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This week in kink: August 24, 2020

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Are you a swinger? Exhibitionist? Nudist? Practice any form of ethical non-monogamy?

Then you might be interested in learning more about the amazing lifestyle resort, Hedonism II, and it’s new protocols for the pandemic!

Click below to read what CNN has to say about this unique vacay!

Check out this fascinating article by Time Out Sydney on The Kastle, Sydney’s last full service BDSM dungeon.

Mistress Scarlett (the dungeon’s owner) and Mistress Lucilla explain the ins and outs of this unique space and the dungeon’s mission- bringing fantasies to life in a safe, sane, and consensual manner.

Check it out now!

https://www.timeout.com/sydney/sex-and-dating/step-inside-sydneys-last-surviving-bdsm-dungeon-and-meet-the-mistresses-who-reign-it

Victoria Rage, a Seattle-based Dominatrix, gives some insight on how she has adapted her work to fit the current state of world.

She then goes on to give sex workers helpful advice on how to grow their business during these trying times.

This article is great for veterans and novices alike. We must be flexible and roll with the punches during this uncertain period.

Thanks for the advice Ms. Rage!

https://www.businessinsider.com.au/bdsm-works-covid-19-era-but-dont-jump-right-dominatrix-2020-8https://www.businessinsider.com.au/bdsm-works-covid-19-era-but-dont-jump-right-dominatrix-2020-8

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Erotica: What is a Gallipot? (A piece of Arlyn: Adjutant & Apostle)

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“Would you like to see a Gallipot getting a good working over?” he asked.

“What’s a Gallipot?” she asked.

“A pain slave who enjoys the harshest, roughest, most excruciating of pleasures. It’s quite something to watch.”

“They like it?” she asked, thinking of Segat’s pain slaves. 

“Tremendously. I’ve seen women squirt their juice three feet in orgasm and men with cocks so raging hard they turned purple before ejaculating.”

“How do you watch this?” she blurted in shock for the description.

“Preferably with a dozen others quietly engaged in their own sexual fun while watching. We pay to get in but we’re in our own roped off section. No one can touch you. Well, except me. But I won’t, I promise. It’s all very civilized.”

“Don’t you have a curfew at the temple?” she asked.

“Do you honestly think I give a shit if I have a curfew? Come on.”

Arlyn suddenly liked him a lot. She followed him through the market and out the opposite side. They walked a stone paved street up a slope and turned right to go farther into the town. Another right and they were in a small gated garden, narrow path leading to a low-roofed entry. The door closed as they reached it. 

“What’s that about?” she asked.

“It means someone just entered before us and we have to wait a moment. It’s fine,” he replied, reaching to pluck a pink flower from a vine wound through a hedge. He gave it to her. “I love these. They’re among the first flowers of spring.”

She smiled, reminded of the day Jacek had given her a flower.

The door in the entry opened and they went in. It closed behind them, the space lit by three oil lamps.

“Welcome. The event has not yet begun. How many are you?”

“One man, one woman. We’d like an upper tier box, please.”

She wore expensive linen clothes in colors that were also expensive to create. Pearl necklace, gold bracelet. This was obviously a lucrative business. Lenden handed her several gold coins and received a numbered slat of wood.

“Do you want a mask?” the woman inside asked, gesturing to a table with a variety of colored masks.

“I don’t,” he said. “But the lady would.”

He looked over them, selected a black and blue eye mask with gold beads and a small blue feather sticking straight up between the eyes. He tied it around her head and took her hand to continue through the corridor to the door at the end. Through it and they were in a cocktail party. Men and women mingled, talking and enjoying wine or whiskey. 

A server wearing a gold ring around his neck with chains down to a gold ring around his cock offered a tray of beverages.

“We would prefer water today,” Lenden said.

The server lifted a cup to her first and then to him and continued on his way. Another server had savory meat delicacies. A third offered candied fruits with a sharp cheese. 

The door opened periodically to let in new arrivals. Her eyes went to it each time, seeing who was coming in. She knew no one, of course, until the one face in the world she would recognize entered the room.

Harmen. He did not wear a mask. He did not have his belongings with him. She knew he liked to visit a whore house now and then while traveling. His eyes met hers across the room, hard and disapproving. He’d seen her come in, had followed to collect her.

Before he could take a single step, Lenden was taking her through the door on the left to go to their box. He showed their numbered slat and they were allowed past.

“Your number, Sir?” she heard behind them as they reached the stairs. “That number is for the floor, Sir. You cannot go up to the boxes.”

“I need to speak with that couple,” Harmen said.

“Then you will have to wait until they come back to this room, Sir.”

She heard nothing more, as they were at the top of the stairs. Another servant in gold collar and cock chains escorted them to the left, to the second open doorway. Going into it, Arlyn first saw the wide, backless sofa with small table in front of it for their cups. Beyond was a ring of similar boxes. One level below, the same ring with one box enclosed.

She saw Harmen enter his box and sit. His eyes met hers, displeased. She decided she would ignore him for now.

“Do you come here often?” she asked Lenden.

“About once a month. They do this several times a week.”

The boxes were full in a moment and the nicely dressed woman came out of the enclosed box.

“Thank you for attending, Marus and Maruals. For those of you who have not been here before, I am Marual Glynn. I will conduct the scene this evening. We are pleased today to exhibit the Gallipot Cadell for your entertainment and arousal. This is a non-participatory exhibition but feel free to enjoy yourselves. As always, please keep talking and other noise to a minimum until the event has ended.”

She went back into the closed box.

“Non-participatory?” Arlyn whispered. “What’s that mean?”

“It means no one from the audience can join the center display but the audience can have sex themselves if they want.”

She clamped her jaw shut rather than utter the ignorant “oh” springing to mind. Looking around the other boxes, she saw several women shedding their clothing, and a few men.

Lamps around the boxes were extinguished, giving the occupants a shadow of privacy while leaving the center ring illuminated. The door opened and a young man of magnificent musculature was led out by that same woman. Following was a nude woman with an arrow quiver strapped to her back. Several rods were sticking out of it, of different shades of green, brown, or tan, made of varying materials. Some were wrapped in leather, others were bare wood or bare bamboo. She knelt with her back to the center.

Behind her was another naked male carrying an ornate wood box. He knelt beside her, lowered the box to rest on his thighs, and opened it. Arlyn could see the shining knives in sheaths in the lid, metal sticks in a tray.

As Cadell reached the center, he lifted his hands to grasp a metal bar hanging from the ceiling. Arlyn saw the scarred designs on his skin. One on a bicep, another on the back of a shoulder, another on a thigh.

The Marual selected a many tailed leather whip. Rather like what was used on a ship, but with many more tails and not as brutal in the construction, she took position behind Cadell. She swung it to the left and right of him, in wide arcs of a figure 8 that levelled out her speed. She brought the piece to the center to strike him with each pass. Fwap, fwap, fwap, fwap, steady and moderately fast, about three strikes per five seconds. Not very hard for the first minute, she increased force but not speed, bringing the whip harder on the downswing. 

Cadell stood solid and unmoving, not even flinching. He was looking out into the audience, bottom and top tiers, and smiled at someone below Arlyn’s box. 

The mop-like flogger dropped to the floor next to the female slave and the Marual grasped a handle to take an implement out of the quiver. A rod about two feet long that she used to strike him from the upper back down to the middle of the ribs, then she skipped over the soft tissue of his waist and took up again from high atop his ass down to just above the knee. Another skip of the knee and she smacked his calves. Down and up, down and up again, she made a good thirty passes with increasing force. His entire backside was pinked, beginning to stripe in welts.

She changed targets, whapping back and forth between his thighs until he had parted his feet as wide as she wanted them. Around to his front and she began to cane his chest and belly. He made not a single sound. Arlyn saw his cock was raging hard. She flinched inside her skin when the Marual smacked his cock with the cane.

She smacked his cock from base to tip, five times in total while he gripped the bars tighter and gritted his teeth. Back to the base, to strike the triangle of flesh above it, then down the length of his erection. He only grew harder. The cane went lower to strike the ball sack hanging between his thighs. It swung like a ball on a tether and she slapped it again, this time with her gloved hand.

It was the gentle stroke of that gloved hand, gripping around his cock, that made him grunt loud enough to be heard.

She stepped away to drop the cane onto the floor next to the flogger. Reaching into the quiver again, she took out a thinner stick that was much more flexible and whip-like. Standing behind him, she swung it to land on his right hip and drag across his buttocks. A slice of blood opened to drip down his behind. She struck again from the left. Arlyn saw the end six inches of the thin reed wrapped around his thigh to leave a deep red welt there before it dragged across his buttocks.

She was familiar with that sensation, if in a wider medium. Harmen’s belt wrapped around her hip like that, it’s folded tip leaving a particularly intense sting. Sometimes the edge of the leather left her marked for a week, he struck with such power.

Ten strikes with the reed-like rod and the Marual paused. The female slave came forward with a wet cloth from inside the box. She wiped down his backside.

“When this is over, will you come to my room with me?” Lenden asked.

She turned her head to look at him a few seconds, then let her eyes sweep across several boxes to see couples engaged in various sexual acts. Mouth were busy between legs, fingers were delving into orifices, hips were at work from behind.

“Why, when we can have sex right here?” she said, reaching down to the buttons of her pants to loosen them.

She stood to push them down and her eyes met Harmen’s. She smiled at him and sat to remove her boots and pants at the same time. Her loose shirt came off easily, was dropped onto the pile of clothing between the little table and the sofa bench. She leaned over onto her left side as he kicked off his pants and shoes and moved in behind her.

“Sure you want to do this?” he asked.

She reached around to grasp his half-hardened cock and stroke it. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to have sex more in my life,” she said.

He didn’t ask again, lifting her knee to place her leg over his thigh. She angled her buttocks backwards to give him better access. As the Marual was picking up her next implement, a six-inch-long metal stick, Arlyn sighed out her relief to be filled. Lenden kept himself to an even pace that allowed them both to watch the happenings below.

The Marual slowly worked the slender stick into Cadell’s penis, smiling at his grunts and struggle. With a gesture, she sent the female slave over to lick his cock and suck his balls. She then reached into the box to pull out a coil of leather. Tossing out the end showed the audience a four-foot whip. She snapped back and forth, cracking it. Several in the audience gasped with the sound. Arlyn had a cum, the sound so much like the sound of Harmen’s belt when it landed on her.

“Do you know the man scowling up at us?” Lenden asked.

Arlyn chuckled lightly, lifting a hand to his cheek. “Indeed I do.” She turned her head to whisper. “He’s my priest companion and he approves of nothing. So give it to me good and give him a wink when I cum.”

Lenden choked back a laugh and increased his speed. She quickly had another orgasm and he smiled at the face scowling up at him. He reached around to grip her puss from the front, watching Cadell get a whipping to his back and chest with a mouth slave kneeling under his cock. Arlyn lowered to lie fully on the sofa, eyes closing to enjoy her own pleasures while listening to the shouts from below. 

Cadell could no longer contain his vocalizations. The whip swung and he shouted, and Arlyn sighed with a near-climax. Cadell’s sounds continued, grunts and growls as he worked to regain control over himself. A good minute later, the whip swung again and he shouted again.

“You’ll want to see this,” Lenden said after some twenty shouts. “They’re about to finish.”

Arlyn opened her eyes to see the Marual reach around to grasp the ring at the end of the metal stick. She pulled it out of his penis in a slow and steady single motion. As soon as it was out, the mouth slave went to work. Cadell didn’t need long. Two minutes at most and he let go the bar to grasp his cock and finish off in spurts over the mouth slave’s face and gaping mouth.

Audience members not engaged in sex themselves applauded and the intermission commenced.

Read the rest of Arlyn: Adjutant & Apostle
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07646YM2Z

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written two “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and twentysomething fiction books.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

The Power Of Power Exchange

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Power exchange is one of those terms which is classified under kink, but often carries no clear visible representation.  Impact leaves marks, and is something you can see someone perform.  Needles, rope, knives, even exhibitionism, these are all things the eye can see.  Power exchange, in contrast, is a quiet kink, and one which does not leave visible reminders of its presence in a relationship.

Once you delve into the world of power exchange, there are a myriad of ways it can be incorporated into a relationship, whether casual or more intense.  On the less invasive side of things, it can be reserved for scene or bedroom time, and can be present without involving other things typically thought of as “kink.”  It doesn’t require sadism to be present, and doesn’t have to interfere with outside life.  On the other end of things, a relationship can be fully immersed in power exchange, to the point of Total Power Exchange, or TPE.  It is also completely possible to achieve something in the middle which is a negotiation of which situations will include some type of agreed-upon power exchange between individuals.  I have seen these referred to as levels, and more specifically, broken down into five levels:  conditional compliance; restricted ongoing acquiescence; provisional submission; the covenant of dominance and submission; and absolute ownership. 

Starting at power level one (I jest), it isn’t difficult to incorporate some power exchange into individual scenes.  Conditional compliance is associated with a single session or brief period of time and would only include negotiated activities within the scope of the exchange.  It could include everything from following commands to kneel, stay still, or even to ask permission for boons such as orgasms, or be limited to specifically negotiated areas.

With restricted ongoing acquiescence, power exchange negotiations may be put into effect as with conditional compliance, but only be in play during specified sessions, such as with ongoing play partners who have power exchange elements in their regular time together.  Those elements may be in effect during scene time only without requiring renegotiation, due to an agreement that those elements be in effect during their scene time together.

Provisional submission involves one partner giving greater control to the other, well, provisionally.  This may be the stage wherein partners experiment with different aspects of control over various areas in order to determine what is working for them and what is not.  These areas may have time limits, such as “we’ll try me choosing all of your clothing for the next two weeks to see if that is something we’d like to incorporate into our permanent relationship negotiations.”  It may also refer to a longer term power exchange which exists outside of scene time, and yet remains fundamentally a play partner arrangement at its core.

A covenant of dominance and submission may involve a contract or may be a verbal agreement.  It generally refers to a long-term agreement which exists outside of scene time, and involves other aspects of daily life, as negotiated.  It could be control in areas of finance, social relationships, or daily activities, in addition to agreements surrounding any scenes which may occur.  The participants may want a 1950’s style household and be disinclined to participate in other forms of kink play, or they may have a female-led relationship with an entire trunk full of kink implements, or whatever relationship format works for the participants.

Absolute ownership may also be referred to as a TPE.  While the title generally speaks for itself and includes truly invested participants, it does not necessarily mean one party has to actively be in control over every aspect of their partner.  Even TPE relationships often include negotiated areas which do not require permissions be granted, mostly because to be required every time another human needs to make a decision would be a full-time occupation, not practical for working humans who may not be available to make those at the drop of a hat.  Some of it is about convenience.  If you want to negotiate a power exchange with a partner which includes always being required to have permission for certain activities, say bathroom usage since everyone has to do that, then unless you are available every time they need to, such as in the middle of a work day, or even in the middle of the night if they drank too much tea at dinner, then you may need to reserve certain times which do not require permission.  For example, the rule may be “I am available at all times to grant permission to use the bathroom, other than between the hours of 11 pm and 7 am.  You will request and wait for the request to be granted at any other time of day,” or whatnot.  Most of the power exchanges I have encountered, both my own and that of others, rarely want to deal with that sort of micromanagement, and only require that permission be granted if it interrupts an in-progress activity or conversation, as that is considered a matter of courtesy rather than a rule about requiring permission for bathroom usage.  A better way to think of it may be as having underlying functions which occur quietly in the background.  A rule has been established, and in the absence of a change to that rule, it will continue to run just as lungs continue to breathe in the absence of efforts to resist their regular behavior.

To reiterate, absolutely none of the above requires that the participants delve into other aspects of kink.  While many we see in our local organizations do participate in things like impact or bondage in addition to their power exchange, one does not require the other to function.  It is completely possible to negotiate kink scenes in which power exchange does not occur, all the way up to having kink relationships without the inclusion of PE.  However, I will say, as a power exchange aficionado, seeing two individuals attempt to impose their will upon one another in the context of a relationship seems messy, as it often becomes some type of power struggle with no clear winner in any given battle.  I personally prefer the reassurance that having those things clearly outlined gives me, while also understanding that it isn’t for everyone.

About the Author

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Have Your Cake-The Hose

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Three clear tanks stood near the wall to the right. Round, each with a naked person submerged in water and forced to breathe through a snorkel clipped in place at the top. Two women and one man. They were awake, could see the people coming in, but could not move, as they were bound wrist and ankle to the frame they were standing on. So the metal fame came to the top of the tank. They climbed up the steps on the side and stood there and were bound by clips and cuffs. The snorkel was put in and they were lowered to the right depth. The lid was put on and the top of the snorkel put in place. They could drown themselves just by spitting out the mouthpiece if they wanted. 

Behind her were two cages, both empty. She was put into one of them. Cold steel bottom, padlocked, and the escort and guard left. The door was shut and locked. Looking around more, she saw three cameras. One aimed directly at the tanks, another at the cages and the third at the left corner. A hose was wound around a hook. A large hose, like firemen used, with a big tapered nozzle. There were several drains in the floor. Near the corner, in the middle, between the tanks.

There wasn’t anything to do but wait. She could be here minutes or hours before anyone came to do anything. There never were any clocks in any of the rooms she was left in for long periods. Not even her own bedroom cell.

She was there a long time when the door suddenly opened. The President came in wearing scuba pants, boots and gloves, but no shirt. A group of six guards followed. Two went to the first tank and activated the lift mechanism to bring the person up out of the water. With gravity returned, the woman had to sit on the top step and scoot herself down the steps to the floor. Her guards stood with her while the second pair got the man out. He was stronger, able to walk down on shaking legs. The third scooted herself down and lay in a curled heap on the floor, shaking and crying.

“The next time you want to fight a member in the pool, you remember this punishment. You’ll be here twice as long, if you’re allowed to live at all. Take them back to the Death Block.”

The room emptied and there he was staring down at her inside the cage.

“You again,” he said. “You just can’t seem to keep your hands off your own cunt, can you. I have a different sort of punishment for you. We’ll see if this one gets the message across.”

Padlock opened an d he used a short whip to drive her to the corner. 

“Sit in the corner,” he told her. “Face me.”

She saw there were clear plastic straps attached to the wall. Her arms were strapped first and then around the bottom of her thighs, holding her wide open on the cold, rough cement floor. He went to the roll of hose, unwinding it the full length and then turning the valve. The hose filled and he picked up the nozzle. Pointing to the wall, he opened the nozzle and adjusted the water until he had a fast mist. Cold water, and she shrieked and broke out into goose bumps as he wet her down. The spray concentrated downward, as he aimed lower and lower and adjusted the spray to a smaller and smaller diameter.

Then she was screaming a new sort of overstimulation as the hard, fast spray relentlessly pounded the flesh of her open vagina. Exhilarating but painful and she couldn’t angle her knees in to protect herself. Narrowing the stream, he aimed directly for her anus. Spraying up and down those few inches felt like he was spraying her entire torso as the water splashed all over her. Water flew with velocity in all directions, including into her eyes. She kept them closed. Water flowed from around her buttocks and back toward the drain. Drips ran down her thighs and breasts. Her hair became heavy with water and a single long drip tickled down the side of her nose. A hard toss of her head shook it off.

Several minutes and he closed the nozzle.

“Is that little cum at night before you fall asleep worth this, cunt?”

“It is at the time,” she sputtered.

And got herself another five minute drenching and pounding.

“Is that little cum at night before you fall asleep worth this, cunt?” he asked again when the water stopped.

“No, Master!” she chose to answer rather than give a smart reply again.

He turned off the water and opened the nozzle to empty the hose onto her.

“Keep it in mind.”

Excerpt is from Have Your Cake, story 1 in the Culpation League series.

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written two “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and twentysomething fiction books.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

Putting The Safe In Safeword

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For as long as I exist in a space of teaching for and existing within the kink community, I will never stop promoting, encouraging and inviting any conversation or action that promotes safety and empowerment. While completely eliminating any risk is not possible and frankly, some risk is welcomed, it is still incredibly important to protect the space and hold firm the boundaries that are agreed upon within any scene. 

Historically, we have been programmed to follow many rules both consciously and unconsciously. Consciously, we subscribe to the laws created for us. We know that a red light means we must stop and if we drive through that light we risk a consequence. We also follow rules unconsciously, playing into the social scripts that have been created for us, like our fixation on socially constructed beauty ideals or that relationships must exist in a certain structure to be valid.  As we reflect on our lives, while we like to think that we are running the show,  there are many areas where we have little to no control. The force that pulls us is often not coming from within but from the outside and let me tell you, that force is strong. 

When safe words are discussed, it is typically in a conversation about safety only but safe words are so much more than that. Safe words allow for us to be empowered in our erotic lives. They allow for us to be vulnerable and to develop deep trust between anyone participating in play. In a world where so much of what we do is controlled and so many of our “nos” get ignored, safe words allow for us to feel the power of having decisions in our own hands. How incredibly freeing to know that we have a decision that we can make that is entirely our own, without influence or pressure by another? Safe words are more than just opting out, they are empowering within. 

I am often asked about the do’s and don’ts of safe words. Where do we begin? When should I use them? How do I choose which one works for me? These questions are all extremely important and while many folks have differing opinions on safe words, I will provide my standard rules. Please note that these rules may not apply to everyone but have been a solid base for myself, my friends and many clients who participate in kink play. 

The first and most important rule of safe words is simply to have them. I have heard the debate many times that folks do not want or need a safe word and of course, we all have the power to make those decisions for our own lives, but I do not in any way encourage that. If you are new to the kink scene, it is paramount that you have safe words integrated into play. Consent and boundary violations are far more likely to occur if safe words do not exist and negative early experiences in the kink world can be highly influential on the future of your kink exploration. 

A safe world simply existing in the realm of your consciousness is not enough. It needs to be shared, discussed and agreed upon. The question often remains, how do I choose one? Well, one of the most important aspects of choosing a safe word is selecting a word that you will not only remember, but one that does not naturally come up within an erotic encounter. Words like “no”, “stop” or “don’t” are often integrated into play and can create confusion within a scene. Safe words should be obscure, but not so much so that they will pull you entirely out of the erotic space. If you pick a word that makes you laugh or uncomfortable, you may struggle to get back into the erotic space if you choose to do so. 

The most common safe words that I have heard are based on the traffic light system. Green indicates complete comfort with where the scene is at and designates consent to continue. Yellow indicates that the comfort zone is being pushed but that there is still consent to continue with the awareness that any further may be too far. Of course, there is red, indicating a full stop. There is no confusion about the use of the full stop safe word. Play stops, period. You and your partner/s have the freedom to choose words that you will use in your play but keep in mind that there needs to be no doubt whatsoever regarding what the words are and what each of them means.  

So, let’s be real for a moment here. There are plenty of situations that an individual can be in where their mouth is not free or their ability to verbally communicate is no longer existent. These are the moments that reinforce the importance of not only having a safe word but having a safe gesture. Whether you agree on squeezing a hand a number of times, tapping out, or creating your own gesture, these are vital for those who play with breath, gags, or any activity where your mouth is full. Erring on the side of caution can only enhance play so having both a safe word and a safe gesture can allow for a safer, more comfortable and more connected experience. 

Now, if a safe word has been established, shared and agreed upon, there is one more component that is crucial to discuss. This is the actual use of safe words. I have heard far too many times stories of individuals hesitant or even against using safe words. The problem with this mindset is that it is doing a disservice to every person involved in the play. Safe words are meant to keep boundaries in place and crossing those boundaries can result in the type of physical and/.or emotional harm that deters folks from playing again in the future. As much as a submissive trusts that their Dominant will adhere to the use of safe words, a Dominant trusts that their submissive will use it if necessary as well. Trust that a safe word will be respected on ALL sides is key to play and if safe words are not used when needed, the boundaries are violated for everyone involved. 

In addition, it is important to note that submissives/bottoms are not the only people that benefit from or are entitled to the use of safe words. Limits can be crossed for all folks within a scene and the idea that Doms do not or should not safe word is problematic and dangerous. All of those involved have the right to opt out of play at any given time and we must remember that boundaries are not limited to only subs and bottoms. 

All in all, the use of safe words is an incredibly important component in kink play. To allow ourselves to be completely immersed in the play with the knowledge that we have the freedom to opt out at any point is what can make the play itself even more intense and powerful. Trust is built when all parties involved adhere to the boundaries created and trust is the key to unlock the endless potential of pleasure that we can all experience.

About The Author

Elyssa Rice is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in the Kink and Alternative Lifestyle community. She is a writer, lecturer and advocate for sexual empowerment and sexual freedom. She has a private practice in Los Angeles, CA and is dedicated to shifting the narrative about both the mental health and Kink community.

Bottoms – Do You Have Your Own Play Kit?

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As a top, I have always liked it when a bottom could hold out a back pack and say “You can use anything in here.” Whether or not I do depends on what’s in the bag, of course. 

If it’s a needle kit or rope, I won’t be using any of it. Not interested. If it’s a Tens unit, I might. I’ve used one of those on myself, for my bad back. 

Butt plugs won’t be used. I don’t put things in anyone’s ass. He can, however, go to the bathroom and slip it in himself. My cane may find the end of it for a number of smacks.

It is a commonly accepted thing. The top will buy the toys, have the toys, care for the toys, etc. Yes, I have quite the collection of things I personally enjoy using on other people. They are never used on me. They can be cleaned. Poppers are given to the person they were used on. But my kit is limited to what I am capable of carrying that day.

That sounds silly, I’m sure; but I live in NYC. I have to carry my kit up four flights of stairs just to begin to get to an event. Then there are another two to four sets of stairs to get out of the station when I arrive.

If I can keep my kit fairly light, bringing only three or four things, and can count on a bottom bringing his own fun things that are specific to him, together we have expanded our play repertoire without either of us relying entirely on the other.

I don’t have nipple clamps, unless you count clothespins or those very nasty clamps with bells (fishing line bell bobbin). I don’t have weights. 

Until recently, I didn’t have wartenberg wheels. I did, however, know a bottom who brought them nearly every time he came to an event I was attending. Through using them on him, I decided to buy my own pair. I’m rather looking forward to meeting up with him again, and using both pairs at the same time. Mine in one hand and his in the other should make for a terrific scene.

I know bottoms who bring their own leg spreader; their own ankle/wrist cuffs, their own penis ropes. Things not used on other people. In this time of plague, having a kit of things to be used solely on yourself is an important investment. You don’t know how clean anyone keeps their kit. You don’t go home with them all to see what they do with their toys after the party. You don’t know how many people have already had it used on them at the party you’re attending. You can’t know.

Protect yourself. You know where your items have been. You know how they were cleaned because you did it yourself.

I used the word “investment”. Some things can be costly. It’s best to build your kit up over time. Keep in mind that a smallish woman may have a hard time handling a monster flogger. Find a more medium sized flogger that is easier to deal with but still gives the impact you want. Canes are easy and can be reasonably priced. There are numerous sellers all over Fetlife, Etsy, Ebay, Amazon. Ban-sticks, in Fetlife, is my favorite. I’ve bought four sets from her, I think. Three sets in different lengths for myself and one set as a present for my former husband.

Clothespins can be thrown away after use if you want. They’re not expensive unless you’ve put in the work and time to dye them.

Raid the kitchen for the wooden spoons or go to the dollar store and buy an inexpensive pack. You can wash and keep them to use again or discard after use. I know people who love the meat tenderizing mallet as well.

Rope. It’s easy enough to put in a pillow case and then into the washer. Cotton line can be put into the dryer. If you’re not doing suspension, cotton clothesline is fine. Don’t let anyone be snobby at you about it.

My point here is to not depend on the top to provide all the toys. 

Plague or not, every bottom should have their own play kit full of fun things they like used on them.

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She’s been doing this BDSM stuff for over 30 years in private and more than 10 years in public venues. 

She is an award-winning author who has written two “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and over twenty five fiction books that you can find on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can find more of her work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828
FB Fan Page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseGethis/
FB Regular page —  https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseAuthor

She enjoys crochet, coffee, and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

Can two switches collar each other?

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  • hot male submissive in collar
    via stock.adobe.com

In my search for entertaining and unique questions, I have run across many that are ridiculous. But rarely have I encountered a question that initially hit me as joke material, but then, on closer examination, had some very serious elements buried within. The following question is cut from this mold. So, laugh and learn!

Reader: Can two switches collar each other? How would this process work with power exchange? After ten years together, my partner and I would like to make our commitment outwardly clear, but we’re unsure as to the steps for our specific combination. We’re new to the BDSM community, and so any advice you can give us will be greatly appreciated.

First of all, after you are finished laughing at two people collaring each other, let’s make a distinction between a play collar and a commitment collar.

In a play collar situation, the answer is pretty obvious. All you have to do is negotiate who is the Top and who is the bottom for the scene, and the Top puts the play collar on the bottom and the scene proceeds. Unless you want to switch in the middle of the scene – or at five-minute intervals – this will work out just fine. It is when you are considering a real (for want of a better term) collar – one that implies a D/s relationship – where a little more thought is required.

The key thing to remember is that, in this case, collaring means commitment.Of course, since collaring evolved out of the term “slave collar,” it does have D/s implications in it. But, to me, the commitment aspects seem far more critical than any Dominant/submissive facets of it. As all of our BDSM rituals are not strictly codified, and are loosely based on an oral tradition that dates back to the Old Guard Leather Societies, there are no hard and fast rules for collaring. Thus, I see no valid reason why the two of you cannot be collared to one another.

BDSM is a constantly evolving lifestyle. The question is how best to go about it.As I see it – and this is new territory for me — you should figure out a way to preserve the “slave collar” tradition and adapt it to your personal situation. And here is my suggestion. Try to figure out which of you is the more dominant partner. Surely, as switches, you do not switch exactly fifty percent of the time. (Possible, but unlikely.) In your life, there must be a hierarchy that gives one or the other a bit more dominance or a bit more submission. Or, you might want to see which of you is more dominant or submissive in play.

After ten year together, you should have a feel for the dynamics, no matter how subtle the distinction might be.Using either criterion, the more dominant partner can offer the more submissive one the collar. This keeps it within the basic D/s framework. And if you are contemplating a ceremony with lifestyle friends, they will be more concerned with the commitment part of the ceremony than the personal Dom/sub components of your relationship on a day-to-day basis.You might also find that having a contract — although in your case it would not be a typical “slave contract” — might add a bit of clarity to the breadth and scope of your BDSM relationship.

I am a big advocate of contracts; a contract would be a useful adjunct to your collaring. Besides, the negotiations involved with contracts can be incredibly enlightening.In general, my personal problem with collars is with the Velcro aspects of them, not the nuts and bolts of who is collaring whom. I see far too many collars that are shorter lived than a Hollywood marriage. I could care less if a collared couple does not maintain a D/s dynamic that is consistent.

Let them switch, let them have vanilla days. My concern is that the collar truly means commitment. And in your case, as a ten-year couple, it seems that you have the commitment thing down.So go out and have a great ceremony. There is nothing more beautiful than to see a collaring ceremony witnessed by lifestyle friends. Especially when you know that it is a truly meaningful collar.And in your case, it sure seems like this collar will be on your — or your partner’s — neck for a long time.

About the Author

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

The Doctor is In: Medical Play

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When writing for an audience that spans beginners to advanced and from weekend warriors to 24/7, it is often hard to find an area that will interest most of our kinky readers. Medical play appears to fit the bill.

Of all the BDSM scenarios I have written about, medical play is the one of a few – such as wax play — where “no experience is necessary.” Except for the more edgy medical scenes, this is one BDSM activity where you can, in the words of Nike, “just do it.”

The beauty of a medical scene is that it is nearly impossible to ruin the D/s structure that is inherent in it. In real life, when the doctor tells the patient to do something, the patient does as told — within proscribed legal and ethical restraints. The doctor is, by definition, the Top; the patient is the bottom. Similarly, in medical play, the “doctor” (or “nurse,” if that is your scene) is the Dominant and the “patient” is the submissive. Other than negotiating limits to be observed during the scene, the D/s structure is automatic. Set it and forget it!

Another wonderful aspect of a medical scene is that elaborate equipment is not necessary to create an awesome medical play space. An ordinary table with a white sheet on it makes as good an examination table as I have seen in some real doctors’ offices! Get a desk (at a yard sale!) and put some 99Cents Store “doctor stuff” on it — cotton balls, bandages, latex examination gloves, Vaseline, alcohol, betadine wash, swabs, etc, — and you have a “doctor’s office” right in your own home. Since medical play is role play, don’t skip the small details. A medical smock with a nametag – or the nurse’s uniform – gives the scene an air of authenticity that many other roleplays lack. Hang a stethoscope around your neck and the doctor is in! (I have no idea what those circular mirrors on a headband are for, but if you are a stickler for details, go for it.) I have heard of a Dom who recorded hospital noises (“Bing, bing…calling Dr. Marx”) on his smartphone and plays them during his medical play sessions. This might seem a bit extreme – but I bet their medical sessions rock!

The range of medical scenes appears limitless. Just a simple “examination” has almost infinite variations and possibilities. Personally, I love giving the breast exam. And what caring doctor wouldn’t also give a vaginal exam to go with it? Or a penis exam with a male sub. But why stop there? A cervical exam with a speculum should be part of any doctor’s exam. But there are other cavities that might need checking. Some doctors and nurses are insistent that there be a full anal prostate probe or a scrotal check-up. And no doctor would forget to take the patient’s temperature rectally. Of course, these reality-based examinations can be expanded into fantasyland. . Other than negotiated limits, you can take this play anywhere your imagination leads you. Alien abduction and examination — including the legendary extraterrestrial anal probe? No problem. Want to play the “mad doctor?” Get your Doctor Doom mask and torture away. There can be prison doctor scenes. A nurse administering an enema, a doctor full-body wrapping a “badly wounded” patient or a nurse taping up an “injured penis” are more scenes that come to mind. And within each scene, you can select a wide variety of BDSM and sex toys to use.

There are terrific medical toys available. The Wartenburg pinwheel (used to test nerve reaction) is a particular favorite of mine. Used on the nipples, the pinwheel can be deemed a modern medical play marvel. And don’t forget the old reflex hammer. The “cupping” machine is great for “suction pulling” nipples and labia. Once a late nineteenth century medical treatment for just about anything, cupping is now almost exclusively used in BDSM play. Funny how they were so ahead of their time! Of course, don’t forget the speculum, the sin qua non of medical BDSM toys. And clamps!

Although beginners can do most of the scenes I have discussed, medical play also encompasses edge play as well. Needle play is often done in the context of a medical scene. What better place to do needle play than in a “doctor’s office”? After all, it is clean and well stocked with antibacterial scrubs and washes. Note: needle play is a very advanced edge play and should not be attempted by a novice.

I think we can all agree that medical play offers a very wide palette of D/s based scenes, some with a very shallow learning curve. In fact, other than the fact that you can’t get paid to be a BDSM “doctor,” it sure is a hell of a lot more fun than being a real one. Or a real patient for that matter!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.