken bones, near asphyxiation, lacerations, heavy bleeding etc. All of which are potential risks for heavy players. Again, risk is the driver here. The bigger the risk you take in play, the more likely things will go badly, and the less likely consent will be a defense you can use.

Will a Consent Defense work for me?

I would not count on it. There have been many legal opinions handed down at the federal level which have all but made the consent defense impossible to use in a case where Kink and BDSM are involved. In the United States harming another person is considered to be a crime, regardless of how the harm came to be. A person cannot legally give their consent to a criminal act. 

The notable cases which have gone against consent as a defense date back to the People v. Samuels (1967) in a California case where Martin Samuels after his consent defense was rejected by the court was convicted of assault for participating in a film which included a BDSM scene. (Crim. No. 5577. First Dist., Div. Two. Apr. 28, 1967./ 250 Cal. App. 2d 504). To more recently Doe v. Rector and Visitors to George Mason University where the court ruled there is no constitutional right to engage in BDSM. If that is the case, then there are no legal defenses to it either. In fact, the opinion of the court stated, 

“Sexual activity that involves binding and gagging or the use of physical force such as spanking or choking poses certain inherent risks to personal safety not present in more traditional types of sexual activity. Thus, as in Cruzan v. Glucksberg, a legislative restriction on BDSM activity is justifiable by reference to the state’s interest in the protection of vulnerable persons, i.e. sexual partners placed in situations with an elevated risk of harm.

Accordingly, consistent with the logic of Lawrence, plaintiff has no constitutionally protected and judicially enforceable fundamental liberty interest un the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment to engage in BDSM activity.”  (United States District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia, Alexandria Division, Case No. 1:15-cv-209)

Not only is the court stating you have no constitutional rights pertaining to BDSM, the court asserts a state has the potential ability to restrict it, or even criminalize it if they deem it in the interest of public welfare.

The current trend is not getting better for BDSM legally, at least not on the federal level. Unfortunately, it is case law like this which will be referenced in the future should we find ourselves being tried by a jury of our “peers.”

Marriage and Domestic Partnership can complicate things even more:

We would think being in a loving, trusting union might shield us somewhat. It probably does to some extent as far as our partner is concerned. However, most states in the US can charge someone with domestic abuse regardless of whether the, “victim,” is cooperative or not. Medical providers are mandatory reporters, as well as other professionals, and if they see what they believe to be signs of abuse, they are legally obligated to report them.

Is there light at the end of the legal tunnel?

There has been headway on the legal front. Several states, such as New Jersey, have added laws to their books which may not alleviate criminal charges altogether, but reduce them so the penalties are not as severe. (Everyday Health Is BDSM Legal in US and Other Places, Sept. 19, 2019, Julie Marks)

There are also organizations which are working hard to lobby for more kink friendly laws. However, support for them is limited. (here is my no to subtle pitch) If you care about the lifestyle and kink, get involved with one. It does not have to be out in the open, it could be a five-dollar donation. Small bits of help add up to moving mountains, as long as we all get involved.

What do we do to protect ourselves?

Know the law where you live. If you are going to engage in risky behavior, have an idea of the penalties for it and what the legal downside is. Do some research in your local area to see if there are kink friendly professionals who provide services. Lawyers, doctors, mental health professionals etc. They are much less likely to report something they understand as not being abusive. The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (ncsfreedom.org) has populated a database where kink friendly professionals can register. It is not a golden egg, but it is a start.

Refrain from playing intoxicated or impaired. Whether it be a legal, prescribed, or an illegal substance, it does not matter. Our judgment can be severely impaired making safety a serious concern and, legally, we cannot give consent if we are impaired.

For the new or less initiated, do not play with people you do not know well and trust. All it takes is someone you barely know getting their feelings bent out of shape and off they go to show their newly acquired bruises to their favorite law enforcement officer. For the love of Pete…. do not play with random strangers you do not know at all.

Get first aid training. No, it does not cover the big stuff, but you can possibly prevent some small injuries, from becoming serious ones. Marks happen, know wound and welt care to prevent them from becoming a significant injury.

Know what you are doing so you can play as safely as possible. If you are into rope, get yourself to rope classes. If whips excite you, click the red x in the corner of your screen, close Youtube, and find someone in your community who really knows the skills and safety which goes with it. Pick an implement or type of play, the advice is the same. Get real mentorship and/or training from a reputable source. Online is great, but it generally only scratches the surface.

Unless you are a very light player, try not to buy ultra-cheap gear. I have seen more than one submissive get serious splinters from a budget paddle disintegrating on their rear end; a cane end go flying into an audience; or rope lose its bite creating a dangerous constriction.

The last bit of advice is take it slow and have fun. I do not want to scare the pants off everyone, but you should learn the risks, even the legal ones, which go with play. Take your time and learn your craft. In the process you will develop relationships with people you can trust and who trust you. 

Oh…. Did I say…HAVE FUN!

TAC is a lifestyle writer, dominant, and mentor who contributes to several online educational groups such as the BDSM Alternative Lifestyle Discussion and Education; Information Exchange for Dom/mes, Masters, and Mistresses; and the Virtual Munch. His writing includes information on self-improvement, growth, dominance, trauma, power dynamics and power exchange, and safety. His goal is to continue giving back to a community of friends who have supported him for nearly three decades. He can be found on Fetlife at TAC_1.

This week in kink: March 8, 2021

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We believe sex workers need to have more of a voice.

With this being said, check out this awesome article about a new podcast called A Sex Worker’s Guide To The Galaxy!

Click below to learn more!

With cannabis and kink on the rise, check out this useful article that touches on how to practice kink safely while taking some form of cannabis.

Click below to read more from The Spokesman-Review!

Insider shares the story of Olivia Troy, Intimacy Coordinator, and how she is helping to eradicate 50 Shades representations of BDSM in the media.

Click below to find out more!

https://www.insider.com/bonding-intimacy-coordinator-end-50-shades-of-gray-bdsm-portrayals-2021-2

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

This week in kink: February 22, 2021

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Be sure to check out PV Chat, a movie about a gambler who falls in love with a Dominatrix.

Click below to learn more about the film from Dazed!

Daily news explains that France wants to set the age of consent to 15.

This would legalize folks 18+ being able to sexually engage with minors 15 and over.

Click below to read more.

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/ny-france-set-age-sexual-consent-15-amid-increasing-public-pressure-20210211-nljkhi7uznhonkdgmqrt5kevii-story.html

CNN shares that Utah refused to pass a bill that would require consent be taught in sex education classes.

Click below to learn more.

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”