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A Masochists Journey

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Something happened this week during our High Protocol scene. For my collared Slut and I, this occurs  when she presents herself to be marked. We do this about once a week. I mark her with a heavy cane.  The number of strokes vary according to her desire. The rest of the week she has a maintenance  spanking during our daily play scenes. That is the context.  

We were talking (debriefing) after the scene, and she said that she found the marking sexually arousing.  This got me thinking about each of our transformations as sexual creatures since we started sceneing  together almost 3 years ago.  

For me the transformation to sensual sadist was not as big a step as it was for her to discover impact  play as arousing. I had explored being a disciplinarian and a cruel sadist at length before I met her and  had found, to my surprise, that pure sadism was not my preferred way of being. I had always wanted my  sadism to be wrapped up in my sexuality, and sadism without sex was pointless as far as I could tell. I needed more.  

For her the transformation was way more nuanced and more profound.  

Its best to tell the story of her transformation in the form of a narrative from the beginning. When we  first met, I saw her as a masochist. To wit, I had given her a task to do to test her obedience and her  masochist tendencies – I instructed her to fig herself with a stick of wet ginger and to masturbate while  doing so. She had 3 orgasms. Then she was required to meditate for a few minutes with the ginger  inserted. She had an out of body experience. I also learned that as an elite distance athlete she had a  lifelong experience with endorphins and being in a trance state.  

After a time, I invited her to put herself forward to be claimed. The claiming would involve her being  “marked inside and out”. I told her that I would piss in her ass and down her throat and that I would mark her with a cane.  

It took something to put herself forward in that context. She had chosen me to be her Dom and she  chose to kneel for me. She was courageous. She experienced the early period of our dynamic with some  fear and trepidation mixed with the excitement of being a claimed submissive, the sex was intoxicating  and new to her, and at the same time, she was having an ongoing conversation with herself, figuring out  how she was going to endure and cope with the experience of choosing a sadist as her Dom long term.  She is very competitive, and she was determined to win.  

During the early period of our dynamic, as a responsible sadist, I was trying to read her before, during  and after scenes, so that I could adjust the sadism to her experience as a masochist as lived. In that we  are in a 24/7 TPE, I had a lot of responsibility to make sure that “I didn’t break my toys”. I told her I  didn’t and she trusted that I would not. I had to be good to my word. For about 6 months, we used  different implements and I created many different scenes exploring many fetishes and kinks to see  where she and I were aligned, and how it felt. It was all new and a thrilling, exciting and scary experience  for her to be in this intense sexual inquiry at that stage of our relationship. We first related as kinksters  and as sexual creatures, and I had made the determination to make sure my partner and I were sexually  aligned. We talked a lot about what worked and what adjustments were needed to make things work,  and for a while, that was how we progressed the dynamic. Several months into our cohabitation, in  response to circumstances, I implemented a Daily Maintenance Spanking regime. This was a particularly important event in our dynamic. We learned a great deal, both about her masochism as a result of that  decision, and about my sadism and what it was that pleases me.  

“During this early phase of our dynamic, I had many stories and scenarios running through my  head as I attempted to make meaning of the impact play variations we were exploring. I liked  the idea of impact play as an endurance test of my will and obedience. As a service submissive, I  was determined to win this game. My internal dialogue included judgements that I should be  able to take 100+ strokes of a cane or any other implement my Daddy chose to use to mark his  property. However, I had little experience with most implements…especially within a 24/7 TPE  dynamic. Early on, I was fixated on the stingy pain of implements and how they distracted me  from being present versus enhancing my sexual experience. I was preoccupied with the pain. At  first, I discovered certain implements were not my favorite. I feared sharing that with my Daddy  as I didn’t want to disappoint him…a sadist. However, I was committed to creating no space  between us and so I began to share. What was so wonderful, is that he listened…he too was  searching for his sensual sadistic rhythm. I found that the heavy flogger was my favorite  implement and would crave it most of all. I knew that the cane would always be present as my  Daddy wanted his slut marked. I resigned myself to endure the cane as the trade-off was his  satisfaction and appreciation of his slut welcoming her marks. During this time of caning, I would  try to use various techniques to reframe the pain. I tried crushing the pain and diminishing it I my  mind’s eye. I would realize the caning as flagellations to pay for the pain I had bestowed upon  my children for divorcing their father. I would also use breath control to focus pain out of my  body on the exhale. All methods worked a bit, but were largely unsuccessful ongoingly. When  Daddy implemented the Daily Maintenance Spanking, I was both excited and a bit nervous. What  if I couldn’t take it? After the first week of daily spankings of 200-500 strokes with the heavy  flogger, I began to look forward to this intimate time. I felt myself relax into the flogging and  after about 100-200 strokes, I was warmed up and no longer would feel the strokes individually.  Instead, I began experiencing an energetic buzz throughout my body. My initial physical reaction  was a dripping wet pussy…often running down my legs. This would always be followed by  incredibly hot hot kinky sex with my Daddy. As time passed, I would comment that I could handle  more and more flogging. Basically, I would stretch my Daddy to flog me until his arm gave out.  Around this time, I proposed that 1000 strokes may be fun to attempt. This scene included my  Daddy tying me up in a bent over position with my hands and ankles bound together. He went to  work and got lost in his own Dom space. I too was lost in sub space and only requested to stop  after hitting our goal due to my legs falling asleep and fearing I would collapse.” – Lady Petra  

Mainly we learned after using several implements over time, that she responded best to the heavy  flogger, and to a steady rhythmic firm impact. We learned that after about 125 strokes she started to  experience orgasms as the spanking continued. We tested her tolerance to over 1200 strokes on one  occasion and only stopped because her arms and legs were falling asleep in the bondage. She loved the  experience. Since then, our daily maintenance spanking routine is implemented exclusively using the  heavy flogger and because we both find it so very arousing, we have ridiculously hot sex every single  time. The spanking is now inextricably wrapped into our sexuality. Her relationship with pain had evolved.  

That was a pivotal moment in her masochism. It was when she first started to experience herself as a  sensual masochist. Her experience with pain was something that we talked about a lot. And in fact, the  daily conversations we were having became the impetus of our podcast launch. 

I gave her a view to consider, that pain is an emotion and that its subject to interpretation. She became  clear through the daily spankings with the heavy flogger over time, that the notion rang true for her too.  Even so, the High Protocol scenes where marking occurred, the impact with the cane was more than she  could process at the moment.  

Over time, we explored different elements around caning her to see if we could find a path to make her  experience of being caned as sexually arousing for her as it was for me. We tried giving her a prolonged  warm-up and we tried taking more and also less time between strokes, but we were unable to alter her  overall experience of being caned, which at that time the intensity of being caned had the impact of pulling her out of subspace.  

Recently and quite by accident, we hit on a novel way to approach marking. I noticed one day that she  spontaneously asked to be marked in the middle of a scene. I mark her and then fuck her ass while she  recovers. One day, she randomly stated after being caned while I was fucking her ass … ”Mark me  Daddy”. First of all, I found the experience incredibly hot and very erotic. Second, she seemed to handle  the next cane stroke with ease. It occurred to me that instead of me trying to judge and assess her  status so as to manage her marking without breaking her spirit, she could just tell me what she was  actually dealing with and wanting at the moment. So, we talked about my need to mark her rather than  hurt her, and her desire to be my marked slut. We made the choice to give her the power to determine  how many marks she received after my initial stoke during a marking protocol scene.  

“When I first asked to be marked with the cane, I was deep in sub space and we had already  began the caning protocols. I was feeling so connected and aligned with my Daddy, that I felt his  caning was an expression of his desire and love for me. He cared enough to mark…ME! My love  for him overflowed and I heard myself say…”Mark me Daddy!” I was both aroused and shocked  at what I heard erupt from me. As I bared down reading myself for his mark, something  changed. He marked me and I remember saying to myself…”Wow…that wasn’t so bad.” The  pain seemed to dissipate quicker than usual too. That was the beginning…Daddy stated that  after my 1st cane stroke on marking days, I would then be given the power to request more  strokes. This was a game changer. Now I would request my strokes, which is a bit of a mind  fuck. But, as a switch, to give me power to request my strokes gave me access to experience my  caning in a new and enlightening way. I began to not dread my caning. I began cherishing my  marks as I felt part of the process. My Daddy’s insight truly led to my greater and more positive  experience with marking.” – Lady Petra 

This was a game changer for her. She suddenly started to relate to the pain of being caned with a  different context and mindset. She started to request many more strokes than she had previously  experienced. This was music to my ears. Hot sex became even hotter! Our kink experience was  dramatically enhanced by this simple choice. She could give up her fears around being caned and  contextualize the experience as “being marked by her choice”. As her Dom, I want her marked and as  my submissive she chooses to be my marked property. We are aligned.  

This brings us to what happened yesterday. After our High Protocol Scene, we were talking and she said  to me “I found the caning very arousing”.  

This revelation exploded in my mind as a line that we had been striving to cross, or a mountain peak we  were trying to summit had been achieved. The experience of flogging her led to a massive breakthrough in her experience with impact play and yesterday, the experience of caning has now resulted in a  massive breakthrough in her experience with caning.  

During the scene, which we begin with a hypnokink induction, I framed all our play in the context of an  “energy exchange”, including the caning, and I suggested to her that she experience the caning as a  massive transfer of energy, which it is ultimately.  

Whatever the catalyst, she had a new experience with the cane that left her more aroused by the  experience that she was at any time in the past.  

By the time she got caned during our High Protocol scene, she had already experienced multiple  orgasms, oral, anal and vaginal, and she had been flogged perhaps 500 times with two heavy floggers in  preparation. Despite that, she shared, after the experience, that at the time, she had a consideration  that she was not sufficiently warmed up and, in some ways, nor was she mentally prepared for the  marking to occur at that moment. Even so, her experience of the marking was, surprisingly, one of being  sexually aroused by the caning.  

“This new experience of feeling arousal during my marking occurred to me newly during this  most recent marking day. I found my caning bearable and was able to feel the energy move  through me and back to my Daddy. Not quite sure I fully understand how to replicate the  scenario, but I do think the suggestions relating to energy transfer with the caning helped me  reframe the experience. Our scenes have only been getting hotter and hotter. I feel closer to my  dominant more than any other person on earth. I think all combined, we have access to a door  to Nirvana that few experience. I am grateful to be on a path with such a sexy sensual sadistic  dominant who pulls and demands the masochist inside me to meet him toe-to-toe. He creates  me and I create him. We are only at the beginning, and I am excited to see where we will go  next!” – Lady Petra  

This is a big deal in our dynamic. I am not sure if its due to one reason or another, or if her experience  was created by several combined aspects of the experience. Probably the latter. What I know is that as a  sensual Dom, I wrap my sadism into my sexuality and now I have confidence that as a masochist, she  wraps her masochism into her sexuality, including our marking scenes, and it brings us closer together  and aligns us to an even more precise degree. We are now even more aligned than we were, and to a  degree that I thought impossible with another human being.  

From the start, I set out to sexualize our dynamic and to a large degree I have been successful. Naturally  this could not occur without Lady Petra’s full enrollment and participation. She is my 24/7 collared slut.  She is always prepared to serve me. And now, our journey has taken a turn as it does in the rabbit hole.  

We set out to explore our sexuality and to seek ever more fulfilling sexual encounters. Over the years,  the twists and turns in the rabbit hole have surprised us. We always say that if we take new actions, the  outcomes are unexpected.  

If I had told you 3 years ago that in 3 years, she would find caning arousing, you might have raised your  eyebrows if you had had a chance to interview her back then. But now, three years later her experience  of herself as a masochist has transformed. The crucible that this has occurred in is that over 1,000  iterations, we have distilled our sexual encounters down to a series of the most exciting, most erotic,  hottest actions and interactions from hypnokink, to impact play, to 3-hole penetration, to a give and take that keeps us both in a state of primal lust and now, because of her most recent experience, our  High Protocol Scene has become scalding hot.  

“I love a woman when she has abandoned her moral center and teachings…when she’s cast aside her façade of propriety and lady-like demeanor…when I have so corrupted this fragile thing  and brought out a writhing, mewing, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure…enticing from within this feral lioness…growling and scratching and biting…taking  everything I dish out to her…at that moment she is never more beautiful to me except for when I  realize that I have now helped unleash a lioness into the world…”  

−Marquis de Sade  

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching  options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial  conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

New coaching content can be found on out Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast  platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

Enema Play

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It’s that time of year again.  No, I don’t mean “soon it will be back to school and summer will be over” time of year.  Luckily, that worry is behind me. What I am referring to is on a more positive tip: It is time for DOMCON L.A. This annual “Convention de Kink” was canceled last year due to covid 19.  But this year, it is back! A multi-day celebration of our lifestyle, it will be held at the LAX Hilton from August 18th to August 23rd,  So why the long,  shameless plug you ask?  Answer: I will be a presenter there — on Saturday August 21st at 12 noon.  It will be a discussion of that which I concentrated on here on kinkweekly.com – how the pandemic affected us, both positively and negatively.  Please join us. Now back to our regularly scheduled program – the Ask BaadMaster feature!  

I had always wanted to spotlight more adventurous forms of play; surely enema play qualifies as such.  And luckily I had a question just waiting to be answered.  So, without delay, here is the query:

Reader: I am really interested in enemas. So far, I’ve been making do with a homemade one. I really want to create that gushing effect, but air keeps getting into the pipes. What should I do?

I liken enemas to buying a computer.  Macs have the coolest of designs.  But one must know how to use a computer before considering how neat looking it is.  As a beginner, you must first learn how to give an enema.  (Any article that links computers and enemas is worth reading! And unlike Apple,enema technology has not advanced much for quite awhile. 

Obviously, to get that “gushing effect,” you will have to use a good amount of water.  But what is a “good amount?”  If I tried to give you an exact amount in ounces, it might not be the correct amount for your submissive.  Intake capacity varies greatly between people.  Use too much fluid and it can cause excruciating pain.  Theoretically, too much fluid can actually explode the large intestine. Here is my system for determining the amount of liquid that is best for your submissive.  

Buy a bunch of the handy-dandy pre-packaged enemas.  These are small plastic squeeze bottles with the liquid already in it — the “ready to use” kind.  They cost a couple of bucks each, tops.  Usually they have a lubricated tip, which makes insertion easier.  Look for those with a one-way valve — this will help you eliminate pumping in air — which you already said you want to avoid.

The liquids that are included vary.  They can be phosphates — which are used for the relief of constipation.  I would avoid these; use the ones with saline.  Of course, you can replace the included liquid.  A quick list of popular enema fluids includes: milk, mild soap solution, warm distilled water, saline and even urine!  And never use water that is hotter than 105 degrees as you can scald the rectum.  You will find different effects with different liquids – and the “gushing” effect will vary with each.  Experimentation is the word here.

Make a note of the amount of liquid that the squeeze bottle contains.  Typically, they hold about four and a half ounces.  Now, for your first session, use only two bottles – about eight to nine ounces.  Practice doing it in such a way so as to avoid pumping air into the rectum.  This skill will serve you well in creating the gushing (love that word!) effect that you so desire.

At the next session, increase the amount – use up to four bottles.  If you are able to instill about a half a quart of fluid without any air getting in, you will more than likely begin to get the effect you are looking for.

If a half-quart is fine, go with it.  If not, you can still increase the amount of liquid. If there is any pain, stop!  By the time you get to eight bottles (about a quart) without any air, you will no doubt have reached your goal.  If you have achieved it with less, note that amount – this is the correct amount for your gushing effect.  Until you become skilled in the art – which includes knowledge of different fluids – don’t exceed two quarts of liquid.

If you still cannot give an enema without pumping air in, you can always massage the air out.  Have the sub sit on the floor, rolling slowly onto his/her side; then massage in such a way as to push the gas out.  This is a tricky maneuver; it is far easier just to learn to give an enema sans air. 

Once you finally master the art of giving a good enema (an EneMaster?) — you can look into the more exotic enema equipment.   And as these “enema bags” are never pre-measured affairs, you will need all your knowledge to use these devices properly. 

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Erotica: The Public Meets The Monster

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*** All works of erotica are fictional and we NEVER condone anything that is not safe and consensual

It has been so long since I have slept in front of the fire.  You were even kind enough to give me a cushioned mat to curl up on.  My body shivers lightly.  I turn over so my back faces the flames.  It is odd that the fire is still going.  Did you stoke it throughout the night Sir?  I hope you were still able to get some sleep without worrying over me.

It is odd being out here Sir.  Normally, I lay at the foot of your bed.  I know your routine.  I know to move from my spot only once you are stirring awake.  You like your coffee right after you wake.  I prepare your shower and lay out your clothes.

But, out here, your door is shut.  I am not allowed to enter without permission.  I have upset you so much these last few days.  I do not wish to upset you further by not completing the morning routine.  Yet, I do not wish to intentionally break a rule and enter your domain without permission.

You are so quiet with me Sir.  Very little in the way of direction, and even less in the way of expectations.  I have learned by watching.  I have survived this long by watching, waiting, and anticipating.

I have made my decision Sir.  If you wanted me to complete my morning routine, you would have left the door open.  You may have even carried me into the room last night.  But I think this is the start of the punishment.  You told me that I needed to trust you and I needed to be honest with you.  I have not been quick to do either.

So, you have left me on my own for the night.  You have left me in the exact position I have demonstrated that I desire; alone.

I sit up on the cushion, pull my knees up to my chest, and stare blindly into the fire.  I have never wanted to be alone Sir.  I hope you know that.  I just have learned it is the best way to protect myself.  The more I scare people, and the more I make myself invisible, the happier they are to forget me.

It is the safer way.

I shake my head.  I do not wish to dwell on the horrors today.  You deserve my full attention Sir.  I have let Maker influence too many of our interactions.  I seek to push him from my mind, if only possible for today.

I know that I cannot kneel until you awake Master.  I greatly dislike admitting such faults.  Maybe, with time, I can correct the damage done to my body.  For now, I think it would be best to reflect on my behavior.  I have not been at my best, Sir.  

I know my place.  A good slave is invisible.  They are silent (or soft spoken if addressed).  You should never be able to hear me walk (or crawl) in or out of a room.  You should never need to call me.  I should always know when and where I should be (regardless of environment).  

Yet, I have been very lax in my behaviors.  I was trained better than this.  I feel the reminders left on my body as harshly as you see them.

I sit up, keeping my back to the fire, and cross my legs.  I take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, and slowly release.  My hands rest on my knees, palms facing upward.  My back stays straight and my head is up, though my eyes are closed.  I am in proper position to await you Sir, kneeling notwithstanding.

I do not know how long I have been sitting here Sir.  But your touch to the top of my head startles me slightly.  One day I will understand how you can walk so lightly in boots so heavy.

My eyes open and I lower my gaze down.  I am determined to be perfect for you, Master.

I sense you walk around me, inspecting me.  Once you sit down in your chair, I shift up onto my knees.  

“There’s my good girl.”

My body grudgingly blushes.  I do not feel like a good girl, and I am doing my best to not question you, even if only in my head.

“Eyes up pet.”  Your voice is firm but quiet.  I lift my eyes to yours.  “When it is just us, I expect you to wait for me with your eyes up.  I prefer eye contact.  I can see what you are thinking, and hiding, much easier.”

I meet your eyes.  This is difficult Sir.  I am half expecting you to backhand me for such forward behavior.  I am curious if you have set this rule previously or if this is specifically for me.  Of course, it does not matter either way.  You have ordered it; I shall obey it.

I see your arm move, but your hand is out of my eyeline.  I keep my eyes locked on yours and suppress the tremble that threatens to overtake me.  I can handle whatever you offer, Master.  I will make sure you never doubt that.  

I am startled slightly when I feel a tug on the ring of the collar around my neck.  The thick leather gives me little room to resist as you pull me forward.  My hands tighten on my knees, trying to stay upright and maintain the eye contact you have asked for.

“I have a gift for you.”

A gift?  That is a surprise.  I am sure my eyes reflect those thoughts as they widen in curiosity.  With Maker, surprises meant pain.  They meant a lot of blood and a lot of crying. But Master is much more kind.  I am nervous but not fearful, yet.  

You let the ring of the collar go.  My body sways back into position.  

Two snaps. 

That means eyes down.  I drop my eyes.

Your hands reach around, and I feel the lock of the leather being undone.  

Deep breath.  Trust.  That’s what you said Master.  I had to trust you.  That means no panicking.

The collar slides off and my palms are turned up once more to catch it.  I have never quite felt how heavy it is.  Then again, this is the first time I remember being without one on, Sir.  

Two snaps.  Eyes up.

Thank the Gods I understand your silence, Sir.

I am staring at the soft, velvet bag in your hands.  It is black with red lettering.  I wonder briefly if that is a monogram to your unspoken name Master.  Everyone has one.  Some of us just don’t get to use them anymore.

You open the drawstring and I see a metal band pulled out.  It is a new collar.  I am slightly confused.  Why the change Sir?

“Lay the leather across my knee and hold out your palms.”  I do as you ask.  “Meet my eyes.”  As you wish Sir.  

You lay the metal in my palms.  I am surprised that it is lighter than the leather.  Is that normal?  It has no lock that I can feel.  It also has no beginning or end.  It seems to be a solid circle of metal.

I resist the urge to look down, or away, from you.  You keep eye contact with silence.  It weighs heavy between us, and I bite the inside of my cheek to stay silent.  Have I told you how much silence scares me?  I probably should.

It can’t have been more than a minute of silence Sir.  Yet, when I felt the electricity dance across my palm as it races through the metal, I jump.  I did not expect such an action.

“Do you feel that pet?”  I nod.  You have not granted permission yet to speak.  “I have thought over your recent behavior.  Should you disobey, punishment will be swift and merciless.  You will curb your behavior.  Do you understand me, pet?”

I nod.

Two snaps.  Verbal answer it is.  “Yes, Sir.  I understand.”

You pluck the collar from my palms.  I watch you unlock it with a special key before you place it around my neck.  It is secured and I feel you place two fingers between the collar and my neck.  Good to know I won’t die by suffocation, Sir.

“I will use this as needed.”  I nod.  I expected as much.  “Now, we will deal with your impending punishment.”  I am not surprised that I have a different punishment waiting for me.  As much as I dislike it, I am thankful I do not need to wait much longer.  I just want this behind us Sir.  I want to start over.  I can be good Master.  I promise.

I could have only hoped that punishment would take place in your rooms.  But, no, that would not have been enough.  Crawling across the concrete is not even the hardest part, though it does leave my knees very tender.  It is the eyes of the others watching me.  You did not leash me, and my neck is bare enough to catch their attention.  I hear a few snickers.  They seem to recognize the collar and its purpose.

I think this place was built like a maze on purpose.  I have lost count of the number of turns we have taken.  All the hallways look identical.  It probably doesn’t help that most of what I am seeing is the grey concrete of the floor and the heels of your boots.  

We finally reach the destination.  You step only a few feet into the room, though I follow dutifully.

“Kneel up.”

I comply.  I take in the surroundings.  From this angle, looking into the room, there is minimal furnishings.  I see a large, wingback chair in the center of the wall, set slightly back than center.  A large cross is bolted to the wall on the left.  There were thick chains attached to the top of it.  

I watch you stride forward to the chair.  You sit down, your knees parting naturally.  

Two snaps.

I crawl forward until I am right in front of you, the room forgotten.  Your hand slides through my hair.  “Turn around and remain kneeling.”  I do so.  I feel you tug my hair.  It takes me a moment to realize you are braiding it.  I assume you do not want it in your way.  I can tell you are finished when I feel the braid bounce against my back after you’ve dropped it.

Your hand reaches around my face and tips my face back to see you.  Your hand wraps around my throat, firm but without pressure.  “You have committed three infractions against me pet.”  I remain silent.  Your hand slides from my neck and tips my face forward again.  I start to face it down and your voice stops me.  “Look forward pet.”

I do so and I see there is an audience.  I swallow.  This is not what I want.

“Tell them pet.  Tell them how you have shamed yourself.”  

I hesitate.

“Loud and clear pet.  I will not repeat myself.”

Deep breath.  “This girl did not truthfully answer Master regarding the state of her health.  This girl lost her temper with Master as though she was his equal.  This girl did not disclose her medical status to Master despite his order for complete honesty from his property.”  It takes all I am to face down the crowd watching us.  It had not quite sunk in until now how badly I fucked up.

I feel you rise.  In just a couple steps you are standing between myself and the audience.  “I can forgive a pet who forgets her place from time to time.  It is my duty to teach you, and keep you, in your place.  However, I do not forgive easily a slave who does not answer truthfully.  You are my property.  You do not get to decide what you will tell me.  I expect the truth, at all times.  Omission is lying.”

I have never heard you be so vocal Sir.  I have upset you greatly.  I do not like this.  I want to apologize.  I do not think it would matter at this point.  My words mean nothing currently.  Maybe by taking this, I will prove to you how I regret my actions.

“Bring the cage to the center of the room.”

I look around quickly, and spot it near the back, left corner of the room.  I crawl over to it.  It is large enough that I could fit inside.  You have not given me leave to stand.  I figure the only way I can do this is to drag it with me.  

I crawl backwards from it, only a couple feet or so.  I reach forward and hook my fingers in the bars.  I pull it towards me.  I was right Sir.  It is heavy when I have no leverage to assist me.  I move back a little more and pulled it to me again.  Over and over, I repeat the process.  Longer than I would have liked, I finally reach the center of the room where you are waiting.

I kneel next to the cage, facing you.  I await your next instructions.

“Stand and present.”  I do so, though much slower than I would have preferred.  My legs are numb, but they are still supporting my weight. “Turn and face your audience.” I turn, and while I stay in position, my eyes drop to the floor.  I know better than to make eye contact with any of the other Masters.

Deep breath.

I jumped slightly when my sight goes dark suddenly.  I can hear snickering, but I cannot see them anymore.  I have not decided it that is a good thing yet or not.  I feel a warm breath near my ear.  Lowly, you whisper, “You will learn to trust me slave.  It will start when you cry for me.” 

You stepped back.  

“Bend forward over the cage, pet.”  Cautiously, I do so.  It is an uncomfortable height to bend properly.  I feel your boot against my foot.  “Spread.”  You keep nudging my feet until the are spread just past my shoulders.  It eases the pain on my hips and back.  I think you are aware of that, even if the audience is not.

“You will hold yourself in position.  You will accept what I give and thank me when I am finished.  Do you understand?”

“Yes, Master.”  I made sure my voice was clear and easily heard.

The only warning I get is the whistle of the implement before it connects with my calf.  It is the cane.  I keep my mouth shut.  I refuse to give in so easy.  There is no warm-up with punishment.  Even less so when you are proving a point to his audience.  This is meant to hurt.  This is meant to serve as a reminder to never again be so careless.

Two. Three. Four.

You are deliberately keeping the hits from forming a rhythm.  It makes the hits much more intense.  The back of my calf is burning.

Five. Six. Seven.

My leg is shaking.  My attention is divided between keeping my leg still and trying not to tense before the next hit.

Eight. Nine. Ten.

My eyes are watering.  I do not like this.

Without hesitation, the hits move to my other calf.  The first one is just as hard as it was on the other side.

Two. Three. Four.

I understand why you chose my calves Sir.  

Five. Six. Seven.

I did not tell you that my legs go numb.  If I can function without feeling, and without telling you, then you will make sure I can feel this punishment.  I can.

Eight. Nine. Ten.

I am gripping the cage tightly.  My whole body is shaking.  You did not tell me to count but I have been keeping track in my head.  It is helping me focus.  Just because my legs are occasionally numb (and paralyzed), does not mean I feel anything less.  In fact, it often makes the sensations more intense.

My breathing is harsh; it echoes around the room.  Everything is silent.  I am unsure anymore if there are still people watching or even where you have gone to Sir.  I do not feel you behind me anymore.

There is no warning this time either.  You have come back with a vengeance.  I cannot stop the grunt that passes my lips.  Have I ever told you how much I hate wooden paddles?  I despise them even more on the back of my thigh.

Two. Three. Four. 

There is more rhythm with this one.  I am unsure if it is because the paddle is heavier or if you are trying to help me breathe through the pain.

Five. Six. Seven.  

I am reaching my breaking point Sir.  I do not understand why I could face Maker so stoically, but I cannot do the same with you.

Eight. Nine. Ten.

My knees are shaking.  At this point, the only thing that has kept me from dropping to the floor is my grip on the cage.  My body is sweating profusely from the effort.

As with my calves, you took only a breath or two before switching thighs.  I feel the firm swat to my right thigh.  This makes 31 hits so far Sir.  How much farther are we going?

Two. Three. Four.

The blindfold is soaked with tears.  I am hiccupping from the sobbing.  It hurts Sir.

Five. Six. Seven.

It hurts.  Is this how bad I have hurt you by not being truthful?  Is that why it is so harsh?

Eight.

I don’t know how long I can continue to hold myself up Master.

Nine.

Please, Sir.  Please, can we be finished.  I clench my eyes shut.

Ten.

This rounds out another Ten.  I am sorry, Master.  I will not do this again.  

I cannot hear myself think anymore.  My body trembles.  I am biting my lip to try and calm the sobbing.  I can hear murmurs again.  There is no warm touch from you, Master, not this time.

“Stand up pet.”

I loosen my grip on the cage.  I can feel the indentations that have been left in my skin.  I trail the bars of the cage until I am sure my hands are on the top.  I push my upper body off the cage.  Without lifting my feet from the concrete, I slowly drag my feet back together.  

Deep, shuddering breath.  I can do this.

My body is on fire.  It protests loudly as I move.  But I bring myself up to a standing position.  I bring my hands to the back of my head, my elbows bent and outward.  My back is straight, my head is held high, and my gaze remains on the floor.  My chest is heaving.  My body is tired.

But I will take what you give, Master.  I will make you proud.  

“You have done well pet.  Five left.  You will stay in this position.  Is that clear?”  Your voice is firm.

“Yes, Sir.”  As soon as I confirm my understanding, you slip a piece of rope between my teeth.  

“Hold that firmly.”  I nod.

My back spasmed at the first lash.  It is the whip.  I fucking hate the whip.  So many bad memories attached to this type of punishment.  

Two.

My foot stepped forward reactively after the second lash.  Without a word, I put myself back into the position I started in. But it is too late.  I feel the electricity of the collar.  It lights my body on fire as my muscles tense.

Three.

My right knee gave out.  It hits the concrete hard, even as my hands come down to catch me.  I drop my head.  I am failing you now.  I am positive I can feel your disappointment.  I am ashamed I have broken position, but I refuse to stay down.  Slowly, I bring myself back up into position.  

Though you cannot see it, I close my eyes.  I grit my teeth against the rope, waiting for the electricity.  It is stronger than the first time.  My body feels like it is vibrating.  Only two more lashes to go.  

Four.

My hands tighten in my hair as I force my body to stay still.

Five.

The last one.  I am so sorry, Master.  

I feel one of your hands on the back of my neck as the other removes the length of rope.  My voice wobbles as I remember your instructions.  “Thank you, Master for correcting my behavior and reminding me of my place at your feet.”

 “You may drop your hands pet.”  Your hands move to release the blindfold.  I close my eyes against the onslaught of light.  “Address your audience pet.”

“This girl apologizes for her ill behavior.  This girl has learned her lesson and endeavor to give exemplary service to Master going forward.”

Two Snaps.  I kneel.

“Clean up after yourself while I take care of some business.”

“Yes, Master.”

I see you walk towards to hall.  I try not to dwell on your actions. Is it selfish to want you to hold me Sir?  Even when I have been so disobedient? I shake my head slightly and return my focus to my task.  I push the cage forward.  I move it a few inches before crawling forward and pushing it again.  It takes me far longer than I care to admit, but it makes it back to its spot against the wall.  

I turn and crawl back to the chair.  I raise up on my knees to wait for you.  My thighs and calves are throbbing and when they touch it gets worse.

Before long, I see you come back.

Two snaps.

I turn to face you.  I am proud that I remember to meet your eyes.  You pat your knee.  I smile slightly, without showing teeth.  I lay my head down on your knee and am relieved when your fingers start toying with my hair.

“You have done well pet.  I am proud of you.”

I make a small, content noise.  Thank you, Sir.  It brings me peace to hear that.  I live to make you happy.

“Lay out for me pet.  Face down, arms at your sides.”

I do as you ask.  I appreciate that you always let me keep my hands at my side.  One day I will remember to mention that to you.  I am internally relieved that my body stays lax when your hands touch me.  I can feel something cold and smooth being spread across my skin.  It soothes the pain minimally.  Your hands apply even pressure as they move.  I am grateful for your attention.

When you stop, I am loath to move.  Regardless of the cold concrete, my body has fully relaxed.  Hopefully I will not become too stiff tonight.  “Stay.”  Who am I to argue with your instructions, Sir?

I can hear you moving around, even with your footfalls as light as they are.  I hear the clinking of metal.  What are you doing, Sir?

“Come here pet.”  I struggle to push myself up from the floor and look to find where you are.  You are by the cage.  I cock my head to the side in confusion but dutifully crawl forward.  When I reach you, your fingers slide down the side of my face, and you cup my cheek.

“Tonight, you sleep here.  I want you to think over everything that has happened and the punishment that you have endured.  I will let you choose pet.  If you cannot see yourself fully submitting to me, and trusting me, I will give you the option to go back up to auction.”  

My eyes widen.  My heart races with panic.  No. No. No.

Your thumb brushes my lips, and you shush me.  “Do not answer me tonight pet.  Tonight, you need to be honest with yourself.  Tomorrow, you will be honest with me.”  

Two snaps.  

I look up at you.  I see you smile but there is something in your eyes I cannot quite place.  I feel your hands reach for the back of the metal collar. I bring my palms up to hold it, should you need.  You drop the collar into my hands.  I feel the leather collar take its place and I have never felt such relief.  Once it is locked, you step back.

“It is time.”  You step around me to stand at the open cage door.  I crawl the couple feet to the entrance.  I turn to face you but keep my eyes down this time.  Without hesitation, I give into an impulse.  If this is my last night with you, then I want you to clearly understand what your kindness means to me.

I lean forward, and I kiss your left boot three times.  Then I kiss the right, also three times.  I place my forehead on the concrete and say very clearly, “thank you Master.”  No matter how my body (and my mind) are pained by what has transpired, I am grateful for your correction.  After a moment of silence, I lift my head and crawl into the cage.  You have been kind enough to line it with a warm blanket and pillow.  Once I am settled, I hear the lock snick into place.

I stare up at you as you rise.

“Think about what I have said pet.  Tomorrow, when I ask, I expect you to have an answer.”

With that, the light is extinguished.  I am alone in the dark once more.

Curling on my side, one of my hands comes up to rub the leather of my collar.

Maybe I don’t have to be alone anymore.

Training Your Sissy

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You have an effeminate boyfriend even or submissive husband and discover that you really want a gurl.  So it’s up to you to train your sissy to please you.  

The first and most obvious thing to do is to require that she start wearing female underwear. There is  something very sexy about pulling on female underwear as a sissy. It’s a really good place to start. It’s  also a good idea at the same time to begin some form of anal training. To do so, you can start with a  series of extended trials of butt plug insertion. On a gradient, your sissy can train her ass with a bigger  and bigger plug, with longer and longer sessions of being plugged. You want her to get present to the  idea that her ass is yours to use.  

It’s a very good idea to train your sissy to wear stockings with a garter belt, and high heels and perhaps a  skirt along with her frilly lady’s underwear for public showings. This will really put her in the correct  frame of mind to be your service sissy.  

Obviously, the main thing to focus on in training your sissy is to train her to wear a cock cage. If you  think of her ass as her “man-pussy” and her cock as her “over developed clit”, then it becomes easier to  help progress her sissyfication to full Gurliness.  

Next, you need to begin to teach your sissy how to properly use makeup to make sure she is beautiful  for you. And of course, she will need a pretty pink wig to complete the ensemble.  

Imagine her in an outfit with her pink hair, all made up with her short skirt, garter belt, nylons and high  heels and her cock cage peeking out of her frilly lingerie. How cute!  

It’s a good idea to have your sissy in a collar and leash when you have guests so she on display as  “owned” when she serves you. She can serve you and your friends drinks and hors d’oeuvres while  dressed as your personal French maid to make everybody’s evening fun. And of course, you can use her  and share her with your friends if that is what is desired. She can fluff your girlfriends, get paddled by  them and even pegged by them if you desire.  

Ultimately, while denial is a good teacher and while milking your sissy into a cocktail glass for her to  drink every so often is a fun creative way to give her a release, you really want to train your sissy to be  your pegging bitch. Training her to be pegged should begin with a one finger prostate massage and  progress from there. You should train your sissy to take thicker and thicker and longer dildos with the  goal of eventually using a strap on to fuck your sissy’s ass. Over time, bigger cocks and even fisting her  ass is a possibility. It’s all a matter of training. Remember, your sissy is there to please you.  

It’s fine to restrict your sissy to clean up duty, so she can eat out your cum filled pussy or ass, and its also  fine to teach your sissy how to properly pleasure you orally so that if you feel like having an orgasm she  can oblige. It’s also completely on the cards to train your sissy to fluff or clean your male partners or  Bulls. I have known women to require their sissy to be a fuck toy for their Bulls too. It’s all up to you.  

It’s a good idea accustom your sissy be paddled. The use of a paddle or a hairbrush on your sissy is a  particularly good way to discipline her, and we all know that she will need to be disciplined occasionally.  She should know that when you give her a good over the knee paddling, you do so because you are  training her, not just to be cruel. It’s never a good idea to paddle out of anger. Training your sissy to be  your good gurl is a time-honored process where care and nurturing of her is important. She thrives on humiliation and it’s your job as her mistress to bring her along so that she is well trained to please you  the way you desire.  

The good news is that there are innumerable cis men out there looking for a Mistress to serve. If you  want a sissy, she is there for the taking.  

Like with any kink, sissyfication requires communication. Many sissies do not really know all that there is  to be gained by being feminized, and they often do not expect to have the strong positive reaction to  being feminized that they do. They find that they really come to love the experience, and many go on to  contemplate extreme measures, like castration, to fulfil on their duty to their Mistress. The thing is that  sissyfication is and feminization is not the same thing as transformation. A trans girl is not feminizing  because they are being trained as a sissy, they are feminizing because they are indeed a female inside.  Feminization and sissyfication are aspects of humiliation of a cis male that your sissy thrives on.  

A good way to approach the process of sissyfication is to work on “brainwashing” your sissy. Hypnosis is  a useful tool in this approach. I recommend The Brainwshing Book: Hypnotic, Erotic Behaviorism and  Beyond by Sleepinggirl, who both practices hypnokink personally and she also teaches hypnokink workshops.  

“Brainwashing” is a concept that titillates and mystifies—it implies an intense kind of control over  another person and surrender of will. Within the context of erotic hypnosis, it might be considered a  sort of holy grail to some, but what does it mean to achieve this in an ethical, effective, and mutually  enjoyable way? In “The Brainwashing Book,” she explores a model that teaches and takes advantage of  well-researched psychological principles and intermediate-to-advanced hypnosis skills in order to pursue  this fun, hot form of play—and find how it can improve your trancing as a whole. Sleepingirl is a queer  writer, presenter, and podcaster with a decade of real-life erotic hypnosis experience on both sides of the “pocket watch.”  

So armed with a cock cage, a series of butt plugs, a strap on and several didlos, a collar and leash, and a  good paddle, your sissy can be trained to experience herself as a gurl designed to perfectly please you.  She will need her ladies underwear, her garter belt and stockings, high heels and a short skirt along with  a wig and make up. And of course, the most important consideration, a good attitude. She needs to buy in completely.  

In many cases, it’s a good idea to train your sissy to serve you and your friends. She can present herself  in her pretty outfit and make sure you and your girlfriends have drinks and snacks and she can serve to  pleasure your girlfriends by letting herself be used by them as a fuck toy. This would be a very  humiliating services and one to aspire to rather than one to start out with. I have learned of sissy’s who  are well trained to be toilet submissives for their Mistresses. So the sky is the limit. If you can think of it,  you can train your sissy to execute.  

It is important to emphasize that training a sissy is about enrolling them in the process and bringing  them along on a gradient that allows them time to adjust to the concept and context. Communication is  key. Negotiations must be frank and its important to make progress with each transition with the sissy  buying in completely. This may take some time, but its worth it in the end. The folks we have talked to  who are involved in FLR dynamics who are pursuing sissyfication are among the happiest kinksters we  have ever encountered. Living your true self expression as a kinkster is really powerful. 

We have found that those submissive kinksters who know what they genuinely want and who they truly  are experience the process of sissyfication with an open heart.  

Ultimately its up to you to be responsible for leading the communication to make sure you train your sissy well. If you need coaching to help you train your sissy, then feel free to reach out to us to ask us how to begin.  

On our pod, The Kinky Coctail Hour, we had a conversation with a sissy that is worth a listen  https://www.buzzsprout.com/962578/8440166  

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching  options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial  conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

New coaching content can be found on out Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast  platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

Indicators Of Inexperience

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I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all my articles in KinkWeekly! 

In the relationships that I’ve developed over the years, either in my own dynamics or helping others  with theirs, I’ve come across a lot of folks with a wide variety of backgrounds, experiences, and  approaches. The only thing they all have in common, is an interest in engaging in power dynamics of various sorts.  

When you’re dealing with a substantial number of people, you begin to see certain tendencies, habits,  and beliefs that transcend backgrounds. These are things I identify as “trends”. One of those trends is  how folks fill-in for the lack of standardization of terms and definitions surrounding power dynamics.  They invent their own definitions…and it has impact on relationships. 

I’ve written before on how – as a consequence of not having mutually understood standards for the  practices of BDSM and D/s – terminology, identity, and even basic definitions are left up to the  individual’s interpretation. Consequently, everyone has their own meaning for what a dominant is, what  dominance is, what submission entails, etc. In fact, there are entire groups of people formed by a few  folks, choosing a single definition and protocol to be put into play, and giving themselves a label and  rules to follow to “belong”. 

From the perspective of communications, particularly with new potential partners, this lack of structure  and definition can wreak havoc. Assumptions as to what a partner means by a term, no matter how  common, can lead to gross misunderstandings and unfulfilled expectations. 

To compound this communication challenge, the lack of standards allows individuals to mask their  experience and knowledge levels. People without any real-life experience serving or being served, can talk about power dynamics, based only on their exposure to videos, written porn, or virtual realities like  Second Life. The number of “Cyber-Only” players, espousing their knowledge as if it’s gospel, is  frightening. Even Fetlife.com, which is a terrific resource for discussion and knowledge sharing, is  littered with inexperience masquerading as mentorship. 

It helps to be able to quickly identify inexperience. Luckily, there are a few “tells” that immediately  inform you that the person to whom you’re speaking is pretending. 

The “Do Anything” Mentality 

First off is perhaps the most obvious. The sub who claims they will “Do Anything” for you, Mr/Ms  Dominant! Only inexperience will make this claim. People with experience will talk to you about those  experiences, and will discuss what they liked / disliked about them. They will make suggestions based on  what other dominants have liked in the past and inquire as to whether the suggestion has merit for you.  The “Do Anything” submissive seems incapable of speaking about their own desires – until the dynamic  no longer matches them – and then they are ready to complain about the quality of domination. When  you ask a sub for a suggestion or an opinion and they answer with “You’re the dominant, you can do  anything you want” – it’s inexperience talking.

The “All the Time” Commitment 

Next up is the person – dominant or submissive – who believes that they will be able to maintain a  protocol always and forever. They lay out how they will act, how they will respond, how they will live – 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  

It’s just not possible. Life gets in the way. Reality happens. 

In my second book, “Uniquely Us”, I introduced Sean and Dave, a couple who took the time to write  down every single action they could imagine happening and what would happen next. They set  protocols for every conceivable situation. “The Book” served them for about half a year, then  modifications started overwhelming them. After a while, “The Book” fell into disuse, as they could no  longer keep it up to date with all the changes they were experiencing. Eventually, they wrote a new  “book”, which was only a couple of pages long that talked about their INTENT of service rather than  specifics. That became their bible. Armed with experience, they were far more practical and realistic about their expectations. 

The “I am nothing but a dominant / submissive” Claim 

This is the person who thinks that dominants and submissives are defined entirely by their role. They are  not a partner in a relationship who is the dominant…they are not a school teacher or a bus driver or an  executive – who also is the dominant in their home life. They are “A Dominant” or “A Submissive”, as if  that fully defines them.  

The inexperienced person idealizes the roles. They focus on the roles first and the person later. In the  fantasy, they see the person as being dominant or submissive every moment of every day. They are  super heroes, impervious to the mundane life the rest of us share. 

Experienced people understand that their dominant or submissive is a person – who is also  dominant/submissive. They look for relationships with people first, and focus on the bigger picture – assuming they want more than a session-based relationship. Their experience tells them that what lasts  in a relationship, are the sum of ALL of your dynamics and connections. 

The “Label-Dropper” 

People will come up to you and start talking in labels, without describing what they mean. “I’m a  submissive”, they’ll say. “Really? What kind of submissive? Do you mean ‘bottom’? Oh wait,  ‘bottom’…does that mean you like to be whipped? Oh…tied up and tickled? Wait, master…slave?  Property or servant?” 

The label dropper is likely inexperienced… At a minimum, they’ve never experienced anyone outside of  their definition-circle and therefore don’t realize that other folks could have a different definition for a  label than they do. They blindly believe that their limited contact is all there is to know. 

More likely, they are truly inexperienced, and are simply assuming that the definition for the term that  they read is widely accepted and that they are safe to repeat it, without really knowing a broader meaning. 

The “All Dominants/Submissives Do ‘X’” Instructor

This is the person who “educates” others on what “ALL” dominants/submissives do. They are the person  who tries to pressure their partner into doing the things they enjoy, because “that’s what all  dominants/submissives do!”  

This is a BIG indicator of inexperience. Though experienced people might make assumption about what  their partner wants – based on their experience with others – their answer, if called-out on it, is, “This is  what others I’ve been with enjoyed and I assumed you might like it too”. Its not, “This is what all  dominants want”! The experienced response acknowledges that their frame of reference is limited by  their experience and that their new partner might not be the same as the old. They know that different  people like different things and it’s best to learn about your unique partner and avoid assumption. 

The “All Do ‘X’” instructors are often well-versed in videos and written porn – they’ve learned by  watching media. Media has a remarkably homogenous storyline – and it truly appears as though ‘all  dominants/submissives do ‘X’. The ‘instructors’ have read what others are saying about what it means  to be a dominant or submissive and are regurgitating it verbatim, as their knowledge. They want the lifestyle they’ve seen, and try to find partners who feel the same way – often being disappointed when  they find that all dominant/submissives DON’T like ‘X’! 

Wrapping Up 

There’s nothing wrong with being inexperienced. Everyone was inexperienced at some point in their  lives. When I meet someone who demonstrates their inexperience, possibly in one of the means I listed  above, I attempt to help to educate them. They are often trying to appear more experienced than they  are – and in their attempt to appear experienced, they are revealing their inexperience. I want them to  accept their inexperience and work to gain real experience – just as the rest of us did – and continue to  do (because learning never stops). ‘Fake it until you make it’ can have some serious implications when  the cost of the façade is someone else’s happiness, emotions, sense of self-worth, or worse, safety. It is  far better to admit one’s inexperience and work with a partner to gain it mutually. 

There are no experts. No one who knows everything. For certain, I don’t know everything. Experienced  people know that learning continues, forever. Remain a student forever. 

As always, ‘define before you opine’ – recognize that there are no standards, and if you want to have  meaningful communication with someone, you’re better off sharing your definitions first and avoiding  labels. Look out for inexperience masquerading as mentorship. Help those who show their inexperience  by trying to appear more experienced. It’s OK to be inexperienced.  

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her  husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at  Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Erotica: Learning To Trust The Master

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***All works of erotica are fictional and we NEVER condone anything that is not safe and consensual

I sigh quietly. I am really fucking bored. I really do want to make Master proud, but it is very hard to stay focused when there is so little to do.

Right now, my head is resting on Master’s thigh. His hand is in my hair, the strands running through his fingers. I love when he does this. It always makes me feel cherished.  Often times, I feel forgotten when his attention is no longer on me.  It is as though I become invisible. 

I sigh once more, letting all the voices wash over me. I am the only pet here and W/we have been here for–let me see–four hours now. Any longer and I swear I am going to bash my head into the table.

See, Master refused to leave me alone in His rooms after my fever last night. He told me that since I could not be trusted to tell Him exactly how I felt, He would just have to keep me with Him.  Honestly, sitting here, listening to the other Masters discuss the running of the compound, is far worse than any punishment Master has given yet. 

Master assured me this morning that it wouldn’t be a very long meeting. But, I am so tired. I can feel the pin pricks in my lower back.  This means things are not going to end well. Master is going to be very upset when He sees the largest omission so far.  

Finally, Master rises, and I feel a pat on my head, telling me to rise as well. Swiftly and silently, I do as asked, and wait for everyone to leave. 

I know what is coming.

I trail behind Master as we snake our way through the connecting hallways.  I am unsure what Master has planned for the rest of today, I am only praying that I can escape his sights long enough to compose myself.

My hands clench tightly.  Apparently, luck is not on my side.

Almost as soon as the door closes, my knees give out. I hit the floor roughly my body tense. My palms hit the floor in front of me, holding the bulk of my weight. I know this will pass.  I close my eyes tightly.  Master has never seen this before.  I would say I fear his reaction, but I am more resigned than anything.

The first Master (or my maker as I often refer to him) did not react well to my imperfections.

I am thrown against the wall. I know better than to pick myself up.  Maker prefers to see me beneath him.  I have no desire to antagonize him further.

“I put all this effort into you slut, and this is how you repay me?”  he snarls at me, his spit hitting my side. 

My head is resting on the inside of my arm.  As I feel Maker stand atop my hands, I knew instantly I should have protected them.  His weight is heavy.  I am beyond making noises of discontent.  The darkness in my right eye taught me that lesson.

He turns his boots, grinding down onto my knuckles.  It is an indescribable pain.  I will be cradling them for days if he continues.  He steps off my hands after a couple minutes and proceeds to kick me in the stomach.

I hold firm in my silence.  I must pick the lesser of two evils.  Right now, he will take any sound as disobedience.

“Get up.” He growls at me.  “Lest I beat you where you lay.”

He knows I can’t.  That is why he is so angry to begin with.  I am nothing but a disgrace at this point.  Broken.  Disfigured.  Disappointment.

“In position.”

I roll onto my stomach, my arms stretched above my head and my legs are as straight as I could manage without moving them.

“You will count.  When you cannot manage to count anymore, I may consider your punishment served.”

Without the benefit of a warm-up, I felt the raw sting of his cane.  “One, Maker.”

Another. “Two, Maker.”

Again.

And again.

Once he got bored of the cane, around forty hits or so, he switched to the ball-chain flogger.  Its feeling is unmistakable.  It is sharp and cold, uncaring of my pain.

“Forty-five, Maker.”

I lost count around sixty.  My fists were clenched and my eyes dripping.  The harsh breathing of both of us echoed throughout the dungeon.  He did not stop.  In his words, he promised to only think about it.

It was a blessing when I passed out.  Though, when I awoke, I found myself shivering and alone in the darkness.

Even now, that phantom cold seeps into my bones from time to time.

My body is tired.  I have not been entirely honest with Master about how I am recovering.  Just a couple nights ago, He chastised me for not telling him I was ill.  I don’t know how to explain to him that I have never been allowed to be sick.  

I am, and must always be, fine.

When the tensing eased, and my breathing settled, I took a small liberty and looked up.  I was almost convinced (and quite hopeful) that he had just left me to my devices.  I was not that lucky.

My eyes met his.  I can see the concern in them.  I do not understand why he is so worried.  He can always get another toy.

When it becomes apparent that I am not going to give the reasons for my collapse, I hear him sigh.  “Come here, pet.”

I weigh the options.  Either way, I am in trouble.  Do I speak out of turn and tell him the truth, or do I stay silent and let Master believe I am willfully ignoring Him?

Deep breath.  “I can’t, Sir.”

Two snaps. “Now.”

“I can’t Sir.  I am sorry.”

“You seem to be saying that a lot lately.” You uttered softly.  I watched you rise from the chair and move forward.  Before I could protest, your arms wrapped around me, and I was cradled to you.  I rest my head against your chest, your heartbeat steady in my ears.  

I do not know how I thought to hide this from you.  I just didn’t want to be auctioned again Sir.  Please don’t send me back.

We ended up at my favorite spot.  You sat me on the floor at the base of your wingback chair.  The carpet is soft here and it is close enough to the fireplace to stay warm but far enough that I stay comfortable.  As much as I haven’t mentioned it, I think you know that the light of the fireplace soothes me.

My back is set against the chair leg, and I slowly rearrange my legs so they are stretched out in front of me.  My hands start massaging the back of my thighs.  This is going to be a slow and painful process, but necessary to get feeling back in them before dawn.

You reach down, sliding your hands into my armpits.  You pull me sideways until I am sitting between your legs.  I continue massaging once you let go.

“You have some explaining to do, girl, and I want the whole truth. We just discussed that I will not allow you to continue to omit information, especially regarding your health.  If you cannot be honest, I will release you.”

My hands pause.  I shiver.  I hate when his voice gets like this.  I do not want to go back.  No one will take me.  I will be fodder for the masses.

Should I beg you Sir?  Should I apologize for trying to please you?  I have only ever been ridiculed Sir, and I just wanted to be perfect for you.  

Softly, I stumble to answer you.  “If you can give me an hour or so, Sir, to be able to move, I will get out of your sight.”

Your hands drop onto my shoulders and grip ever so slightly.  I can sense you are trying not to lose your temper with me.  You tilt my head back so our eyes meet, and I can no longer hide the tears in my lashes.

“Talk to me.”  

“You said you were sending me away Sir.  I am unsure what is left to say.” I answer flatly.  

“No, I said I would if you could not learn to trust me completely.”

“I am trying Master.” Why wouldn’t he believe me?

“Then why do you question me so and why have you not told me what caused your collapse earlier? Tell me, why do you skirt the questions?”

Finally, I snapped. My temper fiery and out of control. I snapped my head forward, fighting against him as he tried to tug it back.  

“Do you really want to know about this? I am broken Master.  Nothing more than a marionette living on borrowed time.  It is called Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis.  What it means is that I will never live up to what you want Sir.  You were swindled.  You bought a broken toy Sir.”  My hands tightened on my thighs.  “They call me a monster Sir.  I scare them.  You are the first to see me without seeing Maker first.  I did not intend to deceive you.  I just didn’t want to go back.”  

The fight is gone from me.  I have blown it.  Surely Master will toss me to the wolves now.

Calmly, Master listens to me vent.  I stare into the fire.  It was only the even tempo of his breathing that keeps me from falling into myself.

“How does this affect you, pet?”

I am a little startled at your question Master, but I answer quietly.  “If I can keep massaging the muscle, I am more likely to get feeling and movement back sooner.  It jumpstarts the sensations.”

You stand and step over me.  You hold your hands out for mine and I grip them tightly.  You spin me slightly until my side is against the chair.  “Are you able to lay back unassisted?”

“Yes, Sir.”  I hate this position.  It brings back so many terrible memories.  I lay back and move to raise my arms.  You let me know I can keep them by my side.  While I know I will never raise my arms against you, it brings me comfort to know it is physically an option.

“I am going to massage your legs.  You will tell me if, at any time, it hurts.  Is that clear?”

“Yes, Master.”

And so it went.  Every so often, I would wince just a little too much, and you would stop and wait.  The first time I did not understand.  So, you tapped the spot on my leg again, and when I winced, I understood.

“That hurts, Sir.”

You nodded and continued.  By the time you finished, there was no hesitation in telling you when it hurt.

“Better.  You are learning, pet.”

I smile, ever so slightly.  I lifted my head enough to watch my toes.  With much concentration, the toes started to twitch.  No matter how many times I go through this, it always brings relief when I can move once more.  

You crouch down and offer me a hand to pull me into a sitting position.  “It is good to see movement.”  You meet my eyes.  “and even better to see you smile.”

I had forgotten He had never seen me smile.  I have learned to keep hidden the gruesome sharps that were once my teeth.

I looked up at Master, surprised.  “Do you wish to see me smile Sir?”

He raises his eyebrow in challenge.

So, hard as it is, I meet his eyes and smile.

It feels sinister.

When You lean down, kiss my forehead, and tell me I am a good girl, I know I was right to trust you.

Punishment, harsher than You have yet to give me, awaits me tomorrow.  I know that.  I have taken many missteps since you purchased me, Master.

But, if I can smile without making you recoil in disgust, then I will bear whatever you have to offer.

Even as broken as I am, I am at your service, Master.

Thank you for leaving the light on.

Being Dominant and Being A Dominant-Worlds Apart

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Woman and man playing domination games in bed together

There have been a rash of questions on our educational sites lately similar to the following, “Can a guy become dominant if it doesn’t naturally come to them?”

It’s a good question but needs more context. Too often we see people confusing the difference between a Top (the dominant role during a scene) and being a Dominant, the head of a power exchange relationship. Through conversation, we often find what they mean, is being a Top.

I wrote about this difference some time ago in a shorter article addressing the difference. In it I wrote this short piece and asked the readers to comment and react:

“Just because my personality is dominant, does not make me a Dominant.

Just because I have self-discipline and a dominant personality, does not mean I am a Dominant, or would even be a good one.

Just because I have a submissive, does not mean I am a Dominant.

All of these things are pieces and parts brought together by will, intelligence, need, diligence, consistency, integrity, self-motivation, selflessness and selfishness, and the ability to bond deeply with another person through the development of trust and the vulnerability of emotional connection. Using all of the aforementioned to develop a skill set which enables a person to show they are able to take on the committed role and can be trusted. Giving the submissive an opportunity to be as the title implies.

It is a web of factors which takes time, patience, practice, and guidance to form a larger whole.

Anyone can call themselves anything, but until they realize it is much more than any one or two things culminating in being a Dominant, they will only ever be dominant. There is a difference.”

All Hell Broke Loose

As you can imagine, there were some very strong opinions which came out of this conversation. Everything from dominants are born not made, dominants can be made even if they never leaned that way before etc. etc. It seemed like everyone had an opinion as to how someone inclined becomes properly a Dominant.

Lacking was discussion on what might actually contribute to someone being a successful dominant. Out of the hundred or so replies there were exactly zero about a dominant’s make up, only argument about what was properly a Dominant or not. It was at the very least disheartening. 

It was then I determined to write about what, in my opinion, really contributed to being a Dominant, not merely dominance. It wound up being 14 articles, with the Dominant’s Creed as its basis to give readers a baseline to follow. Some of that I am regurgitating here in this piece.

At the Center

I think nothing happens in this lifestyle which does not include the core of a person. Who they are underneath it all. Stripping away the façade of titles, costumes, toys, and the persona they may put on for others. In the end, whether they have a chance to be successful rests with them being a good person or not. Nothing more complicated than that. Regardless of the type of dynamic there are some commonalities which allow us to be that which we seek in kink.

Integrity and honesty, empathy and compassion, maturity and thoughtfulness, self-confidence and self-awareness, internal drive and motivation are among the many traits combined into a successful cocktail which enables others to see us as a potential Dominant. Because without a sub-type who wants our dominance, what good is it. First, they need to say yes.

Without that initial spark to which they are attracted in that submissive way, we are a rowboat without paddles.

If we happen to fake the funk and get someone to accept us and we are not a good person? Eventually it is going to melt down. People will get hurt emotionally, and possibly physically. The relationship will end simply because we have not taken the time to work on ourselves and become prepared to be that Dominant. 

Sure there are plenty of submissives out there who could spell disaster for us because they may not be a good person. However, we are not in control of them, only ourselves. There is not point in duping someone, or waiting till after a relationship is established to get ourselves squared away.

So We Find a Submissive

Great, now what? As I stated in the first portion of this article there is so much more than just being in that relationship. It takes effort and commitment. A whole lot more talking going on than playing, or at least there should be in my opinion. How can we be an effective Dominant to someone if we do not know them well?

I am not just talking about what they do for work, or if they have kids, or the hobbies they like. We need to dig deep into who this person is and why they are who they are. And they us. At a brutal level of honesty. This is going to be the lever that allows us to appreciate them as a person. Be accepting of the bad, not just the good. To see past the front we all put up in a new relationship because we all want to put our best foot forward.

This willingness to learn our partner in an emotionally intimate way speaks of our ability to be empathic and compassionate. Two of our greatest and most used tools as Dominants. They council us to listen more than speak, to ask probing questions, and to really hear and understand our partner. Without this, we step on many more landmines than necessary. 

No, Simply Demanding it Does Not Mean You’ll Get It

Even if we are a good person and have managed to find a submissive who is committed to us, we cannot be jerks about it, if we want it to last. Way back when dirt was invented and I was a new dominant, I thought that was the way it was supposed to work. I quickly found out otherwise to my shame and embarrassment. 

There is a duty of care and responsibility which comes with being a Dominant. That we first are looking out for the best interest of our submissive. Even as a Master, we have to be careful of this, even more so as a committed slave is less likely to come to their own defense in many cases, unless the situation is dire. This is not possible without having developed a deep understanding of our sub-type.

They are placing their trust in us to lead them in a way which not only fulfills our desires but helps them grow and fulfills theirs. If all we are is a machine which compels compliance without thought to the impact on our charge, the chances of the dynamic lasting long or very small.

Creating a Gravitational Pull

The moon stays in orbit around Earth because of the gravity it exerts. Similarly, being that good person at our core helps us create an emotional gravity which captures our submissive and keeps them in our orbit. It allows them to open up to us, in turn, freeing us to be that Dominant they desire. I say freeing because without that pull, everything becomes a struggle where we are having to work to keep them enthralled and interested.

The dynamic becomes work, like the kind we do not appreciate so much. Not to be confused with the effort it takes to maintain a healthy relationship.

It also frees our submissive to be accepting of our dominance. They can begin to and continue to trust us because they have learned we are a person worth trusting. Sure we have to do much more than just be a good and decent person. But it is a beginning worth striving for, and one which becomes foundational for a long-term commitment.  

The Goal

I think most of us want to have that stability in our relationships, even if they are not romantic. The purpose driven commitment to and of another person bringing a constant into our universe to look forward to, cherish, and rely upon in good times and bad. 

Is not this the hub on which all else turns? Our ability to maintain a healthy relationship with another person? To do that, to build that, we need to work on ourselves first. 

Realizing to become a Dominant, we must master ourselves first. If we do not, we will only ever be dominant.


If you are interested in the Dominant’s Creed articles I mentioned earlier in this writing visit this link to my page on FetLife – TAC_1’s Writings | FetLife

BDSM And Personal Discovery

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Some of us, one could argue both the lucky and the unlucky ones, knew we wanted something other than the vanilla heteronormative relationships that society in the 80’s and 90’s tried to condition is to want. Lucky because it is easier to find something when you know you’re looking for it; unlucky because you’d be surprised how many people want nothing to do with someone questioning and experimenting with their own sexuality. Perhaps my experiences would have been different today, but I can only embrace that which is mine and move forward with that knowlege.

Had I desired that vanilla heteronormativity, I’d have had lots of opportunities to figure myself out in middle and high school. Unfortunately, instead my late middle school and high school years are a jumble of memories of cuddling with females and being too afraid to take that next step for fear of rejection, and dark porn, clearly staged, badly acted, and a foundation for some sexual imprinting. For those of use who want bondage or any kind of same sex relationships, we don’t have those same opportunities to explore. That’s why the jokes about lesbians not knowing if they are being hit on and awkward bisexuals exist. We lack that early practice and have to stumble through the finding ourselves part while trying to have adult relationships. That’s a lot of pressure all at once.

The same goes for kink. We don’t have shibari opportunities in high school to figure out what works for us. So we all just do the best that we can and figure things out along the way as we figure them out. We are all on our own timelines. Some of us don’t discover that the things we like are not “normal” until someone slaps us in the face with that information. Maybe literally, who knows?

So what does that mean for the questing adult who has tripped over kink rather than sought it out? I have wondered lately how to explain what we do to someone without the foundation I assume people have when they seek us out. I suppose I would start this way:

Kink is many things to many people. It is not up to me to decide how an individual defines that for themself. It is not for me to judge provided the desired activity is consented to by and with a human of legal age who is capable of giving consent, and does not have the purpose of doing lasting harm, rather than fleeting hurt.

I would tell them kink can absolutely be sexual, but that it doesn’t have to be. Sure, threesomes are probably classified in there somewhere as kink, but when the umbrella encompasses so much variety and many different viewpoints, often times sex can take a backseat to pain, even if that pain has sexual connotations or elements to the people engaging in its practice.

I would tell them to find something that appeals to them, and then to seek out more information. Read books, browse fet, find local people and have conversations. Though it can be difficult, try not to find us scary or intimidating. We’re just normal people who happen to have bonded over a common interest. With some it’s video games or comic books, sports, or food. With us, we bond over kink. It’s easy enough to fit right in.

Above all, I would tell them to ask questions. It’s okay not to know everything. Our honesty is our strength. Everyone won’t know everything., and it is okay not to know this.

Most of all, I would suggest finding someone trustworthy to show them the rules. We see consent very differently from the whole of mainstream society. Sadly. It shouldn’t be different, yet the kink community’s views on consent are so much more empowering than the old rules I was raised with. Even with those differences, missteps are easy. Having a guide can make a huge difference.

Be open to new experience. Every day is a gift when we accept what is coming.