negotiation

Topping Your Dominant

November 22, 2020 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

hot Domme ass with crop — via stock.adobe.com

Now and then, someone arrives in my inbox with a conundrum. Their dominant has, out of the blue, asked them to do the topping.

If one is always the bottom, always the submissive, suddenly being asked to do the exact opposite can be a startling prospect. I can easily imagine a deer in headlights expression as their brain freezes on that thought and cannot go forward.

“I don’t know how to hurt him”
“I don’t know that I can.”
“He is my master and I never want to see him in pain–let alone cause it.”

Dominant does not always mean being the top. I’ve said many times that the bottom can be the dominant. I am a dominant sadomasochist. Whether I’m the top or the bottom, I’m the boss.

Service topping is a thing.
Submissive top is a thing.
There’s nothing wrong with either of those things.

In this moment, we are seeing the dominant bottom/submissive top dynamic in action.

First thing’s first. “I don’t know how…” Stop right there. The simplest solution is right in front of you. ASK your dominant to teach you the implements they want you to use on them. There’s nothing to fear in learning how to swing a flogger or a paddle. You’re more likely to hit far too lightly in your initial efforts. The pillow you use for a target won’t really care. For all the “you’ll put out your eye” warnings about single tails, I don’t know anyone who actually has. It’s not that difficult to learn if you learn flogging first. If you’re an impact bottom, zinging yourself now and then is actually a bit of a bonus. Think about how your dominant uses them on you. Apply the techniques to your practice.

Ask your dom to teach you the lines they want you to say. Write out the script if you have to. Practice by yourself in front a mirror until you can say those lines easily. Actors practice their lines. The first few times you do this, you may as well consider yourself an actor. There’s no harm in practicing your script.

“I don’t know that I can” – Once you’ve learned how to handle the implements and say your lines, you’re one transition from doing it to a human being. You know you are capable in the sense of making the paddle work (on a pillow) so you take that big breath and you let the paddle swing to make contact with human flesh. Guaranteed you’ll barely bap the ass, but that’s okay. You’ve gotten past the hardest part. Actually swinging a paddle (or flogger) at a human being.

While you’re engaging in your very first topping scene, your dominant should be coaching and coaxing you along and telling you what you’re doing well and when to go harder.. You know what you can take. You know how hard your ass is hit, how hard the flogger is swung. Build up your force just like your dominant does. At the same time, you’ll build up your confidence.

You have a plethora of technique and experience at your disposal. Use it.

The thing to remember is that you are serving your dominant how they want to be served. Pain is pleasure to the sadomasochist. In pain, there is freedom. You are providing both and learning an entirely new skillset at the same time. There’s certainly nothing wrong about that.

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written two “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and twentysomething fiction books.

Twitter — https://twitter.com/DameTyler or @DameTyler
FB Fan Page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseGethis/

FB Regular page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseAuthor

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

Video: Electric BDSM Play Demo

November 22, 2020 By Depraved Eros 2 Comments

Curios about Electric Play?

Want to know more about playing safely?

Never heard of Electric Play?

Then, be sure to check out this informative video brought to us by Depraved Eros! This week he tackles everything Electric Play and teachers viewers how to perform this type of play consensually, ethically, and safely.

Click below to find out more!

Electric Play Demo, BDSM Play

Watch this video on YouTube

The BDSM Vetting Process

November 14, 2020 By Joji Sada 4 Comments

two beautiful slave girls lying in bed awaiting their master — via stock.adobe.com

When we have the potential for a new relationship, we generally experience a sensation called New Relationship Energy (NRE). This essentially blinds us to the character flaws of our partner and often makes them the center of our world, regardless of if we are monogamous or not. It also impedes our communication skills. NRE allows us to take what our partner says as fact, ignore the red flags, and skim over the vetting process.

At least, it does for those of us who still vet.

When I started in the community sixteen years ago, vetting was very much an important step to entering a dynamic. This was especially true with the growth of the internet. With the potential of thousands of possibilities, you had to wade your way through the chaos, and sort potentials into a few categories.

Category 1) Hell No.

Category 2) Not my Kink (this is basically my kink profile and your kink profile do not match)

Category 3) Maybe (meaning I need to investigate this further)

Category 4) I would like to get to know you

Obviously, people moved from one category to the next as the process continues. It makes it very hard to vet someone in my Category 4 if I am in their category 1.

So, what is vetting?

Vetting is, according to the dictionary, to “make a careful and critical examination of (something)”.

I’m going to be honest…that is a very broad term. It is also extremely vague. When I first read it, I imagined a person laid out on a table and I carefully and meticulously examined them with a magnifying glass. Then I laughed a bit at the absurdity of my thoughts.

Vetting is essentially getting to know someone and make an informed decision about whether they are honest or not.

I have always preferred to get to know someone without the kinks first. I need to know that I can enjoy your company in a vanilla setting as well as a kinky one. Even though I live 24/7, it is not an endless dream of whips and chains. It involves chores to keep the house running, work to keep a roof over our head, postponement of my needs to serve my partners, and a whole lot of cuddling. If I cannot tolerate you in that part of my life, then all the kinks/skills in the world would not change our incompatibility.

There are a few ways to start the vetting process.

First, I would look through their online persona. If you have them across platforms, see if their posts and/or their style of writings are consistent. You can evaluate how ever you like. For me, are all their posts angry or blaming people for things? Do our politics match up or do they at least seem tolerant of other viewpoints? DO they act thirsty with every man or woman they are attracted to?
Talk to previous play partners or the community. Honestly speaking, I usually skip this step. I have always been in a small kink community and that often leads to skewed answers. It is perfectly fine if you choose to not pursue person X because person Y said they were bad news. I know that for some individuals, this has been tremendously helpful.

However, I have also seen the opposite. In fact, my own dynamic with Master has fed the rumour mill. Did you know I am always in trouble? Apparently so. Those long-lasting marks could never actually be the result of pleasure (*gasp* Shocking, I know). Did you know that I am too bull-headed to be submissive? Obviously, I must be extremely unsatisfying to my Dominant.

I am, and always have been, an open book. You want to know something, ask. I have never had an issue with that. Its when people add their own spin to the story, after I have given my answer, that makes me cringe. Both of those questions came from a brat who wanted to know how to get her Dom’s attention because she felt he was ignoring her. I advised her that communication was key. She needed to sit down and talk with him. I am not a brat. I am offended at the implication of being one. It goes against all my beliefs as a submissive. But, she did not like my answer. She then proceeded to tell anyone that would listen that I was a brat, and an unhelpful one at that.

I have been accused of Topping from the bottom because I can get forceful in making sure Master takes care of himself. I have been told (by outsiders) that I am not dedicated enough because I am not home enough. Which, on a side note, just fuels my insecurities. So, thank you. I have been asked how I can “let Him do that?” We have blanket consent, including Edge play and CNC. You don’t have to like it, but I sure do.

All I am trying to say is, there are two sides to every story. People like to gossip. People like to put other people down to feel better. So, maybe what they are saying, should be taken with a grain of salt.

Do not assume anything. Listen to what the person says versus what they do. Does what they are saying match what they have put out into the public? If not, ask. If they cannot give you a satisfactory answer, trust your gut. If they make you feel negative energy, walk away. If you see/feel red flags, walk away.

Do their kinks match yours? Now, we get to the good stuff. Since you have gotten to step 4, you are probably compatible in the Vanilla world, and they do not give you the creepy crawlies, its time to find out if the things they like match yours. Discuss both of your limits, must haves, needs, wants, safewords, dynamic wants/needs, and everything in between. Be practical. Be willing to compromise or walk away. It would not be fair if one party wants a 24/7 dynamic and the other wants a long-distance, weekend getaway dynamic. They are both valid wants, but not very compatible.

Safety. If, and when, you get to the point of meeting (if you haven’t already), please do so safely. Meet in public. Make sure at least two people know when and where you are going to be, who you are with, and when you plan to check in. If I tell my safety that I will text her by 8, at 8:01 she is calling me to make sure I just didn’t lose track of time. Take your own car or have your own ride. Sometimes, situations get sticky and we just need to get away. If your date picked you up, you can feel very stuck.

In the end, vetting is necessary to finding the right partner(s). It takes a special breed to give us the communication, trust, and vulnerability needed to make this lifestyle work. The minute I consent to you binding me, I am trusting you with my mental and physical health. I am trusting you with my life.

Therefore, you are going to have to bear with me and play a few rounds of twenty questions before I let you anywhere near me.

My name is Joji. I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42. I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling. I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay. I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning. I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan. I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education). It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement. We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.

Erotica: The Fight Within

November 7, 2020 By Joji Sada 2 Comments

hot sexy male submissive with leather harness — via stock.adobe.com

***all pieces of erotica are works of fiction. We never condone anything that is NOT consensual, safe, ethical, or sane.

I need to specify to those reading this, that playing during high emotion can be dangerous. You can miss verbal/body cues, overlook a safeword, or face the issue of potentially blacking out/disassociating.

I wrote this to explore parts of my psyche I’ve yet to delve into. But I also wrote this to someone with whom I trust my life.

The goal of delving into the darker parts of the mind, is to learn. There is more revealed in the unconscious mind than in any other medium.

Even if I never delve into this scenario in person, I will have revealed everything I need to…subconsciously. Master has told me, on more than one occasion, that my writing gives him insight because I pour myself into it. It is the same reason he refuses to read unfinished work and offer suggestions. If he did, it could influence me.

I explore darkness only with someone who can bring me back into the light. I explore brokenness only with someone who can piece me back together. I explore emotional fuckery only with someone who will not be crushed beneath the weight of it.

What you choose to do is your decision. Just know, if you cannot separate what is done in a scene from what happens in real life, your relationship can be irrevocably changed or damaged.

You once told me, Sir, that I push your boundaries unlike anyone else.

I had to think about that. At first glance, it looks as though I lack respect for your limits. But, when we talked about it, you told me it meant I pushed you as you push me.

We have successfully faced quite a few demons and delved into some dark places.

We have moved seamlessly from physical pain to mental and we continue to push against what is deemed as safe and sane.

We are risk takers Sir. I’d have it no other way.

With that in mind, I wish to request a new boundary to be explored.

I want you to make me angry Sir.

I want you to throw me against the proverbial wall and help me bring the bricks down.

I want to feel the thrum of adrenaline and the fire in my veins.

I want to fight you.

I want to growl and scream and cry.

I want you to take me down without mercy.

Are you willing to brave this with me Sir? Are you willing to catch me on the other side as I come down? Are you willing to help me deal with the guilt when this is done?

Are you willing and able to keep me sane without losing yourself in the process?

We don’t play angry. We have always refused to play during any heavy influx of emotions.

Tonight, I want that to change.

Please, Sir?

You are a crafty bastard Sir. When I asked for an emotionally charged scene, I did not expect you to have me set it up.

You know how much I hate making decisions.

I know you’re fucking with me. But I also know you want to understand how far to push me.

See, you can read me my body like no other. But what I choose at the beginning, gives you an idea of how far to go.

I understand it. I just don’t like it.

I knew the two fastest ways to anger without conflict.

Step one: My song. On repeat. Seven minutes of mesmerizing lyrics that take me over.

You can see the change in me. There is a reason I rarely play this song. It stirs my mind like a woman possessed. It makes me feel…violent.

Step two: Handcuffs

We both know the cuffs alone will make me fight. I tried breaking the kitchen chair last time we used them.

This time, you were smarter.

You locked one wrist in front of me, pulled the chain between my legs, and locked the other one. Then you pulled the leg irons chain over the cuffs and pulled them down and around the leg of the bedframe.

I am technically free to move within a small area. With difficulty, I can switch from kneeling to sitting but little else is possible.

You snap your fingers.

I Breathe deeply. We are about to begin.

You want me immersed.

I sit down on my ass, my knees bent and my hands loosely hanging. My top half is bare, and the room is chilly. My fingers are playing with the soft fabric of my leggings already. Can you see my anxiety already Sir? I don’t think I have hidden it very well.

The leg irons pull against my ankles. I have twisted the chain already, but I refuse to say anything. I will deal with this.

I look up at you. I am scared Sir.

For all my bravado, I do not like being angry. I know that I could hurt someone. I know that I could hurt you if I sink too far. I feel very small for asking for this.

You read me so well. You look deep into my eyes, my lip trembling, and you run your fingers through my hair. It soothes me. I close my eyes to revel in it and you backhand me.

We’ve started.

From this point, you won’t let up until you are ready…or I color.

Would that be wrong? To color on a scene I’ve requested?

You will tell me that it is not wrong. And I know for damn sure, we would never be trying this if you didn’t trust me to speak up when needed.

Those thoughts cross my mind all the time.

So, let’s see what happens Sir.

Are you ready?

I am waiting for the music to start.

“Are you ready for this?”. You ask only once.

You are giving me an out.

I inhale deeply. I don’t want it.

“Press play” I state firmly.

Without another word, you press play. I know we have put the song on repeat for the length of the disc. It will continue to ramp me up until it is turned off.

The headphones are immersion ones. They close me off from the outside world. All I can hear is the music.

Then, you leave.

I fucking hate being alone. I get antsy and worried and scared.

Forty-five seconds in. My eyes close of their own volition.

1 and a half minutes in. I can feel my face contorting into a smirk.

2 minutes. My lips move unconsciously to mouth the dark words. You were smart Sir. By using the instrumental track, with only the backup vocals, I can sink ever so further. The ability to sing along and keep myself distracted from the emotion is no longer an option.

My chin drops to my chest. I roll my neck to one side and slowly to the other. I can feel the cracking of the bones.

3 minutes. My heart is pounding. My eyes are open and unseeing. My head cocks to the side, glaring into the nothingness.

Four minutes. Even though I know I shouldn’t, I start rubbing the cuff rings.

The cuffs are cool to my thumbs as I rub the metal.

My thoughts are dark Sir; and sneaky.

We are halfway through the first play of the song. The bass drum is beating loud. I am tugging more frantically at my cuffs now. I feel them pulling against my hands.

I am going to bruise.

I am watching the door. I’m determined to be free by the time you come back. I plan to tackle you. I’m going to take you to the floor and have you beg me for mercy.

I can do it.

I smirk.

If not, I will go down fighting.

I was unprepared for the mask Sir. As soon as the darkness descended, I started bucking. You appeared from nowhere.

Were you watching me? Where? I could not see you.

Why would you hide Sir?

Are you scared of me?

Won’t you let me free Sir?

I can do such wondrous things to you.

After all, you cannot see the fire in my eyes with a hood on.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Whatever shall we do Sir? Won’t you let me out to play?

You have turned the volume up. I can feel the vibrations across the whole of my ears. I feel the zipper on the hood open across my mouth. I strike forward to bite you.

Rule number 2 in our dynamic. I am never to bite.

I’ve just declared war.

I am pulling roughly at the handcuffs. If I can shift the bed frame, then you have no chance.

I feel your hand grip the back of my neck, as though you were planning to lift me. You press my body forward. Your other palm presses harshly against my mouth and pinches my nose through the hood. I did not even have a chance to take a breath. I’m trying to wrestle free. I can hear the clanking of the metal over the music. I feel like a feral animal trying to free itself. My head is locked into place by your strength.

I am going to pass out.

Then, you let me breathe.

Or so I thought.

One big breath is all I managed before you shoved the gag between my teeth. You made sure I would be able to breathe by picking the ball gag with holes. But it clearly tells me that talking is out of the question.

Good.

If you want an answer, you are gonna need to read my fucking mind.

Sir.

I feel the chain go slack for a split second. You must have lifted the corner of the bed. I pull quickly and round my head in what I believe is your direction. It connects with something. I turn the other direction and roll onto my back. I know I cannot run with the way I am chained. But I do have enough room to kick you.

I kick out, low to the ground, and my foot connects. I know instantly I have hit too low. Your boots hurt quite a bit when kicked with bare feet. I aim higher but I feel your hand grab my ankles. My arms are stretched as you hold me tight.

Then the blows start.

A firm smack right onto my ass.

I hate this position. I hate having my legs in the air like a baby. It is humiliating…and you know it. That is exactly why you do it.

Two. Three. Four.

In such quick succession, I cannot catch my breath or bearings.

Five hits me full force to the top of my pussy.

Fuck. I guarantee you heard that through the gag.

Six. Seven. Eight.

Harder and harder you hit my ass. My body is trying to rock against the floor. Anything I can do to get free. I am not fairing so well at that.

Nine is a firm kick to the ass by your boot.

God Dammit.

Ten reigns down on my pussy once more. Pretty sure I am going to be icing for days at this point.

You drag me by my ankle across the carpet until we meet linoleum. You roll me over in one smooth motion and use the leverage of the chain to pull my knees up under me. My ass is now in the air and my face is pressed to the cold floor. My shoulders are burning, and my wrists are swollen. I am biting down on the rubber of the gag so hard I am expecting it to split.

I feel a heavy thud against my thighs. Oh god, not that one. I hate it.

Five thwacks, each getting harsher and harsher. The hood is wet now. It clings to my eyes as they water, and I have soaked the bottom half with my spit.

I keep trying to shift away from the blows. For a masochist, I move a lot Sir. Have you ever noticed that?

Five more and I am sobbing. My legs are shaking to the point that I cannot hold them up anymore. Then again, as soon as I started to drop them, I felt it.

You finally unsheathed the knife you were hitting me with.

The broad side of the blade is cool against my skin. I feel its tip at my belly button, with the rest of the length sliding down to my pussy. It is your warning to keep my position.

And it is my chance to end it.

Not a chance in hell Sir.

Is that all you’ve got?

My legs are trembling. I feel like I have been at the gym for a couple hours on a treadmill. I feel the knife sliding against my skin. I am trying to hold still. I know there will be marks. Even the dullest of your knives leave me with welts.

Ever so slowly, the tip slides down between my legs. I feel you grab the crotch of my leggings and I feel the sharp tug as you slice them. The knife leaves my skin for just a moment and I feel your fists shred my clothes the remaining in bit. I can only feel them clinging to me from my calves to my ankles. Then the blade is back.

You are cruel Master. I am trying to focus on where the blade is at, but the music is distracting me too much. If I had to guess, knowing the marks it will leave, I am positive you are drawing little smiley faces that I will be staring at in the mirror for the next week.

I am not amused!

But I can imagine the smirk you must be wearing at your own ingenuity.

I feel the tip slide down my thighs and to my calves. I feel the rest of my leggings fall from my body.

Time is relative in the dark. I lost count of the amount of times my song has played. I know my ass stings. I have no idea how long you have been marking me with that blade. I know it periodically slides between the lips of my vagina and I hold my breath every time. I know my jaw aches from the gag and my neck is sore from being on the floor in this position. My shoulders still burn, and my body shakes from either adrenaline or cold. Of which I am not entirely sure.

But I want more Sir.

When you have finished with the blade, I feel you give me one last whack with it after you sheathed it and I felt your breath light up the cuts along my backside.

Gently, you pull me up to my knees and let me lean my head against your legs. The music is turned down until it is a mere whisper. It stays constant, and I still cannot hear you, but it curbs the adrenaline.

You pick me up to standing but my legs cannot hold me. So, you leave me kneeling and drag me to wherever you desire me to be. You bend me over the bed. It keeps me kneeling but puts the pressure on my abdomen instead of my knees. I put my forehead against the softer surface.

Your hand is rubbing my ass. It feels nice.

Then I feel the cold. You just dumped ice water down my back, across my ass, and over my legs. My body tenses instantly. We both know I do not do well with temperature change.

This is new.

And then I understand why you turned the music down.

POP

Fuck.

It is the fucking cattle prod.

Yes, it hurts. But it is the sound that gets me.

Once to the thigh. It travels with the water as it drips down my skin.

Then you set it off near my ear. I jumped and thrashed.

Another to the ass. The knife marks light up with the electricity.

Did you know open wounds increase the intensity of the shocks? Of course you did. This is your favorite. To watch me bend and bow to the lightning. To watch me shiver from the cold, or is that fear?

One. Two.

POP. This one doesn’t touch me but I can hear it near my face.

Three.

POP.

Four. Five.

POP. This time I hear it behind my neck

Then one long intense one between my legs. I screamed with that one.

POP. I can hear it again, but I cannot tell where it is coming from. This time I hear it and it is followed by a smack to my ass. It must be the belt.

I cannot hold back the cries anymore.

Smack.

POP.

Silence.

Where am I Sir?

I am very, very cold and I cannot open my eyes.

My ears are buzzing but there is no defining sound. My body is shivering but I feel a warm hand on my stomach and one in my hair.

My heart has slowed.

My mind is jumbled and dark. I’m not really sure what is going on.

I don’t know how long it took but my eyes finally flutter open. It takes several tries. The room is very bright, even though we have black out curtains up.

I finally open my eyes and I see Master there. I am laying on my back with my head in his lap. He is watching me. He seems worried.

I see his lips moving but I cannot understand what he is saying.

Everything is a blur, but I can guess what happened.

I stare up at him with a soft smile. I am in the safest place right now.

He is waiting for an answer.

I know the question.

“My name is Joji.” I see him breathe a little easier.

He brushes my hair from my face and rubs soft circles on my tummy with his thumb.

“And my name?” The question sounds so soft to me, but I can hear him again.

“Master.” As I see him smile, I know that we are both going to be fine.

A Little Bit About Knife Play

November 7, 2020 By PirateStan 2 Comments

sexy sub with knife on throat — via stock.adobe.com

I don’t pretend to be an expert on knife play. Sure, I’ve seen and watched a half-dozen demos, and I’ve been grilled and indocrtinated into the basics and essentials by the best, the safeties as well as the do’s and don’ts, but I suspect there are a great many out there who’re bigger “experts” on what makes knife play a thing, as well as the magical-mystical secrets of the naked blade.

Me, I’ve just been doing it for quite a while, in my own way. I’ve thrilled, excited, tantalized, and simply freaked-out a lot of gals. So here, I’ll briefly pass on what’s worked for me as well as what may work for you.

A quick disclaimer: If you’re a submissive who’s thinking they may want to experience the thrill of the naked blade, I recommend not reading any further. There’s more than a little bit of a psychological aspect involved and, like with any good magic trick, knowing how it works takes away most of the fun.

Still reading? Good! So here’s the thing…

Really, you don’t want to read any further if you’re a sub. You’re just going to regret knowing the reality, and a potentially thrilling scene or three is going to be taken away from you. Really.

Still with me? Okay, here we go…

The secret is that you simply use the back of the blade, the dull side. That’s it.

Oh sure, you make a big show of pulling out these elaborate, scary looking knives. I’ve seen several Doms who have these gorgeous, seven-inch curved monstrosities, with elaborate dragon handles and embossed runes working their way down the blade. Some have demons fornicating erotically with curvaceous babes tooled into them, with a wicked looking double-edged blade that looks like the tool of a maniacal serial killer. But here’s the thing…

… they never use them.

It’s just a show, mere window dressing, artistic license to get a sub in the right frame of mind, that maybe, just maybe, this crazy muthafukka (whom they’ve negotiated with, vetted, and trust implicitly) will do some serious damage, maybe.

Myself, I tend to start our by running the tip up-and-down her back, her legs, her inner arms, any place that’s particularly sensitive. Honestly, this is the riskiest, most dangerous part, as I have scraped and slightly cut a few gals. Never anything serious of course; my cat routinely scratches me considerably worse, and she hasn’t had her claws sterilized like my blade. It’s of course good to have some medi wipes handy for after care as well.

Anyway… wait, I forgot the most important part…

For all that window dressing, the knife I use is the one clipped to my belt. I pull it off, lean in close so my breath is on her ear, then open it with a very distinctive “click”.

If you’ve done your job right, this is where you literally take her breath away, her pulse increases, and her level of potential terror is exposed (even as she trusts that you’ll never hurt her).

So anyway, you do that other stuff I mentioned, getting her used to the idea that this is a sharp pointy thing, it’s dangerous, it could kill her.

Now comes the fun part.

You start bringing it about her sensitive bits, her nethers, her nipples, her throat. I’m fond of pressing it hard against the latter and getting her high up on her toes. At this point her breath’s coming in desparate gasps and tears are coming out of her eyes.

Except I’m using the back of the blade, the dull part. Hell, if you’re nervous, switch out for a butter knife, or a spoon. It’s all going to feel the same. Because you’ve established that psychological bond, that it’s all real, and very dangerous.

If you do everything correctly, you’ll reduce your girl to a blubbering mess, snotty and tearful (a gag isn’t recommended, as you need her to breathe). Certainly, if she safewords, you absolutely need to stop. But in thirteen years, I’ve never had that happen.

Typically, I wind up with an emotionally wrung out girl who needs lots of aftercare, but who’s eventually ecstatic and ready for more of the same.

So the thing you really need to take away here is that knife play is all psychological, all pretend, make believe, mind fuckery. It only works because you’ve gotten someone into that place where they make themselves believe that you’ll hurt them, even as they know you won’t.

Sort of like a magic trick. You know someone doesn’t have mystical powers, but it’s fun to believe that they do. But when you see how the trick’s actually done, the fun’s no longer there.

And let’s retiterate; it’s not about cutting or actually hurting someone. That would be blood play, in which the knife’s often incidental. Knife play, when done correctly, is actually pretty safe. It’s not necessarily recommended for your first scene with a new girl. But it can be just the thing for someone who’s ready for the next level.

And if you’re a sub who’s read all this and now knows the secret to the magic trick, and will never be able to experience a knife play scene, well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

This week in kink: November 9, 2020

November 7, 2020 By Desdemona 2 Comments

The pandemic has affetced so many businesses, events, and local hang outs.

With this being said, more queer and alt places are being forced to close and/or adjust their operating protocols.

Click below to read a riveting article on this matter brought to us by Reader!

https://www.chicagoreader.com/chicago/gay-bathhouses-were-barely-surviving-and-then-came-covid-19/Content?oid=83794656

Sadly, being a kinkster hasn’t been widely accepted yet. Many still remain igorant to how much kink and BDSM is rooted in consent, communication, and honoring boundaries.

Jerry Falwell Jr. was forced to resign recently from his leadership role at Liberty University due to kink-shaming.

Click below to find out more from Progressive Secular Humanist!

Jerry Falwell Jr. Sues Liberty University After Being Kink-Shamed And Forced To Resign

Foot fetishes are booming in India’s virtual spaces.

Sex workers post foot pictures and conduct live streaming foot shows for clients.

Into foot fetishes? Curious about them?

Then definitely check out this interesting article from ThePrint!

Dirty, groomed or bare — foot fetish now a hot business in India with ‘goddesses’ & ‘slaves’

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Kinky Sex vs. BDSM

October 24, 2020 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

male dom having a conversation with his female submissive — via stock.adobe.com

With so many couples bored indoors because of the pandemic, many are looking to add some spice to their life other than watching the latest Zombiefest on AMC. I have gotten many questions similar to the following one, so I figured it is time to give some friendly advice on the matter. So here it is:

Reader: My partner and I have played with kinky sex, but what do we have to do to take that to BDSM? What are the differences?

Many people, including me, came to this lifestyle after experimenting with kinky sex and then wanting to take the leap into BDSM. This is to be expected; if you experiment in one area of play – sex – why not try out other arenas? This step is not a big one in and of itself. As the old Chinese proverb states, a journey of a million miles begins with just a single step. For many kinksters, that first stride may have already been taken – a little spanky-spank! If you are already a sexual adventurer (or adventuress), chances are you have done at least a little spanking. And, if you haven’t, you should make spanking that first step. For one thing, you already have the spanking implement of choice readily available — your hand. No trips to the BDSM store needed. No instructions necessary. Just beat and eat! (Groan….)

Each step you take brings you closer to integrating BDSM into your “kinky sex and play” journey. For example, if you find spanking is adding excitement to your kinky sex sessions – then just “follow the yellow brick road.” This road leads to an array of toys that will add even more spice and variety to your spanking scenes. Learning to use a flogger, a paddle, a cane or any number of implements is not difficult to do. Buy a flogger. Buy a riding crop. Buy a paddle. These items can be ordered online, won’t bankrupt you and are easy to master. Just settle on a safe word and play.

Start gently and hit harder over time and let the safe word be your guide. This is not rocket science. It is a stepwise entry into a lifestyle that will dovetail seamlessly and effortlessly into your kinky sex world. These first steps alone – hand spanking, flogging, caning, paddling, cropping — can keep you entertained for years. (Hopefully the corona virus will be gone by then!) If you want to take it further, or if spanking is not your cup of tea, entry into many other forms of BDSM play is as easy as A.B.C.

Step A. Just find those pictures on the Internet (kinkweekly.com, fetlife.com and youtube.com are great sources) that turn you on. Your body will tell you what gets you hot; no need to think too much! For example, if bondage pictures excite you, add immobilization to your spanking sessions. Just buy some rope (the Home Depot is open) and tie your submissive’s wrists to the bedposts, and voila — instant bondage! If you are not a natural at using rope, then use leather wrist/ankle cuffs and a bunch of metal karibeeners to get the job done. (Karibeeners are those spring-loaded aluminum locking links that are used for mountain climbing; easy on, easy off. I used them recently (until the dungeons closed) for many of my bondage scenes. Once the bottom is immobilized then go to step B.

Step B. Emulate the techniques used in the photos/videos that get you hot. If putting nipple clamps on the breasts of the bound submissive does it for you, nipple clamps it is. If the submissive is blindfolded, use a blindfold. If the bottom is wearing a ball gag, then use a ball gag. (In this particular case, agree on a safe signal.) Which leads to C.

Step C. Use your imagination. Be inventive in your BDSM play. Experiment. As long as you are playing safely, you are playing correctly.

Step D. Add D/s play into your repertoire. This is easy – especially if one in Dominant and the other is submissive. Obedience and punishment are the basis of this interaction.

As to the differences between BDSM and kinky sex, I haven’t a clue. Remember, you can have a BDSM session without any sex at all – kinky or otherwise. Or, you can combine them. Or, you can even mix vanilla sex and kinky BDSM. Any and all combinations are possible. You might say that kinky sex and BDSM are like that steakhouse chain’s slogan, “No rules, just right!”

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Video: Beginner Rules For BDSM + Advice For Getting Started

October 24, 2020 By Evie Lupine 2 Comments

New to the scene?

Not sure how to start your kink journey?

Need some help establishing boundaries?

Then, tune in for this informative video by the fabulous Evie Lupine!

Don’t be afraid to dive in today! Safe, sane, consensual for the win!

Beginner Rules For BDSM + Advice For Getting Started

Watch this video on YouTube

Getting Kinky With Your Partner

October 10, 2020 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

With the corona virus still hanging around like a psychotic relative with a gun, we cannot ignore it. With all the dungeons closed, with contact risky and with Mistress Cyan sponsoring Virtual Dungeons, many of the questions that I have answered recently came from a pile of questions I kept around for just such an emergency. But the following query was one I received a couple of weeks ago.

“What would you do if you’d been with your SO for many years and recently found that your BDSM needs were developing and your SO’s weren’t? How would you resolve a growing apparent incompatibility? How do you take someone on a journey with you when they are resistant or uninterested? How do you stay with the one you love despite those dilemmas?”

It is a cliché in every advice column to say, “the key to a successful relationship is communication.” I guess it is a cliché because it is so true. But your dilemma will not be resolved simply by discussing your needs. BDSM isn’t Dr. Full-Of-It’s simple answers for complex questions. (Is he still around?) Oft times, in vanilla relationships, you can just say, “I need oral sex a little more” and voila! The other partner replies, “I will do that if you do this (such as dress sexier, etc.)” This might not solve the deeper problems in the relationship, but it can be a quick fix for the sex aspects. BDSM problems, on the other hand, are not so easy to repair.

In your situation, it appears the actual relationship/love part is solid, but the play aspects are falling apart. And play is very important in a BDSM relationship. You might say it is the basis of it. So, what to do?

Your strategy would depend on the answer to one big question. How much does your partner know about your BDSM needs? Does he/she participate with you? And are you overreacting and getting all bent out of shape because your partner lost interest in BDSM because of the pandemic?

If your partner is totally in the dark about the true depth of your BDSM needs, you must determine whether you wish to risk wrecking a good long-term relationship to disclose them. If they are very strong in your case, I suggest you take a risk. More than likely, you will succumb to these urges somewhere down the road, so why not address the problem as soon as possible. Procrastination solves nothing. But more about that later. (“We will be right back!”) I would simply tell your partner that you have very deep BDSM desires and explain exactly what they are in the most enticing way. And don’t be afraid to state them loud and clear. Explain what you really, really, really want, what turns you on. You have been with this person for many years, so chances are you discuss more than the weather in Topeka. If you are lucky – very lucky – and explain “home dungeon” BDSM play in an exciting way, you just might strike gold. Also make sure that your SO (Significant Other? Social Outcast? LOL) is just going through this disinterest phase as a result of the pandemic.

If, however, he/she either is aware of your BDSM needs – even to the point of partaking in them – a different strategy is needed. If one of you keeps a BDSM diary, look for points of intersection. See what BDSM play turns the two of you on, and make sure to point it out. You might be surprised how much play you both want to experience together.

If you are the Top, then it will be easy to redirect your play toward your partner’s area of interests. This is not to say, let the bottom totally control the direction of the relationship. It is to say, let the bottom have some fun! You will find the bottom is more responsive to activities that you prefer when there is a mix of activities he/she likes too.

If you are the submissive, your relationship – no matter what the protocol – should allow you to voice your opinions freely. State your needs to your Top, and explain that you need more of certain BDSM activities. Be clever and select play that both of you enjoy. A diary is a great device for discovering what interests you and your partner share. It is easy to get “more” when the “more” is fun!

Of course, if your partner simply has absolutely lost interest in BDSM,for whatever reason, and you love it, I really cannot help you there. But it is better to find this out sooner than later.

I would bet it is a temporary situation caused by this pandemic. I haven’t gone to a dungeon since this craziness started. I have tried to both answer your question and suggest that your problems are caused by this virus. These are insane times and it would be a shame if your relationship got destroyed by this microbe. Hasn’t it done enough damage? My assumption could be wrong; but if I am right you will look at your problem in a different light.

These times are trying enough without having to deal with the relationship problems that the virus is causing.

Starting out in the world of kink

October 4, 2020 By Elyssa Rice 2 Comments

Molly had fun playing for the first time

Ah, to discover the kink community after living a vanilla life. What an exciting and potentially nerve-wracking time in your life. When we look at kink development, many kinksters will say that there were signs of kinkhood early in adolescence, some even in childhood. While at that young age, there were not words to understand it, many folks had a preoccupation with pain or various objects more so than that of their peers. It was those early interests that flourished and eventually turned into formal and understandable kinks. While many folks have felt their kinkiness throughout most of their lives, there are plenty of individuals who discover this new version of themselves in later adulthood, whether intentionally or by accident.

Stepping into the kink world can be scary. It is easy to feel like everyone knows what they’re doing, and you are the odd person out. The amazing thing about kink is that there is always room to grow, even for the most experienced players. So much of kink is about evolving and transforming and pushing past what we all think is even possible. Several things are essential to remember when beginning this journey, and I am hoping to give you some helpful tips to guide you on your way.

Take Your Time

Patience may be hard to come by when you are engaging in something brand new. It can be even more challenging when this brand new thing provides pleasure in a way that has not been experienced before. While the desire to jump headfirst into the kinky pool may be overwhelming, it can be beneficial to take your time as you navigate this new way of life. Slowing down and pacing yourself can actually be quite helpful in the long run. When experiencing play for the first time, you may want to spend time processing the experience so that you can get a more firm understanding of what it is you actually want in this kinky world. The exciting thing about kink, and really sex in general, is that exploration can occur throughout our lifetime. Remember hearing about the outbreaks of STIs in retirement homes? While this may not be something to strive towards (as safety and health are essential), it shows us that sexual exploration can truly last our entire lives. So, take your time and enjoy the journey because there will always be a new destination when it comes to kink.

Consent is everything

I cannot stress enough that consent is everything. If there is ever a time that you are approached in the community by someone who wants to play without any negotiation, I highly encourage you to decline. Consent is what allows for mitigation of risk, so while risk will not be entirely off the table with proper negotiation, unwanted harm will certainly be less likely to occur. One of the pillars of kink play is consent, so it is incredibly important that the idea of consent gets woven into your mind from the beginning.

You are not alone

If you are new to kink, it can be very common to feel immense anxiety mixed in with your excitement. It is easy to feel like everyone else is more experienced or that you do not know what you are doing. While it may be the case that there are kinksters who are well versed in their practice, there are always newcomers who are starting from scratch. You are not alone in your kink journey. Every person who you look up to in this world started precisely where you are. Kink practice is just that, a practice. It takes time and effort to be able to perfect a technique or be able to execute a new action that has not been done before. Kink is about the ongoing journey of learning. The beauty of this community of practicing kink is that you will always have room to continue to grow and evolve. If you can put in the time to getting to know members of the community, you will quickly learn that you are not in this alone.

Don’t be afraid to ask for guidance

Kink can be confusing, complicated, scary, and even risky. Any new experience can bring up feelings of nervousness, and one of the best ways to work through that is to ask for help. Many professionals in the field can assist you in this process. From therapists who are experts in kink (like me!) to professional Dom/subs/etc., to other members of the community, there is often room for guidance. Fortunately, technology allows us to connect with kinksters from all over the world, so even if you are not in a particularly kinky town, you may be able to establish online relationships that can assist you on your journey.

This is an exciting time in your life. In fact, this is the beginning of a journey that can transform how you explore your identity. By taking things slow, remembering that consent is key, asking for help, and finding community, you will likely increase your chances of having a positive experience in this fun and exciting world. Dipping your toes into the kinky pool may be a little bit startling at first, but as you slowly continue to enter, you will find yourself much more comfortable and soon fully immersed in the world of kink.

Elyssa Rice is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in the Kink and Alternative Lifestyle community. She is a writer, lecturer and advocate for sexual empowerment and sexual freedom. She has a private practice in Los Angeles, CA and is dedicated to shifting the narrative about both the mental health and Kink community.

negotiation

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