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Anticipatory Service: Is it Right for Your Dynamic?

September 5, 2020 By Ms. Rika 2 Comments

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I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!

People’s preferences differ. Dominants are no exception. One topic that generates lots of debates among dominants – and therefore, confusion among subs – is the area of Anticipatory Service. To some (myself included), having a submissive who is so in-tuned with my definition of dominance and submission, that they can consistently accurately act in accordance with my preferences, without needing to be told and without needing to ask for permission, is the pinnacle of good submission. To others, it’s a repulsive idea.

When I mention Anticipatory Service, I’m often met with, “Subs make terrible mind-readers!” I respond that the notion that anticipation requires reading someone’s mind is completely erroneous. Yes, anticipatory service requires that the sub be focused on the dominant quite a bit. They need to remember things, be observant, and present. It requires that the sub be attentive, empathetic, and a little intuitive. But they’re not expected to be a mind-readers. Rather, they’re expected to internalize their dominant’s preferences and apply them to their decisions.

There are dominants who prefer that the sub never take the initiative to act on their behalf and to never make their own decisions. They may allow the submissive to make suggestions, but never to act without instruction / permission to do so. They prefer the method of “Recall and Obey”: Only allow the sub to act on their own when it’s in response to a standing directive (e.g., Every Tuesday AM do this…Every time I do that, you do this).
For me, this plays on the difference between “Information” and “Instruction”. Information provides the “Why” of a request, whereas Instruction provides the “How”. If I inform the sub that I want something done and provide the basis for them to determine what “correct” is, they are given the responsibility of determining how to do it to my expectation.

If I provide instruction, they are to “obey” and follow those instructions. In my opinion, a sub following instructions will, at best, meet expectations – whereas a sub who is given information can exceed those expectations. For me, a sub who can exceed my expectations is a top-notch sub!

To clarify this distinction, I propose the following scenario:
Let’s say a dominant tells her sub, “From now, until I tell you otherwise, you are to bring me a glass of wine with a bowl of fruit each evening when I sit down to watch TV.”

The sub does so, each evening: Recall and obedience.
Tomorrow, the dominant has an appointment with the doctor and will be getting her blood taken to test for blood sugar levels. The sub knows this and knows that she cannot have the sugar from the fruit, nor from the alcohol, but it’s slipping the dominant’s mind – and she isn’t telling the sub to do anything different.

The sub has some choices:

1. Pure recall and obedience would edict that the sub does what he’s told to do, anyway – as he wasn’t told NOT to do it…so he would blindly obey. He brings the glass of wine and fruit, obediently.
2. Inquire, don’t act: The sub reminds the dominant of her blood test the next day and asks if he should bring the wine and cheese anyway. The dominant would then tell the submissive if she would have something else instead.
3. Anticipatory: The sub reminds the dominant of her blood test the next day and shows her that he prepared an alternate snack that doesn’t impact the blood work, and offers it as an option to her. If the alternative is not what she wants, she’ll send him off for something else, otherwise, she’s all set.

Given this example, some dominants are going to choose #2; not wanting the sub to act without permission. Frankly, I don’t see too many choosing #1, as that strikes me a bit more like fantasy play than reality. You all can likely guess that I’d prefer #3. I don’t mind allowing the sub to use their minds and not rely only on me.

If my sub were choosing the alternative snack for me, it wouldn’t be chosen out of the blue – nor would it be chosen because he miraculously “read my mind” – it would be chosen based on his best understanding of my preferences, the situation as it stands, (in this case) his knowledge of blood tests and the impacts of what I ate / drank prior to drawing the blood, and any other factors that might influence my preference (e.g, What I ate earlier in the day – if he knows that, if I will be working out later – if he knows that, what I’m having for dinner – if he knows that, etc.).

All of those “If he knows that”s are important to note. He’s not expected to know everything – he can’t read my mind. He’s expected to take whatever he knows and use it to make his best, educated, anticipation. Obviously, the more in-tuned he is with me; the more he is aware of my patterns and the way I prefer to handle situations, and the more observant he can be – the more educated and accurate his anticipation will be. This would give him the best chance of arriving at a solution that will please me.

And if he doesn’t get it right, that’s OK too. I don’t get mad at my sub if he anticipates incorrectly – as long as he was truly trying to the best of his ability and as long as he learns from his mistakes. If he gets something wrong (or not right), then it’s a learning experience that will influence and improve his anticipation skills in the future. We’re in this, together, for the long haul.

I assure you, that when a sub gets it right and comes up with something PERFECT that I, myself, might not have even thought of – exceeds my expectations – that’s heaven! Consider that, If he’s obedient, the best I can get is what I can think of. Whereas, if he gets good at anticipating, and is encouraged to do so, I can get surprised by things that may be even BETTER than what I would have thought of! Two minds can be better than one – as long as they’re focused on the same objective (my happiness)!

If you’re a submissive, be sure to take your lead from the unique dominant to whom you’re submitting. Don’t assume anticipatory service is better because Rika said it is for her. You are a student, who needs to learn your dominant’s preferences – particularly when it comes to the style of submission they would like. Also, submissives, don’t try to push your preferences onto your dominant. You might like to never be allowed to make a decision on your own, but your dominant may not like the pressure / burden that places on them. If your goal is to make your dominant pleased with your service as their submissive, focus on their preferences and adapt to deliver to the best of your ability.

If you’re a dominant, make sure you understand and communicate your preferences to your submissives. Usually dominants don’t need to be told that, but you might be surprised how often dominants either forget, or try to appease their submissives. Know what you prefer and assure your submissive understands it. Then expect it to be done the way you prefer!

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A- Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Video: BDSM Fear Play

September 5, 2020 By Depraved Eros 3 Comments

Watch this video on YouTube

A lot of what drives BDSM is mental and emotional.

This week Depraved Eros gives us some insight into the exciting world of CONSENSUAL Fear Play along with some DIY tips.

This video is great for novices and veterans alike. With most dungeons closed at this time, the mental component of kink is becoming more important than ever.

Don’t miss this enticing video!

Fun With Straitjackets

August 30, 2020 By PirateStan 2 Comments

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My girl loves her straitjacket. She loves to wear it, be strapped into helplessly, comfortably. She loves to sit in it for hours, snuggling next to me while we watch a movie. She loves to be left in it, alone, to meditate, to sleep. She loves the feeling it gives of giving herself a big hug, of ultimate security.

My girl loves her straitjacket, and I love to secure her in it.

The straitjacket itself dates all the way back to the 18th century, to a time when a disturbed individual couldn’t be restrained chemically and so was restrained physically. There’s a part of me who has an idle tendency to romanticize such a time (particularly when it comes to a women’s asylum) but the reality was that it was pretty horrible.

Most of my initial contacts with straitjackets were in afternoon soap operas, where you’d encounter gals unfairly strapped up and locked away in padded cells, all the while trying to convince crooked medical staff that, really, they weren’t crazy, even as all of this being tied up and locked away stuff was making them crazy.

It was a heady brew for some of us, particularly as the medically gown clad gals were inevitably barefooted, extra fetish fuel those of us so inclined.

Personal observation has shown that we are rather unusual in playing with straitjacket bondage, as MaleDoms securing their femsubs in such a way seems to be rather unusual.

There are any number of reasons that, a kink context, straitjackets aren’t something that many people typically explore. They’re difficult to come by, and when you do find them they’re generally very expensive. And they render the upper half of a gal’s body unavailable which, for most people, makes it a bedroom bondage experience in which they won’t have any real interest.

But for those of us inclined towards bondage outside of the bedroom, particularly if you’re inclined towards long-term bondage, a straitjacket can be the perfect piece of kinky equipment. Is there anything else that’s been specifically designed to keep someone closely secured for days, even weeks?

Getting started with straitjackets can have a relatively high expense threshold, but there are ways around it if you want to experiment with hands-front, comfortable, long-term bondage.

The simplest can be to put your girl in an oversized men’s shirt, backwards. bring the arms around her front, under her boobs, then secure them in the back with safety pins or other fastenings. You can add some extra security by placing a belt or rope around her arms in the front.

Alternately, you can acquire a costume-quality straitjacket from any number of sources online, where the “sexy mental patient” is rather ubiquitous. While these are tailored similarly to an actual straitjacket, they’re made of a much lighter cotton.

Both this and the previous method won’t stand up to any real struggles, but will give you an idea if it’s something you wish to pursue further. But if security is your priority, try the duct tape straitjacket. Wrap your girl’s arms in cling film, have her put them under her breasts, wrap more cling film around her upper body, then cover it with duct tape. Done right, it can be impossible to escape from, but relatively comfortable.

At this point, if you’re interested in in diving into the straitjacket pool, you have any number of options open to you, with varying degrees of expense.

First, of course, if the classic Posey. If you picture a straitjacket, this is what you’re probably thinking of. Made of heavy white canvas with a dropped collar, it has canvas straps including one which secures the arms in front, and a single one whichh goes between the legs (limiting access to a gal’s nether regions). While the company stopped manufacturing them in 2019, it’s still relatively easy to find a used on online for between $150-$500.

Next is the Humane Restraint straitjacket, which can be easily purchased for around $190 from HandcuffWarehouse.com. It has leather straps which can be removed for washing and, again, a single strap between the legs.

Then there are any number of specifically kink options, the advantage of which is that there tend to be dual crotch straps, allowing for easy access for your girl’s parts. I’ll only mention a few here for brevity’s sake.

Etsy has the Straitjacket Shop where a base model runs less than $200. They carry a variety of other medical-type restraints, including leg bindings and a full sleepsack.

MonkeyDungeon.com has been making straitjacket and other sorts of medical-type restraints for over a decade, and has a reputation for the highest quality as well as standing behind their products. Their prices run from $79 for a “costume straitjacket” to over $700 for a “padded sleeves leather straightjacket”.

If money is no option, go right to the top of the pyramid and check out MaxCita.com for the Cadillac (or Lexus) of straitjackets. The depth, quality, and variety boggles the imagination.

Finally, if sexual access is a priority, do a search for “bolero straitjackets”. This are specialized restraint devices which have openings for the boobs and have minimal coverings for other parts of the body, allowing almost complete access.

Straitjackets and other sorts of medical-type bondage aren’t for everyone, but for some can have a lot of appeal. Check it out of you’re looking for something other than the usual rope, scarf, or duct tape style bondages.

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Shaping, Molding, and Growing Submissives…No Thank You!

August 23, 2020 By Ms. Rika 5 Comments

hot couple kissing, kitten mask — via stock.adobe.com

This week, I’d like to delve into a topic that came up during a discussion in FetLife.com regarding the responsibilities of a dominant in “shaping” their submissive. In this discussion, a dominant woman was having difficulty with her submissive, in that he was not obedient and behaving as she wished around her friends. She was at a loss coming up with ideas for ways to “train” him in this regard, and was asking for suggestions from others.

She actually received a bunch of advice by the time I got there, including several ways to “embarrass him public”, “cut him down to size”, and “Break Him”. In this “wisdom” I saw a common thread regarding HER responsibilities as a dominant, to mold her sub, shape him, and “help him grow as an individual”. They had all sorts of ideas for how to help him develop into a better human being and a better partner.

“What am I, his mother?”

This was all I could think. When did being a dominant become an assignment to raise a child? Since when is his commitment to me grounds for me becoming responsible for his actions? I’m not of the belief that the dominant’s role is to shape a sub. To me, the dominant’s role is to communicate expectations and to assess performance. The fact that the sub consents, implies he has free will to apply himself to meet my expectations. He needs to act on that. I adjust the sub’s efforts by making my expectations clear and providing guidance as to how they can better perform against those expectations. We are in a joint-venture; to provide the best possible service to me. This is what he wants and also what I want. We are working together, but our responsibilities are very different.

I don’t have the responsibility to create, improve, or inspire his submission

As I’ve discussed in other articles, my power dynamics with my subs are defined by what the sub can do FOR me, not around what is being done TO him. “Improving the submissive” isn’t a goal of my dynamics. “Improving the submissive’s ability to deliver”, is. I will provide feedback along with suggestions for improvement. I will enable him by providing what he needs to do the job and by eliminating obstacles to him getting it done right. But ultimately, he needs to make it happen for himself.

I never think of myself as creating or manipulating my sub’s submission. When a sub is a great sub, I didn’t make him great, he did. He deserves the credit. Yes, we work together – but my role is communicating expectation, his is execution. If execution is good, it reflects well on him.

On the flip side, when a sub doesn’t perform to a level that serves me, I look to him to fix it. Submission is a state of mind that HE needs to govern. The thought that I, as the dominant, am “inspiring” his submission implies that the quality of his submission is determined by my behavior: If he doesn’t perform, I didn’t “inspired him enough / properly”. Nonsense: I refuse to accept that responsibility. Performance is his responsibility. The onus of execution falls on him.

One of the guys giving advice suggested that she punish him with “Intense discomfort” to “Train him to become obedient and compliant”. I thought to myself, “Do I want my sub to be MOTIVATED BY AVOIDANCE of intense discomfort?” Do I even want him to be “compliant”? I don’t think I do – not either one of those. In my dynamics, the motivation for submitting – and, in this particular variation, of being obedient – needs to come from his desire to be the best submissive he can be. I don’t want him to be compliant: He isn’t doing what I want because he “has” to, he feels as though he’d be letting HIMSELF down, if he fails to submit to the best of his ability. It follows that, if he is gauging the quality of his submission on how well I feel it serves me – and how happy it makes me – and if he has an inner drive to make sure he doesn’t lower the standard of his submission – then the obedience (or however submission is defined) will be a natural consequence of that attitude. He’s not compliant, he’s actively pursuing the things I want. I don’t need him to fear consequences. I want him to find his motivation in delivering the highest level of submission he can.

When a sub is motivated by his internal desire to perform at the highest level to which he is able, you get the best from your submissive. You get more than you demand. You get a partner who is happy, proud, and fulfilled by his service to you.

Balancing D/s relationship with career

August 23, 2020 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

sexy man and woman power exchange handcuffs — via stock.adobe.com

I have been trying to steer clear of the COVID-19 pandemic in my articles. But there are questions that were sent to me before the pandemic. And some of these – such as this week’s query – seem to unintentionally refer back to this God-awful virus, since many have had a 24/7 situation thrust on them Thus, I will structure my answer so it could apply to almost any combination of live-in D/s arrangements. The question:

Reader: My Master works out of our house. I have a regular 9-5 job, which I had before we met; we both agreed to me continuing my career. I am concerned that I cannot live up to his 24/7 ideal because of my employment situation. Do you think I can? Any tips how best to manage this situation?

First of all, since your Master was in favor of you continuing your job, he clearly did not want you to serve him literally 24/7. True live-in 24/7 service, where the slave serves the Master 24/7, is actually rare in this lifestyle. I don’t have statistics, but the number of live-in slaves who do not work is surprisingly small, Fifty Shades notwithstanding. This happens for a myriad of reasons. One is that many people do not want to be in the company of another all the time. Personally, I like my alone time. Another is that many slaves are career oriented. Having a job can be very fulfilling; again, your Master – from day one – was clearly in favor of your career. Besides, a second paycheck can be a welcome addition to any household in this decade, M/s or otherwise. Thus, for one or all of these reasons, your Master was cool with you having a job. It appears that concerns about the “24/7 ideal” are yours, not his.

The key is to understand, as your Master seemingly does, that 24/7 does not have to literally mean 24/7. Of course, for some, it can. All Master/slave relationships are unique and there is no universal standard; it appears to me that 24/7 is more a state of mental slavery than one of physical servitude. The best example I can give you is that of marriage. Even when you are at work, you are married. If you are 3000 miles away from each other, you are married – and married 24/7. Similarly, if you are a collared slave, you are collared 24/7. The collar does not come off your neck when you are apart. (Velcro collars exempted!) That said, one must not slack off when it comes to being a good slave. And that is a legitimate concern. So, let me offer you some tips to keep you on your game.

One problem of having a job is that you can be exhausted when you come home from work, especially if you add in corona virus stress. If your job has any submissive aspects to it – like an executive assistant – there can be a tendency to mentally say, “I don’t want to get anyone anything. I am worn out.” Rather than serve grudgingly, you might mention that you are particularly tired that day. Your Master just might just go light on you. Communication is always the key.

On the other hand, on those days when you are not dragging, make a special effort to be a terrific slave. Your Master will appreciate the extra exertion – and it will more than make up for the days when your job wore you out. So, don’t be so hard on yourself. Some days are simply better than others – from both the Dom/me and sub point of view.

The key is to realize you are not actually serving 24/7 – so on those hours when your Master expects you to be at his beck and call, you should be very attentive. Don’t underestimate your Dom/me; a wise Master will understand the time management aspects of owning a slave with a job – especially nowadays. You really have nothing to worry about. Just serve well when you are required to, and communicate with him when you are unable to be the perfect slave due to job fatigue or other work-related factors..

Never forget the 24/7 ideal is just that – an ideal. It rarely exists. Most of us, the fictional Christian Grey excepted, live in the real world. In your case, your Master was accepting of your employment. It follows that he will also accept the ebbs and flows that any time-intensive job – and our current pandemic– will cause. The best advice I can offer you is to do your best, communicate effectively, and, more than likely, all will be fine.

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Erotica: What is a Gallipot? (A piece of Arlyn: Adjutant & Apostle)

August 16, 2020 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

sexy Domme with whip — via stock.adobe.com

“Would you like to see a Gallipot getting a good working over?” he asked.

“What’s a Gallipot?” she asked.

“A pain slave who enjoys the harshest, roughest, most excruciating of pleasures. It’s quite something to watch.”

“They like it?” she asked, thinking of Segat’s pain slaves.

“Tremendously. I’ve seen women squirt their juice three feet in orgasm and men with cocks so raging hard they turned purple before ejaculating.”

“How do you watch this?” she blurted in shock for the description.

“Preferably with a dozen others quietly engaged in their own sexual fun while watching. We pay to get in but we’re in our own roped off section. No one can touch you. Well, except me. But I won’t, I promise. It’s all very civilized.”

“Don’t you have a curfew at the temple?” she asked.

“Do you honestly think I give a shit if I have a curfew? Come on.”

Arlyn suddenly liked him a lot. She followed him through the market and out the opposite side. They walked a stone paved street up a slope and turned right to go farther into the town. Another right and they were in a small gated garden, narrow path leading to a low-roofed entry. The door closed as they reached it.

“What’s that about?” she asked.

“It means someone just entered before us and we have to wait a moment. It’s fine,” he replied, reaching to pluck a pink flower from a vine wound through a hedge. He gave it to her. “I love these. They’re among the first flowers of spring.”

She smiled, reminded of the day Jacek had given her a flower.

The door in the entry opened and they went in. It closed behind them, the space lit by three oil lamps.

“Welcome. The event has not yet begun. How many are you?”

“One man, one woman. We’d like an upper tier box, please.”

She wore expensive linen clothes in colors that were also expensive to create. Pearl necklace, gold bracelet. This was obviously a lucrative business. Lenden handed her several gold coins and received a numbered slat of wood.

“Do you want a mask?” the woman inside asked, gesturing to a table with a variety of colored masks.

“I don’t,” he said. “But the lady would.”

He looked over them, selected a black and blue eye mask with gold beads and a small blue feather sticking straight up between the eyes. He tied it around her head and took her hand to continue through the corridor to the door at the end. Through it and they were in a cocktail party. Men and women mingled, talking and enjoying wine or whiskey.

A server wearing a gold ring around his neck with chains down to a gold ring around his cock offered a tray of beverages.

“We would prefer water today,” Lenden said.

The server lifted a cup to her first and then to him and continued on his way. Another server had savory meat delicacies. A third offered candied fruits with a sharp cheese.

The door opened periodically to let in new arrivals. Her eyes went to it each time, seeing who was coming in. She knew no one, of course, until the one face in the world she would recognize entered the room.

Harmen. He did not wear a mask. He did not have his belongings with him. She knew he liked to visit a whore house now and then while traveling. His eyes met hers across the room, hard and disapproving. He’d seen her come in, had followed to collect her.

Before he could take a single step, Lenden was taking her through the door on the left to go to their box. He showed their numbered slat and they were allowed past.

“Your number, Sir?” she heard behind them as they reached the stairs. “That number is for the floor, Sir. You cannot go up to the boxes.”

“I need to speak with that couple,” Harmen said.

“Then you will have to wait until they come back to this room, Sir.”

She heard nothing more, as they were at the top of the stairs. Another servant in gold collar and cock chains escorted them to the left, to the second open doorway. Going into it, Arlyn first saw the wide, backless sofa with small table in front of it for their cups. Beyond was a ring of similar boxes. One level below, the same ring with one box enclosed.

She saw Harmen enter his box and sit. His eyes met hers, displeased. She decided she would ignore him for now.

“Do you come here often?” she asked Lenden.

“About once a month. They do this several times a week.”

The boxes were full in a moment and the nicely dressed woman came out of the enclosed box.

“Thank you for attending, Marus and Maruals. For those of you who have not been here before, I am Marual Glynn. I will conduct the scene this evening. We are pleased today to exhibit the Gallipot Cadell for your entertainment and arousal. This is a non-participatory exhibition but feel free to enjoy yourselves. As always, please keep talking and other noise to a minimum until the event has ended.”

She went back into the closed box.

“Non-participatory?” Arlyn whispered. “What’s that mean?”

“It means no one from the audience can join the center display but the audience can have sex themselves if they want.”

She clamped her jaw shut rather than utter the ignorant “oh” springing to mind. Looking around the other boxes, she saw several women shedding their clothing, and a few men.

Lamps around the boxes were extinguished, giving the occupants a shadow of privacy while leaving the center ring illuminated. The door opened and a young man of magnificent musculature was led out by that same woman. Following was a nude woman with an arrow quiver strapped to her back. Several rods were sticking out of it, of different shades of green, brown, or tan, made of varying materials. Some were wrapped in leather, others were bare wood or bare bamboo. She knelt with her back to the center.

Behind her was another naked male carrying an ornate wood box. He knelt beside her, lowered the box to rest on his thighs, and opened it. Arlyn could see the shining knives in sheaths in the lid, metal sticks in a tray.

As Cadell reached the center, he lifted his hands to grasp a metal bar hanging from the ceiling. Arlyn saw the scarred designs on his skin. One on a bicep, another on the back of a shoulder, another on a thigh.

The Marual selected a many tailed leather whip. Rather like what was used on a ship, but with many more tails and not as brutal in the construction, she took position behind Cadell. She swung it to the left and right of him, in wide arcs of a figure 8 that levelled out her speed. She brought the piece to the center to strike him with each pass. Fwap, fwap, fwap, fwap, steady and moderately fast, about three strikes per five seconds. Not very hard for the first minute, she increased force but not speed, bringing the whip harder on the downswing.

Cadell stood solid and unmoving, not even flinching. He was looking out into the audience, bottom and top tiers, and smiled at someone below Arlyn’s box.

The mop-like flogger dropped to the floor next to the female slave and the Marual grasped a handle to take an implement out of the quiver. A rod about two feet long that she used to strike him from the upper back down to the middle of the ribs, then she skipped over the soft tissue of his waist and took up again from high atop his ass down to just above the knee. Another skip of the knee and she smacked his calves. Down and up, down and up again, she made a good thirty passes with increasing force. His entire backside was pinked, beginning to stripe in welts.

She changed targets, whapping back and forth between his thighs until he had parted his feet as wide as she wanted them. Around to his front and she began to cane his chest and belly. He made not a single sound. Arlyn saw his cock was raging hard. She flinched inside her skin when the Marual smacked his cock with the cane.

She smacked his cock from base to tip, five times in total while he gripped the bars tighter and gritted his teeth. Back to the base, to strike the triangle of flesh above it, then down the length of his erection. He only grew harder. The cane went lower to strike the ball sack hanging between his thighs. It swung like a ball on a tether and she slapped it again, this time with her gloved hand.

It was the gentle stroke of that gloved hand, gripping around his cock, that made him grunt loud enough to be heard.

She stepped away to drop the cane onto the floor next to the flogger. Reaching into the quiver again, she took out a thinner stick that was much more flexible and whip-like. Standing behind him, she swung it to land on his right hip and drag across his buttocks. A slice of blood opened to drip down his behind. She struck again from the left. Arlyn saw the end six inches of the thin reed wrapped around his thigh to leave a deep red welt there before it dragged across his buttocks.

She was familiar with that sensation, if in a wider medium. Harmen’s belt wrapped around her hip like that, it’s folded tip leaving a particularly intense sting. Sometimes the edge of the leather left her marked for a week, he struck with such power.

Ten strikes with the reed-like rod and the Marual paused. The female slave came forward with a wet cloth from inside the box. She wiped down his backside.

“When this is over, will you come to my room with me?” Lenden asked.

She turned her head to look at him a few seconds, then let her eyes sweep across several boxes to see couples engaged in various sexual acts. Mouth were busy between legs, fingers were delving into orifices, hips were at work from behind.

“Why, when we can have sex right here?” she said, reaching down to the buttons of her pants to loosen them.

She stood to push them down and her eyes met Harmen’s. She smiled at him and sat to remove her boots and pants at the same time. Her loose shirt came off easily, was dropped onto the pile of clothing between the little table and the sofa bench. She leaned over onto her left side as he kicked off his pants and shoes and moved in behind her.

“Sure you want to do this?” he asked.

She reached around to grasp his half-hardened cock and stroke it. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to have sex more in my life,” she said.

He didn’t ask again, lifting her knee to place her leg over his thigh. She angled her buttocks backwards to give him better access. As the Marual was picking up her next implement, a six-inch-long metal stick, Arlyn sighed out her relief to be filled. Lenden kept himself to an even pace that allowed them both to watch the happenings below.

The Marual slowly worked the slender stick into Cadell’s penis, smiling at his grunts and struggle. With a gesture, she sent the female slave over to lick his cock and suck his balls. She then reached into the box to pull out a coil of leather. Tossing out the end showed the audience a four-foot whip. She snapped back and forth, cracking it. Several in the audience gasped with the sound. Arlyn had a cum, the sound so much like the sound of Harmen’s belt when it landed on her.

“Do you know the man scowling up at us?” Lenden asked.

Arlyn chuckled lightly, lifting a hand to his cheek. “Indeed I do.” She turned her head to whisper. “He’s my priest companion and he approves of nothing. So give it to me good and give him a wink when I cum.”

Lenden choked back a laugh and increased his speed. She quickly had another orgasm and he smiled at the face scowling up at him. He reached around to grip her puss from the front, watching Cadell get a whipping to his back and chest with a mouth slave kneeling under his cock. Arlyn lowered to lie fully on the sofa, eyes closing to enjoy her own pleasures while listening to the shouts from below.

Cadell could no longer contain his vocalizations. The whip swung and he shouted, and Arlyn sighed with a near-climax. Cadell’s sounds continued, grunts and growls as he worked to regain control over himself. A good minute later, the whip swung again and he shouted again.

“You’ll want to see this,” Lenden said after some twenty shouts. “They’re about to finish.”

Arlyn opened her eyes to see the Marual reach around to grasp the ring at the end of the metal stick. She pulled it out of his penis in a slow and steady single motion. As soon as it was out, the mouth slave went to work. Cadell didn’t need long. Two minutes at most and he let go the bar to grasp his cock and finish off in spurts over the mouth slave’s face and gaping mouth.

Audience members not engaged in sex themselves applauded and the intermission commenced.

Read the rest of Arlyn: Adjutant & Apostle
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07646YM2Z

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written two “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and twentysomething fiction books.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

The BDSM Scene vs. Reality

August 16, 2020 By PirateStan 2 Comments

latex, kitty, bdsm — via stock.adobe.com

My girl and I are pretty involved in two different groups, the BDSM scene and SF&F (science fiction & fantasy) fandom. In many ways they’re, of course, very different. Yet there’s a significant amount of overlap between the two as well as some rather key differences.

I’ve been involved in SF&F fandom (or just Fandom as we refer to it) since at least 1986, with an interest that stemmed from long before then. Meanwhile I’ve only been involved with the Scene since 2007, having come to it late in spite of a lifelong interest.

So why the difference?

Simply put, Fandom was easier to stumble across. While I’d been reading about it for years, it was only when I began to regularly frequent comic book speciality shops that I came across a flier for what turned out to be my first SF&F convention. For the first time in my life I was surrounded by people who thought and felt the way I did. It was glorious.

And there were hints of BDSM in the cracks and around the corners; periodic Gor, Orion Slave Gir, or Dejah Thoris costumes; art with the same themes or subject matter; as well as mainstream and small press novels with strong BDSM themes. There were threads to pull if you were looking for them, but it was more a dirty little secret. They may have led to the Scene, but I wasn’t yet ready to pull them.

Meanwhile, what BDSM scene existed in the late ’80s-early ’90s wasn’t very easy to locate, and I didn’t frequent the sort of places where they might advertise. It wasn’t until the Internet made it to my door in ’95 that I discovered it. Sadly, being with a vanilla partner and not really understanding what it was all about left it tantalizingly out of reach.

Fast-forward to 2007. I’m now with a decidedly kinky partner, and we discover this new-fangled site called “Fet-Life”. Suddenly I can find the local scene and, in some ways, it seemed a lot like the one I’m already very familiar with. But over time I discovered some key differences.

Fandom is filled with what is generally a sub-section of humanity, the dreamers, fantasists, visionaries, freaks, geeks, and misfits. Maybe not exclusively so, but if you were to carve out a random sampling, I’d argue that 8 out of 10 would fall neatly into one of these categories.

And here’s the thing; they’re by-and-large, generally pretty good people. While it certainly has its share of people with psychological issues, they don’t seem to be the ones who’re evil or nasty. You’ll also see more than your fair share of people on the autism spectrum, or aspy.

Meanwhile the Scene is pretty much made up of a cross-section of humanity, people good, bad, and all of the places in between. Being fannish seems to attract a specific type of person, while kink covers the spectrum.

And sure, sometimes it may seem as if the scene is full of predators, narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths and other bad-and-generally-selfish people, the reality is that… well, the world is simply full of those sort of people, mixed in with the rest of us. The Scene doesn’t really attract them any more than any other general activity. I mean, think of who you’ll encounter on your average dating site!

I’ve always felt that being kinky was a broader part of our personality, not really a subset. When you meet someone, simply sharing kink isn’t really enough, almost like simply being cis, gay, bi, or trans isn’t really enough to hang a relationship on.

If you’re into NASCAR, you’ll work best with someone else who’s also into NASCAR… and is kinky. If you’re into floral arranging, you’ll work best with someone else who’s also into floral arranging… and is kinky. For me and my girl, we work best with people who’re geeky *and* kinky. It’s a narrow subset, but we’ve got each other and a few close friends. But it works for us.

As always, this has been a broad generalization based on personal experience; your mileage may vary.

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 12 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

The Power Of Power Exchange

August 16, 2020 By Christmas Bunny 3 Comments

sexy, muscular male submissive bound — via stock.abobe.com

Power exchange is one of those terms which is classified under kink, but often carries no clear visible representation. Impact leaves marks, and is something you can see someone perform. Needles, rope, knives, even exhibitionism, these are all things the eye can see. Power exchange, in contrast, is a quiet kink, and one which does not leave visible reminders of its presence in a relationship.

Once you delve into the world of power exchange, there are a myriad of ways it can be incorporated into a relationship, whether casual or more intense. On the less invasive side of things, it can be reserved for scene or bedroom time, and can be present without involving other things typically thought of as “kink.” It doesn’t require sadism to be present, and doesn’t have to interfere with outside life. On the other end of things, a relationship can be fully immersed in power exchange, to the point of Total Power Exchange, or TPE. It is also completely possible to achieve something in the middle which is a negotiation of which situations will include some type of agreed-upon power exchange between individuals. I have seen these referred to as levels, and more specifically, broken down into five levels: conditional compliance; restricted ongoing acquiescence; provisional submission; the covenant of dominance and submission; and absolute ownership.

Starting at power level one (I jest), it isn’t difficult to incorporate some power exchange into individual scenes. Conditional compliance is associated with a single session or brief period of time and would only include negotiated activities within the scope of the exchange. It could include everything from following commands to kneel, stay still, or even to ask permission for boons such as orgasms, or be limited to specifically negotiated areas.

With restricted ongoing acquiescence, power exchange negotiations may be put into effect as with conditional compliance, but only be in play during specified sessions, such as with ongoing play partners who have power exchange elements in their regular time together. Those elements may be in effect during scene time only without requiring renegotiation, due to an agreement that those elements be in effect during their scene time together.

Provisional submission involves one partner giving greater control to the other, well, provisionally. This may be the stage wherein partners experiment with different aspects of control over various areas in order to determine what is working for them and what is not. These areas may have time limits, such as “we’ll try me choosing all of your clothing for the next two weeks to see if that is something we’d like to incorporate into our permanent relationship negotiations.” It may also refer to a longer term power exchange which exists outside of scene time, and yet remains fundamentally a play partner arrangement at its core.

A covenant of dominance and submission may involve a contract or may be a verbal agreement. It generally refers to a long-term agreement which exists outside of scene time, and involves other aspects of daily life, as negotiated. It could be control in areas of finance, social relationships, or daily activities, in addition to agreements surrounding any scenes which may occur. The participants may want a 1950’s style household and be disinclined to participate in other forms of kink play, or they may have a female-led relationship with an entire trunk full of kink implements, or whatever relationship format works for the participants.

Absolute ownership may also be referred to as a TPE. While the title generally speaks for itself and includes truly invested participants, it does not necessarily mean one party has to actively be in control over every aspect of their partner. Even TPE relationships often include negotiated areas which do not require permissions be granted, mostly because to be required every time another human needs to make a decision would be a full-time occupation, not practical for working humans who may not be available to make those at the drop of a hat. Some of it is about convenience. If you want to negotiate a power exchange with a partner which includes always being required to have permission for certain activities, say bathroom usage since everyone has to do that, then unless you are available every time they need to, such as in the middle of a work day, or even in the middle of the night if they drank too much tea at dinner, then you may need to reserve certain times which do not require permission. For example, the rule may be “I am available at all times to grant permission to use the bathroom, other than between the hours of 11 pm and 7 am. You will request and wait for the request to be granted at any other time of day,” or whatnot. Most of the power exchanges I have encountered, both my own and that of others, rarely want to deal with that sort of micromanagement, and only require that permission be granted if it interrupts an in-progress activity or conversation, as that is considered a matter of courtesy rather than a rule about requiring permission for bathroom usage. A better way to think of it may be as having underlying functions which occur quietly in the background. A rule has been established, and in the absence of a change to that rule, it will continue to run just as lungs continue to breathe in the absence of efforts to resist their regular behavior.

To reiterate, absolutely none of the above requires that the participants delve into other aspects of kink. While many we see in our local organizations do participate in things like impact or bondage in addition to their power exchange, one does not require the other to function. It is completely possible to negotiate kink scenes in which power exchange does not occur, all the way up to having kink relationships without the inclusion of PE. However, I will say, as a power exchange aficionado, seeing two individuals attempt to impose their will upon one another in the context of a relationship seems messy, as it often becomes some type of power struggle with no clear winner in any given battle. I personally prefer the reassurance that having those things clearly outlined gives me, while also understanding that it isn’t for everyone.

About the Author

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so. Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals. She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey. She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others. She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Bottoms – Do You Have Your Own Play Kit?

August 8, 2020 By Dame TylerRose. Leave a Comment

As a top, I have always liked it when a bottom could hold out a back pack and say “You can use anything in here.” Whether or not I do depends on what’s in the bag, of course.

If it’s a needle kit or rope, I won’t be using any of it. Not interested. If it’s a Tens unit, I might. I’ve used one of those on myself, for my bad back.

Butt plugs won’t be used. I don’t put things in anyone’s ass. He can, however, go to the bathroom and slip it in himself. My cane may find the end of it for a number of smacks.

It is a commonly accepted thing. The top will buy the toys, have the toys, care for the toys, etc. Yes, I have quite the collection of things I personally enjoy using on other people. They are never used on me. They can be cleaned. Poppers are given to the person they were used on. But my kit is limited to what I am capable of carrying that day.

That sounds silly, I’m sure; but I live in NYC. I have to carry my kit up four flights of stairs just to begin to get to an event. Then there are another two to four sets of stairs to get out of the station when I arrive.

If I can keep my kit fairly light, bringing only three or four things, and can count on a bottom bringing his own fun things that are specific to him, together we have expanded our play repertoire without either of us relying entirely on the other.

I don’t have nipple clamps, unless you count clothespins or those very nasty clamps with bells (fishing line bell bobbin). I don’t have weights.

Until recently, I didn’t have wartenberg wheels. I did, however, know a bottom who brought them nearly every time he came to an event I was attending. Through using them on him, I decided to buy my own pair. I’m rather looking forward to meeting up with him again, and using both pairs at the same time. Mine in one hand and his in the other should make for a terrific scene.

I know bottoms who bring their own leg spreader; their own ankle/wrist cuffs, their own penis ropes. Things not used on other people. In this time of plague, having a kit of things to be used solely on yourself is an important investment. You don’t know how clean anyone keeps their kit. You don’t go home with them all to see what they do with their toys after the party. You don’t know how many people have already had it used on them at the party you’re attending. You can’t know.

Protect yourself. You know where your items have been. You know how they were cleaned because you did it yourself.

I used the word “investment”. Some things can be costly. It’s best to build your kit up over time. Keep in mind that a smallish woman may have a hard time handling a monster flogger. Find a more medium sized flogger that is easier to deal with but still gives the impact you want. Canes are easy and can be reasonably priced. There are numerous sellers all over Fetlife, Etsy, Ebay, Amazon. Ban-sticks, in Fetlife, is my favorite. I’ve bought four sets from her, I think. Three sets in different lengths for myself and one set as a present for my former husband.

Clothespins can be thrown away after use if you want. They’re not expensive unless you’ve put in the work and time to dye them.

Raid the kitchen for the wooden spoons or go to the dollar store and buy an inexpensive pack. You can wash and keep them to use again or discard after use. I know people who love the meat tenderizing mallet as well.

Rope. It’s easy enough to put in a pillow case and then into the washer. Cotton line can be put into the dryer. If you’re not doing suspension, cotton clothesline is fine. Don’t let anyone be snobby at you about it.

My point here is to not depend on the top to provide all the toys.

Plague or not, every bottom should have their own play kit full of fun things they like used on them.

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She’s been doing this BDSM stuff for over 30 years in private and more than 10 years in public venues.

She is an award-winning author who has written two “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and over twenty five fiction books that you can find on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can find more of her work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828
FB Fan Page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseGethis/
FB Regular page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseAuthor

She enjoys crochet, coffee, and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

Can two switches collar each other?

August 8, 2020 By Baadmaster Leave a Comment

hot male submissive in collar — via stock.adobe.com

In my search for entertaining and unique questions, I have run across many that are ridiculous. But rarely have I encountered a question that initially hit me as joke material, but then, on closer examination, had some very serious elements buried within. The following question is cut from this mold. So, laugh and learn!

Reader: Can two switches collar each other? How would this process work with power exchange? After ten years together, my partner and I would like to make our commitment outwardly clear, but we’re unsure as to the steps for our specific combination. We’re new to the BDSM community, and so any advice you can give us will be greatly appreciated.

First of all, after you are finished laughing at two people collaring each other, let’s make a distinction between a play collar and a commitment collar.

In a play collar situation, the answer is pretty obvious. All you have to do is negotiate who is the Top and who is the bottom for the scene, and the Top puts the play collar on the bottom and the scene proceeds. Unless you want to switch in the middle of the scene – or at five-minute intervals – this will work out just fine. It is when you are considering a real (for want of a better term) collar – one that implies a D/s relationship – where a little more thought is required.

The key thing to remember is that, in this case, collaring means commitment.Of course, since collaring evolved out of the term “slave collar,” it does have D/s implications in it. But, to me, the commitment aspects seem far more critical than any Dominant/submissive facets of it. As all of our BDSM rituals are not strictly codified, and are loosely based on an oral tradition that dates back to the Old Guard Leather Societies, there are no hard and fast rules for collaring. Thus, I see no valid reason why the two of you cannot be collared to one another.

BDSM is a constantly evolving lifestyle. The question is how best to go about it.As I see it – and this is new territory for me — you should figure out a way to preserve the “slave collar” tradition and adapt it to your personal situation. And here is my suggestion. Try to figure out which of you is the more dominant partner. Surely, as switches, you do not switch exactly fifty percent of the time. (Possible, but unlikely.) In your life, there must be a hierarchy that gives one or the other a bit more dominance or a bit more submission. Or, you might want to see which of you is more dominant or submissive in play.

After ten year together, you should have a feel for the dynamics, no matter how subtle the distinction might be.Using either criterion, the more dominant partner can offer the more submissive one the collar. This keeps it within the basic D/s framework. And if you are contemplating a ceremony with lifestyle friends, they will be more concerned with the commitment part of the ceremony than the personal Dom/sub components of your relationship on a day-to-day basis.You might also find that having a contract — although in your case it would not be a typical “slave contract” — might add a bit of clarity to the breadth and scope of your BDSM relationship.

I am a big advocate of contracts; a contract would be a useful adjunct to your collaring. Besides, the negotiations involved with contracts can be incredibly enlightening.In general, my personal problem with collars is with the Velcro aspects of them, not the nuts and bolts of who is collaring whom. I see far too many collars that are shorter lived than a Hollywood marriage. I could care less if a collared couple does not maintain a D/s dynamic that is consistent.

Let them switch, let them have vanilla days. My concern is that the collar truly means commitment. And in your case, as a ten-year couple, it seems that you have the commitment thing down.So go out and have a great ceremony. There is nothing more beautiful than to see a collaring ceremony witnessed by lifestyle friends. Especially when you know that it is a truly meaningful collar.And in your case, it sure seems like this collar will be on your — or your partner’s — neck for a long time.

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