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The *Ultimate* Guide to Non-Physical BDSM Punishments | Ms. Elle X – YouTube
rituals
Living in a 24/7 TPE Dynamic
I live with my collared slut. She and I have a 24/7 Total Power Exchange (TPE). This means that at all times she chooses to submit to me. Our dynamic is sex forward. So, one aspect of our dynamic is that at any time, I am free to use her sexually. Our dynamic is kink forward as well. What this means is that at any time, I am free to do anything I wish to her in any kink context that I choose. Naturally, she is not a slave, and she has agency, and she has given me her consent. Naturally, I would never do anything to her or with her that ignored or violated her hard limits. I say “naturally” because all kink dynamics are based on trust.
When I made the choice to seek a submissive partner to live in a 24/7 TPE, I did so after exploring a wide range of kink scenes with an array of submissive women. While I was quite happy with the kink, the sex itself was unfulfilling and I became present to the fact that for me, what was missing was the intimacy of romantic partnership. In my exploration of kink, I learned some things about myself. What sort of fetishes I had and which ones I wanted to explore further and so when I began my search, I had a list of “must haves” and list of “I’d like to have” considerations.
For example, I knew that I was seeking an obedient submissive masochist who was herself seeking a 24/7 TPE. She needed to into or at least open to my entire fetish list. That was the start of the adventure.
I wrote a “seeking post” that posted in all the personal’s on Fetlife in the local and nearby cities. Almost immediately, I received many inquiries from women and I met a few of them. One woman in particular got my attention. Her questions seemed genuine and her curiosity authentic. We messaged for months, spoke once or twice and then, I gave her a task to assess both her obedience and masochism. What I did was I asked her to attempt to orgasm with ginger in her ass. It was smore than that, but that was the gist of it. Not only did she do so, but she orgasmed 3 times and then she sat in a Nadu pose with the ginger inserted and experienced an out of body moment. That task had me anxious to meet her.
We met in person at a restaurant and in the very first moments of our meeting, she made the choice to submit to me. Before we even spoke. My dominant nature, my way of being, my pheromones, whatever, something in her was triggered and she chose me to gift herself to.
Over the next few months, she worked to get complete in her separation and file for divorce (something that was occurring regardless of my interactions with her. Eventually, when she had taken steps to formally separate, she put herself forward to be claimed.
In claiming her, I would mark her inside and out as my own submissive. We had talked about this, and it took courage to put herself as a new kinkster, in the hands of a sadist. The Claiming Ceremony involved being chained, marked with a cane, having me piss in her ass and down her throat.
That began a journey of exploration as we explored many different scenes and kinks of a wide variety of alternatives, to get our kink in alignment. She is very obedient and she does everything I ask. Then after we play, we debrief and we assess if we should do that again, more intensely, less intensely or not at all.
Communication in a kink dynamic is probably the most important aspect of our kink and, in truth, you could say that our favorite fetish is communication. You would not be wrong. I’ll say one important thing about communication between a Dom and a sub. There are times when we need to set aside our dynamic and talk as equals. This is important because as I noted at the outset, she has agency.
Before long, she moved in with me and we started to explore living together in a kink dynamic. Not long after that, we started talking about collaring her. We made the choice to delay the collaring itself until she had created the space she needed to create a new relationship by getting complete with her divorce. This is an important consideration. In order to be able to commit herself to me, she needed to be divorced completely. I needed her to be able to give me her full attention, and with the background noise of an ongoing divorce she did not have the mindset nor the space to put her attention on something brand new. And as soon as her divorce was done and she was complete, we began to plan her collaring ceremony in earnest.
We took collaring seriously. We wrote our statements out so we would not forget what we wanted to say and she kneeled in a circle of candle lights and white rose petals as we started the ceremony by being with each other. We sat there staring into each other’s eyes, silently, or perhaps 5 minutes. We said what there was to say and then we created an intense and prolonged scene to mark the occasion.
It was a beautiful private ceremony that bound us in our kink.
What has happened since then is that we have become closer, more connected and more aligned than ever.
The best aspect of being in a kink dynamic is what we call “The Rabbit Hole”. Why kink is like a rabbit hole is that it takes twists and turns and we discover new things about ourselves and each other. One example is the time I made the choice to give her a daily maintenance spanking. This occurred because I noticed that as the week passed after our weekend marking sessions, she became “out of sorts” and it was clear that she was in a great mood after being marked. And while she put herself forward to be spanked as instructed, what came out of that was unexpected. We used the experience to try different implements on her and she found that with the heavy flogger, somewhere around 150 strokes, she started to have orgasms and experience the flogging as electrical energy. We have experimented with over 1000 strokes, which she loved. This was completely unexpected. Another example is the time I put her in chastity for a month and we only explored anal sex. She discovered her ass as a sex organ – eating her ass gives her orgasms. That was unexpected.
My point is that in the rabbit hole, the twists and turns are surprising and its super fun to have a partner with whom that exploration is occurring.
So what makes our dynamic work? First, we subscribe to a few principles:
– There is nothing wrong.
– We are both 100% responsible.
– We are in communication.
– Trust is present.
There is one other thing. She is incredibly obedient. I find her obedience a turn on. She adheres to protocols with a religious fervor. I love it.
Now a few words on the principles we adhere to. When we say “there is nothing wrong” it is not to dismiss her point of view or her complaint or mine, it’s a recognition that as human beings, we make meaning out of things we do not completely understand. It’s a function of being human. What there is to deal with is “what’s so” about a thing. That keeps us from escalating moments in a negative direction. Second, we both take full responsibility to keep the dynamic alive and well. Its not a 50/50 deal at all. Its 100%/0%. And we talk. We talk so often about so many aspects about our dynamic that we started the podcast Kinky Cocktail Hour. And most important, trust really is present. She trust me to use her hard and not break her. She trusts me to love her and care for her and I trust her to do the same. Intimacy is present.
Our dynamic works because we are committed and not attached to the dynamic and we go with the ebbs and flows of our desires and demands. As the Dom, it is my responsibility to read her. To gauge her energy and her mindset. We have sexualized her completely. She experiences herself as a very sexy creature And she is perfectly suited to be my personal slut. The result is that our sex is lava hot. I would say conservatively, that in the 3 years we have been together, we have had sex over 1,000 times, each time being the hottest sex ever. She always presents herself to be used and it starts there. Lately, we are employing hypnosis to move her into a trance state more quickly and I am training her to experience deep throat fucking as orgasmic. It’s hot.
Writing this has caused me to send her a message that I am going to use her hard when she gets home from work, and I am going to “fuck her silly”. Because our sexuality is wrapped up in kink, this means that she will get flogged and fucked today. Her response? “Mmmmmm…Very, Very HOT!!”. Then she sent me this text:
“Verfreude”
The German word Vorfreude is unique and has no English equivalent. It comes from the words vor (“before”) and Freude (“joy”) and means something along the lines of “joyful anticipation.” Vorfreude is the joy you experience while you are looking forward to something.
Germans often say: “Vorfreude ist die schönste Freude” which means “anticipation is the greatest joy”.
I have Verfreude too.
SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.
You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com
New coaching content can be found on our Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground
Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky Cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/
Discipline-Based Dynamics
We live in a discipline based dynamic (DD). In our relationship, I am the Dom, and my partner is my submissive masochist and 3-hole slut. She is collared. She belongs to me. I own her.
In all discipline-based dynamics there is a Dominant partner and a submissive partner. Here is an example of how that played out in our dynamic. Almost 6 months into our discipline based dynamic that started when I claimed her, it occurred to me that on the days following our High Protocol marking scenes (where she gets marked with a cane), which we hold during the weekend, she was in a much better mood than her baseline, she was unmistakably more loving, happier and more attentive. As the week wore on, she tended to get “out of sorts”. After seeing this play out for a few weeks in a row, I got to thinking about it, and I concluded that she should get a daily maintenance spanking to see if that altered her experience any. Well, I can report that it has dramatically altered both her experience and our relationship. The first time I gave her a daily spanking, we had great sex immediately following and now that ritual is part of our daily extremely hot sexual encounter that itself has opened a lot of doors for us in our pursuit of sexual nirvana. When I first told her that she was to get a daily maintenance spanking, because we live in a DD household, even though she bit her lip with both a bit of concern and a little trepidation, she immediately accepted my decision and made sure she was ready to get spanked every day. Even though she was worried about it at first, she trusted me to look out for her, and she gave her unconditional consent. All DD are based on consent. We live in what is called a 24/7 TPE or Total Power Exchange.
Now, regarding the daily maintenance spanking, just to be clear, she had done nothing wrong, she was simply being human, and so the spanking was not a punishment for a bad behavior, it was not a cause and effect spanking, It was not corporal punishment at all. The discipline in this instance is that she gets a daily spanking, which means that when she gets home from work, she goes to the bathroom and gets herself ready to be spanked and used. This is our protocol. In a DD dynamic, protocols are at play. Because she is an obedient submissive, we do not have a power struggle about this. I have told her what she needs to do to properly prepare herself to serve me and she does that joyfully, even to the point of putting out the flogger, lube and a towel before she kneels in her Nadu pose to wait for my attention.
The impact of incorporating this practice into our daily life is nothing short of amazing. It has dramatically improved our connectedness, our relatedness and the sense of closeness we have between us. We love each other more intensely today that we did when I introduced the practice more than 2 years ago.
This experience of being “much closer than ever” is a very common experience for a D/s couple who practice a domestic discipline lifestyle. Now adult DD relationships are varied. There are female led relationships (FLR) with a dominant woman and a submissive man. This is a very popular topic. The most downloaded episode of our podcast is the FLR pod (Season1 Episode 147). Some of these relationships are strictly discipline oriented where corporal punishment is a part of any punishment or transgression resolution, and some are asexual dynamics as well. In our dynamic the DD is intertwined without sexuality, but this is not always the case. A man who endures the over the knee (OTK) hairbrush spanking and then has to stand in the corner with his red ass exposed may have a “completely normal vanilla” sexual relationship with his partner where he is dominant in bed. It does not really need to be stated, but there are both gay and lesbian DD relationships as well as non-binary dynamics.
One of the more interesting DD dynamics is the Big/Little dynamic where an adult care giver is responsible for an adult little (or child persona) who needs to be disciplined in many ways from having their diaper checked or changed, to what and how much they eat etc. In truth, there are numerous forms of DD relationships which we refer to as “Power Exchange Relationships”, such as:
Master/sub/slave (M/s)
Mistress/sub/slave (M/s)
Mommy Dom/little boy/girl (MD/lg or MD/lb)
Daddy Dom/little boy/girl (DD/lb or DD/lg)
Domestic Discipline (DD)
Head of Household (HOH)
Taken in Hand (TIH)
Total Power Exchange (TPE
Absolute Power Exchange (APE)
By definition, a power exchange relationship (PER) is a relational dynamic in which one individual serves another in a consensual authority exchange structured relationship wherein a partners choose to either give up or get control of authority. Pet play is another power exchange dynamic as well.
There are many issues to deal with in a power exchange relationship. For example, imagine a DD couple where the primary discipline is an Over the Knee (OTK) spanking, and the couple has children? What are some of the concerns? From where I sit, there is never cause to spank a child, so that is not what I am promoting, I am asking strictly from the perspective that the HOH has determined that the sub is to get an OTK spanking, and the household has young or even teenage children. How should that be managed? If you read the message boards, the consensus is that the couple works to separate completely the DD activities from the parenting of their children. It is an adult behavior and not appropriate for the children to witness. To a person, the sub, males and females, will note that the spankings they get make them closer to their dominant. So, it is both needed and necessary, which requires that they find way to take their behavior out of the purview of their children. From the point of view of the children, all they see is a loving relationship between their parents.
Why people choose PER’s is as complex as it is varied. In our case, we are both wired to be in a PER. We were both in unfulfilling marriages before we connected, and we both drifted to a TPE. I had advertised that that is what I was seeking, and she was drawn to my stated relationship intention. Now I want to make an especially important point. There is a massive difference between being dominant and being domineering. Being the HOH does not entitle me to be domineering. In fact, my partner was in a marriage with a domineering man whom she grew to despise. I cannot explain what makes me dominant or why she sensed my dominance even as we met for the first time. I do know that being dominant is my natural way of being and that having her as my submissive has allowed me my full self expression as a sexual being. The secret is to a successful DD is to keep the integrity of the dynamic intact. What do I mean by that? I mean that the relationship only works where consent is present, and it only works where agreements are kept. If, for example, I said, “if you do that again, I am going to spank you” and she does it again and I do not follow through and spank her, then she will begin to wonder if I am paying enough attention to her. This leads to space and space kills relationships. Instead, I enroll her into the dynamic ongoingly and register her willing participation by keeping it fun, and then we both take on making sure that we fulfill on our commitment to each other. PER’s require that both the Dom and the sub are 100% responsible for maintaining the relationship, All PER are consent based as I have noted, and the amount of power a submissive chooses to give up is subject to negotiation. Our dynamic is a Total Power Exchange. I say what goes, and yet, I insist that my sub has agency, and is fully self-expressed. We maintain a remarkably high degree of communication so that she can speak her mind without concern. For example, she might tell me that she is going for a run, she does not ask me if she can go for a run, and that occurs inside of the integrity of our broader dynamic where her fitness and health are a stated priority of ours. If there were an insurmountable issue, we have an agreement in place that we can set aside the DD for the purposes of talking as equals and resolving the issue. In other dynamics, HOH for example, there is an invitation for more discussion preceding decisions that the HOH then makes. In a Big/little dynamic, there is more enrollment that occurs, and discipline might involve punishing brattyness (disobedience designed to elicit a spanking or punishment) and that sort of play. So, as I like to say, there is no right way to be. The individuals need to negotiate a PER dynamic that works for each of them.
There is a really great tool we use to manage communication in our dynamic called WeMinder. As a tool designed for discipline based dynamics, it allows a Dom to assign tasks and reward or punish based on the agreements that have been negotiated. You can listen to the conversation we had with the founder here. (https://www.buzzsprout.com/962578/8559456)
WeMinder is inexpensive and perfect for partners in DD dynamics, including those who do not live in the same geography.
There are dynamics where corporal punishment is used to change behavior. We talked to a Disciplinarian who makes himself available using hard core corporal punishment on request of submissive women who even fly to see him from thousands of miles away to get brutal 12 or 24 or 50 stroke cold caning sessions. I once worked with a woman who wanted to lose weight and quit smoking, and she requested corporal punishment to motivate her to change her behavior. In both of these examples, the PER is asexual. The point is that PER’s occur in all sorts of ways where one partner chooses to give up power and one chooses to take power. The definition is even true in consent/non consent dynamics, which is more of a roll play dynamic. I am simply observing that DD’s occur in the realm of relationship, the realm of sexuality, and the realm where those are combined.
Regardless of the style of DD you choose, the best way to proceed is to be in communication, to negotiate, to make agreements and to stick to them. We choose to operate in a space where there is “nothing wrong”, and as we were developing our dynamic, there were times when we were required set the dynamic aside to speak as equals so as to confirm or clarify or renegotiate an agreement or negotiate a new one. That process occurred more at first while we worked out the limits in our dynamic.
There is tons of information out there in blogs, and on sites like fetlife where there are dozens of groups devoted to DD or PER with thousands of members who engage in conversations and who post their ideas and opinions.
My view is that a PER is a serious commitment. We both believe that we each need to be 100% responsible for maintaining the PER in the healthiest way possible. In the 3 years since we first met, we have seen our relationship and our dynamic grow closer and closer and we are more aligned now than ever before, and she has received a daily maintenance spanking every day for more than half of that time. The spanking she receives are not trivial, but are on the order of 500 lashes with a heavy bull hide flogger that turns her ass bright red. We used the spankings to explore her masochism, and she is now climaxing during her spanking that now occurs as part our ridiculously hot kinky sex. We found the key to unlock our dynamic when I made an observation about her behavior, thought about how to address it in the context of our PER, and came up with the daily maintenance spanking as an idea. Because we are in a rabbit hole, and because we have no idea about the twists and turns, and because new actions produce unpredictable outcomes, we are now closer, more aligned, more connected, more related and more in love, happiness and joy than ever before, and our PER is humming along perfectly.
SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.
You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com
The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground
Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms
Video: Submissive Rituals When You’re Living Together
How do you continue building your power exchange dynamic when co-habitating?
Check out this awesome video from Sam to learn more!
Submissive rituals when you're living together
Erotica: The Laughter Of Kink
I asked what you wanted, as I have many times before. Usually, you will tell me you are unsure, and decide in the moment what will please you. This time you had an answer.
“I want to hear you laugh.”
I was taken aback. Have I been so depressed that you are unable to see something so simple? Has it become so rare you feel the need to request it? I am disheartened to think I have stopped giving you such a small thing.
I shake my head of my thoughts and look at you. “You want me to laugh?”
“Yes. It makes me happy to hear you laugh.”
It has been a long time since I was at a loss for words. I do not know where to even begin to make this happen. If it were so easy, I probably would have done so already. It will be a challenge Sir. But I am sure I can accommodate your request.
I am nervous Sir. I have been so unsure of what you have planned. I am so afraid of disappointing you. This is the first time you have told me what you plan to do. I always thought that doing so would take away the anticipation. It did not.
You have decided on tickle torture.
I am convinced of two things. I am probably going to piss myself. And I am probably going to die. Ok, that is a little dramatic, even for me. But I cannot help it.
I am standing before you, completely exposed. I am trying to be patient. Methodically, you are wrapping rope around me. My arms are folded behind me, each hand clasping an opposite forearm. My eyes are closed, and I am trying to relax my breathing.
Ropes have never been a limit. We just do not use them. I have discovered that my patience is minimal when it comes to this kind of prep work.
Your hands are soft as you move the rope around me. Ever so slowly, it tightens into place. Finally, I hear you chuckle. I am curious at what has amused you. My eyes pop open just in time to catch the camera flash.
My head dropped down to hide my blush. No matter how depraved we get, I never cease to feel so shy when your attention is focused on me.
“Head up sweetie.”
I complied.
Your hands are tugging at different spots. I am sure you are making sure that nothing will damage me.
“How does that feel?”
“Good, Master. Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet. We are just getting started.”
There is that feeling again. The nervous anticipation.
Your fingers are running through my hair. It is so long now. You seem to have such a fascination with it. I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I kneel. As I settle, I feel a brush run through my hair. I stay silent, enjoying the feeling. You have never done this before.
I try to stamp down the little voice inside my head that tells me that you are dissatisfied with me for leaving my hair down. I normally pull it back, but I thought you might enjoy the change. Was I wrong, Sir? Should I not have deviated from my normal routine?
I try not to let my inner thoughts ruin what you are doing. I have to remember to breathe. It does not matter the why. It only matters what pleases you.
After several long moments, I feel you pull my hair back and wrap it into a ponytail. Then I felt the telltale pull of braiding. I have not had someone braid my hair in years. It is odd how much I am enjoying this.
Of course, I am not blind to the fact that the nicer you are now, the rougher you will be later.
I am sure I make quite the picture, Sir. The white ropes are stark as they crisscross over my skin. My shoulder muscles are taunt from trying to free my hands. My hair hangs in a braid down my back. And the beautiful cherry on top, is my jaw wrenched open by a red ball gag. I can feel the amount of drool sliding down the sides of my mouth.
Do I glisten Sir? Are you enjoying the mess you have turned me into before we have even started?
You do not have to answer Sir. I can see the glint in your eye. You are enjoying this.
At least you were kind enough to use the gag with holes through it. Maybe I will still be breathing at the end of this.
The first shove took me off guard. I have been standing here, just waiting for instructions, and you have not said a word. You just stared at me. Do you know how unnerving that is or how much it makes me want to squirm?
But I know better. I waited, as still as possible, for your instruction.
Suddenly, I felt your hand in the middle of my back and I was forcefully shoved. My body hits the bed and it takes the wind out of me for a second. I try to get my knees under me to adjust myself, but you are not letting up.
The game has begun.
I feel several rough smacks from your hand every time I try to shift up. There is no warm-up today. Finally, taking far longer than it should have for me to understand, I stop trying to get my knees under me. All I am doing is giving you a target.
I start rotating my body so that I can flip onto my side. You start tickling my feet. I cannot help but laugh. It sounds awfully breathy through the gag. I hate being tickled. Did I mention that Sir? I despise it. But above all, I despise anyone tickling my feet. They are so sensitive that it often hurts.
My brain is fighting over the rules. I am not supposed to move when you tickle me. Because you enjoy watching me struggle. Yet, my reflex is to kick at you.
I curl my knees up, trying to keep my feet still but move from your reach. It is a fruitless endeavor. You simply move closer. My body is twisting, I have lost the battle to stay still. I am laughing. I turn to look at you. Your face is filled with Sadistic glee.
In that second, I know exactly why I agreed to this.
I cannot take it anymore. My legs are kicking at you. This just seems to amuse you more. I roll onto my back so I can use my feet to push me up the bed, trying to escape. You expected the move. Your hands wrap around my ankles and tug. My ass is at the edge of the bed. You move over me and straddle my hips. As you meet my eyes, your fingers move to my sides and start tickling me relentlessly.
I toss my head side to side. Your thighs tighten on my hips. I am pinned. I will be at your mercy until you decide otherwise.
It hurts but I cannot stop laughing. My brow is matted with sweat. This is one hell of a workout.
I feel one of your hands move up my stomach and grab roughly at my boob. Your fingers pinch my nipples tightly and you tug upward. You are just holding it. Every time I try to twist from the tickling. You gave me a slight reprieve from the tickling but now both my nipples are under your sadistic hands.
Your thumb and pointer fingers hold tight to my nipples. You seem to enjoy pinching right where my piercings lay. It hurts so much more, especially when you roll them until your nails are dig into the tender flesh.
You smirk down at me when I hiss in pain. Without a word, you lean down and take my nipple between your teeth and tug harshly. I should probably specify that the strangled noise you heard was, in fact, a gasp. A gasp, I repeated, as you spent a few minutes alternating between each of my nipples.
They are so tender Sir. They will be for days. But you know that. You know my work clothes will press upon the tortured flesh and I will be distracted by the memories it conjures.
You let go suddenly and lean back. Your body weight presses down on my thighs and my stomach heaves in exhaustion. You are looking down at me. Your eyes boring into mine. My face is flush. I can feel it. My jaw aches as I pant through the gag.
I’ve never seen you so energetic during play. You have a glow about you. It makes me happy.
I can feel myself slipping Sir. I can see the static starting to form around you. The blood is rushing loudly through my ears, making it difficult to hear. I am quickly sinking into subspace, Sir.
I am positive you see it.
Your hand wraps in the front harness of ropes and pulls my upper body close to you. My eyes feel blown open as I try to meet your eyes. It is so difficult to make eye contact Sir. I am losing focus.
You let go and I drop back to the bed. My head bounces. I am saddened by the loss of pressure.
Suddenly, your hand is wrapped back in the ropes as you spin my body around. I will never understand how you can move me as though I am weightless.
My feet are on the wall and my legs are bent. My head rests in the middle of the bed and I am staring up at the ceiling. I laugh when you wrap my braid around your hands. I understand now.
I needed a handle.
I push against the wall, trying to alleviate the tugging on my head as I am pulled to the edge of the bed. As my head comes to rest, hanging off the bed, I see you crouch down. I feel you undoing the buckle of the gag. Your fingers slide around my cheeks, towards my lips, and you gently pry the gag from between my teeth.
The first thing I did was swallow. I am sticky with sweat and saliva, but I unable to move to wipe it away. As you stand, I move to lift my head, but you prevent it by stepping forward. Your jeans press against my face.
I can smell your arousal Sir. It excites me.
Like the good girl I am, I open wide and stick out my tongue.
Have I been good enough to get a reward Sir? Will I get to taste you?
You stand there for a few minutes. I feel restless. I rub my face against your jeans. Please, Sir. Please may I please you?
I keep still and quiet. You do not like to feel rushed. I am here for your pleasure, not the other way around.
Then I hear it.
Your zipper slides down and the button is tugged from its home. Teasingly, you take your time pulling out your cock. I have no choice but to wait patiently. I am not in a position to initiate anything and you know it.
You put the tip to my lips. I stick my tongue out and work my piercing around the head. I push the tip of my tongue slightly against your slit, moving it up and down for a few strokes before I return to circling the head.
I must have teased you a little too much.
Without warning, your length is down my throat, passed my gag reflex. My throat is spasming around you as I gag. I am struggling to breath. My nose is buried in your balls and your scent is all around me, but I cannot draw breath.
I start struggling. My feet flatten on the bed and I lift my hips. My lower half is twisting, trying to tell you I need to breathe.
You wait a few seconds more.
Then you pull back. I draw breath just before you thrust in again. Over and over, I struggle to breathe as you alternate your rhythm. Sometimes you fuck my mouth without mercy. Then you will bury yourself deep and wait until my body twists and turns in panic before pulling back.
It starts to get fuzzy around here Sir. I remember your hand wrapping around my throat as you push your length slowly back in. You do not go far enough to trigger my gag reflex. My chest is heaving, drawing small, short pockets of air around your cock.
I feel as though I am suffocating but you always leave me enough room to draw breath.
When your hand leaves my neck, I feel you pull yourself from my mouth. My eyes are struggling to stay open.
As they slide closed, my body exhausted, I feel you finish on my face. I can feel it across my forehead and my eyes. There is even a bit sliding down my cheek.
I feel relaxed now Sir. My breathing is slowing, and everything is quiet.
I feel your finger tap twice on my lips. I open obediently. You wipe the last of your cum across my tongue.
I must have missed you speaking. It is rare you resort to hand signals.
It is so quiet.
Where are you, Sir?
My body is freezing now. All the hairs are standing on end and I am shivering.
Your hands are like fire as they caress my skin.
I both love and hate this. I want to curl into you Sir. Yet, I have to wait as you remove the ropes. I know you are being cautious, so I do not get burned, but I just want you to hold me.
Once free, my body just drops. I do not even have the strength to even lift my head.
I jump slightly when I feel a warm cloth on my face. You are cleaning me up.
It saddens me to have my face cleaned but I appreciate you taking care of me, Sir.
Even with my eyes closed, I know you are talking to me. I cannot hear you. But that is normal.
I hope my laughter has pleased you, Sir.
As soon as my senses dull, and I come back to you, I will be sure to thank you properly.
With three kisses to each boot and my forehead to the floor.
Alternatives To Physical Punishment
Want to learn how to better discipline your submissive?
Then, check out this amazing video by the fabulous Evie Lupine!
Alternatives to Physical Punishment: MORE Effective Discipline! [BDSM]
![Alternatives to Physical Punishment: MORE Effective Discipline! [BDSM]](https://www.kinkweekly.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-youtube-lyte/lyteCache.php?origThumbUrl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2FZujDlLM_z8c%2F0.jpg)
On Discipline
I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!
As we all know, one of the composite phrases in the acronym, BDSM, is B&D: Bondage and Discipline. In this context, discipline is defined as actions that are applied to the submissive, while the submissive is bound and incapable to resist. Discipline could be impact play, humiliation, chores, etc. Urban Dictionary has a reasonable definition for B&D: “used in reference to practices involving physical restraint and punishment”
Of course, “Discipline” has other meanings, both within, and outside of the context of B&D. The Oxford definition has several, two of which are particularly pertinent to this discussion. The first is also often thought of in a BDSM context: “The practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.” The second interpretation offered by Oxford hits home for me in a big way: “Training oneself to do something in a controlled and habitual way”.
In a sense, the subtle differences between these two definitions harken back to my discussion on the different viewpoints people have on submission: That submission is either the passive or active role. There are those who feel that submission is about having things done TO you by a dominant, whereas others (like myself) prefer to think of submission as being dedicated to doing things FOR a dominant that the dominant feels is FOR them. In the first, submission is passive: Things are done to you. In the second, submission is active: You are doing things for the dominant.
In this same way, the first definition of discipline is about doing TO the submissive. The submissive is the recipient of training; the recipient of punishment and adjustment. The goal of this discipline is obedience, as defined by the dominant. The dominant is the one doing the discipline…the sub is accepting it. This is what many people think of as submission. The goal of the submissive is to ACCEPT the discipline and adjust their behavior.
The second definition is focused on the submissives themselves. The submissive is structuring their own behavior to act in a specific way. They are providing and generating the energy required to enforce their own desired traits. They are motivated by an “ideal behavior”.
For those who have talked to me, read my books, or read my articles here in KinkWeekly, you already know that my preference is for subs to be self-disciplined. Self-discipline, in a power dynamic as a submissive, implies that the ideal behavior to which you are aspiring, is known to serve the dominant the way the dominant prefers to be served. The dominant sets and communications the ideal, the submissive works to achieve it.
This is very different than having discipline thrust upon you. When you are “trained to obey”, your behavior is motivated by the consequences of not obeying. The discipline is manifested in the form of punishment and behavior modification. Contrast this to self-discipline, in which the dominant communicates desired behavior and the submissive chooses to structure themselves to deliver against that specification, motivated by their desire to serve the dominant in the best way they can.
To me, this is fundamentally the difference between “Submission” and “Acquiescence”. Read my article on this subject, or my books, for more information about this distinction.
So, when a sub boasts about how much they can accept, absorb, or endure…when they talk about punishment and the need for restriction in order to remain focused on serving – I quickly lose interest. I have no interest in manipulating submission. My interest is in defining submission clearly, so that my submissives can provide the self-discipline needed to fulfill their need to submit to me.
A sub who demonstrates discipline is far more valuable to me than one who accepts discipline. If you’re a dominant and feel the same way, communicate that to your submissives. Change the way they think of submission. If you’re a submissive, consider that your dominant may prefer you to be more self disciplined…and may not have even thought it “proper” to ask it. I strongly recommend that you use these definitions as a discussion-point to help you further define your power dynamic with your partners. It’s one of many steps on the road to mutual fulfillment!
Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com
Scene Safety in Mixed Venue Environments
As time goes on money gets tighter and clubs dedicated to BDSM only are becoming more scarce or harder to get into. As a result, mixed venue environments are being used more often for events, gatherings, and play parties. Mixed venue environments are places which may be kink friendly but are not solely dedicated to BDSM such as swingers clubs, kink friendly bars/nightclubs, or any other place where we can reasonably believe the crowd around where we will be playing comes from differing lifestyles.
There are plenty of safety considerations when deciding on the type of play and setup for a scene in these environments, it all hinges on forethought and preparation. Stand-off distance, equipment choice/availability, crowd movement around the play space, crowd monitoring, and crowd composition are some of the considerations when setting the scene and deciding on the type of scene you will be running.
Playing Where Not Everyone Knows the Etiquette
“People should know to stay out of our way,” is often the attitude of my fellow Lifestylers who are not as accustomed to working in mixed venues. Except a good portion of the crowd will likely not know the safety standards, may be drinking or using other intoxicants, and likely do not understand the needs of the players for unencumbered space for everyone’s safety, including their own. What we often take for granted, others are naïve of.
Recently I attended a kink night at a swingers club. This was a common event once a month (my first time there) and many of the kink players there were not familiar with the space as they had changed the setup of their “dungeon.” What was previously a fairly open and lighted space was now a tight, crowded, poorly lit area. So overcrowded with equipment it restricted players in ways they might not normally have to deal with in a dedicated dungeon. In addition, as aforementioned, there were plenty of intoxicated people around to throw a wrench in the works.
A spanking bench was set up dead center in a 20’ x25’ “dungeon” surrounded by a set of stocks, two St. Andrews Crosses, a medical table, flogging post, and a rather large snake looking things which I have no name for. There were no dungeon monitors to prevent anyone from encroaching on play. Out in another area there were two suspension rigs hanging above the dance floor barely ten feet apart without any cordon around the space to keep people at a distance.
To those who might not know better, it might look like a very cool set up. However, the reality was this space was ripe for someone becoming injured, including bystanders. As a result, players were unable to freely engage in activity without being constantly encroached on; no suspensions happened but plenty of rather loopy people walked up and started using the steel suspension rings like a jungle gym to the chagrin of the two rope tops trying to get something going; and actual scenes were few. But plenty of people brought budget toys to go after each other in manners I would rather not describe. Not a single first aid kit was in sight.
I did speak with the venue owners later in the evening to express my concerns. To their credit, they were more than willing to help make changes in the future to improve both safety and the ability to play. They just did not know what they did not know. Not their fault, but I am surprised no one had taken them aside before and had this conversation.
Before I go farther, I am not blaming anyone. There are a vast number of people entering kink who simply do not know and have not seen what can happen when things go wrong. I am just focusing on what I was able to determine as potential problem areas and try to address how to play safer in similar venues should you choose to attend one.
The new reality for many of us is we must learn to work within the spaces available to us for our kinky gatherings. Whether we like it or not. For some, they are the only spaces available to them.
About Some of the Considerations.
Stand-off distance: Depending on the space available, we may not be able to run a scene with a single-tail or other long implements. How much room is available will drive, partially, the type of toys we may be able to use. Or we may get to where we are setting up and have to change what we have planned. Bring options so you can adjust as needed. We need the length of our implement, plus the length of our arm, plus 18 inches for a minimum safe distance regarding swing path (from where we will be standing, not from the center of the furniture in use). There also needs to be at least four feet around where our bottom will be so no one can reach in and touch them.
If possible, we should border the play space with rope or tape at waist height to create our standoff. If this is not possible, we might have to get creative with how to create the standoff. Or enlist the help of a couple other players to DM for you, and in turn, DM for them to help keep the look-e-loos at bay.
Equipment/Furniture: Whether you bring your own, or the kink furniture is being provided, it all takes up space. Where it is placed within the play space and what angle it is placed can maximize your room available without having to impinge on the rest of the venue. Regardless of what we want, it is not likely the space provided for play will be able to be expanded (indoors) and your choice of implement may need to change accordingly.
Mixed venue spaces are geared more for the social, than they are for play. There may be other impediments such as tables and chairs, a bar, couches etc. which may limit where we can move kink furniture. Coordinating with local management to set up a play space for a limited time may or may not be an option, but it does not hurt to ask.
Crowd Movement Around the Play Space: Pay attention to the major routes of movement around your potential space. Which way are people traveling? Where are they going? Is it a route to essential services such as restrooms, a first aid station, or (chuckles) the bar? If you are able, pick a play space, or set up the play space so people only need to move on one side or another. Again, keep in mind your backswing area and over travel area for certain types of toys.
At one mixed venue club we attend regularly, our group takes over an elevated stage which is just about the right amount of room for a spank bench or horse and enough standoff to conduct flogging. Being bordered on three sides by couches (occupied by our friends) we are able to control the space fairly well.
Crowd Monitoring: We may need not just a Dungeon Monitor but someone to pay attention to what the crowd is doing. Often others in the immediate area will not understand what they are seeing and may try to encroach on the space in one way or another. The DM must have the ability to watch both play and monitor the crowd. In some cases, there may need to be more than one DM for the scene. Regardless, our DM needs to have the understanding that many of the people around them, do not know what is safe, needed, or expected. The ability to keep a cool head and explain things calmly will help greatly.
Crowd Composition: Let’s face it, some of the play we can get into can seem pretty rough, if not actually rough, to the uneducated observer. Edge type play in a mixed venue is probably not a good idea. Knives, hook suspensions, scat, piss, roman showers, blood etc. can get the average Joe or Jane all worked up and upset. Giving consideration to the crowd you will be in front of, can prevent Joe/Jane from having the compelling need to save your bottom from you and putting your DM in a bad position. Not saying you cannot do these and other things, just saying you should think about it first and plan accordingly.
Be Open to Questions: After the scene, when appropriate for you, be willing to answer questions for those who are curious. This is your opportunity to talk about not just the scene, but why things were set up the way they were, etiquette, as well as other points we simply take for granted. Remember, they likely do not know, be kind.
Final Thoughts
We all want to have the safest play possible, have successful events, and forward a good impression of kink, BDSM, and our Lifestyle. A little extra time and planning can help make that happen. How we conduct our play in mixed venues gives us the ability to be good kink ambassadors. We can show through our actions, how we handle onlookers, and answering questions that kink is more than just slapping people around and skull fucking.
There is always a way to have our fun in these environments, we just have to be flexible about it. So go out and get your kink on!
TAC is a lifestyle writer, dominant, and mentor who contributes to several online educational groups such as the BDSM Alternative Lifestyle Discussion and Education; Information Exchange for Dom/mes, Masters, and Mistresses; and the Virtual Munch. His writing includes information on self-improvement, growth, dominance, trauma, power dynamics and power exchange, and safety. His goal is to continue giving back to a community of friends who have supported him for nearly three decades. He can be found on Fetlife at TAC_1
Overcoming Obstacles to General Acceptance Requires Focus on the D/s in BDSM
I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!
I am confident that there will come a time, when relationships with power dynamics will be commonly accepted in our culture. We are already seeing signs of it in popular media: BDSM has become a bit more “mainstream”; moving beyond its presence in fashion and showing up in more real ways. Power dynamics are plots and sub-plots in the shows we view at home, in the movie theaters, and in books.
BDSM is arriving, but not “all of it”. B&D and S&M are being depicted, but D/s is lagging far behind! In many ways, it’s easier to depict BDSM without D/s. It’s relatively easy to have actors “do things to each other” than to pull off the deeper character development needed to portray a committed D/s dynamic convincingly and so, for impact value, ease of production, and perhaps out of lack of understanding, media has embraced S&M and B&D and foregone the emotional commitment of D/s.
This creates some issues, not the least of which is that the imagery of B&D and S&M, particularly as portrayed within the media, is very closely aligned with the imagery of abuse, biker-outlaws, Nazism, and psychotics! As someone who just wants to engage in consensual healthy power dynamics, this is quite troublesome.
As I’ve pointed out previously, power dynamics in media, which is a critical first step in acceptance in culture, is in its infancy. We are barely beginning to be introduced to characters of substance, who have a healthy interest in D/s; who do not have to be damaged by childhood trauma, or psychotic drive as an excuse to enjoy open power exchange. Only barely…for most of the characters still suffer from some aspect of that excuse, or are portrayed as comedic shills – wild, out-there characters who will push any norm. We have not yet seen a character within a power dynamic, who does not require a “reason” for being involved in it. It is not “normal” yet – and therefore needs an explanation to be believable.
This is going to change. Much the way interracial relationships used to be verboten – then accepted with excuse – and now presented everywhere, without calling any attention to itself; power dynamics will eventually be portrayed as a matter of course – a sub-text – and nothing out of the ordinary. We will eventually relate to the characters in such a way that they will be able to accept their interests without need for explanation. We will get to the point where we won’t need to understand Joe and Mary’s childhood experiences to accept that they are a happily married couple – and Mary chooses to serve Joe as his submissive”. We’ll just accept that and be focused on the real plot of the show.
I hope to live long enough to see the day…but I do believe it WILL happen.
What are the obstacles standing in the way of making this happen? The first problem to overcome is to establish that people can choose to be dominant or submissive without it reflecting a weakness or a flaw in their character. We still seem to need an explanation – a reason why someone would want to stray from the perceived norm. The assumption is that there HAS to be something lacking or damaged in the personalities.
There is a learned resistance to power dynamics that stems from society’s proactive attempts to criminalize abuse. Due to the abolition of slavery, the emancipation of women, and the movement against discrimination of all types – there is an overarching sensitivity to repression and imbalance. We naturally want to repel any unfairness. However, conflating consensual power dynamics with these examples of non-consensual abuse is misleading, and harmful.
Even once we can clarify the difference between consensual power dynamics and non-consensual abuse, there are still other obstacles to overcome. Gender bias very much sways acceptance. The generalization is that men tend to be dominant and women tend to be submissive. Intellectually, we know how wrong that stereotype is. It has been a high obstacle for rebellion in women’s rights activists who have had to fight it. Even though our young generations are being raised without that assumption, it’s still present and impacts the way media portrays the dynamics.
If I were to present a show where Joe is Mary’s master, the audience would accept the premise. Of course, the feminist mentality in all of us would challenge the producers with claims that the relationship is setting back women’s independence by many years and there would be flack for allowing the stereotype to be perpetuated, but no one would challenge the nature of the arrangement. The audience would never challenge why Joe wants to be the dominant. They would even accept that Mary is submissive. Dominance=masculinity…submission=femininity.
But turn it around: Joe is Mary’s submissive. Suddenly, the audience will seek to find a rationale: WHY does he want to be submissive? What is lacking from his masculinity? Is he “pussy-whipped”? Is he a “mama’s boy” or Is he compensating for some childhood trauma? Is he looking for a release from the pressures of his otherwise dominant life? Furthermore, why would Mary want to be dominant? Is she a radical feminist? Does she hate men? The audience will struggle figure out what’s driving these two to make such a diversion. It’s viewed as “Role-Reversal” because the popular beliefs have been challenged. Gender bias is a huge obstacle.
It’s also interesting that BDSM submission seems easier for the public to accept than dominance. Dominance is viewed as the one “doing the doing”. This is the BDSM-mentality of doing things TO the submissive. That’s the imagery. Under this assumption, people will “excuse” a submissive, by attributing their acceptance as weakness in the presence of the power and persuasion of a determined dominant. But the motivations of a dominant are immediately suspect and have no excuse. They are evil, power hungry Bond-villains, out to take over the world. They are psychotic sadists, who have to hurt to be whole.
How does this change? How do we find BDSM relationships to be acceptable regardless of gender, and be brought out from behind closed doors? How do we get to a point where submission and dominance are equally acceptable?
I believe that a focus on D/s as the primary motivation for a couple, without the necessity of the imagery of S&M and B&D, will begin to bridge acceptance. Establishing an emotional bond between two partners in which one chooses to serve the other, will be more easily digested by the public. Most people have felt the desire to serve another and most people will accept that allowing someone to serve you (who WANTS to serve you) can be a natural response. Most people will accept that you don’t have to be psychotic to feel and desire consensual power dynamics.
As we all know, B&D and S&M are OPTIONAL ACTIVITIES in a relationship with D/s power dynamics. They are elected within the context of the power agreement. They will likely not be the only activities. Portray this in the media, even though it’s much harder to do, and we will see a change in perception and acceptance. Once the emotional bond is established in the minds of the viewers, they will accept it as the motivation for any physical bondage that follows. So long as the D/s is the primary motivation, the practices of B&D and S&M will be more readily acceptable and the public will not be dreaming up more destructive rationale for the actions. And if they are not present at all, more people will be exposed to, and understand, pure D/s dynamics…that can’t be a bad thing!
Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com
D/s Protocols
Being a kinkster is as unique as a random dot on a page. What do I mean by that? If you think of the world of kink as represented by a sheet of paper. On one axis you have the range of fetishes and on the other axis you have the range of intensities. If I look at my world of kink, the fetishes I am into and you look at the intensity level of my kink life, you will be able to put a coin about the size of a silver dollar over my preferences somewhere on the page.
Take protocols. In simple terms, a protocol is defined as “a system of rules that explain the correct conduct and procedures to be followed in formal situations” I am not motivated to have my submissive do tasks for the sake of doing tasks. And at the same time, our life, in a 24/7 TPE dynamic, we have a number of protocols in our life. Some are simple, for example, when my submissive goes off to work, she wears a butt plug as a way of keeping me with her, and she is required to send me a good morning message with a picture of her ass, butt plug inserted. This is especially true for us after marking her, she is required to send me pictures of her marks every day. That is a protocol. Something I have asked her to do for me as a matter of routine. I never have to ask her to send me a picture of her marks, our protocol is that she just does so after being marked as a matter of protocol. And she sends me a message via WeMinder (which I will talk more about in a minute) that she completed her task or duty.
There are other Dom’s who have similar but different protocols that they have designed for their preferred lifestyle. I interviewed a Dom who has his sub wash him in the shower and then she kneels with his towel presented to him as he steps out of the shower. It is a simple gesture of submission, and similarly to my sub, his sub does so as a matter of protocol without being asked.
Some dynamics are extremely high protocol. To the point that the sub has to have permission to do anything, including go to the bathroom. The degree of how intense the protocol dynamics are depend on the needs of the partners and they must determine what works for them.
Even though my submissive is collared, and even though this is TPE and a 24/7 dynamic, we actually have numerous protocols that we have chosen to live with. Before I say more about that, I want to talk about an app called WeMinder. This is an app that we use to track the protocols we have in play. We interviewed Mako, the developer of the app on our podcast, Kinky Cocktail Hour, that you can listen to here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/962578/episodes/6206590.
Using this app, my submissive logs her tasks and chores as she completes them, and it allows me to offer her feedback from praise to scolding, and even punishment. She can also share her mood with me at any time and know instantly that I am aware of how she is feeling. It’s a fantastic app for D/s couples who are protocol oriented. You can get the app by visiting weminder.app and I recommend it highly and it’s very reasonably priced.
When we engage in what we call “High Protocol” days, my submissive prepares for use the way she normally does, she is a three hole slut and she is fully prepared for a prolonged scene. When she kneels for me, which is how she presents herself to be used, she offers up a cane for marking. Normally she offers me her leash to attach to her collar, but in high protocol days, she gets chained with a heavy chain before she is used and marked. During high protocol days, she is limited to being on all fours during play and she is required to ask for cane strokes after her initial marking.
Her tasks and chores are both designed to fulfill on her role as a service slut on one hand and on her sexual submission inside of a sex forward, kink forward dynamic. Our daily maintenance spanking scene is a protocol. When I get into bed in the evening, she puts her head on my chest and cups my balls while we talk about our day and the final act of our dynamic that lives in the world of protocol is that when it’s time, she rolls over and we spoon and I take hold her breast, holding her close as we fall asleep. My point is that start to finish, our days are filled with protocols. We divide the protocols into two broad categories: Tasks and Chores. Tasks are things I might randomly task her with doing and that might be as different as having her masturbate with the Hitachi every 30 minutes, or to do certain routine things for me such as sending me a picture of her marks. Chores related to her duties around the house.
Protocols live in the world of agreements. On one hand they are designed to give structure to the dynamic and on the other, they are a natural evolution of a power exchange. My preference is to have the protocols occur because they fulfill her desires, so to implement a new protocol, we talk about it first, and I enroll her in the possibility that the protocol creates and then she does what I have requested but she does so because it is what she wants to do.
There is a very wide range of protocol implementation strategies in kink. It can be a very minor part of your dynamic if that is what you prefer, or it can be the entirety of your dynamic if that is what you prefer. I am going to make the observation that even in vanilla relationships there are protocols. For instance when I was married, my ex-wife used to bring me coffee on a Sunday morning while I watched soccer in bed. I came to expect this and it occurred routinely for years. I never asked her to do this, she just started doing this small thing for me that made our lives more manageable. The way that that small act occurred was that it was a loving action that made me feel appreciated even for just that moment. It was indeed a protocol that existed during my vanilla marriage. My point is that spoken or unspoken we operate with protocols all around us, the difference is that in a kink context, communication is the key difference. A protocol is an agreement to do x or y, which requires that the Dom and sub are in communication.
Being in a dynamic is a power exchange. The sub surrenders his or her power to their Dom and then it is up to the Dom to exercise that power appropriately. The sub wants to please. It is through protocols that the Dom communicates to the sub what is expected and required for that behavior to land as “pleasing” to the Dom. The sub knows where they stand. They know what is needed and expected. If they are committed to the dynamic, then they will fulfill the protocols. If there is space or distance and the protocols start to break down, then it gives the Dom something to address to get at the root of the upset.
I keep making this point: our kink is really communication. We talk about our dynamic almost every day. We plan, revisit, debrief, dream, vision share, and so on. The reason our protocols are in place is because we have made a series of agreements around our dynamic.
A good place to start is to sit down facing each other and do this drill. One partner asks the other partner what they want done to them and then asks what they want to do to you, and then switch roles. Take notes and then use those notes to talk about each of those ideas and make agreements about those that make sense to you to implement into your dynamic.
A D/s power exchange works best for all concerned when the communication is clean. We have a commitment to each other to allow no space between us. We are each responsible for keeping that structure in our dynamic and we have found, as will you, that the use of protocols keeps the dynamic humming along.
SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.
You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com
The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground
Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms
Above is a link to their podcast!