Interested in medical play?
Want to know how to implement it safely?
Then, check out this awesome video by Evie Lupine!
BDSM 101: Medical Play
Video: Medical Play
bdsm relationship
Erotica: Alex And Her Master-Chapter 4-An N/C Fantasy
**all pieces of erotica are based on fictional scenarios. We never condone anything that is NOT consensual, sane, or safe.
Click here to read Chapter 3!
From last time:
He carried her inside. Alex tried to see around her, but the way she was carried, just about all she could see was the stone floor, and then the carpet as they moved deeper into the house. Down a flight of stairs they went, into a dark room. Twisting, turning, through several doorways he walked, until he reached a particular door. He set Alex on her feet, leaning her against the wall.
“Can you stand now?”
Alex nodded.
He reached through the doorway and pulled a chain dangling from the ceiling; the clicking switch triggered a light. Alex looked down and saw a small cuff, linked to a heavy chain.
“No… Please…” she begged. “Don’t do this… Please!” she wailed.
Instead of telling her to shut up, or worse, he simply picked Alex up and set her on the floor, locking the soft leather cuff snugly around her right ankle.
Alex began crying.
“Gccckkh!”
The man stuffed a penis-shaped gag in her mouth. When Alex parted her lips instinctively, he pressed it home until the ball-part of the gag popped past her teeth. He buckled the straps tightly at the base of her neck, tugging the gag deeper as Alex choked and gurgled.
“I told you to shut up, girl. So you get a gag.”
Pulling Alex back a couple of feet from the door as she fought the gag, trying futilely to dislodge it with her tongue, he laughed softly.
“And now you can have the hood, too.”
Alex sputtered and gurgled. The elasticized fabric slid over her head and constricted around her throat.
“Just hold still, and breathe calmly. You’ll be all right.”
Certain that she would be anything but all right, Alex sobbed and wailed as she heard the light-switch click again, and the door to the closet close with an ominous click of its own.
Alex had no idea how much time passed before the racking sobs subsided. Coughing and choking around the gag because of her unfettered crying, she finally regained control. The closet, dark and musty, surrounded her. She wondered how she would ever escape captivity. Finally, she decided to roll onto her side, even though she couldn’t see anything. She landed without any extra pain, relieved at what suddenly seemed great fortune.
And after a time, she remembered her bonds. It had been so long since she could move her arms, she had forgotten even to try. A few twists and squirms, all of which tugged hard at the knotted crotch-rope buried deep in her wet folds, gave her the answer: no escape possible…
So she waited. And waited. And waited.
Torrents of her own drool rolled from her lips, uncontrollably. The hood only made things worse, as it kept the wetness against her lips, cheeks, and chin. For a time she tried to slurp her saliva back in around the gag, finally deciding that the cure was worse than the disease. Hoping to sit back up so that the drooling would be diminished, she abandoned all hope when she realized she couldn’t do it. Suddenly, having rolled over seemed a very bad idea…
And then… Footsteps.
Alex mewed pathetically. She didn’t even care if it was her captor whom she heard: she needed attention.
The door opened and the chain clicked. Alex’s hood still blocked almost all light.
“Ready to behave, slave?”
Alex nodded. The hood came off in a rapid tug and the light glared into her eyes: Alex squinted at the sudden change.
He lifted her up to a sitting position. She felt the ropes fall away as the unseen knife-blade sliced through them. Alex whimpered as her arms moved forward, the circulation returning fully. Her arms and fingers tingled slightly.
“If you promise to behave, the gag will come out, too…”
Before he could speak further, Alex nodded furiously, drool flying from her lips, dripping on her bulging breasts. Without a word, he pushed her head down toward her knees, as if to make her bow in her seated position on the floor, pressing her breasts against her thighs. The buckle came open, and the gag came out with some difficulty; Alex slobbered uncontrollably over her boobs.
Taking her by her hair, he pulled her back to an erect sitting position, then pulled her head back so she had no choice but to look at him.
“Move your arms, slave.”
“Why are you calling me slave?” she croaked.
He raised his hand as if to slap her face with his knuckles. Alex cringed and whimpered in fear.
“That’s your one and only warning, slave. That’s your new name. Get used to it. Fast!”
Alex cowered as she nodded her compliance.
“Please don’t hit me,” she whispered, her head turning away as the words trickled out.
Her captor seized her face by the jaw in a single powerful hand, yanking her head up so that she looked at him.
“Speak when I speak to you. Or you may ask permission to speak. In any other situation, keep our mouth shut, slave. Understand?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, I understand.”
The slap was not so hard as it was shocking. Alex, her head leaning away, still turned her eyes to look up at him. Her eyes asked the question silently.
“I hit you, and far from hard, slave, because you will address me as Master. If I give you a command, your only answer is ‘Yes, Master.’ Understand?”
“Yes, Master.”
“And you will do exactly as I say at all times. Your only questions will be for clarification when you don’t understand an order.”
“Yes, Master. I understand.”
Alex’s mind raced as she heard the words to which she agreed. She tried to tell herself it was only survival. She wanted to live, and she wanted to escape. At the same time, she dreaded being locked in the closet again, yet somehow, when she considered it deeply, she wondered if it would be all that bad, as long as he didn’t tie her up so tightly.
She noticed then that she was still wet between her legs.
To be continued…
I’ve been writing erotica–niche adult fantasy (C/NC and N/C)–for the enjoyment of my readers for a number of years. My greatest reward comes from knowing the pleasure my words bring to my readers. If you want to let me know how you liked this story, feel free to drop me a line here: j.s.phoenix.1975@gmail.com
Please also visit me at: https://tinyurl.com/yycvsgr6
Low Protocol And Power Exchange
It began in baby steps. Our dynamic was very much an experiment, with each movement forward and each step of the way tested before the full weight of the relationship was brought to bear upon it.
It was a scary amount of power to give up. I came into the relationship a business owner, and began a second venture about a year in. Handing the metaphorical reins over to another when my hard work of years was on the line was a truly terrifying thing to even contemplate. It came part and parcel of our TPE, however, and I had to trust that he would allow me to continue to make decisions without his interference.
Part of owning a business is having to interact with others in various ways, be it as the customer service representative who is discussing a potential order, as the cashier handling payment, as the scheduler booking classes, as the manager attending to someone’s satisfaction, as the artisan building product and providing updates, or in educational capacities, both online and in-person. That’s a lot of hats, and they require a certain amount of freedom of action on my part. It has necessitated trust on his part that I would make decisions and behave in ways of which he would approve without having to have specific protocols in place to govern those actions.
As someone who has grown to become firmly embedded in my local community, I see an incredibly wide variety of levels of protocol. Some are required to ask prior to leaving the presence of their master, some are required to follow protocols which govern their interactions with others in various settings. Perhaps it is a set protocol involving carrying packages or interacting with waitstaff or asking permission prior to speaking and touching friends or strangers within kink settings. Interestingly enough (and this is a conversation I have had with friends on occasion, because many of us are fascinated by the differences in how relationships are built), many of the dynamics I have observed which involve a small business seem to run with a lower degree of formality and protocol, perhaps out of that same necessity.
If I must receive permission to speak to individuals prior to doing so, even ones of specified gender, and my partner is away from our vendor table, I would quickly become ineffective as a merchant. I would be unable to answer questions or complete a sale. The same holds true of online interactions. It would effectively make the business I run hobbled during his regular work hours until he could handle the aspects I was not permitted to attend to without him. That would lead to additional stress, and I ask a great deal of him as my business partner already. While he does make those decisions, he has chosen to leave many of the finer details up to me, limiting the majority of his participation to financial decisions such as inventory purchases, and to customer interactions in order to keep me from using my energy and focus up in those areas rather than in completing projects.
The leaves much of our dynamic very informal, from a protocol standpoint. Fortunately, that works well for our personalities and the way we fit together. While I sometimes feel that our low protocol interactions can be mistaken for a more casual relationship, which can bring with it a feeling of being less than, I remind myself that some of those stares may be from envy for what may appear to be a higher level of freedom.
Make no mistake, however. He holds full authority over me, regardless of the appearance of casualness our low protocol level may give outsiders. It is so important for us all to remember that each relationship, each dynamic forms as it works best for the individuals in question. For some, that may mean there are specific rituals and protocols dictating large portions of their actions. For others, such as us, that total power exchange may rely more on the granted authority of the top-of-slash rather than any formalized behaviors. We all have to determine what works best for us as individuals and as couples or relationship groups, and build from that foundation.
Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so. Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals. She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey. She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others. She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.
BDSM And Religion
Introspection; in this covid wrecked world (soon to be put back together again with slew of vaccines), there has been lots of time for reflection.
Now introspection is close to useless in a game of basketball; but if one is spending a lot of time indoors – as many of us are during this unrelenting virus attack – one might wind up analyzing our lives with a bit more contemplation. And once one wanders into the sea of self-examination, religion – sooner or later – will rear its cope and mitre’d head.
This weeks question is one that I have been carrying around in my “question bag” (there is no such thing as a “question bag”) for what seems like an eternity. But this query enabled me to answer a religious question with a BDSM twist. So here goes:
Reader: I have been drawn to BDSM for most of my life, but am somewhat confused on one point: I am a devout Christian, and my faith is an important part of my life. Is it possible to be a sub, and a Christian both? Any and all guidance would be greatly appreciated.
Although I am not a theologian, nor do I play one on TV, I have found a surprising number of Christians who are into D/s and BDSM and have concluded that devout Christianity and our lifestyle are actually quite compatible with each other. Surprising, huh? Of course, it can be argued that one can support any argument using the Bible; and, although my biblical quotes are accurate, my interpretations – like all interpretations – are open to challenge. That said, it’s time for BaadMaster’s “Sermon on the Net!”
Ephesians 5:22
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
The Bible is pretty unswerving in preaching a submissive role for wives. It is a common theme in both the Old and New Testament. In fact, if you were reading the Bible for the first time, you might think it was a guidebook for female submission. Of course, these biblical admonitions will not thrill progressive females. I guess BDSM and D/s will always have some enemies!
Ephesians 5:24
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
In this verse, you can even see justification for high-protocol submission. The use of the word “everything” is pretty dramatic. I think any submission, from weekend submissive to TPE slave, is covered in this admonition.
Peter 2:18
Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh.
With regard to BDSM play, this verse appears to be a ringing endorsement. This sounds an awful lot like a T.P.E. Master/slave relationship to me – where the Master is a bit of a sadist!
Hebrews 13: Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but adulterers God will judge.This admonition is usually interpreted to mean that anything you do in the marriage bed — except adultery — goes. So, spank away!
If you think about it, it is not surprising that BDSM and Christianity are compatible. Much of Christianity has, at its root, a theme of Dominance and submission. The wedding vow to “love, honor and obey” has been part of the liturgy for ages; only recently has it been altered to reflect a more politically correct world. (Although many couples still opt to keep it in.) Thus, to this observer, it could be argued that for a woman to not be submissive is actually un-Christian! (Amazing, eh?)
The only area where the BDSM lifestyle and being a devout Christian seem to be at odds is on the issue of marriage. The Bible is pretty unambiguous in declaring that sex between an unmarried couple is unacceptable. But this biblical proscription is not about BDSM and D/s; rather it is a universal ban against pre-marital sex. (Although most Christians seem to disregard this warning; few marry as virgins.) But this is a moral question for the population at large; this is not a consideration specific to our lifestyle. And you can always marry your Master – or Mistress!
As you can see, the Bible is pretty clear about the submissive role of women. It is in the area of male submission, whether it is with a woman or another man, where the Bible is less than supportive, to say the least. But even here, there is good news for you.
Just as there are passages in the Bible that can support pretty much any point of view, there are Churches that run the gamut from ultra-conservative to radically liberal. For example, there are those that preach against homosexuality, while there are others that embrace openly gay clergymen and clergywomen.
Thus, no matter what your gender or sexual orientation, you should be able to find a Church that welcomes you with open arms. One that embraces you as a submissive — a role that the Bible clearly endorses!
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.
Video: Why Do I Like BDSM?
New to scene?
Curious why you’re drawn to the BDSM lifestyle?
Want to hear other kinksters talk about their experiences?
Then, don’t miss this week’s video by Desires Laid Bare!
Why Do I Like BDSM
Learning to Orgasm On Command
I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!
Today, I’m going to go over a technique that I’ve been teaching for many years. Those who have read my books will likely recognize it. The technique is designed to help a submissive learn how to come on command. This is not some mystical, mind-washing, magic trick; it’s a methodology that helps a sub get in better touch with their body’s orgasm cycle, so that they can control it well enough to orgasm at a particular moment.
The Methodology
The methodology requires a partner, who ends up being in control of the eventual orgasm. Logically, the dominant will play this role – but I suppose it doesn’t have to be the dominant. For argument’s sake, and since most people reading this essay are in (or want to be in) power-based relationships, I’m going to assume it’s the dominant helping the sub learn to orgasm on command.
The goal is to achieve orgasm on a countdown. The dominant will count from a chosen number and the sub will reach orgasm EXACTLY as the dominant reaches zero. Over time and familiarity, the starting number is decreased, until the sub’s required preparation time is minimized. The final goal will depend on the physical capabilities of the submissive, but most everyone I’ve tried this with was able to achieve some level of countdown “perfection.”
The process starts with the submissive stimulating themselves. We do this because it gives the submissive control of the pace and pressure of stimulation. It will be easiest, in the beginning for the sub to be thoroughly excited and even teased to some degree before you start. You want the sub to be able to orgasm relatively easily. In the beginning, the dominant can even ask the sub if they’re ready to start the process.
We start with a very aroused submissive who is stimulating themselves, relatively close to orgasm:
The dominant picks a number; something like 20; and begins to steadily count down to zero. The count should be evenly paced, and reasonably slow. The goal for the submissive is to start to come when the dominant says “zero” – not before zero; not 15 seconds after zero; but starting to orgasm AT zero.
As the dominant is counting, the sub regulates themselves towards their orgasm. If the sub feels themself approaching orgasm too soon, they need to stop stimulation, so that they don’t come – while the dominant continues to count at the same, steady, pace. The sub then tries to pick up again to attempt to still come at zero.
If the sub does not begin to orgasm as the dominant reaches zero, the sub has to stop stimulation, immediately. The sub’s objective isn’t to come before zero or after zero, the orgasm has to be starting AT zero – if not, stop.
If the sub doesn’t come at zero, the dominant lets the sub calm down a little and then decides if they’re going to get another chance right away, or not. This is completely at the dominant’s discretion (another reason why this works nicely for a power dynamic). If the dominant decides not to try again right away,
the sub will get another chance at another time – but, for this technique to work best, the sub must not be allowed to orgasm in between attempts. The key here is that the sub either makes it, or waits until they eventually do.
The next time the technique is tried, the dominant can start at the same number – or, if they feel that the starting number was too low, a higher number. The goal is not to frustrate the sub (that will come later ), the objective is to help the sub make this work. We want the sub to learn their orgasm cycle.
Eventually, the sub will learn the feel of their orgasm and figure out how to get to a point and hold off going too far. They will determine how long it takes to get from that holding point to orgasm – which will become the point in the countdown where they’ll really start to approach orgasm. Every sub will be different. For my husband, that magic number is 4. He knows that he can hit a holding point and then, when I get down to 4 in my count, he switches his mindset and can achieve perfect timing.
Once, does not perfection make. Once the sub gets this right, do it again and again. They will get pretty good at it, eventually. Once they start to be consistently able to hit zero from a particular number, the dominant can start at a lower number, 15, 10, or any number down to the sub’s hold point. You may not make it a couple of times before the process works at a lower number – but the hold point will be the same and so the sub will find themselves able to achieve shorter countdowns very quickly.
Once consistently on time while the sub is stimulating themselves, switch to the dominant doing the stimulation. This opens a whole different situation for the submissive, because they have less control of the intensity of the stimulation. They also need to communicate to tell the dominant to stop stimulation in the event that they are approaching orgasm too soon – or request for more stimulation if they’re not quite in position (which opens the door for some interesting “tease and beg” scenarios).
I have found that, if the sub is well-controlled at self-stimulation, they will adapt to being stimulated very quickly; much sooner than you may think.
Once the sub has mastered control while being stimulated, you can extend the technique to all types of stimulation – including intercourse.
The Benefits
There are a number of benefits to having a submissive who can control the timing of their orgasm. First of all, having so much awareness of their orgasm cycle allows them to last longer as well as not take too long. These will make them better lovers. It will allow them to spend more focus on their dominant’s pleasure and time their release(s) (assuming they’re allowed to have them) with their dominant.
There is also the added benefit of knowing exactly where your sub is along the path to their orgasm – making Tease and Denial games even more effective. If you know your sub is going to orgasm exactly at zero, then, where will they be at 3; or 2; or 1? You can time denial for a perfect frustration – or for ruined orgasms by stopping at the right number.
The “Please Stop” game fits perfectly in on top of this. If you’ll recall (from my previous essays or from my books), the sub is required to ask to stop stimulation 5 seconds before they orgasm. If they’ve mastered this technique, they will already know EXACTLY when they’re 5 seconds away from orgasm. If you, as the dominant, decide not to stop, and you start the 5 second countdown, you know the sub will be able to regulate for orgasm at zero. It won’t matter what type of sexual position you’re in or what activity you are doing.
Wrapping Up
This technique is both doable and effective. It takes some time for the sub to master, but it is absolutely within the reach of most. It’s effective for all genders and makes for a great control game. I hope you try it and tell me how it goes!
Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com
Conversations Around Mental Health
These times, am I right? If you’d asked me five years ago, I couldn’t have imagined the person I am today, let alone that this is what my daily life would look like. That’s a difficult thing for just about anyone, let alone overplanners like me.
I’ve always been someone who is pretty even-tempered. Most of my friends have never seen me angry, and I’m often the cheerful one. My partner and I don’t have many areas where friction is likely to occur, and on the off chance that some does, we have systems in our D/s that are designed to handle them.
It’s a good life.
I set this up not to brag, but to make it clear that my struggles with mental health issues since March have been unexpected and completely new territory for us as partners, and for us in the larger framework of our poly sphere. This isn’t to say that I haven’t had issues in my life which needed addressing, but anxiety, depression and other spectres which can be treated chemically were virtual unknowns.
The pandemic has been a learning experience for me, for us, in so many ways. I have the ability to work remotely. It limits my income and my hours, but I made that transition mid-March, shortly after spring break, when my partner also made the transition. We went from seeing one another a few hours every day to sharing office space every single day. That feels as though it requires emphasis. Every. Single. Day.
I’ve read articles that say part of our (as a society) difficulties in relationships are partly because of high stress levels which make people more agitated and partly because when we never leave one another, we can’t miss each other. We don’t have those times to reminisce about the good qualities our partners have, just the constant annoyances.
I’ve been lucky in that area. My nesting partner has few qualities I find obnoxious, so my main struggles have been with fear. I fear the unknown, I fear him contracting the virus and dying, I fear death, and I am afraid of what tomorrow will look like.
In the beginning, that made getting out of bed difficult. I found myself trying to sleep more, or burying my head in a mindless phone game to avoid having to think too much, since thinking always led back to the inevitable unknown. It was a pretty vicious cycle. I devoured news articles since for me, knowlege tends to help me feel more in-control. My partner saw that I was not okay. He began limiting my news intake by making me take time off from those things, hoping to help me find a more even keel. I was having small anxiety attacks when I grocery shopped, so he began finding delivery options that limited my interactions outside of the house. His other partner was isolating for weeks before coming to see him to make sure she wasn’t bringing deadly germs into the house. iMy anxiety levels were off the charts and I had no idea what to do. He saw that I was less productive, but it can be difficult enough to admit to ourselves when we’re not fine, let alone finding the words to admit it to someone else.
It wasn’t until the dam broke that I reached out for help. I had made it through a month and a half of the stormy seas of heightened anxiety when we learned that my daughter would have to return to work in a job which required her to come into physical contact with other people. I started crying and I couldn’t stop, and finally called my general practitioner seeking some kind of medicinal intervention. He prescribed a stopgap, and I finally had to sit down with my partner and try to put my feelings into words.
We moved out that weekend, into a living situation which better lent itself to isolating. We collected the vulnerable members of our family and shored up against outsiders. We left my daughter in our house, and I only had to take the anxiety meds when I left the house to collect groceries. We waited for any word that masks were effective, finally running across a test case of live exposure with the potential for superspread, only to have it bumped from the news. We searched for weeks for more information, relieved beyond measure when it came. It was finally safe to return home.
Going home didn’t mean my anxiety was gone. It meant my partner had to keep an eye on me for signs that I might need to medicate. I explored other possibilities, such as counseling, but talking about my anxieties only served to exacerbate them.
My partner began scheduling time for us in a friend’s pool. It was the most human interaction outside of one another that we’d had for months. We’d go swim, and it was like the stress and anxiety melted away, giving us back our humanity for just a little while. It was like lancing a wound – the poison seeped out. It wasn’t healed, but it improved dramatically.
We’ve had to find ways to steal pieces of “normal.” We’ve found that being able to do so safely has been hugely important to my mental health. As it got cold enough that the pool was less attractive, we moved to the occasional indoor game night with those friends, who were also isolating. We added two other friends to our QuaranTeam, our Perv Pod, and we made arrangements to attend our local dungeon together. The space seemed awfully empty, but before too long, the delicious sounds of four bottoms screeching at non-regular intervals and the cracks of whips and sounds of other impact filled the space in ways our physical presence could not.
Our vacation was cancelled, unsurprisingly. So we made plans with that same group to rent a house on the water down south, drove in a caravan, stopped for groceries, and spent a few days taking turns with cooking, playing board games, and fishing off of the back deck of the house. We are finding ways to regain our joy.
I still have to take my anxiety meds. My Dominant makes sure to keep track of how often I need them, and if it starts becoming more frequent, to check on my mental state more regularly. He’s relaxed some rules for the duration of this – I’m allowed more stuffies in the bed as long as the pile stays on my side, and he let me get a new wardrobe of super fluffy pajama pants to work in.
I still don’t know what tomorrow will look like. I try not to think too hard about that. We’re tentatively planning Thanksgiving with our Germ Pod. Even though I cried when I realized the rest of my family wouldn’t be able to join us, it’s better than it could be, and better than it was back in early June.
I know it can be hard to admit it, but it is so important to ccommunicate mental health challenges to partners. There are so many resources out there, help is available. It just takes sliding one foot forward for that very first step. ‘
Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so. Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals. She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey. She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others. She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.
This week in kink: November 16, 2020
Most things including The Porn Industry have been altered due to the Covid-19 Crisis.
This week, New Statesman gives us the skinny on the rise of OnlyFans during the pandemic and what that means on a grander level.
Click below to find out more!
Dutch News reports that all non-consensual sexual acts will now be considered rape.
In our opinion this is great news because rape and/or molestation can be so much more than violent sexual acts and/or attempts. Rape and molestation truly come down to non-consensual sexual behavior.
This is definitely a step in the right direction. Click below to find out more!
For so many BDSM can help with PTSD, anxiety, OCD, etc.
This week, Huff Post brings us a story about how Kate O’Kelly used BDSM to take control of her life after her assault.
Click below to learn more about this powerful story!
Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”
The Live-In Slave
When we first enter our lifestyle, we often are swept away by the allure of an ideal world of Masters and slaves living in perfect synergy. The Master is in firm control; the slave willingly obeys every command. It works great online. It is awesome every other weekend. It is mind-boggling at the dungeon party. But, the idealized concept of a live-in Master/slave relationship is quite different than reality, whether you are a newbie or an experienced lifestyler.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that there are both advantages and disadvantages in a live-in D/s union. I will attempt to identify the most critical areas in the live-in relationship, giving you both the pros and the cons of each as I see it.
• Trust. It is much easier to establish trust in the live-in situation because there is little left to the imagination. When you are with someone much of your non-job time, you can truly get a deep understanding of that person’s basic character. Since trust is such a critical area in a D/s relationship, the live-in relationship builds trust in a very deep way. Of course, it also can highlight any negative trust issues since little can be hidden from each other.
• Forget myths. This is real life, not social media. I never believed that the “myth of Dominant infallibility” had any relevance to a real life relationship of any kind. But, once you live together, there is no way to hide your warts and human faults. As a Dominant, don’t try to live up to some artificially perfect standard that you think your slave expects. As a submissive, don’t beat yourself up when you are less than faultless.
• Maintaining play levels. It is much easier to maintain an exciting level of play when you are together for brief periods of time. Here the live-in arrangement can easily erode play – even taking it for granted. One must keep your all aspects of play – including protocols and rituals — fresh and timely. After all, it is said that all relationships require work. Here the effort of maintaining your play levels will pay off handsomely over time.
• Honorifics. Here is where a little goes a long way. Calling your Dominant “Master,” “Sir” or “Mistress” on a daily, consistent basis truly reinforces the power exchange in a deep and profound way. Likewise, the Dominant’s “good girl” or equivalent phrase contributes mightily to the dynamic.
• Isolate key protocols. It is easy to gloss over protocols when you live together. Jobs, outside commitments and friends can make it hard to maintain essential rituals even in a low-protocol relationship. I suggest you identify one or two basic protocols that reinforce the fact that you are the Master/Mistress and she/he is the slave. I personally endorse the greeting ritual upon returning from work as a great way to keep the D/s dynamic fresh in each other’s mind.
• Slave diaries. I suggest the slave keep journals of your best scenes. In this way, the slave gets to emotionally re-live those scenes that were memorable and the Master can recreate those scenes if the play devolves a bit, as it easily can, over time.
• Slave contracts. Slave contracts have no legal standing. They cannot keep a bad D/s union working. But, they are powerful tools that can keep a D/s relationship strong.
• Discipline. As the Dom/me, you must be vigilant to see if and when your relationship might be eroding. It is much like weight loss. If you see a person every day, it is hard to notice any change in weight. Similarly, it is hard to notice when little things gradually go awry. I suggest that you take stock every so often correct small problems before they become big ones.
• Speaking freely. The Master must give the slave regular opportunity to speak her mind without fear of punishment. This is a simple human need and trumps all D/s theory.
• It’s a relationship. Don’t forget the “relationship” aspect of a D/s relationship! This obvious fact is often overlooked. Have fun. Go to movies. Laugh. A live-in Master/slave relationship should not be like working in the Siberian coal mines. The advantage of living together is that it makes it easy to develop a well-rounded relationship. Don’t neglect this advantage.
The key, as I see it, is for both the Master/Mistress and the slave to understand the pros and cons of a 24/7, live-in relationship. Obviously, not all of these suggestions apply to everyone. But, by being aware of the double-edged sword that such a relationship is, you can embrace the positive and avoid the negative.
By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.
The New 24/7 Slave
In a previous kinkweekly.com article, The Dynamics of 24/7 D/s, I had opined on so-called 24/7 D/s relationships. I would like to expand on that article and offer a 24/7 plan that can work in our fast-paced and demanding society.
There are a lot of differing opinions when defining the phrase “24/7” as it applies to slaves and submissives. Technically, the precise definition of “24/7 slave” would have to mean exactly that — serving twenty-four hours, seven days a week. Nonstop. This works fine in the cyber world of idealized relationships. But in the real world, there are life considerations that usually make this impossible.
Taken literally, one could never be a 24/7 slave or sub unless one were totally detached from our basically vanilla world. Thus, the world of 24/7 Dom/me/sub relationships would be left to the unemployed, the independently wealthy, those without kids and/or those without any obligations outside of the slave serving Master or Mistress. This would eliminate all but a few of us. Thus, what we need is a realistic definition that everyone here can live with. A definition that works practically — but one that doesn’t water down the intent of the phrase “24/7 slave.” This can be especially useful for the “New Guard,” who seem to have interests in many other areas besides BDSM.
I think the key to defining a “new 24/7” lies not exclusively in the physical realm. You do not have to literally be at the Master’s or Mistress’s feet all the time. It is really the depth of dedication, not the weekly duration of service. (Of course there are purists who will disagree with me. But what is a debate without opposing views?) The key is to examine the emotional foundation of the Master/slave relationship.
What makes a slave a slave? Surely, slavery is illegal; “slave contracts,” appealing as they are, cannot be legally enforced. Master/slave is, and must be, a consensual agreement. But, it has to be more than just a “consensual agreement” if it is to have any meaning other than a semantic one. It must be more than just BDSM play and service to a Dominant figure. Since “slavery” is consensual, how exactly do we measure it? The key to “slavery” being more than just another form of dating lies in the fact that, at some point, the slave becomes bonded to her/his Master/Mistress in an incredibly deep way. At this point, the slave cannot leave the Master/Mistress without incredible amounts of mental agony; he/she is welded to the Master/Mistress; he/she needs the Master/Mistress to complete his/her existence. Once this point of mental enslavement and dedication is reached, it is, by definition, 24/7. The slave is owned without regard to the time of day or what he/she is doing. The Master or Mistress owns the slave all the time, whether he/she is working at a job, at the DMV or on safari in Africa.
Thus, we can define 24/7 Master/slave as a mental state rather than a physical one. Using this definition, the slave is owned, emotionally and mentally, twenty four hours, seven days a week. Even when apart, the slave’s world revolves around the Master/Mistress — whether the slave is physically with the Owner or not. Once in this TPE “slavespace,” the actual number of hours and days served per week is irrelevant. The slave can be at a job, applying for a loan, or even be at a PTA meeting. As long as the slave is mentally connected to his/her Owner 24/7, then we can effectively say he/she is a “24/7 slave.”
This is one compelling reason for the collar. Worn at all times, it serves as a constant reminder that the slave is connected and owned by the Master or Mistress – twenty-four hours, seven days a week. The collar also has its spiritual component; it symbolizes the Owner’s touching the slave’s neck at all times. It is, to many of us, a lot more than just a vanilla necklace. Besides the collar, technology, such as cellphones, can connect the slave to the Master or Mistress at all times no matter how far apart they might be. 24/7 is a bit easier now than it was in the pay phone era. (“Slave, keep a roll of quarters on you at all times!”)
But does eliminating the physical 24/7 requirement make it easy to be a 24/7 slave? Of course not. To be a slave, 24/7 or otherwise, requires trust, devotion and the need to serve one’s Master. So, to those of you who want to own or be a 24/7 slave, this article offers yet another approach. Keep in mind, that when you wear your Master’s or Mistress’s slave collar, you wear it 24/7. You are owned 24/7. Even if you are on safari!
By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.